Fear of cold pickups worsened after today

[Phantasmal]

Yeah, so I'm a recovering AFC, getting into the DJ mindset more every week. I haven't attempted a cold pick-up yet though. I still have a lot of work to do. I've seen some people's field reports or whatever of their pick-up attempts and how win or lose, it always goes civil and respectfully, and they don't get laughed at, blah blah blah.

So the point is, today I was at Subway getting uh, a sub. A solid 6 or 7 was taking my order when this guy who already had his food comes up and starts talking to her. I wasn't paying attention at first, but apparently he was trying to pick her up or ask her out. He was suave, i'd almost have to say he'd been to this site. Maybe he's reading this right now, but man, did he got shot down, and brutally. "I don't think my BOYFRIEND would appreciate that much!" It was straight out of a nightmare. She seemed like such a nice girl too. He bowed out respectfully and took it as well as he possibly could have. I respect the guy tremendously, he has balls. But man, this put the fear of god (and cold pick-ups) in me.

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

Originally posted by Phantasmal
. But man, this put the fear of god (and cold pick-ups) in me.

Whats the worst that would happen? He left the restaurant and will probably never see her again. Big deal.

 

[SamePendo]

That is why we NEXT these girls.
You approach as the DJ that you are, and, if she doesnt like it, you move on to the next girl who will know how to appreciate you.

 

[Phantasmal]

Right, I understand. It's just a reinforced fear i'll have to overcome at some point.

 

[SamePendo]

No, not ¨at certain point¨,, today!

 

[WaterTiger]

She probably gets hit on 50 times a day, and she was sick of it. She probably doesn't even have a boyfirend. I worked front desk as a 4-star hotel in downtown San Francisco, and I was forever getting "Hey Beautiful, you look great tonight!" I have never been mistaken for a super-model, and it just got repulsive after a while.

You could have gone into the sympathetic mode: "What a jerk! I bet you hate guys like that." Then eased in with your smooth talk & gotten in.

Don't be scared, make a play for her. If she's mean to you , tell me where she works and I'll go b!tchslap her to teach her better manners!

Faint hearts never won fair ladies.

 

[Walden]

Ahhhh! You totally missed the lesson here. You shoulda kept watching the guy after he got dissed. If he was DJ, he woulda laughed , told her to have a nice day and gone back to his whopper looking smug.

Why cos even if he did get dissed he (a) shwed more cojones than anyone else there and (b) his head didn't suddenly explode.

Seriously try some CAs there ain't nothing to it.

 

[Julian]

DUDE to the original poster, how much of a vagina are you? I think the diagnosis is that you have a severe case of pussitis.

How is that a diss? I could understand if she was like "No your fuccing ugly go mack on some retards because thats all you'll ever get", now thats a diss.

Her reply was mild, if even that.

so I'm a recovering AFC

Now THATS an understatement.


Im in a pissed off mood right now.

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by Julian
Im in a pissed off mood right now.

That much is obvious.

It might've been more HOW she said it than what she said.

 

[Phantasmal]

Originally posted by Julian
DUDE to the original poster, how much of a vagina are you? I think the diagnosis is that you have a severe case of pussitis.

How is that a diss? I could understand if she was like "No your fuccing ugly go mack on some retards because thats all you'll ever get", now thats a diss.

Her reply was mild, if even that.





Now THATS an understatement.


Im in a pissed off mood right now.

Haha, holy **** dude. You're partially right but it's not as bad as you think. And yeah, the delivery was brutal.

 

[Phrozen]

Whatever, don't be afraid of girls. Its not like she pulled a gun on him and told him get the **** out.

From the tone of your post it sounds like she pulled a really *****y move, and if I was the guy you described I would have called her on it. I would probably thank her for letting out her inner ***** and saving me a lot of time waiting to find out how worthless she is months down the road. If I was still into her for whatever reason, I would have said "What your boyfriend doesn't let you meet new friends? Sounds like hes really possessive of you?"

You just have to remember, the worst thing any girl can do to you is say something. (Ok, she might slap you or knee you in the balls too ) So other then extremely rare circumstances she can't hurt you at all physically, and if you're truly learning anything from this site you should be an emotional powerhouse. Nothing should phase you because you have such complete confidence in yourself that outsiders opinions no longer have much influence.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Re: Re: Fear of cold pickups worsened after today

Originally posted by Dust 2 Dust
Whats the worst that would happen? He left the restaurant and will probably never see her again. Big deal.

Or he could have answered with something like "Why would I care about your boyfriend, now f you had a girlfriend who wanted to join in, then I would be interested "

If you let a woman throw you off guard with her bad attitude, you will probably be wary of making future approaches. However, if you can make them flustered, you can at least leave with the upper hand and your dignity and still feel positive about new approaches.

 

[duke007]

Originally posted by Phrozen
(Ok, she might slap you or knee you in the balls too )

Remember that guy who posted here that got slapped once? That scared the living hell out of me!

 

[Gold Heart]

Originally posted by Phantasmal
Yeah, so I'm a recovering AFC, getting into the DJ mindset more every week. I haven't attempted a cold pick-up yet though. I still have a lot of work to do. I've seen some people's field reports or whatever of their pick-up attempts and how win or lose, it always goes civil and respectfully, and they don't get laughed at, blah blah blah.

So the point is, today I was at Subway getting uh, a sub. A solid 6 or 7 was taking my order when this guy who already had his food comes up and starts talking to her. I wasn't paying attention at first, but apparently he was trying to pick her up or ask her out. He was suave, i'd almost have to say he'd been to this site. Maybe he's reading this right now, but man, did he got shot down, and brutally. "I don't think my BOYFRIEND would appreciate that much!" It was straight out of a nightmare. She seemed like such a nice girl too. He bowed out respectfully and took it as well as he possibly could have. I respect the guy tremendously, he has balls. But man, this put the fear of god (and cold pick-ups) in me.

That is the worst case scenario. And it isn't all that bad if you were in his shoes. Yes, it looks intimidating, but looks can be deceiving.

 

[Phantasmal]

Yeah, thanks for the input guys. It was definitely a learning experience. I'm looking at things differently now.

 

[Broadband]

I have to agree with everyone else. A true DJ takes the situation with stride reguardless of outcome. I've been to dance clubs watching guys I believed to be losers hit on every girl on the floor. They would be brutally denied time and time again and my AFC self thought he was stupider then I even gave him credit for. But you know what? 10-15 minutes later he was dancing with a girl or a group of girls while I myself was standing on the outskirts cursing his *luck* while completely missing the point.

No pain no gain, No risk no reward.

My goal right now isn't to get numbers, it's to take rejection in such stride that is only reinforces my efforts to keep going!

 

[MrNiceGuy]

Originally posted by Broadband
I've been to dance clubs watching guys I believed to be losers hit on every girl on the floor. They would be brutally denied time and time again and my AFC self thought he was stupider then I even gave him credit for. But you know what? 10-15 minutes later he was dancing with a girl or a group of girls while I myself was standing on the outskirts cursing his *luck* while completely missing the point.

This is so true.. I used to do this all the time.. I'd stand thinking guys were such losers for going around and getting shot down, while I was acting 'cool' by standing at the side looking not interested, didnt encourage many girls to approach me though.. remember


if you dont ask you dont get

 

[Krassus]

Wow, and you thought that was bad? That was like the least painful rejection i've ever heard of.

 

[legolas]

This is exactly why you never do a cold approach without feeling her out first. You need to get some sort of a read on her situation and verbalize that. I think Mr. Fingers has it well down on his post Destroying Social Phobias Go and read expecially the second gate.

Just saying some mindless "pickup" lines is obviously going to get you shot down. The vibe that you transmit is also important because she's going to feel you out too. And if you're freaking out inside, or have the "I'm gonna get this one" attitude she'll pick up on that and resopond appropriately. If you're calm inside and your intention is just to find out what she's like and stuff, she'll be more open. Combine that with the knowledge you get by feeling her vibe and verbalizing it, and you get her to open up more rather than "shoot you down."

Plus if you're a recovering AFC, you shouldn't even be doing cold pickups. I remember Ashlee ANgel who's a moderator here, fine tuned his game with what he had BEFORE he even decided to learn cold pick ups. Increase your confidence slowly, talking to less "hot" girls about anything and attempt to flirt so you can gain some skills. It's working for me so far, and I don't even envy some of these girls who seem "hot" on the outside but the vibe you get is that they're full of it.

 

[Cocoon]

Lol, why the hell do you care so much what a "solid" 7(o wow!) thinks of some other guy? SHE IS A 7 FOR GODS SAKE, move on some1 else, is dying for YOUR attention, dont get mad, some people post what you NEED to hear as opposed to what you want to hear, u will be better for it... lol now say it loud and clear with me my frazzled little friend... NEXT!