what should you do if you fall for your female best friend? ive seen this happen many times and more often than not, it does end too well. considering your best friend would know everything about you, all your insecurities ect.. and that theres practically no chance for mystery, how would one go about dealing with this. should guys even have female best friends?
falling for your best friend
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Mantis Toboggan
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The first thing you should do is realize that only children "fall for" girls who they're not having sex with.rid007.5 said:
I meet plenty of girls I like, some I like more than others....but I don't fall for anyone unless something REAL (aka sex) is involved. Otherwise, you're just getting all dreamy-eyed over the illusion you have of this girl.
It's not necessarily about mystery, insecurities, etc. It's that during the time you spent becoming this girl's best friend, you eliminated all chances of this girl seeing you as a sexual object. You became a source of comfort instead of a source of excitement.
Guys can have female friends. You just gotta be realistic and smart about it. And start by realizing that you're not falling for a girl who you havent had a romantic relationship with. You're falling for the IDEA of being with her.
A male or female as a friend and a male or female as a bf/gf are two different people.
HoneyHitter
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Are you telling me you 're friends with an attractive woman but never wanted to F her before? Hard to believe.
I'm going to say something slightly different to the above two people here. I think people fall for the friends actually quite often, and its also sort of natural in certain circumstances (and also that girls do the same - im talking about real actual friends that get on super well, not this 'friendzone' nonsense)
now - despite my rather positive spin on all this, this is still something that doesn't happen all that often and can't be relied on! and as to what to do next it really depends on what type of friendship you have
if you have the kind of friendship where you are 'a source of comfort', then basically forget it
if you have the kind of friendship where the time you spend with them is fun, you go drinking, you do stupid ****, you just vibe with each other - then next time you've been out drinking or are in a certain type situation, just go for it. DO NOT say how much you've always liked them or any bull**** like this, don't turn it into mushy nonsense, either just kiss them, or take them by the hand, or say lets go upstairs. something kind of direct - do it at the right moment, and dont try turn it immediately into some kind of love thing. make it exactly as it already is, but suddenly something physical just happened "woah didnt expect THAT"
if it goes wrong, or doesnt happen, laugh the whole thing off - the best approach here is not to try change the dynamic, its to have a bit of fun but keep everything as it is, dont put a pressure on situation
ive ended up sleeping with a few of my friends this way, its not something i ever planned or intended it just kind of happened, there have also been other friends where i spontaneously decided to try something and it didnt happen at all, but it never affected our friendship - we just kind of laughed it off as me feeling a bit frisky. an ACTUAL friendship should be able to take this happening as long as you don't get all weird about it. as for the 'source of comfort' type friendships, i think theyre kind of lifeless in the first place so whatever
I think its a lot less childish to fall for a person you know super well than what most of the people on here do, which is fall for strangers and imagineer the rest. someone you know v well, you are falling for the actual person not an ideaMantis Toboggan said:
ha well this is weirdly actually the one time where you are not falling for an illusion surely?!Mantis Toboggan said:
think this really depends on the types of friendships you have, but i think of my friends (male and female) as fun and exciting, not 'sources of comfort'. i've had numerous occasions where i've ended up sleeping with a friend where i'd never really thought about it beforeMantis Toboggan said:
it actually isn't hard to believe imo! for me there's been occasions where i wasn't attracted to a friend in the slightest, but gradually over time, their personality kind of lit up how they looked and they became more physically attractive to me (and this has also happened the other way round, where a female friend began to crush on me where she never had beforeHoneyHitter said:
now - despite my rather positive spin on all this, this is still something that doesn't happen all that often and can't be relied on! and as to what to do next it really depends on what type of friendship you have
if you have the kind of friendship where you are 'a source of comfort', then basically forget it
if you have the kind of friendship where the time you spend with them is fun, you go drinking, you do stupid ****, you just vibe with each other - then next time you've been out drinking or are in a certain type situation, just go for it. DO NOT say how much you've always liked them or any bull**** like this, don't turn it into mushy nonsense, either just kiss them, or take them by the hand, or say lets go upstairs. something kind of direct - do it at the right moment, and dont try turn it immediately into some kind of love thing. make it exactly as it already is, but suddenly something physical just happened "woah didnt expect THAT"
if it goes wrong, or doesnt happen, laugh the whole thing off - the best approach here is not to try change the dynamic, its to have a bit of fun but keep everything as it is, dont put a pressure on situation
ive ended up sleeping with a few of my friends this way, its not something i ever planned or intended it just kind of happened, there have also been other friends where i spontaneously decided to try something and it didnt happen at all, but it never affected our friendship - we just kind of laughed it off as me feeling a bit frisky. an ACTUAL friendship should be able to take this happening as long as you don't get all weird about it. as for the 'source of comfort' type friendships, i think theyre kind of lifeless in the first place so whatever
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PapiChulo
Master Don Juan
That's a good post up there ^^^^^
i've been friends with girls before and turned it into sex. once, this girl told me before we started dating more that she just wanted to be friends and nothing more... one day in my room i just kissed her and we ended up fuk buddies for a few months. but we weren't friends long until i pulled that move on her. i was pretty AFC with her too.. i told her that i wantd to fuk her and kiss her via msn, lol. i didnt really care of the outcome cause i wasnt into her apart from just wanting to bust a nut.. explain that one!?
at present... i been seeing two girls lately. but i'm more serious with one of them and i see her more often than the other (also have sex). the other girl i have only seen like three times and i knew from the first date we had a sexual vibe going, i would touch her ass and massage her, tell her shes sexy. at one stage when i kissed her cheek to say goodbye she kind of turned her head so i almost kissed her lips. i think she wanted to but knew i didnt cause i really did at the time just want to be friends.
anyway, lately we've been having sexual chats about how im gonna massage her naked with oil and stuff and she wants to see me tomorrow for coffee, dunno if i can be fuked but we'll see. earlier on while chatting i was telling her how bad i wanted to grab her ass when i was with her and she said "well you keep telling me you're seeing someone
" and "I thought you were having sex with your date" because she knows i am seeing someone else and having sex. she also said if she wasnt feeling sick she would consider coming to my place for a ... "massage"
so im just pointing out, sometimes when ur friends with a girl you can still get out of it and try things. i guess it depends how long you were friends for?
at present... i been seeing two girls lately. but i'm more serious with one of them and i see her more often than the other (also have sex). the other girl i have only seen like three times and i knew from the first date we had a sexual vibe going, i would touch her ass and massage her, tell her shes sexy. at one stage when i kissed her cheek to say goodbye she kind of turned her head so i almost kissed her lips. i think she wanted to but knew i didnt cause i really did at the time just want to be friends.
anyway, lately we've been having sexual chats about how im gonna massage her naked with oil and stuff and she wants to see me tomorrow for coffee, dunno if i can be fuked but we'll see. earlier on while chatting i was telling her how bad i wanted to grab her ass when i was with her and she said "well you keep telling me you're seeing someone
" and "I thought you were having sex with your date" because she knows i am seeing someone else and having sex. she also said if she wasnt feeling sick she would consider coming to my place for a ... "massage" so im just pointing out, sometimes when ur friends with a girl you can still get out of it and try things. i guess it depends how long you were friends for?
ARrocket
Master Don Juan
LoneWolf, your situation is different, because you haven't known her for very long. The OP is referring to a girl he is "best friends" with.
You CAN be friends, even "close" friends with a girl, but there needs to be some sort of buffer. In high school, my closest friend was a girl...she wasn't all that great looking, so I wasn't really that attracted to her. BUT, like was mentioned before, sometimes if you like their personality all that much, how you view the person can begin to change. But she had a bf that I was friends with...hence, that buffer (now that they've gotten more serious, I don't even talk to her...I'll touch on that in a sec).
Whether or not you SHOULD have a female best friend...that's a different question. First, define "best friend." A CLOSE friend is, IMO, different than a BEST friend. I don't think a girl should be your BEST friend, because through my experience (which is, admittedly, probably not greatly extensive, as I am 21 years old...), these friendships tend not to last. When the girl gets a boyfriend, you're forgotten. This has happened to me several times. I don't even exist to them anymore, once they get their male attention elsewhere. I had 3 really close female friends in high school, and now, I never speak to 2 of them, and I speak to 1 on rare occasion.
rid007.5, I think your specific problem right now is a lack of options. I'm gonna go on a limb here and guess that you don't really date a lot of girls. Thus, this one girl that you interact with ALL THE TIME is what your mind is fixated on. You are a man, and naturally, a man seeks a woman. Since she's the woman that's around, you develop feelings for her. VERY natural. But, very bad. It will most likely, as you know, not end well.
I think you need to distance yourself from her a bit, and get your **** together. The most important thing, is to have options. YOU need to have OTHER girls in your life. Actively pursue them. Date them. Fvck them. Don't depend on your "friend" so much, try not to interact with her as much as you currently do. This WILL solve your problems. Otherwise, you will go insane.
Female friends are tricky. It's obviously been discussed here many, many, many times, but I'll throw my 2 cents in.rid007.5 said:
You CAN be friends, even "close" friends with a girl, but there needs to be some sort of buffer. In high school, my closest friend was a girl...she wasn't all that great looking, so I wasn't really that attracted to her. BUT, like was mentioned before, sometimes if you like their personality all that much, how you view the person can begin to change. But she had a bf that I was friends with...hence, that buffer (now that they've gotten more serious, I don't even talk to her...I'll touch on that in a sec).
Whether or not you SHOULD have a female best friend...that's a different question. First, define "best friend." A CLOSE friend is, IMO, different than a BEST friend. I don't think a girl should be your BEST friend, because through my experience (which is, admittedly, probably not greatly extensive, as I am 21 years old...), these friendships tend not to last. When the girl gets a boyfriend, you're forgotten. This has happened to me several times. I don't even exist to them anymore, once they get their male attention elsewhere. I had 3 really close female friends in high school, and now, I never speak to 2 of them, and I speak to 1 on rare occasion.
rid007.5, I think your specific problem right now is a lack of options. I'm gonna go on a limb here and guess that you don't really date a lot of girls. Thus, this one girl that you interact with ALL THE TIME is what your mind is fixated on. You are a man, and naturally, a man seeks a woman. Since she's the woman that's around, you develop feelings for her. VERY natural. But, very bad. It will most likely, as you know, not end well.
I think you need to distance yourself from her a bit, and get your **** together. The most important thing, is to have options. YOU need to have OTHER girls in your life. Actively pursue them. Date them. Fvck them. Don't depend on your "friend" so much, try not to interact with her as much as you currently do. This WILL solve your problems. Otherwise, you will go insane.
It's okay to have female friends, but female best friends? Sorry, there's something wrong there. Even the most cool girl cannot relate to a guy like another guy can. Likewise guys cannot offer the same friendship to girls that other females provide.
Alex DeLarge
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Exactly. Your best friend needs to be a dude you can talk guy stuff with.. Like sports, music, video games.. Whatever you're into! Share stories about banging chix, walk around a social environment and say to eachother "Holy sh!t! Check out the ass on that one!" etc... You CANNOT do this with a girl unless they're an extreme dyke or something.Lexington said:
I'm in the Mood
Master Don Juan
Decide whether you want to pursue a relationship with her or not...it doesn't matter what anyone here says, it's your decision...rid007.5 said:
You could go for it, and the outcome could be as far as the two of you not talking for awhile and becoming further apart, or the two of you getting together and having a really good time.
Peace and Quiet
If you currently have too many women chasing you, calling you, harassing you, knocking on your door at 2 o'clock in the morning... then I have the simple solution for you.
Just read my free ebook 22 Rules for Massive Success With Women and do the opposite of what I recommend.
This will quickly drive all women away from you.
And you will be able to relax and to live your life in peace and quiet.
i don't think i could ever be friends with a girl. every girl i hang out with i want to fuk. i don't hang out with unattractive girls. so being friends never really works. i seriously dunno how guys actually want to be friends with girls. to me it's just impossible unless you bullsh1t yourself that you don't want to fuk them. the ONLY long term friend i've ever had with a girl was online via chat and phone (and thats only once a blue moon these days) i've known her for like 7 years or something. she says shes moving to my state one of these days and i can tell you that if we were to meet up i wouldn't be friendly with her. i'd try to fuk her.