Extreme Personality Flaw

[Chosen1]

I don't know if this is a flaw or what,but I noticed that the dudes I hang out with, talk more then me. I don't know what this is but they always seem to have been everywhere and done everything.

Example I just finally got hired for a job. So this guy who got hired for the same job was telling me how smart he was. He said he got like a 1400 on his sats which I never took. So he brags about this and that, and I try to talk and get rejected. These guys take over. I hate it I don't know if I should talk louder, which I don't because I'm too cool or brag and lie myself. Not that I'm not interesting It's just that I want to hear everyones story. Well, I'm not the one to carry on about just myself. What do you guys think. Do I need to talk louder, or should I lie or what.

 

[KillaCam]

Hey man,

It's not what you say, it's how you say it. Projecting your voice strongly will build a sense of self-strength, and other people will pick up on that. If you command respect with a strong voice, deep if need be, then chances are people are gonna stop pushing you around.

And yeah, there is no need to brag. But a bit of ****yness now and then is good for the soul!

But, like I said, main lesson is to project your voice with strength. Practice it, perfect it, and don't take crap from others.

Good luck.

 

[Chosen1]

Yeah, when I meet new people I have that problem I. Not being true to myself and speaking at a low voice. When I get comfortable I open up a lot. Maybe I don't brag a lot but if I do noone will forget it. Thanks for replying. I got to get some sleep, I worked the late night shift

 

[KillaCam]

Yeah, when I meet new people I have that problem I. Not being true to myself and speaking at a low voice. When I get comfortable I open up a lot. Maybe I don't brag a lot but if I do noone will forget it. Thanks for replying. I got to get some sleep, I worked the late night shift

No worries man, glad to help.

Deep and strong!

- Cam

 

[KoalaKing]

Learn to speak in a deeper voice and become a lot more aggressive when around these people.

 

[zerocelcius]

Learn to speak in a deeper voice and become a lot more aggressive when around these people.

No offense but why use a "Man Voice" to chat it up with your Co-Workers?

If they talk over you or bost call them on it. Say this "Hey **** I was talking...Could you shut the F up until I'm Finished...not everything is about your loud ass."

and tell your story.

Over and Out.

 

[KoalaKing]

No offense but why use a "Man Voice" to chat it up with your Co-Workers?

If they talk over you or bost call them on it. Say this "Hey **** I was talking...Could you shut the F up until I'm Finished...not everything is about your loud ass."

and tell your story.

Over and Out.

Some guys are just persecution prone and as such they will probably get punched out if they said that, speaking in a deep voice makes people think you are stronger that is why I suggested it. :rockon:

 

[zerocelcius]

Yea I hear you, but You will get kicked around your whole life nomatter what tone of voice you use if you don't stand up for your self.

You know why people respect soldiers? Cause they know that they kick ass, and you don't even have to hear them speak.

Standing up for yourself can hurt, but if it isn't worth it to you, what is there to stand up for?

Be a Man or Shut the F up...? it is up to you.

 

[robrulesyou]

My last tip and then Im off to work.

Remember, things are as you see them.

1) This can work in your favor. If everyone else talks a ton and you don't get to say much, that means that your talking is in low supply. law of economics says low supply usually has higher value.

I know that sounds stupid but i used to be like that and still am. I don't talk much. besides TALK IS CHEAP. But when I do talk, its like all eyes and ears are on me. Im the wise man and the funny man, and all of a sudden the center of attention.

2) It is a great trait to have especially for when you'r with women. Women love a guy who listens. when you let them talk you make THEM the center of attention. People (especially women) will feel more important around you.

That means you feed their ego. Its not ass-kissing because you do it without flattery. you said it yourself, you like to listen to their story, so its genuine appreication and interest in the other person. most guys dont have this trait even if they tried.

consider yourself gifted.

3) Listening to peopel will teach you lots. you can learn something from everyone. You will feel like you have more experience because of it.

got it?

 

[Phyzzle]

Your coworkers are what we call "boors". How old are you guys?

Don't worry, these guys are definitely not adults. In the real world, a guy who brings up his SAT scores in a conversation is flat out socially retarded.

 

[Hitman10000]

Hmm, I see no need to "pretend to be a manly man." Just be respectful no matter if it's all gibberish to begin with.

And I don't think it's a personality flaw either, he could be trying to oversell himself by bragging how great he is. Let it be and focus on whether your coworker is a competent person to work with or not.

 

[Chosen1]

Thanks guys for posting all of you made damn good sense. BTW the guy is an alright guy,but most guys I hang out with brag. So I thought it was me attracting these guys maybe they think I'm weak or something.

 

[Dean]

I don't know if this is a flaw or what,but I noticed that the dudes I hang out with, talk more then me. I don't know what this is but they always seem to have been everywhere and done everything.

Example I just finally got hired for a job. So this guy who got hired for the same job was telling me how smart he was. He said he got like a 1400 on his sats which I never took. So he brags about this and that, and I try to talk and get rejected. These guys take over. I hate it I don't know if I should talk louder, which I don't because I'm too cool or brag and lie myself. Not that I'm not interesting It's just that I want to hear everyones story. Well, I'm not the one to carry on about just myself. What do you guys think. Do I need to talk louder, or should I lie or what.

thats about as extreme as the uk summer temps
relax

 

[thefonz]

Everyone who said talk in a deep voice is right. I've been doing that for that past week and it's been working wonders for my social life. I used to try to use an 'expressive' voice but it often came out high pitched and desperate sounding. Talk slow, talk like a man and people will respect you.

....and to that guy who said you should pick a fight with everyone who interupts you, you're an idiot.

 

[squirrels]

So I thought it was me attracting these guys maybe they think I'm weak or something.

Or maybe YOU think you're weak...and they read that and treat you the way you treat yourself.

You need to believe you can hang with these people. If there's any doubt in your mind that you are somehow "less" than another dominant male, he will subconsciously take advantage and box you out. Guys with strong personalities prefer to speak to other people with strong personalities...weaker ones bore them and actually sap energy from them, since they have to "tone it down" to interact with these people and give up some of their edge. This is why sometimes you can talk to these guys one-on-one, but in a group, if they lower themselves to talk to someone who perceives himself of lesser social status, he also lowers himself in front of all the other alpha-male types. More often they try to bring you up to THEIR level.

And there is NO reason in the world that you SHOULDN'T be able to rise up to that level. Just understand that they eat, sleep, think, feel, dream, bleed, and die just like you. The only difference is where on the road they are.

You're money, mang. Trust me. Oh, and if you find yourself without interesting stories to tell...well, I guess you should go out and have some interesting life-experiences then. I always felt that way when I used to go out, like I had nothing to talk about. You'd be surprised what you have to say if you give yourself the opportunity to speak.

If you REALLY can't think of anything to say, just sit back and listen and absorb...and comment when you DO have something to say, and do it with presence. You may end up getting some ideas for your own life.

Bullsh!tting is some powerful stuff, too...just be careful you don't get that reputation. It's like poker, if you're relatively well-known to play strong hands, a well-timed bluff is a good tactic, but bluff too much and no one will respect you. I've known bull****ters, too. Sometimes I've thought things they said were bull**** and every now and again, they'd prove me wrong just to keep me guessing.

 

[ScrewIt]

thats one of the problems of socializing circles. Usually there is one or 2 dominant persons attracting the crowd.

It's what you say and how you say it. Call it bragging or having a big ego, but everyone does it...they brag and you brag, in the end its just fun socializing. The more you talk and socialize the more it will appear that you have a lot going on, people tend to respect those who are interesting or have things going on in their life.

Although i wouldnt believe 100% of the crap coming out of their mouths. The secret to great storytelling is how you say it, even if it means spicing up the story to the point that it's slightly exaggerated.

Out in the real world there are 3 categories of socializers:
Honest talkers (ones that say what they've been up to..etc. Boring by nature, but they speak the truth)
Slightly exaggerated storytellers (dumb/funny/silly things that they mock and talk and laugh over of what happened in their day)
BSers (everything that comes out of their mouth is literally sh!t.)

I used to have a similar mindset of yours in socializing. But the more you do it, the better you get at it. the cold fact is whether or not they believe you, whether or not what you say is 100% true, as long as you can attract a crowd and keep their attention they will stay and listen, laugh, enjoy your company and personality.
you cant expect people to know you or be the life of the party if you're the quiet guy.

For those of you that stay home all the time, get yourself socially active to the point that things happen for the best or worst of you. ones that stay home generally are uninteresting cause nothing happens to them!

 

[Hitman10000]

thats one of the problems of socializing circles. Usually there is one or 2 dominant persons attracting the crowd.

It's what you say and how you say it. Call it bragging or having a big ego, but everyone does it...they brag and you brag, in the end its just fun socializing. The more you talk and socialize the more it will appear that you have a lot going on, people tend to respect those who are interesting or have things going on in their life.

Although i wouldnt believe 100% of the crap coming out of their mouths. The secret to great storytelling is how you say it, even if it means spicing up the story to the point that it's slightly exaggerated.

Out in the real world there are 3 categories of socializers:
Honest talkers (ones that say what they've been up to..etc. Boring by nature, but they speak the truth)
Slightly exaggerated storytellers (dumb/funny/silly things that they mock and talk and laugh over of what happened in their day)
BSers (everything that comes out of their mouth is literally sh!t.)

I used to have a similar mindset of yours in socializing. But the more you do it, the better you get at it. the cold fact is whether or not they believe you, whether or not what you say is 100% true, as long as you can attract a crowd and keep their attention they will stay and listen, laugh, enjoy your company and personality.
you cant expect people to know you or be the life of the party if you're the quiet guy.

For those of you that stay home all the time, get yourself socially active to the point that things happen for the best or worst of you. ones that stay home generally are uninteresting cause nothing happens to them!

I guess I'm more of the Honest guy then, very boring and occasionally a BSer especially if I have to interact with another BSer or Storyteller.

 

[Kurt the KJ]

You need to lean back and observe their characteristics and behaviors. You don't need to necessarily change the way you talk, but craft it to fit each situation more accordingly. If you use the advice I have given you, you will have much more success in your further speaking ventures.