Father cheating on mother

[BlackRob87]

Hey guys

I really dont post much here althought I read on this forum alot.

Back to the topic...I found some disturbing recording in my dads truck. It was a recording of him and another women and she was saying "Want me to give you some head baby" and my dad just laughs....then she says "your suppost to say yeah" and that was the end of the convo. It was NOT my mother at all.

I want to tell my mother what I know because I have known about this for some time now. My father aint **** all he does is watch tv all day and talk **** and fuss about every damn thing like he is female. My mother hardly complains about anything and im fed up with him and his ****. My mom deserves to know the truth.

Now my question is....how do I go about revealing this to my mother? Do I tell my dad I know that he cheated on her with another women and give him the opportunity to tell her himself or just give the evidence to my mother or tell them both together what I know? They have been married for 30 years.

I would like some insight from you guys as some of you might have been in a similar situation. Thanks

 

[Latinoman]

I think you should stay away from this. All you will be doing is breaking your mom's heart. Also...all you are doing is destroying 30 years of marriage.

That's my suggestion.

Allowing your dislike for your father to ruin your mother's happiness is SELFISH.

 

[War Against Betaism]

What TV and movies has taught me over the years is you should ALWAYS ALWAYS do the right thing all the time. What reality taught me is that there are some secrets that are better off remaining secrets. If you're going to do anything, don't approach your mother, approach your father first.

 

[BlackRob87]

I think you should stay away from this. All you will be doing is breaking your mom's heart. Also...all you are doing is destroying 30 years of marriage.

That's my suggestion.

Allowing your dislike for your father to ruin your mother's happiness is SELFISH.

My mother is definately not happy I can tell.

 

[BlackRob87]

What TV and movies has taught me over the years is you should ALWAYS ALWAYS do the right thing all the time. What reality taught me is that there are some secrets that are better off remaining secrets. If you're going to do anything, don't approach your mother, approach your father first.

Yea man

I have been thinking and planning how im going to approach him if I decide to bust him out. I mean, who knows what else he has been doing out there and with all the diseases running wild who knows what he might have from messing with these other women. I believe my mother should know the truth.

 

[Latinoman]

Yea man

I have been thinking and planning how im going to approach him if I decide to bust him out. I mean, who knows what else he has been doing out there and with all the diseases running wild who knows what he might have from messing with these other women. I believe my mother should know the truth.

Maybe your mother is not blowing him. Or she is not phucking him. Maybe she cheated in the past. Maybe...maybe...maybe.

As I said...you should stay away from other people's marriage issues. Even if it is your parents. I really mean that.

 

[BlackRob87]

Maybe your mother is not blowing him. Or she is not phucking him. Maybe she cheated in the past. Maybe...maybe...maybe.

As I said...you should stay away from other people's marriage issues. Even if it is your parents. I really mean that.

So your telling me that if you found out that your dad was cheating on your mom you wouldnt say anything?? What is your reason? I dont understand how you could have any respect for that **** and also play it off like nothing is wrong.

 

[PRMoon]

I think you should stay away from this. All you will be doing is breaking your mom's heart. Also...all you are doing is destroying 30 years of marriage.

That's my suggestion.

Allowing your dislike for your father to ruin your mother's happiness is SELFISH.

I dunno Latinoman. If what this guy says is legit, then turning a blind eye to the issue might actually make things worse. If indeed his mother finds out on her own then finds out her son knew and didn't say anything, then she'll be heart broken twice.

30 years of a broken marriage is no dream boat anyway so it's unlikely she'll be missing to much if they divorce anyway. I don't really agree with marriage in the first place but I think people who agree to that kind of commitment and then break that contract are cowards. Unless the two of them have some sort of spoken (or unspoken) agreement, which is HIGHLY unlikely, such things shouldn't occur.

to the OP, I really don't have any advice for you in this situation unfortunately other then tread lightly. A delicate situation like this can result in hostility or even a crime of passion if you're not careful.

Good luck.

 

[Latinoman]

I don't get involve in other people's marital issues. Not my sibblings...not my father's...no ones.

At the end...the person getting involved is the one that EVERYBODY else will resent. She will resent him...and his father will also resent him.

That's how things are in this kind of situations.

 

[Latinoman]

So your telling me that if you found out that your dad was cheating on your mom you wouldnt say anything?? What is your reason? I dont understand how you could have any respect for that **** and also play it off like nothing is wrong.

No. Most men cheat anyhow. Some get caught and others don't. That's the way it is.

It is not about having respect for that ****. It is about not getting involve in other people's business when it comes to cheating.

 

[penkitten]

if you give your father an ultimatum of telling your mother, your @ss will be grass for starters, and he will deny it.
if you tell your mother, it will break her heart whether she is happy or not in this marriage.

perhaps she already knows? perhaps that is why is seems unhappy?
by keeping quiet about it, it is her own little painful secret but she does not have to act upon it.
by you airing it out, she is forced into a decision on what she should do, and how others will view her if she stays or leaves.

 

[Latinoman]

The only way I would be involved is if I KNOW for a FACT that he is trying to marry somebody else and take EVERYTHING away from her (house, pension, etc.). That's unlikely.

 

[DJDamage]

This is a pandora box waiting to be open.... the question is whether you have what it takes to accept the possible ramifications and responsibilities that will arise as soon as you open your mouth and tell your mom about it.

Write down on a piece of paper, what are the worse case scenerio's of telling vs not telling at all and choose your best course of action.

 

[Quiksilver]

First thing's first, I'd try to find out for certain that he's cheating.. It could just be some harmless flirting or he could have had a moment of 'weakness'. Despite all his obvious shortcomings, what if he still loves your mother? If so, you telling your mother would drive a stake between them that you may regret later...

First thing is first, find out the extent of his cheating. Just like a good lawyer would do, you wouldn't want to come to trial unprepared and without any evidence/proof.

good luck

 

[BlackRob87]

First thing's first, I'd try to find out for certain that he's cheating.. It could just be some harmless flirting or he could have had a moment of 'weakness'. Despite all his obvious shortcomings, what if he still loves your mother? If so, you telling your mother would drive a stake between them that you may regret later...

First thing is first, find out the extent of his cheating. Just like a good lawyer would do, you wouldn't want to come to trial unprepared and without any evidence/proof.

good luck

Yea your right. It could have been just flirting but who is this chick and why was she in his truck? I have decided not to say anything for the time being. I could be over analyzing things but that female was not my mom. He had three recordings 1. him talking 2. him my mom and me talking 3. him and that chick, which I copied and put on both of my cell phones just to cover my ass in case he does try to deny it or delete them. If I ever decide to spill the beans I will set it up to where he would reveal himself.

 

[LoneSilver]

If by chance the Mom already knows that is cool but heres the problem I have with cheating and the other not knowing it's going on..Lets say the one person doing the cheating isn't protecting himself from a std or worst aids and yes aids is still around and the cheater decides he wants to make love to his wife and he transmits the aids virus on to her...Now should she ever be told that her husband is cheating?

If I am ever faced with that discision myself and to protect someone from a possible illiness I would share what I know and leave it to whatever happens after that...In most cases a marriage grows closer after this sort of thing especially if they have been married that long as it's hard to leave but it depends on the couple and also even though the messenger is well meaning they are often times looked upon as snooping and not minding their own business and are hated and should just bud out..it's can end up being dam if you do dam if you don't kind of situation....

LoneSilver

 

[BlackRob87]

If by chance the Mom already knows that is cool but heres the problem I have with cheating and the other not knowing it's going on..Lets say the one person doing the cheating isn't protecting himself from a std or worst aids and yes aids is still around and the cheater decides he wants to make love to his wife and he transmits the aids virus on to her...Now should she ever be told that her husband is cheating?

I thought the very same thing. This is a sticky situation for me and seems no matter how you really look at it there are remifications.

If I am ever faced with that discision myself and to protect someone from a possible illiness I would share what I know and leave it to whatever happens after that...In most cases a marriage grows closer after this sort of thing especially if they have been married that long as it's hard to leave but it depends on the couple and also even though the messenger is well meaning they are often times looked upon as snooping and not minding their own business and are hated and should just bud out..it's can end up being dam if you do dam if you don't kind of situation....

LoneSilver

I actually came across the recording while helping him program his homelink system that is on his sunviser a couple of months ago, which also has a recorder. He was in the garage and I was in the truck and I did hit the play button and heard what I heard. I JUST went back yesterday and recoreded the recordings on to my cell phone for back up as I was planning to tell him what I knew today and give him the option to tell her by sunday.

There is tension between me and him and he knows it but has no clue why, including my mom. I dont feel he cares about anybody but himself. So im really waiting for him to ask whats going on then ill tell him. It could possibly bring the family closer depending on how my dad reacts to it and how he explains himself.

 

[PRMoon]

There is tension between me and him and he knows it but has no clue why, including my mom. I dont feel he cares about anybody but himself. So im really waiting for him to ask whats going on then ill tell him. It could possibly bring the family closer depending on how my dad reacts to it and how he explains himself.

You really don't want to bank on him admitting guilt or this situation bringing the family closer together. I denied cheating on my girlfriend even after some one had recorded statments made by me stating that I did cheat and she ate it up becuase her heart came before her mind. Denile is a powerful agent, and the corners around it can be narrow for those driving.

Giving it some thought, you should try to learn from the experience. I wouldn't come to your father with any "evidance" but instead ask him if he'd ever cheat on your mother in a round about way. You don't really give yourself away but nor have you concieded that you know anything about the situation. You could say that you're thinking about cheating or better still, have cheated on your girlfriend and are in a state of turmoil. That way he thinks the conversation is about you rather then him and any thought that is to be sturred in him will be based on the love he has for his son, as opposed to guilt or defense he has for himself. A crude plan to be sure but much much safer then trying to confront him on some level.

I forgot that often times, the best offense appears to be a cry for personal help when it comes to a parental relationship. You risk him doing nothing but at least you planted the seeds of doubt in his mind from the start in a nonintrusive way. If he feels that he's helping you he MIGHT think twice about not practicing what he preaches. It's easy to play life games, even when it comes to a close family member so you can expand upon the story should it drag out. Every father can be worn upon by there son, usually it's their ultimate weakness so exploit this factor if you feel the need.

 

[Deep Dish]

Stated succinctly, the question to ask in predictaments is thusly: "To what end?" Consider the likely ramifications of your actions, what is accomplished? However you answer, thus proceed.

 

[j0n024]

Hahahahahahahah.....

First you make fun of the guy about al these things (Fussing,only watching tv, COMPLAINING.) just to be doing the same sh1t.

Right now your complaining like a little b1tch plain and simple, you can deny it but just read your posts on the issue and you will see my point. What your parents do is there business not YOURS , would you like your parents messing around in YOUR business? NO so stay out of theres.

Ehh whatever you will probably show her and ruin a 30 year marriage just because you dont like the guy.....fvcking selfish.