Face Palm...

[Demodulate]

long story short..

3 months of being a closet case do to a bad back.. had surgery 2.5 weeks ago.. feel great... started going out and socializing...

girl I hooked up with once in a club pre injury one night wants to go out..

wednesday she picks me up + a bunch of friends.. we seem to have an ok night.. no real fireworks like the night at the club, but w/e..

drops me off.. give her a little kiss on the lips and im off..

we have plans for friday night for drinks.. she bails via text.. to busy with work... I text back no problem.. honestly I am beat as well..

we had plans for dinner tonight + a few common friends.. she calls to cancel says she has a family thing she has to go to.. her parents are giving her ****.. I had spent the day in another city about and hour and half away.. was car shopping and hanging with some friends.. could of stayed there the weekend, but was driving back to see her at dinner...

I pretty much *****ed her out... told her she could of let me know sooner as I would of stayed in said city overnight.. she was like oh.. sorry I just found out defensively... and that was pretty much that..

so.. im pretty much pissed.. havent been out in so long.. and was looking forward to maybe hooking up again tonight.. must of done something wed night to kill it....

so i guess its a next? right?

 

[darkstarrr]

sounds like a next. she's cancelled on you a couple times. maybe she could have maybe she couldn't have let you know more ahead of time on the most recent one. if she has any interest level worth keeping her around she will be the next one to make a move so i would say defnitely do not contact her at least until the end of next week.

keep getting out there, you will meet more of them.

good luck.

 

[MikeEdward1973]

It's highly unlikely that you're going to have any success with her. Her interest level is low, and even if you do meet up, your stocked has dropped in her eyes merely by the fact that you have not discarded her.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Demodulate,
Glad to hear you are on the Road to recovery,just handle her lack of interest get what you can out of what she offers,then over your shoulder,move on to the next.....You will have lost physical and Social skills over the past months....You know what to do.

 

[Demodulate]

So I went out with some friends tonight had dinner, vented, and then did something I haven't done in years... the old high school stand in the car lot and talk about cars thing... friend of mine just put nitrous in his car... and I wanted a ride..

ended up meeting a ex girlfriend of a friend of a friend... chatted her up..

didnt get her number or anything... no need.. just reminded me there are other fish out there...

anywho...


I just dont get how the other girl went from going out of her way to pick me up on a wednesday... to blowing me off two days in a row in 1 week... the 2nd time included a few of our common friends as well..

shrug...

 

[jophil28]

I just dont get how the other girl went from going out of her way to pick me up on a wednesday... to blowing me off two days in a row in 1 week... the 2nd time included a few of our common friends as well..

shrug...

Sometimes you will never know why this happens. IT just does. IT shows how a woman's intial attraction level is NEVER a guarantee of anything. Her feelings toward you intially are just early swirling emotions at work. These need to be sustained and converted by YOU into a deeper level of INTEREST by your DJ skills. UNTIL you establish yourself as a man of VALUE you are at the mercy of her brain chemicals and the pull of all her other social connections.
However, you are out of practise, so get back on the horse.

 

[AIRWARRIOR71]

However, you are out of practise, so get back on the horse.

I'm with you Jophil...get back on that horse! I used to lurk and read these boards over the years. I also first came across this board in 2001 and was overseas in the sandbox and unable to post on the board. I was coming out of my own LTR with a touch of BPD to her, but in general our situation was too stressful for both of us and I finally ended it. I went on to have great times and improved success with the ladies since then...also gained the LTR ex as a very good and reliable friend. We both know the mistakes we made and we both have moved on, but due to 2 yrs of much time spent together and good memories, we get along well after I nexted her and took time away to re-establish myself as my own person. I value her insight in lots of ways as well as we make sure (evenly) to keep up with each other on how life is going on a regular basis...say every few weeks, a call or an email, etc.

The reason I bring this up...I was retired medically from the USAF about 2-3 yrs ago and have been working on me to regain the things I have lost based on a medical problem that I am handling, but has caused me to lose weight and endurance, plus limiting my ability to improve that for now. Health is not a forte of mine yet. First was surgery and then other stuff. Basically, I am about to do some recovering procedures that will limit my social life, but in the end will allow me to gain back weight, endurance, and not feel like a sack of bones rather than a studly healthy DJ.

Anywho, mentally I am just fine with things and have made my peace about how things are and will be. I also have gone out a few times with friends to keep my social circles even if limited. I have no urge at this time to have any LTR or pursue a relationship beyond fun people to hang with when I can. I know this may not be a good DJ move, but it is what I need to do and am content with for now. This won't be forever, and I know I will be rusty when I am ready to get back on the horse myself. I welcome comments or questions regarding my situation/motives/etc...but I also have spent much of my time watching and learning, improving me mentally, and seeing how women act without me being a "threat" per se. I have learned a great deal from being the "fly on the wall" and will be a powerful weapon to deal with when it comes to handling women in the future (hell even now! I can neg hit a chick without a care since I don't want anything from them!! good practice without being an *******...lol). I hope I can be of help to you fellas.

 

[backbreaker]

there is something you were doing on the first date, that you didnt' do on the 2nd date. that something is what you need to figure out.

yes, the correct answer is next, if for anything your self esteem. you dont' chase women who don't show high interest.

 

[buster69]

Question...Do you have a car???

Why is she picking you up?

and why are you going with a bunch of friends ??

 

[Demodulate]

Question...Do you have a car???

Why is she picking you up?

and why are you going with a bunch of friends ??

Back Surgery... hadnt been cleared to drive...

she brought the friends... I was just along for the ride..

honestly it was the first time I had been out in like 3 months..

ok?

 

[buster69]

Dating is like dancing ..you have to have a strong frame and lead.


In your situation I would wait till your cleared to drive, then invite her {just her} on a low cost date. If she bails then next her.

 

[Demodulate]

was cleared the following day... invited her for drinks on that friday she bailed..


so unless your saying try again, idk..

I already deleted her info out of my phone..

 

[buster69]

next

 

[Demodulate]

nope never needy....

I am feeling a little down though... went from training in a martial art 4-5 days a week.. to probably not ever going to be able to do the same one again.. i got my weight back down to where I was pre injury.... but alot of it is loss of muscle... another few weeks till I can even work out...

oh well... I am going to be super busy the next semester so w/e... its her loss...

grad school and a full time job make for not much free time... looking forward to getting back in the gym...

 

[AIRWARRIOR71]

How was your frame during these dates? Was it from a frame of power and abundance? Basically, how have you been feeling about yourself lately? It seems that how attractive you feel about youself is how attractive you appear to other people.

Air Warrior mentioned when he had similar life circumstances as you that he felt like a bag of bones and not very studly.

Something lowered this woman's IL. What was it? Were you EVER needy? It doesn't sound like you were but that is usually the one thing that will change her mind so quick.

Very much so the truth...the whole thing with me is I am not going to put a half-assed effort into being the DJ I know I can be when I am just happy to be out doing things with my friends. I would be happy to be out but I wouldn't be looking at trying to bag the chick that took you out. I see her having other friends along being a distraction since you can't exactly get her to yourself. I also think her IL was lowered and that was key here...I woulda waited till I had myself in a better mindset before looking for a followup knowing things weren't sparking on this last "date" if you can call it that when she had other friends included. Gotta get the exclusive time and have her to yourself to keep up the IL she may have had for you. I woulda just kept her as a friend to join up with YOU and YOUR friends and if she doesn't show then no biggie.

I have had opportunities for dates with people I have been out with in the past, but basically I know I won't be able to keep their IL where I want it...YET...mainly because of making sure my mental attitude is ready to jump back into the game. Gotta be loving yourself before you can get anyone else loving ya too. Give yourself some adjustment time and re-establish some social proof amongst your friends, and mainly just do the DJ fundamentals.

Patience for yourself IS a virtue! Is your mental frame where it needs to be? Or do you feel some lowered self-esteem (temporary, but it happens)...if you don't feel you are the sheeit yet...why is someone else going to?!!

 

[Demodulate]

well this is the last thought I am giving to this thread...

The night we hooked up in the club there was someone there she did not like at all.. and I basically smashed this kids ego in front of her.. he was dumb founded...

I think smashing this kid was what did it that night.. that and grinding on her friend in front of her...

IDK

I dont know what she is looking for, but I have my head screwed on pretty good... decent job, working on my MBA.. and I think she is looking for a bad boy.. I may just be to clean cut for her... although I ride a motorcycle, did muay thai, and race cars.. none of that comes across... I don't advertise it..

anywho... classes are going to kick my ass the next couple of months.. and ill be cleared for the gym in 2 more weeks.. so ill be scarce in the truest sense of the word...

cant wait to get back to muay thai though.. about 5 more months..

 

[Demodulate]

just a mini update....

I decided to take myself off the market after this episode..

Have been focusing on school, getting my back in order.. I guess just working on me..

Valentines day rolls around, and I am asked to be someones valentine, invited to a couple of parties..

I decide to go to the anti valentines days party an old friend is having.. the girl that propositioned me to be her valentine will be there.. I never affirmed or denied her request.. but she brings another "friend" with her..

This friend is pleasant to me at first.. but after he drinks 2/3rds of a bottle of Vodka it is clear that he is enamored with this girl that wanted to be my valentine and is following her around like a lost puppy...

she eventually has to tell him she doesn't like him like that.. and that he is her friend.. she confides in me shes never seem him act like this before as we sit on the couch and she asks me what kind of woman i like as we flip through a playboy magazine...

he proceeds to finish the bottle of Vodka.. asks me to go to a club with him..

I decline saying its late.. and the place he wants to go is winding down... he keeps asking me.. then very loudly says he knows a girl who likes me and can get me layed. I laugh and say I dont need his help to get layed..


It was like watching a train wreck, lol... There where a few single woman at this little party, I talked to all of them... discussed the wine I had brought.. they all loved the different bottles... talked food.. careers..

This idiot rambled on about how much he could drink, and followed the one girl around the entire night.. and after getting rejected acted like a 4 year old.. I dont get why he didnt mingle and chat up the other woman.. Oh wait.. he was hammered..

anywho.. thanks sosuave..

it hasn't been an over night thing but ever so slowly I have been doing better at this thing... valentines day night just made it that much more apparent..

 

[TheLadiesMan]

Rule of thumb that I go by... if it takes longer than 2 weeks to spark da magic, move on.

btw.. wtf is a face palm?

 

[Demodulate]

http://images.google.com/images?cli...palm&oe=UTF-8&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&hl=en&tab=wi


take your pick...