I think if you know you love her , it doesnt matter when you say it
What does matter is if you KNOW you love her.
Not the timing per se.
Let HER react to what you said. Not you. If she can't 'take' your love, then perhaps you made a mistake, an error of judgement on your part. Oh well. If you made a mistake, "welcome to the Human Race". (thanks , LL) It's ok.
Learn your lesson and move on. She wasn't the right one for you.
It's ok, there will be others, hopefully, but only if you truly LEARN and INTERNALIZE your lesson, and dont repeat your bad judgement. The first part is to not make her responsible for your beliefs and feelings, decisions, and actions.
You act based on your beliefs(Irrational or not!). If you made a mistake, then revisit your beliefs, not blame some woman.
If you think you know what love is, and you recognize it in yourself while with her, then you're perfectly within your power as a Man to express it as you feel fit.
I think when one is strong , confident, and mature enough, a lot of these 'rules' go out the window.
In fact, I'll go so far as to say they DO go out the window...
because you're not micro managing anymore.
You have really BECOME that strong , confident Man with strong boundaries, and you operate from Assertiveness. So you really are always acting and behaving genuinely, asserting your Boundaries in everything you do, all the time. It's your natural operating system now.
You really are that confident and free to do and say what you feel, without feeling any shame for it.
I think living your life as a free man is very important.
So at some point shedding the 'trainer wheels' is the right step to growth as a mature, masculine Man.
If of course, you dont trust yourself, then you DO need a set of rules to give the impression you have strong command of your personal boundaries.
A lot of times many men think too fatalistically when making decisions.
Not understanding that true masculine power lies in creating your destiny, no matter what choice you have made previously.
Meaning, if say I chose Strawberry ice cream, then realized I didnt like it, I feel no shame or embarassment in changing my mind and ordering another flavor, and I dont give a flying fornication what anyone thinks of my decision. If it brings them no harm, then I as a man, choose my destiny despite my previous decision.
No roof over head
No ground under feet
You do have the power to effect CHANGE. You really do. NOTHING is set in stone.
So if you change your mind about something, fine, go ahead, you're well within your right to.
ANd anyone who blames you or shames you for doing so is living a life of self delusion, and probably not a very happy one.
The only constant is change. Living with uncertainty is looked upon as a blessing or a curse.
Which one would you really want to live with?
You know you have to be really strong and mature to look at uncertainty as a blessing. think about that one...
Be comfortable in the world of uncertainty. That is true masculine power.
Realize your destiny and your self propelled life as you see fit.
Without feeling the need to make others 'happy'.
You arent responsible for others thoughts about you, or their previous experiences, or perception filters, so why waste so much precious time and energy worrying about self image manipulation and managing?
If you feel you love her, it is OK to say it.
And if you know what is in your heart and who you are, be proud of that.
As a matter of fact, realize that you're actually in a minority.
And also realize that sometimes some people who have never had a certain experience may not be the right people to listen to...
Finally, the TRUEST answer to ANY question you will EVER have in your life...FOREVER.. is..
Is this operating out of FEAR?
Or out of LOVE?
Which one reflects self confidence?
FEAR?
"No, no!! I mustnt do that! They will think less of me! I will be mocked and shamed!! Oh dear!!"
Truthfully, whenver you're stuck somewhere, and in refelcting on your life in general..are you living out of FEAR? or out of Love and acceptance? And the fvcking BALLS of a grown, masculine mature man who does what he wants and say what he truly feels, because he KNOWS himself, AND he knows he is A GOOD MAN.
And he does not place HIS Self ESTEEM on the perceptions and opinons of OTHERS. Meaning, his inherent Value does not fluctuate , nor is it affected by people, place or things, and no one's Opinion, no matter how cruel, can EVER take away our self esteem. AND NO ONE has ANY POWER to DICTATE OUR WORTH, VALUE, and most of all , our SELF ESTEEM.
You see, people, have no RIGHT, nor POWER to SET your "VALUE".
So if you live your life based on self image manipulation and protection, what does that mean?
What does it REALLY mean? Honestly?
Are you going to let others DICTATE your life and actions, and decisions on how to live YOUR life?
Are you going to let another person DECIDE and DICATE to you WHO YOU really Are???
If I know I can easily bench 225 lbs, no dumbass is going to convince me I CAN'T.
But what does this really mean?
It means that I KNOW myself, thus, the most important lesson for us to learn here.....is that I, and you, CAN TRUST OUR OWN JUDGEMENT.
The true underlying problem we see here again and again is the LACK of self TRUST. Thus, you see guys here living with their set of rules clinged so tightly.
When we dont trust our own judgement, we place the blame for our mistakes, and negative experiences on the EXTERNAL.
ie we blame women for OUR own bad judgement....we make them 'responsible' for our failings, and inexperience, and lack of maturity. Which they, nor anyone are EVER responsible for. It's all on us.
The Locus of Control is ours, it's up to us to SEE it and recognize it.
Life is about living and GROWING.
Living your life in a 'comfort zone' box is not very courageous or bold, is it?
If you feel shamed for feeling Love, especially by your fellow men, perhaps it's time to rethink your appropriation of importance on said advice.
When it becomes some sort of doctrine to 'fake feelings' or 'not have emotions' , or 'feelings are for suckers', ,or never Love for that matter, when that toxic sh*t becomes an IDEAL, then we have much more serious problems than you can ever possibly realize..
