Explain to me how to improve inner game

[Flabbergasped?]

It's obvious how to improve outer game: go out in the field, practice, get comfortable with routines (your own and stuff you picked up), get social proof, etc.

How do you improve your inner game? If you have terrible AA, a fear of women, a narcissistic personality, mysoginistic tendencies, etc., how exactly do you fix that?

The above question is a simplified version of the real issue, in my opinion. I think most guys with inner game issues don't have a single root factor that they can just fix. Their whole disposition just doesn't click with women. What would you do about that?

A follow-up question: Let's say you are the absolute AFC. What should you improve first, your outer game (lines, routines, appearance, income, etc.) or your inner game? What would set you on the DJ path the best?

 

[Snow Plowman]

For me personally I have certain frames attached to my reality independently...to internalize things I "Be" a certain way until it gets to the point where I no longer think about it and I have certain expectations...

For instance abundance mentality where you don't care about the outcome...my frame of mind in my reality is "Take it or leave it" I could careless what happens...so for a month straight I stopped caring about an outcome...

I think you should work on inner game because GAME I you, all the to "do'" is basically an expression of a specifi frame in your reality...

 

[Jeffst1980]

Work on grounding your identity first. Don't worry about game. Your first obligation is to feel good about yourself and establish a solid identity to rid yourself of needy, approval seeking behavior.

Outer game won't address any of the core issues because, at the end of the day, you are STILL basing your entire perception of self worth on what some random chick thinks of you. This is not a healthy way to feel better about yourself, and this is why most PUA's can't keep girls.

Start by identifying the things that you are good at, and start there. Maybe you're artistic. Maybe you're good at a sport. Focus on those elements that you excel at and use that as a base of self-esteem and identity building.

Going to the gym regularly works very well to build confidence because you see regular improvements every time you go. Of course, this also improves your outer game as a bonus.

Volunteering is also helpful, because it puts you in a position to be "looked up to." You want to transform yourself from someone who is relying on other people to make himself feel good into someone who naturally makes OTHER PEOPLE feel good.

Thinking or meditating on all this stuff is not enough. Reading self help books isn't enough. You develop this confidence and sense of identity through ACTION.

When you develop a strong sense of self, approach anxiety goes out the window. You no longer need validation from anyone, and you begin to actually feel BAD for girls that reject you. You become more accepting and appreciative of women and other people in general.

If you take someone with unshakable confidence and teach him outer game tactics, he will be unstoppable. Not only that, but he will actually be able to KEEP the girls that he pulls (if he wishes, of course).

If you take someone that is insecure and tends towards misogyny and teach him outer game tactics, he will forever ride the rollercoaster of being at the mercy of a woman's approval. He will still be able to get laid, but he will not be able to keep up the act long enough to keep a high quality woman. He will be filled with mistrust and contempt, and will sabotage things for himself.

Start by working out your issues that DON'T involve women. . .THEN you can begin to bring women into the picture.

 

[Roy]

Work on grounding your identity first. Don't worry about game. Your first obligation is to feel good about yourself and establish a solid identity to rid yourself of needy, approval seeking behavior.

Outer game won't address any of the core issues because, at the end of the day, you are STILL basing your entire perception of self worth on what some random chick thinks of you. This is not a healthy way to feel better about yourself, and this is why most PUA's can't keep girls.

Start by identifying the things that you are good at, and start there. Maybe you're artistic. Maybe you're good at a sport. Focus on those elements that you excel at and use that as a base of self-esteem and identity building.

Going to the gym regularly works very well to build confidence because you see regular improvements every time you go. Of course, this also improves your outer game as a bonus.

Volunteering is also helpful, because it puts you in a position to be "looked up to." You want to transform yourself from someone who is relying on other people to make himself feel good into someone who naturally makes OTHER PEOPLE feel good.

Thinking or meditating on all this stuff is not enough. Reading self help books isn't enough. You develop this confidence and sense of identity through ACTION.

When you develop a strong sense of self, approach anxiety goes out the window. You no longer need validation from anyone, and you begin to actually feel BAD for girls that reject you. You become more accepting and appreciative of women and other people in general.

If you take someone with unshakable confidence and teach him outer game tactics, he will be unstoppable. Not only that, but he will actually be able to KEEP the girls that he pulls (if he wishes, of course).

If you take someone that is insecure and tends towards misogyny and teach him outer game tactics, he will forever ride the rollercoaster of being at the mercy of a woman's approval. He will still be able to get laid, but he will not be able to keep up the act long enough to keep a high quality woman. He will be filled with mistrust and contempt, and will sabotage things for himself.

Start by working out your issues that DON'T involve women. . .THEN you can begin to bring women into the picture.

Brilliant post my friend, rep points for sure

 

[SharinganUser]

Go see a good therapist.

Besides that no one can really tell you have to improve inner game. That is something you need to figure out for yourself. Even if someone were to spell it out for you, it wouldn't likely help you.

All we can really say is to start being the person you want to be because ultimately the only person you have to answer to is yourself.

 

[trd323]

Jeffst1980, that is a great post. very refreshing.

 

[Aragon034]

Wow i like this thread, alot deeper than the title made it sound.

completely true, without any substance (inner game), superficialites(outer game) can only get you so far.

as for your follow up question. if a 'complete' AFC like you say is looking to change, that's already teh first step.

I'd imagine teh average AFC once he gets tired of being an AFC will google something like "How to get laid" or "How to get the girl" which will mostly bring up some resources like "WikiHow" or "AskMen." very general stuff and things taht SHOULD be common sense.

once he gets tired of that, he'll look for something more specific, depending on his situation.

it's up to him to keep looking till he finds what he needs. you can't force someone to change.

 

[Playboy]

It's obvious how to improve outer game: go out in the field, practice, get comfortable with routines (your own and stuff you picked up), get social proof, etc.

How do you improve your inner game? If you have terrible AA, a fear of women, a narcissistic personality, mysoginistic tendencies, etc., how exactly do you fix that?

The above question is a simplified version of the real issue, in my opinion. I think most guys with inner game issues don't have a single root factor that they can just fix. Their whole disposition just doesn't click with women. What would you do about that?

A follow-up question: Let's say you are the absolute AFC. What should you improve first, your outer game (lines, routines, appearance, income, etc.) or your inner game? What would set you on the DJ path the best?

Focusing on everything that is wrong with you just leads to more things that are wrong with you.

When you go out into the field you will hit sticking points. When you hit a sticking point enough times you start to look at why you might be hitting that sticking point. If you go to a forum with quality posters you can stand a chance to get good feedback on a given sticking point. You focus on overcoming that sticking point. Maybe it is your energy. Well what is it about your energy that might not be coming off right? Could you be getting stuck in your head? Could your eye contact be fleeting? Maybe it's your tonality or delivery? Are people misunderstanding or taking things the wrong way? Tonality and delivery.

It just takes time man. You have to be willing to socialize with people and take a hard look at yourself without letting it define you. You also must be willing to let your identity of yourself evolve and not cling to old identities that no longer work for you.

Here are some inner game programs and they are more than you need to fix yourself. The hard part is that just listening or reading one of these will not fix you. You have to consciously practice and do what they say, focus on it, be consistant with it, and change the wiring in your brain and the way you react to stimulas. Anyways here are 3 inner game programs that usually fix everything that can be wrong with someone if they focus on it and make it become a habit:

The power of now (to be in the moment and not identify with your mind/emotions)

A new earth (to be aware of how the ego can sabotage you and make you less socially attractive)

The sedona method (To help you become unreactive)

Another very popular inner game guru who can help you immensely is Hypnotica.

Do not become a spiritual inner game junkie. Go out in the field and make these inner game things a part of your consciousness.

The best way to truely motivate yourself and to help your inner game is to take action consistantly.

Also you will have an inner game leak if you are not moving towards creating a better life for yourself so it is imperative to have focus outside of just trying to get women. That's lame to be all about that. No woman wants to be your world and your life. If you find yourself feeling like the best thing you can talk about is pickup, than you have a problem.

 

[DonGorgon]

Your inner game is only as good as your outer game so work on both at the same time by being a strong healthy intelligent employed man with goals...

 

[slaog]

Your inner game is only as good as your outer game so work on both at the same time by being a strong healthy intelligent employed man with goals...

You can have great outer game and know all the tactics in the world but it's inner game that really attracts women. As somebody already said alot of PUA's have trouble in long term relationships.

It's wise to work on both inner and outer game but inner game is more important. Get that right and everything else follows.

When women give you sh!t tests it's to see what type of person you are inside.

 

[Violent V]

Its not that simple.

Work on your inner game and the outer game will take care of itself. You will be don juan.

Work solely on your outer game and you are trying to keep up a fake facade. You will be shallow and insecure and living a lie, wasting your time and money just hiding their negative selves- hiding your scars- instead of living the life of our dreams.

 

[DonGorgon]

As somebody already said alot of PUA's have trouble in long term relationships.

Most humans have trouble in long term relationships period PUA or other wise... Current social trends, brought on by excessive capitalism, have created an environment non conducive to deep meaning full committed male female relationships...

 

[slaog]

Most humans have trouble in long term relationships period PUA or other wise... Current social trends, brought on by excessive capitalism, have created an environment non conducive to deep meaning full committed male female relationships...

I mentioned PUA's because they are good for picking up women but not so great at keeping them. Compare them to DJ's. DJ's concentrate on inner game more and can keep women attracted.

 

[WORKEROUTER]

Work on grounding your identity first. Don't worry about game. Your first obligation is to feel good about yourself and establish a solid identity to rid yourself of needy, approval seeking behavior.

Outer game won't address any of the core issues because, at the end of the day, you are STILL basing your entire perception of self worth on what some random chick thinks of you. This is not a healthy way to feel better about yourself, and this is why most PUA's can't keep girls.

Start by identifying the things that you are good at, and start there. Maybe you're artistic. Maybe you're good at a sport. Focus on those elements that you excel at and use that as a base of self-esteem and identity building.

Going to the gym regularly works very well to build confidence because you see regular improvements every time you go. Of course, this also improves your outer game as a bonus.

Volunteering is also helpful, because it puts you in a position to be "looked up to." You want to transform yourself from someone who is relying on other people to make himself feel good into someone who naturally makes OTHER PEOPLE feel good.

Thinking or meditating on all this stuff is not enough. Reading self help books isn't enough. You develop this confidence and sense of identity through ACTION.

When you develop a strong sense of self, approach anxiety goes out the window. You no longer need validation from anyone, and you begin to actually feel BAD for girls that reject you. You become more accepting and appreciative of women and other people in general.

If you take someone with unshakable confidence and teach him outer game tactics, he will be unstoppable. Not only that, but he will actually be able to KEEP the girls that he pulls (if he wishes, of course).

If you take someone that is insecure and tends towards misogyny and teach him outer game tactics, he will forever ride the rollercoaster of being at the mercy of a woman's approval. He will still be able to get laid, but he will not be able to keep up the act long enough to keep a high quality woman. He will be filled with mistrust and contempt, and will sabotage things for himself.

Start by working out your issues that DON'T involve women. . .THEN you can begin to bring women into the picture.

Excellent post. Something that I'm going through right now. As a 21 yo guy who's been on the site for quite a while and interested in "game" since I was 15, the biggest things to change (and some of the hardest) are your own inner qualities, perspectives, etc.

I've worked a lot on building that "exterior," being able to go out and EXUDE the qualities, but now it's time to actually build and solidify those qualities I desire in myself. It takes constant action, and is much more difficult than forming a facade.

About sabataging yourself, you're absolutely right. There have been so many instances in my life where I had PURPOSELY ended up screwing things up due to a lack of internal unity. Things will go great in the beginning, but eventually time sheds light on the objective in one's personality.