I have been out of the game for a LONG time. I'm 25 now and I just went back to university this year. There are so many babes around it's not funny. But I feel COMPLETELY INCAPABLE of approaching any of them. I mean, totally, totally incapable of it.
I put chicks almost totally out of my mind for about 2-3 years, went out only maybe a hnadful of times during that time. Just totally out of it. Before that, I used to go out all the time. In the past, I have had PLENTY of friends, like seriously cool people. Picked up plnety of chicks, hot ones most of them. But since then, I got all serious about life and career and stuff and have had a big fat zero.
Now I am thinking that was all a huge mistake, to neglect social life. And now I feel like a beginnner again. Luckily, I look younger than my age, haven't lost any hair, still good looking, dress good, lean but muscly (definitely bigger than 95% of people at my school, muscle wise), and I'm not "shy" around people. I mean, I'm more than comfortable just talking about stuff, with boths guys and girls. THe one thing that totally trips up my mind is APPROACHING. Actually, approaching "with intent" -- because I don't mind approaching if it's to ask the time or directions, or even for an "opinion", as long as I am truly after an opinion, not just using it as a prop. It's going up to a stranger girl and "gaming", in such a way that's it's obvious to her, that I just can barely even picture myself doing at the moment.
Cold approaches were never my strong suit even back in my heyday. I used to HATE them (except when they worked!). I hardly ever did them without being drunk. But now, it's worse than ever. I think I feel 'funny' 'cos of my age. Not to brag or anything, but seriously, I know I look (pretty) good, and I know I dress well, and I know I've got a good body. But the thought of looking like a "creep" really bugs me. Like, I don't wanna go up to some girl and then if I get shot down she's saying to her friends, sheesh, who was that old creep! I mean, I don't think I look my age, and no one ever guesses it, but still, even if I look like 22 (which is what many people say), that's still three four years older than the 18 19 year olds I have my eye on. (I had a 16 y/o when I was 22, but back then I was really 22, and plus I looked about 19 so it was okay).
Not just the age though, it's also I'm out of touch with pop culture. I can't stand TV and celebrities and that carp, but that's one of hte easiest subjects to bring up when you're just chatting. I don't mind today's pop music (don't go out of my way to listen to it, but I enjoy it if it's on), but I don't know who the stars are. This, combined with my age, adds to my "out of touch" feeling too.
Nevertheless, for all of that, I am determined to somehow succeed. The best encouragement I have at the moment is that when I walk around, I do get quite a few looks. Like, I notice girls staring sometimes. Or if me and a girl walk past each other, I'll look back and notice her adjusting her pants or her hair...you know, the classic signs etc But dammit, at the moment, my brain still jsut freezes when the thought of actually taking some actions comes up. It's just insane. It's almost like she could do a striptease in front of me and even mout the words I wanna suck your kokk and my brain would still send me the message hang on, are you sure about this one? you don't wanna look stupid.
It's that bad, trust me. Like, when I had approach anxiety in years gone by, I did feel nervous about it, but I knew that I could psyche myself up enough and still get beyond that last point of resistance. Now, seriously, it's like I feel defeated before I even try psyching up.
Maybe I just need to take it slowly. Classes have only been on for a week, so it's not that shocking that I haven't made any friends. Plus, I'm doing maths (and one finance), and the guys in my classes are just such freakin geeks. But my schedule is so packed that I don't hae time to hang around the public places and making friends with more normal people. Well, I'll see how things go in my classes. It's bad, but surely not everyone there is a super geek. Also, in lectures, I make chit chat with girsl I sit next to, and so far they have all been quite responsive. BUT I haven't yet asked a number or suggested hanging out -- it's casual or school related stuff. I suppose the next step should be to make it more personal, but dammit then I won't be able to concentrate on the lecture, and I am pretty serious about getting good grades. But then picking up is improtant to me too. What's a guy to do?
ANyway, I guess there really wasn't all that much point to this post, except to say what unbelievable approach anxiety I am having and maybe hope that some kind person will offer me a couple of words of encouragement. I might make it into a sort of "journal" over the coming days, just to give me some incentive to actually do the things I am planning on doing to improve myself.
I put chicks almost totally out of my mind for about 2-3 years, went out only maybe a hnadful of times during that time. Just totally out of it. Before that, I used to go out all the time. In the past, I have had PLENTY of friends, like seriously cool people. Picked up plnety of chicks, hot ones most of them. But since then, I got all serious about life and career and stuff and have had a big fat zero.
Now I am thinking that was all a huge mistake, to neglect social life. And now I feel like a beginnner again. Luckily, I look younger than my age, haven't lost any hair, still good looking, dress good, lean but muscly (definitely bigger than 95% of people at my school, muscle wise), and I'm not "shy" around people. I mean, I'm more than comfortable just talking about stuff, with boths guys and girls. THe one thing that totally trips up my mind is APPROACHING. Actually, approaching "with intent" -- because I don't mind approaching if it's to ask the time or directions, or even for an "opinion", as long as I am truly after an opinion, not just using it as a prop. It's going up to a stranger girl and "gaming", in such a way that's it's obvious to her, that I just can barely even picture myself doing at the moment.
Cold approaches were never my strong suit even back in my heyday. I used to HATE them (except when they worked!). I hardly ever did them without being drunk. But now, it's worse than ever. I think I feel 'funny' 'cos of my age. Not to brag or anything, but seriously, I know I look (pretty) good, and I know I dress well, and I know I've got a good body. But the thought of looking like a "creep" really bugs me. Like, I don't wanna go up to some girl and then if I get shot down she's saying to her friends, sheesh, who was that old creep! I mean, I don't think I look my age, and no one ever guesses it, but still, even if I look like 22 (which is what many people say), that's still three four years older than the 18 19 year olds I have my eye on. (I had a 16 y/o when I was 22, but back then I was really 22, and plus I looked about 19 so it was okay).
Not just the age though, it's also I'm out of touch with pop culture. I can't stand TV and celebrities and that carp, but that's one of hte easiest subjects to bring up when you're just chatting. I don't mind today's pop music (don't go out of my way to listen to it, but I enjoy it if it's on), but I don't know who the stars are. This, combined with my age, adds to my "out of touch" feeling too.
Nevertheless, for all of that, I am determined to somehow succeed. The best encouragement I have at the moment is that when I walk around, I do get quite a few looks. Like, I notice girls staring sometimes. Or if me and a girl walk past each other, I'll look back and notice her adjusting her pants or her hair...you know, the classic signs etc But dammit, at the moment, my brain still jsut freezes when the thought of actually taking some actions comes up. It's just insane. It's almost like she could do a striptease in front of me and even mout the words I wanna suck your kokk and my brain would still send me the message hang on, are you sure about this one? you don't wanna look stupid.
It's that bad, trust me. Like, when I had approach anxiety in years gone by, I did feel nervous about it, but I knew that I could psyche myself up enough and still get beyond that last point of resistance. Now, seriously, it's like I feel defeated before I even try psyching up.
Maybe I just need to take it slowly. Classes have only been on for a week, so it's not that shocking that I haven't made any friends. Plus, I'm doing maths (and one finance), and the guys in my classes are just such freakin geeks. But my schedule is so packed that I don't hae time to hang around the public places and making friends with more normal people. Well, I'll see how things go in my classes. It's bad, but surely not everyone there is a super geek. Also, in lectures, I make chit chat with girsl I sit next to, and so far they have all been quite responsive. BUT I haven't yet asked a number or suggested hanging out -- it's casual or school related stuff. I suppose the next step should be to make it more personal, but dammit then I won't be able to concentrate on the lecture, and I am pretty serious about getting good grades. But then picking up is improtant to me too. What's a guy to do?
ANyway, I guess there really wasn't all that much point to this post, except to say what unbelievable approach anxiety I am having and maybe hope that some kind person will offer me a couple of words of encouragement. I might make it into a sort of "journal" over the coming days, just to give me some incentive to actually do the things I am planning on doing to improve myself.
