fear of approaching girls who give IOIs

[KneghtRyder]

fear that I 'll come up short of expectations....

they think high of me to give me an IOI but

I dont want to lose bc i said something stupid or not right

losing would reflect badly on me like i wasn't good enough

i dont know maybe its my partial ocd hehe

 

[~attrACTION~]

fear that I 'll come up short of expectations....

they think high of me to give me an IOI but

I dont want to lose bc i said something stupid or not right

losing would reflect badly on me like i wasn't good enough

i dont know maybe its my partial ocd hehe

As stupid as it may seem to others, I have this same exact problem. I think it stems from my insecurity with being skinny. I actually get more nervous when a girl seems interested than with ones that are not.

 

[Tha Realnezz]

lol not me i walk up to them and just start talking....

 

[KneghtRyder]

i'll talk up every girl in the place except the one that gives me the IOI hehe

 

[Serialized3]

seek therapy

 

[AlphaOmega]

seek therapy

I must agree. Don't even start to talk about IOI's until you get this psychological problem sorted out. You have serious self esteem issues and these are just symptoms, the problem is much larger. If you like a girl and she makes it clear she likes you, why would you then start getting ahead of yourself with "what if she sees my skinny body, doesn't like my style, etc." Its just a girl guys, the most gentle creatures on earth...

 

[ConantheLibertarian]

You're afraid of the outcome, be it good or bad. A fear of failure, perhaps even of success. You need to get to a point where your happiness is not contingent on whether or not you come away with a number/date. The success is having the cojones to approach, and failure is not approaching. And one more thing, the only reflection that's holding you back is the one in the mirror.

 

[blackbelt2k]

sorry, but what does IOI stand for... i get it means attention of some sort, ie. eye contact, smiles...but wtf does it stand for..sorry

 

[afc_2_dj]

KneghtRyder / ~attrACTION~ , I know what you are saying!

I think its a matter that you assign a vast amount more weight onto the outcome knowing that here you have a chance. Also, it may well be the other way round, that is, you freeze because you also find this girl attractive, its easy to when you speak to someone in a situation where you are not aiming for a date, which was my point in the approch competition thread, just saying hi to a checkout girl is easy cos you are have no intent, whereas in KneghtRyder's example you have intent, so then it become a problem of not saying hi, but what do you say after that? etc.

You're afraid of the outcome, be it good or bad. A fear of failure, perhaps even of success

This is a good point actually, at least maybe for me if not the others. On deep reflection I have wondered if sometimes one doesn't pursue in case one actually wins, then what??! Man that sounds stupid! *checks into therapy*

 

[mrRuckus]

sorry, but what does IOI stand for... i get it means attention of some sort, ie. eye contact, smiles...but wtf does it stand for..sorry

Indicator of Idiocy: she actually likes you.

 

[abcd_z]

Very funny.
No, IOI stands for Indicator of Interest.

To the OP, look at it this way: At the end of the day, what's the difference between not approaching and having been blown out of the water?

Nothing!

You act like getting shot down is the worst-case scenario. I say, you already live the worst-case scenario every time you don't approach!

In fact, not approaching in some ways is even worse! At least when you do approach, you know if it would have worked, or if not, why not. If you don't approach, then you'll never know how things might have turned out.

So come up with a default opener. Figure out what you're going to say the next time you see a pretty woman. And then, the next time the opportunity presents itself, grab your balls and talk to her!

It's the only way to get better.

 

[BuckwildNYC]

I think the thought process is something like this: " Wow, this girl seems to really like me. It can only go downhill from here. I'll probably say something stupid and fukk it up. If she didn't like me I could just say anything with nothing to lose. Dam this is too much pressure.....I'm out "

Here is another possibility: "Hey that girl over there is smiling at me. I'm used to approaching girls who don't even know I exist and trying to convince them to like me. I don't even know where to begin with this one. Is that a friendly smile or does she want to jump my bones. What if it ends up being a friendly smile...... I'll feel really stupid trying to come on to her."

OR: "O sh!t, she just winked at me. I'm not ready for this. I didn't shave or iron my shirt. Dam I got no gum...... what if I have bad breath. Fukk she caught me off guard. Should I just go for it.....o man she's leaving........dam next time..........next time I'll be ready"


LOL I thik i've had all of these at some point or another. I think that's why so many guys preach the word CONFIDENCE when they talk about being good with girls. Confidence in yourself and that the girl will really like you. If you don't have that you can't even get into the game. Of course confidence w/o some social skills is useless but you cant develop your social skills w/o the confidence to talk to people.

 

[Dr.Dude]

At first sight, i read it as if you had a fear of girls.

 

[dot]

I think the thought process is something like this: " Wow, this girl seems to really like me. It can only go downhill from here. I'll probably say something stupid and fukk it up. If she didn't like me I could just say anything with nothing to lose. Dam this is too much pressure.....I'm out "

Here is another possibility: "Hey that girl over there is smiling at me. I'm used to approaching girls who don't even know I exist and trying to convince them to like me. I don't even know where to begin with this one. Is that a friendly smile or does she want to jump my bones. What if it ends up being a friendly smile...... I'll feel really stupid trying to come on to her."

OR: "O sh!t, she just winked at me. I'm not ready for this. I didn't shave or iron my shirt. Dam I got no gum...... what if I have bad breath. Fukk she caught me off guard. Should I just go for it.....o man she's leaving........dam next time..........next time I'll be ready"


LOL I thik i've had all of these at some point or another. I think that's why so many guys preach the word CONFIDENCE when they talk about being good with girls. Confidence in yourself and that the girl will really like you. If you don't have that you can't even get into the game. Of course confidence w/o some social skills is useless but you cant develop your social skills w/o the confidence to talk to people.

Haha yeah. This among with other things said. I think it goes away with confidence, which is achieved thru many things such as effort, motivation, persistance (the right kind haha), experience.

 

[Tha Realnezz]

sorry, but what does IOI stand for... i get it means attention of some sort, ie. eye contact, smiles...but wtf does it stand for..sorry

Indicator Of Interest...i'm assuming..pretty sure.

 

[Tha Realnezz]

:crazy: ....lol...I used to do that to girls that I knew I wouldn't like as people,my freinds liked or girls that just pissed me off for whatever lil' reason...

I regret almost all of them now as i'm older..

 

[oakraiderz2]

You dont need therapy. Stop caring what they think, understand people fail and...optimistic thinking will get you far.

 

[FoolsCause]

sorry, but what does IOI stand for... i get it means attention of some sort, ie. eye contact, smiles...but wtf does it stand for..sorry

I was guessing something like an IOU.