Falling for a good friend...

[mister.ritenow]

I'll try to make this short and sweet...

THE FACTS

We've been friends for five years since starting grad school together and into our careers. Always thought she was beautiful, but we never discussed being together because we were both in relationships and I wanted to and was able to respect that. Still, we regularly went out to dinner or to get a drink, and stayed good friends.

About two months ago her boyfriend broke up with her (I'm now single as well) and instantly we started hanging out twice as much as usual (once or twice a week instead of once or twice a month), and also doing different types of things, hikes, movies, shopping.

Basically, she gets visa results (whether she can stay in the country) this week and I've been waiting to tell her how I feel until those arrive, both because it might be pointless if she has to leave after the summer and because I didn't want to drop a bomb on her (assuming she is unsuspecting) during such an emotional roller coaster as she's very worried about leaving. I am now faced with the decision of whether to say anything if she indeed can stay in the country, out of fear of destroying the relationship we already have... Here is what I'm working with...

PROS:

- sharp increase in time spent with me
- has no problem going out to really nice dinners
- celebrated a major career accomplishment with me just last week
- recent change in the substance of our hangouts (movies, hike, etc)
- asks my opinion on clothes she tries on while shopping
- all my female friends think she likes me based on her behavior
- after we go out to dinner she always texts to thank me so much
- came out and met my friends, had a great time
- makes an effort to be very polite to my parents/friends
- I get a very positive reaction when I tease her playfully
- seems willing to go on vacation with me in july
- slight increase in physical contact, albeit not sexual
- we are each other's type, both racially and personality-wise

CONS

- talks about dates with other guys in front of me, although always to say how bad it went and that talk ceased a couple weeks ago
- we've never discussed being together or getting physical.
- she has a very hard time reading guys (admittedly) and may be misinterpreting my increased interest.


ANYWAY, I'd really appreciate any advice you all have during this stressful and distracting time, or any anecdotes from those of you that have gone through the same. I've never fallen for such a good friend before and it is scary because I know we get along great, but that could cease to be the case if I open my mouth... HELP! Thanks in advance, you guys rock :rockon:

 

[Suspens]

You are her 12 yrs ol girlfriend.



Next time you two are out shopping ask one of your female friends to call you. Pick a hot girl as her contact photo, make sure the hoe can see your phone screen while you receive the call. After that, she will jump on your DlCK automatically.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

Basically, she gets visa results (whether she can stay in the country) this week and I've been waiting to tell her how I feel until those arrive

Do not, under any circumstances, 'confess' your feelings to her. You show her how you feel, but you don't speak of it. We men prefer to "be honest" with one another, to "be straight up" and "tell it as it is", but that is anathema to attraction with a woman. Ambiguity is your ally, not transparency. Take her out and escalate, but don't pull her aside and uncork a load of pent up oneitisy feelings in hopes of hearing that she feels the same. You gauge where she stands by advancing sexually, not verbally.

Keep yourself occupied with anything that's not her or related to her until those results come in, and then take her out and do your thing if she sticks around. She's just another girl - don't forget that...

 

[SAYNO]

Uh, She already knows females almost always know when a guy is attracted..:yes: She feigns ignorance about not being a good judge of character to play the victim and also to throw you off. Trust me shes thought about hooking up with you too.

You need to make a move and get physical. Get more ****y and funny, grab her and try to kiss her, instead of playing like her girlfriend Listening to her sob stories. What have you got to lose. YOLO

 

[Building_and_Loan]

Whatever you do, DON'T tell her how you feel.

I would get the two of you a little tipsy and try to progress things sexually on your couch after an evening spent together. Believe me, she's thought about what you two would be like together. Doesn't mean she'll do it but you're better off making a move than you are if you bombard her with words that will make her uncomfortable.

 

[mister.ritenow]

Well, it wasn't what I wanted to hear but it's what I needed. I should save myself the embarrassment, lost friend and further emotional distraction and just move forward. Who knows, maybe by the time I snap out of this she'll be chasing me!

Thanks for the help guys!

 

[Baggio86]

Do not, under any circumstances, 'confess' your feelings to her. You show her how you feel, but you don't speak of it. We men prefer to "be honest" with one another, to "be straight up" and "tell it as it is", but that is anathema to attraction with a woman. Ambiguity is your ally, not transparency. Take her out and escalate, but don't pull her aside and uncork a load of pent up oneitisy feelings in hopes of hearing that she feels the same. You gauge where she stands by advancing sexually, not verbally.

Keep yourself occupied with anything that's not her or related to her until those results come in, and then take her out and do your thing if she sticks around. She's just another girl - don't forget that...

^^^^^^
This!

However I think you have reached friendzone level 10, bro. The only time a girl will tell you about other guys (if interested in you) is when you have hit it, and she is trying to pull you in. I'd cut her loose and look into new HB's... but look into how to avoid friend-zoning yourself in future.

 

[Obsidian]

I disagree with the above comment.

My boyfriend is so stupid! I can’t believe what he did yesterday! He…

She wants you to steal her from her BOREfriend.

This new guy I am dating makes me feel soooooooooooooooooo good. Oh, you don’t how goooooood he makes me feel!

She has no interest in you and is vomiting her feelings everywhere (gross!).

My boyfriend hurt my feelings… boo hoo….(sob)

Congratulations, you are officially an Emotional Tampon! How can you tell if you are an emotional tampon, if she is vomiting her feelings, or if she wants you to steal her? It is simple. If her emotions are on herself, she is bleeding her feelings everywhere and making quite a mess. If the feelings are bad, she is using you as the emotional tampon. You are there for her to unload her feelings and get tossed aside. However, if the girl is projecting no feelings of herself and only tearing down her boyfriend, it is obvious what she intends.