Extra-Martial Affair

[Desdinova]

You can still be man about this by fessing up, come whatever may.

I'm hoping you're suggesting this because you've done it and had it work out well for you. If not, then perhaps you should let the OP decide for himself what he needs to do.

Admitting that you fvcked around is going to create a LOT more problems than keeping it to yourself. If he decided that he's in the wrong for doing such a thing, then he needs to make the decision to learn from this mistake and put his physical, emotional and sexual effort back into his marriage.

Bringing up the fact that he cheated will NOT make his life better. If she decides to stay with him, she will hold it against him for however long the marriage lasts. She will make his life miserable until the marriage is forced to end. Then the divorce comes along with custody battles, lawyer fees, and everything else.

If he wants to acknowledge that he did something wrong, the best way is to just end the marriage without telling her anything other than "I feel that this marriage isn't working out and I think we should go our separate ways." If he ends it peacefully, he will have a greater chance of coming out in one piece, being able to see his kids regularly, and not be financially destroyed.

Stirring up your wife's negative emotions toward you is no way to make your life better.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Admitting that you fvcked around is going to create a LOT more problems than keeping it to yourself.

Women seem to not mind having a suspicion that you may have cheated. But somehow at the same time, they really, really hate finding out for sure that you have, especially if you bluntly tell them. They will think that you are only telling them in order to end the relationship, because obviously that's what will happen.

 

[El_matador]

Sometimes a Healthy marriage depends on a the man having a little something on the side.

I heard this from many older married men. Just be careful to not let it last too long, because it might be dangerous ground !

 

[5string]

I'm hoping you're suggesting this because you've done it and had it work out well for you. If not, then perhaps you should let the OP decide for himself what he needs to do.

Admitting that you fvcked around is going to create a LOT more problems than keeping it to yourself. If he decided that he's in the wrong for doing such a thing, then he needs to make the decision to learn from this mistake and put his physical, emotional and sexual effort back into his marriage.

Bringing up the fact that he cheated will NOT make his life better. If she decides to stay with him, she will hold it against him for however long the marriage lasts. She will make his life miserable until the marriage is forced to end. Then the divorce comes along with custody battles, lawyer fees, and everything else.

If he wants to acknowledge that he did something wrong, the best way is to just end the marriage without telling her anything other than "I feel that this marriage isn't working out and I think we should go our separate ways." If he ends it peacefully, he will have a greater chance of coming out in one piece, being able to see his kids regularly, and not be financially destroyed.

Stirring up your wife's negative emotions toward you is no way to make your life better.

Des

Don't take this wrong, but let me ask you and the other guys a question here.

Say your wife cheated, had another c0ck or two in her pvssy, would you want her to tell you and GTFO, or keep it quiet? If so, would you want to sleep with the fvckin ho after some chump(s) dumped a load in there?

Sorry guys. I know the op did what he did. It's a fact and stuff like this happens. But to sit here and say "shhshh", don't tell and all will be just ducky is wrong. Alot of the guys on here think they can do what they want and disprspect their woman, but if the shoe is placed on the other foot, it just doesn't fit now does it?

 

[Bible_Belt]

Say your wife cheated, had another c0ck or two in her pvssy, would you want her to tell you and GTFO, or keep it quiet? If so, would you want to sleep with the fvckin ho after some chump(s) dumped a load in there?

It's apples and oranges. Yes, men would want to know if their woman cheated. It's biological, and designed to make sure you are not raising someone else's kid. That "moral" has existed for as long as there have been people, long before humans had developed a sense of right and wrong. You don't have much of a choice except to feel that way.

But men are not women. Turn the tables, and a man cheating does nothing to threaten the raising and nurturing of a woman's children, which is her biological reason for existence. I think that's why women really don't want to know. Just because we as men cannot understand it and feel similarly, that does not make it any less true.

Women fear cheating not because their property has been tainted, but because it might make you leave them. Staying together as a couple is another biological imperative that women are conditioned to pursue. Getting dumped, at least for a million years or so, often meant the death of the woman and even worse her children. Tell a woman that you've cheated, and all of those evolutionary mechanisms will start working against you. She might leave you, but more likely she would stay with you and dedicate herself to making your life miserable, even if she was only doing it subconsciously.

 

[5string]

Hear ya Bible

My point is that ok, she cheated. She doesn't even have to tell you that she did. She just needs to end it and GTFO. Same goes for a man who cheats.

To do anything other than this is to live within a lie.

 

[5string]

File this under: Men and women are different.

That doesn't make cheating "more wrong" for women than for men. The act itself is still a betrayal of trust and commitment. 5String, you're right, it's a sign of weakness, not strength.

But if we're going to take this discussion past the fundamental right/wrong question, then recognize that the fallout for men is different than for women. Men don't want their sexual primacy threatened; women don't want their family security threatened.

And the motivations are also different. A man will be tempted by his physical urges. A woman will be tempted by the chance at something better (hypergamy).

Rollo recently had a blog post titled "Hypergamy doesn't care." Meaning it exists regardless of morality. You could flip that and say that that a man's desire to shoot his load inside a woman doesn't care either. It's there. Our sense of morality governs these urges. For morality to exist in the first place, means that these primordial urges were there long before and needed a governing influence for something bigger than one's self. Not to get all heavy on you.

Could not agree more. I must also apologize for being self righteous, especially to the op. This is a subject about which I am very opinionated although I do not apologize for that.

You do however bring up an interesting point regarding hypergamy. Here is a situation I am faced with at the moment. Mrs.5string is getting new boobs next Thursday (they eventually have to be replaced). She's getting bigger ones. She asked if I'd feel strange as she'll be eyeballed by chumps here and there and I said I would not. She's already attractive, but to have a rack like this will bring additional male attention. Say now a "better" guy comes along and hit's her up. By no means do I think she'd go there, but if she did, I would hope she'd just walk away. If I found out, she'd be gone and I'd move the fvck on. I have better things to do than worry about the competition.

 

[apocolipto]

This is really just my opinion, but 5String, I don't think you have any fvcking right to come in here and diss him like this.Answer his question, or don't FVCKING say anything at all!!!

 

[search1ng]

Pretty messed up when you consider the OP has children. We need real Alpha figure fathers in our society and part of being that alpha is protecting whats yours and leaning how to resist temptation...

That said, OP it's easily doable. Delete your FB - having one with no pictures is going to be weird in today's day and age. Get a separate phone for the other woman and let the other woman know you're a very busy person.

Also, don't tell your wife about this cause you're going to mess up your child's life. Basically you're going to have to live with the guilt. It may or may not pass over time.

Once you're married and have children the game is no longer about YOU or HER. The priority shifts to raising and nurturing your children.

Also, what prettyboyAJ said about the 'player stage,' is valid. You're being exposed to something you've never had before in your life. It's up to you to eventually choose one and not look back.

 

[AlNess]

Pretty messed up when you consider the OP has children. We need real Alpha figure fathers in our society and part of being that alpha is protecting whats yours and leaning how to resist temptation...

I share that same exact position, which is the root of the somewhat militant tone in my first post on this thread. As I've mentioned before, a father who cheats on his wife is also cheating on his kids.

I can accept the notion of temptation; but as a father, I gladly accept avoiding situations where temptation is known to lurk (ie. bars, clubs, etc). I've got way too much to lose, and I never want to have my conscience telling me "If your daughter only knew..."

Also, don't tell your wife about this cause you're going to mess up your child's life. Basically you're going to have to live with the guilt. It may or may not pass over time.

Looking back, I guess in this situation, that advice above is better than mine (fessing up to the wife), given there are children in the mix. The guilt should be very heavy, but living with it is ultimately a small price to pay compared to compromising the home life of one's children, being relegated to seeing them every other weekend, while also losing their respect.

Once you're married and have children the game is no longer about YOU or HER. The priority shifts to raising and nurturing your children.

^^^^
THAT.

Not long ago, I saw someone on this forum state in another thread that becoming a parent doesn't automatically raise a person into a higher echelon of adulthood or maturity, and that is true. However, it IS incumbent upon that parent to recognize a higher purpose and aspire to that higher echelon of adulthood and maturity, both which require a great degree of selflessness, sacrifice, and making the right choices. This is one of true manhood's biggest tests.

 

[5string]

This is really just my opinion, but 5String, I don't think you have any fvcking right to come in here and diss him like this.Answer his question, or don't FVCKING say anything at all!!!

Actually I did answer it. I also apologized to him for being so self righteous. Chill out.

 

[apocolipto]

Bro,all I'm saying is he asked for opinions and advice,not critisism.

Anyway all is well.

 

[speed dawg]

Bro,all I'm saying is he asked for opinions and advice,not critisism.

Anyway all is well.

If you can't handle the responses, then don't post. These forums aren't meant to coddle and give you the exact response you want to hear. I read a post, and then if I decide to reply I write the first thing that comes to my mind. If it's criticism, so be it.

Some of you need to take your panties off.

 

[5string]

If you can't handle the responses, then don't post. These forums aren't meant to coddle and give you the exact response you want to hear. I read a post, and then if I decide to reply I write the first thing that comes to my mind. If it's criticism, so be it.

Some of you need to take your panties off.

brother Dawg, you really do get it. Kudos.

 

[woodrowdunn1]

Two Women

I had a friend and he lost his wife and his girl friend in one swoop. It is great until something goes wrong. He lost his mind for two years and could not work. Sometimes one sticks, then consider yourself lucky. Remember if you have a child your wife could put a hurting on you! A hateful wife with a child can be one bad experience! Good luck! Advice, try and ease out of the girlfriend without upsetting her!