F***ed over by "friends"

[dantesinferno]

About a month ago i had an argument with an ex-friend of mine. It ended with us saying **** you and parting ways. We have alot of mutual friends and a large social circle. This guy plans a spring break trip and invites everyone except me (including people that i brought into the social circle and thought were friends of mine). The part that really ticks me off is that none of my friends told me about it and lied to me about what their plans were ... i find out about it after i run into my "friend's" roommate (a guy who knew noone before he met me) and she tells me he is out of state on a spring break trip. Then i see all the pics they took on facebook.

i get a call from another mutual friend tonight (one who didn't go on the trip with them or know about it) saying they are all going to watch a movie and asked if i wanted to come ... I didn't go ... I get a call from my ex friends GF too telling me about his B-day party coming soon (which i am obviously not going to)

My question is what would a don juan do?

My "friends" lied to me and kept this trip a secret and didn't invite me ... that hurt alot more then not going on the trip itself ... should i say **** you to all of them and get into a new social circle? or should i game this one and try to turn it around (if so how?)

 

[Rebound Material]

This thread isnt about chicks but oh well.

Anyways, I was in your position not too long ago except the person I had the bridge burning argument was a chick I was dating. I brought her into the social circle and then she met my "friend"(her current BF). After we fought, the group stopped calling me for hangouts and big events like trips and such. This kept going after me and her talked things out and supposedly made "peace".

Theres probably 1 very important thing to conder as to why your friends would totally turn their backs on you: Did you do something wrong? Not to put the spotlight on you, but maybe you're doing or did something to these people that they mutually agree on.

 

[dantesinferno]

This thread isnt about chicks but oh well.

Thats why its under the "Anything Else" section

Theres probably 1 very important thing to conder as to why your friends would totally turn their backs on you: Did you do something wrong? Not to put the spotlight on you, but maybe you're doing or did something to these people that they mutually agree on.

Not to anyone else, i was hanging out with many of the them (Taking trips of my own out of state just a 2 weeks before this) and everything seemed fine.

I am wondering if this ex-friend was talking crap about me and told lies to get them to go along with this.

Should i dump the whole social circle?
Cause a scene with "friends" who i thought were close to me?

 

[Hyde]

Theres probably 1 very important thing to conder as to why your friends would totally turn their backs on you: Did you do something wrong? Not to put the spotlight on you, but maybe you're doing or did something to these people that they mutually agree on.

Dude, they're just going where the fun is. A kickass spring break trip or sitting at home on dantesinferno's couch watching MTV spring break? Going out to a theater to watch a movie or sitting at home on danteinferno's couch watching a DVD? Think about it. If people are forced to choose sides, they're going to go where the fun is. A fun trip to a theme park or sitting at the other guys house playing video games? Which one would YOU choose?

Social groups are like children. They go to whichever parent offers them more. "Daddy says I'm grounded, but Mommy says she'll give me 5 dollars for the arcade. She even says she'll give my friends a ride! I think I'll spend the weekend with mommy".

Have you ever watched one of those TV shows on the Disney Channel? What is usually the main conflict in the episodes? "Christina is throwing a party on the same day as me and hers is better! She even has her own band playing! I need to find something that'll make my party better, so that everyone will come to my party instead".

Mr. Peniswrinkle moved in next door and everyone is spending time at his house. He has a pool, a hot tub, and a big screen HDTV. Build a better house and they will flock to yours.

While you're sitting around moping because you weren't invited to your ex-friends spring break, they're having a great time. Give them a reason to spend time with you. So far, he's the funner guy. What makes YOU so fun to be around?

 

[dantesinferno]

@Hyde- your right ...
Ironiclly when ex-friend was being excluded by HBfriend with parties she was planning with everyone ...i told her that it wasnt right and stood up for ex-friend now he's pulling the same **** on me ... problem is noone cued me in ...

just seems shady that they lied and kept it a secret

throwing a "bigger" party is an option but is it worth it for shady "friends"?

Another option is to screw over ex-friend by going to his b-day after party at a club with a few all star PUA friend he doesn't know and have them sarge his GF.

 

[Hyde]

Another option is to screw over ex-friend by going to his b-day after party at a club with a few all star PUA friend he doesn't know and have them sarge his GF.

Friendly wars are always fun. Go for it! Just remember, he'll return fire.

Back to the social groups are like children thing, though. They didn't tell you because they knew that he was just one upping you and that you weren't going to be invited. The best thing in this situation is not to tell daddy at all. Just let daddy go on thinking that it was a pretty boring weekend and then daddy won't be so ticked off and feel the need to one-up mommy.

 

[dantesinferno]

do you guys have any other ideas on what i can do?

And what do to about the "friends" in the social circle?

 

[WesCottII]

Are you sure they just didn't want to be dragged into your "war"? Whats the alternative? "we're going on Spring break, but you can't come"? would you have preferred that?

 

[howardalex]

Another option is to screw over ex-friend by going to his b-day after party at a club with a few all star PUA friend he doesn't know and have them sarge his GF.

do it, do it, do it, do it!

 

[Quiksilver]

Drama queens are losers man.

Get some new friends, let the ones you have slide away or come back on their own.

Don't burn bridges though, again drama is for losers who don't have enough in their own lives.

 

[DJDamage]

Why belong to one social group?? I have many social groups of people who don't know each other so I am always welcomed where ever I go.

 

[Rebound Material]

just seems shady that they lied and kept it a secret

throwing a "bigger" party is an option but is it worth it for shady "friends"?

EXACTLY.

Hyde, I get what you're saying about "who is a cooler guy?" thing, but that doesnt exclude the fact that his "friends" had to go and keep it secret from him. To throw a bigger party JUST to get friends back seems really whack to me. I mean, what kind of friends are they if they were just to choose someone who seems to be trying to win them over by doing all kinds of "cool stuff"? Unless all his friends were of course band wagon b!tches I would say so.

Take this as a good lesson. Its when bullsh!t like this happens between friends where you're TRUE friends are filtered out from what I like to call "friendly associates"...

 

[Hyde]

Take this as a good lesson. Its when bullsh!t like this happens between friends where you're TRUE friends are filtered out from what I like to call "friendly associates"...

I look at this in a number of ways.

1) They aren't just his friends. They are also friends with the other guy. That's like being put in between a rock and a hard place. Maybe the other guy said something to them. Something like "don't tell dantesinferno about this, okay?". Now what are they supposed to do? They tell him about it and they don't get to go on the trip. If they don't tell him and he finds out then they're bad friends.

2) TRUE friends are rare. Someone that wont keep a secret from you is rare. Someone whose going to stick by your side in every single situation is rare. Can you expect people to stick by your side in every single situation? Can you expect people not to keep secrets from you? We live in a world where your closest friends can betray you. Kick you to the curb. Most people don't want to choose sides, they just want to go along for the ride. Most people don't want to get involved in drama. They just want to do their own thing.

3) In the end, the people who prove to you that they deserve to be called a TRUE friend should get extra attention.

There's probably many reasons why they didn't tell you, man. You have to be understanding. Let it go. After all, that's what makes you a good friend. They probably don't want to lose you as a friend. They didn't go along thinking, "hey, I might lose dantesinferno as a friend". They went along thinking, "this should be fun!". They just went along for the ride.

Here's another scenerio for you to ponder. If this were a girl that we were talking about, this guy would be considered a c*ck block. What do we do about c*ck blocks? We eliminate the c*ck block.

 

[Livinlifehard]

About a month ago i had an argument with an ex-friend of mine. It ended with us saying **** you and parting ways. We have alot of mutual friends and a large social circle. This guy plans a spring break trip and invites everyone except me (including people that i brought into the social circle and thought were friends of mine). The part that really ticks me off is that none of my friends told me about it and lied to me about what their plans were ... i find out about it after i run into my "friend's" roommate (a guy who knew noone before he met me) and she tells me he is out of state on a spring break trip. Then i see all the pics they took on facebook.

i get a call from another mutual friend tonight (one who didn't go on the trip with them or know about it) saying they are all going to watch a movie and asked if i wanted to come ... I didn't go ... I get a call from my ex friends GF too telling me about his B-day party coming soon (which i am obviously not going to)

My question is what would a don juan do?

My "friends" lied to me and kept this trip a secret and didn't invite me ... that hurt alot more then not going on the trip itself ... should i say **** you to all of them and get into a new social circle? or should i game this one and try to turn it around (if so how?)

I would keep them as aqantises. I am one to think you can never have to man friends incase your in trouble or something. Have a one on one convo with the main guy and not yelling tell him that it was bull **** of what he did but your going to let it go. And then if he is like "sorry i did that to you man" shake hands and nevr mention it again.

 

[john_1234]

Take this as a lesson to never put too much trust in friends (does that law sound familiar)? You and a friend may be really close and feel as if it'll last for a lifetime... (haha, similar to marriage somewhat). I personally have been involved in friendships where it seemed that way, but as time passed, the friendship dwindled. Bridges weren't burned like w/ the original poster, but I feel it sucks that there's people out there who know deep stuff about me. Keep it cool, but don't spill all the beans about your life.

 

[dantesinferno]

Are you sure they just didn't want to be dragged into your "war"? Whats the alternative? "we're going on Spring break, but you can't come"? would you have preferred that?

Honestly ... yes ... then i could have made my own plans atleast i would have known my friends were not pulling it behind my back ...

do it, do it, do it, do it!

His b-day passed. His GF called me with an invite and i almost went with an MPUA friend ... didnt happen though and we just sarged another area. The option to sarge his GF is still on the table ...

Drama queens are losers man.

Get some new friends, let the ones you have slide away or come back on their own.

Don't burn bridges though, again drama is for losers who don't have enough in their own lives.

i am debating burning bridges now ... i got a text from one "friend" who went on the trip asking me if i am going to this one party today ... then he sent me another one asking me to come and watch a movie at his place

Why belong to one social group?? I have many social groups of people who don't know each other so I am always welcomed where ever I go.

i am in many social groups, i went to this one other chicks party just last week and # closed 6 people 2 men and 4 women. thinking of hanging out alot more with them.

This was my main social circle though. I ****ing owned it and have been in it for like 2 years. It just hurts that guys who i thought were close would do this. One guy (same guy who texted me today) i really took under my wing and introduced to this whole group and others. I thought we were better friends then this and i thought he would warn me of stuff.

EXACTLY.

Hyde, I get what you're saying about "who is a cooler guy?" thing, but that doesnt exclude the fact that his "friends" had to go and keep it secret from him. To throw a bigger party JUST to get friends back seems really whack to me. I mean, what kind of friends are they if they were just to choose someone who seems to be trying to win them over by doing all kinds of "cool stuff"? Unless all his friends were of course band wagon b!tches I would say so.

Take this as a good lesson. Its when bullsh!t like this happens between friends where you're TRUE friends are filtered out from what I like to call "friendly associates"...

true, good friends are hard to find ...

There's probably many reasons why they didn't tell you, man. You have to be understanding. Let it go. After all, that's what makes you a good friend. They probably don't want to lose you as a friend. They didn't go along thinking, "hey, I might lose dantesinferno as a friend". They went along thinking, "this should be fun!". They just went along for the ride.

Here's another scenerio for you to ponder. If this were a girl that we were talking about, this guy would be considered a c*ck block. What do we do about c*ck blocks? We eliminate the c*ck block.

I am tring to think up ways to "eliminate" him from the group ... its not easy especially since his GF is like the queen bee in the social circle.

I would keep them as aqantises. I am one to think you can never have to man friends incase your in trouble or something. Have a one on one convo with the main guy and not yelling tell him that it was bull **** of what he did but your going to let it go. And then if he is like "sorry i did that to you man" shake hands and nevr mention it again.

the main guy and me are not friends anymore ... i wasnt surprised at his move i was surprised noone else let me in on this. As of now i am just not returning texts but when i do run into them i will confront ... and calmly let them know they broke social laws.

Take this as a lesson to never put too much trust in friends (does that law sound familiar)? You and a friend may be really close and feel as if it'll last for a lifetime... (haha, similar to marriage somewhat). I personally have been involved in friendships where it seemed that way, but as time passed, the friendship dwindled. Bridges weren't burned like w/ the original poster, but I feel it sucks that there's people out there who know deep stuff about me. Keep it cool, but don't spill all the beans about your life.

good advice

 

[DJDamage]

This was my main social circle though. I ****ing owned it and have been in it for like 2 years. It just hurts that guys who i thought were close would do this. One guy (same guy who texted me today) i really took under my wing and introduced to this whole group and others. I thought we were better friends then this and i thought he would warn me of stuff.

Friends are just like women in your life: The good one's will stick with you and the others will just grow apart and leave. This is part of growing up, your group was bound to fall apart a few years from now anyway so look at it as if you are the first castaway but you won't be the last.

 

[6-heads lewis]

this calls for a zany scheme of revenge.

from my experience, it's hard to go wrong with the tried-and-true 'poo in a shoe' method. if you're brazen, you can try the 'poo in his mailbox' method, but it's much riskier.