Expert Help needed: Turn the tables on a woman

[jata1978]

ok, so this is gonna be a tough one... shoulda read the 30 Dating Rules way sooner, maybe i wouldn't have botched the situation.

so what happened: started dating a co-worker (but it's a big company, so i don't see her at work), things seemed to go pretty well, lotsa texting, lotsa quality time. made a couple of mistakes: she received way too much attention, i answered texts too fast, was always the one who asked her if we'd see each other, was the first to say i could see us getting serious... and she'd just say, she doesn't know what she wants, didn't wanna commit.

So she's obviously stringing me along. All the while, she's been seeing a married dude and as she confessed, she's in love with him. Next mistake was not dumping her right then, cuz she said we could still have sex, and i kinda liked the sex (she said she didn't yet **** the married guy, but then again, she would say that.

So anyways, that's where things are right now. i've started to ration my texts, but well, i kinda acquiesced to the friends with benefits-possibility.

What i don't want anymore is a relationship, her confession made things easy in that regard. What i'd like to do is turn the tables, and get her to be mad crazy about me, so that my "farewell, you had your chance" makes her regret missing that chance for a long while. yeah, maybe that's childish, maybe i should just cut all connections and only focus on the next girls. But sometimes, you want to feel a little vindication.

So obviously, i played this thing quite bad, but hey, if it were easy, anyone could do it. So this is something for the most experienced of you... what can i do to turn that situation around for good?

 

[DaddyLongShanks]

ok, so this is gonna be a tough one... shoulda read the 30 Dating Rules way sooner, maybe i wouldn't have botched the situation.

so what happened: started dating a co-worker (but it's a big company, so i don't see her at work), things seemed to go pretty well, lotsa texting, lotsa quality time. made a couple of mistakes: she received way too much attention, i answered texts too fast, was always the one who asked her if we'd see each other, was the first to say i could see us getting serious... and she'd just say, she doesn't know what she wants, didn't wanna commit.

So she's obviously stringing me along. All the while, she's been seeing a married dude and as she confessed, she's in love with him. Next mistake was not dumping her right then, cuz she said we could still have sex, and i kinda liked the sex (she said she didn't yet **** the married guy, but then again, she would say that.

So anyways, that's where things are right now. i've started to ration my texts, but well, i kinda acquiesced to the friends with benefits-possibility.

What i don't want anymore is a relationship, her confession made things easy in that regard. What i'd like to do is turn the tables, and get her to be mad crazy about me, so that my "farewell, you had your chance" makes her regret missing that chance for a long while. yeah, maybe that's childish, maybe i should just cut all connections and only focus on the next girls. But sometimes, you want to feel a little vindication.

So obviously, i played this thing quite bad, but hey, if it were easy, anyone could do it. So this is something for the most experienced of you... what can i do to turn that situation around for good?

Backburner her, since she is more interested in another guy. You should be spending more of your quality time on other babes. Keep her there for the sex. Why in the heck is she "in love" with a guy already married? Not a good look.

What part of the country are you guys in?

 

[Infern0]

ok, so this is gonna be a tough one... shoulda read the 30 Dating Rules way sooner, maybe i wouldn't have botched the situation.

so what happened: started dating a co-worker (but it's a big company, so i don't see her at work), things seemed to go pretty well, lotsa texting, lotsa quality time. made a couple of mistakes: she received way too much attention, i answered texts too fast, was always the one who asked her if we'd see each other, was the first to say i could see us getting serious... and she'd just say, she doesn't know what she wants, didn't wanna commit.

So she's obviously stringing me along. All the while, she's been seeing a married dude and as she confessed, she's in love with him. Next mistake was not dumping her right then, cuz she said we could still have sex, and i kinda liked the sex (she said she didn't yet **** the married guy, but then again, she would say that.

So anyways, that's where things are right now. i've started to ration my texts, but well, i kinda acquiesced to the friends with benefits-possibility.

What i don't want anymore is a relationship, her confession made things easy in that regard. What i'd like to do is turn the tables, and get her to be mad crazy about me, so that my "farewell, you had your chance" makes her regret missing that chance for a long while. yeah, maybe that's childish, maybe i should just cut all connections and only focus on the next girls. But sometimes, you want to feel a little vindication.

So obviously, i played this thing quite bad, but hey, if it were easy, anyone could do it. So this is something for the most experienced of you... what can i do to turn that situation around for good?

Your mistake was being over invested.

Nice to see you haven't learned from your mistake with your awesome plan to "get even"

Your acting like a *****

 

[Skyline]

Your actions that you showed her displayed you as a weak and needy guy. None of those are actions of a LOVER. She's not stringing you along because you're doing that to yourself because of that oneitis that you have for her.

It's almost impossible to reverse weak and needy behavior when a woman looses interest because of that behavior, especially if she's attractive.

You lost, you have to move on there is no "making her wet for me" because that isn't how it works.

 

[Slash Dolo]

There's always a way to 180 a situation. I know, I've done it back when I was prone to make mistakes like this and learning how to deal with things.

Rationing your texts isn't the way to go. I'd gradually phase her out, but not in a cynical way. Wait at least a day to respond. Remain aloof, keep the texts short as if you're losing interest. Not that you are, but she doesn't know that. Eventually stop replying completely. If she asks what's up and why you're acting the way you are, don't respond. If she calls you, don't answer. Give it about two weeks of no contact and if you didn't screw it up too bad initially, she'll be a little frantic. Reply to her with some bullsh*t excuse of your choice on why you didn't contact her, set up a date, f*ck her and go from there with a fresh start and don't make the same mistakes again. Let her intiate. If she isn't curious by the end of that two weeks, then you screwed it up too bad initially and you'll never get the power back sadly.

 

[MountainSlide]

Welcome to the learning experience. Let me tell you something, right now there is no way to reverse the situation. You are going to have to buckle up and suffer through the emotional anguish of being rejected, by a woman that you are obviously obsessing over. If it were me and I wanted revenge I would find one of her good friends and nail her and I would play it right. I have been ****ed over by women countless times just to have them running back a few months later, and I always diss them hard when they come back.

 

[Infern0]

Your actions that you showed her displayed you as a weak and needy guy. None of those are actions of a LOVER. She's not stringing you along because you're doing that to yourself because of that oneitis that you have for her.

It's almost impossible to reverse weak and needy behavior when a woman looses interest because of that behavior, especially if she's attractive.

You lost, you have to move on there is no "making her wet for me" because that isn't how it works.

Also, weak and needy guys cause drama and get butthurt if they don't get the treatment they THINK they deserve. And try to come up with a plan to "get even"

Take a serious look at yourself Opie, this girl has been proven right to dump your ass

 

[jata1978]

ok, not the advice i expected, but obviously the advice i needed.

 

[DaddyLongShanks]

Also, weak and needy guys cause drama and get butthurt if they don't get the treatment they THINK they deserve. And try to come up with a plan to "get even"

Take a serious look at yourself Opie, this girl has been proven right to dump your ass

How should someone be treated? Don't you have the right to refuse to deal with anyone that treats you less than you feel you should be treated?

 

[Infern0]

How should someone be treated? Don't you have the right to refuse to deal with anyone that treats you less than you feel you should be treated?

You just answered your own question.

You refuse to deal with them.

You don't try to get even you walk away with some damn dignity.

It's when these nice guys put up with disrespect for extended periods then get rejected EVERY TIME that they go through this emotional damage. If they weren't being so "nice" they'd never get to the stage.

OP was behaving like this because he doesn't respect himself and so pedestals other people, so he's being "nice" and thinking he can win her over that way rather than being direct, confident and seductive.

If OP respected himself he would have walked away at the first sign of disrespect, you have to be in that mindset. All I see here is a guy who was overpersuing, acting weak and being at her beck and call until she inevitably lost respect for him and left.

People need to take responsibility for getting themselves in these situations instead of blaming a dumb slut for being a dumb slut.

I used to be a "nice guy" and do the exact **** op was doing until I got my **** together and realized all my mistakes, so I know exactly what's going on here. OP might still be able to kid himself but he can't kid me, I know exactly what his mindset would have been during this whole interaction, and his mindset is fvcked. Sorry to be so abrupt but there's no point in sugar coating it he needs to be slapped upside the head until he gets it and when he does he'll be great full.

It's so obvious

 

[jata1978]

so, got some time for a longer answer. Inferno is 100% right. Mindset was ****ed, is probably still not completely above the water.. so keep slapping, i really am grateful, and i don't believe in not telling cold hard truths, however they may hurt.

Getting her wet for me wasn't/isn't the problem, and not pedestaling women works fine if it's just about ****ing. Don't know why the second i thought i wanted more from her that all lights went out... and trying to get even was a weak ass move, trying to get all of yous to give me advice was even weaker.
won't bother you with details, made one step in the right direction and one step back. so it's gonna take some work

 

[HeadLightsOn]

so, got some time for a longer answer. Inferno is 100% right. Mindset was ****ed, is probably still not completely above the water.. so keep slapping, i really am grateful, and i don't believe in not telling cold hard truths, however they may hurt.

Getting her wet for me wasn't/isn't the problem, and not pedestaling women works fine if it's just about ****ing. Don't know why the second i thought i wanted more from her that all lights went out... and trying to get even was a weak ass move, trying to get all of yous to give me advice was even weaker.
won't bother you with details, made one step in the right direction and one step back. so it's gonna take some work

OP - a lot of us here - can I say most of us - have been through what you're going through. It isn't uncommon. While some of the advice you get on this forum may be abrupt, to the point - and at times downright rude - try and take the good parts from the replies that you can.
Its all a work in progress. We all drop the ball. I know I have, but I ensure I lock the experience down and learn.
IMO the worst of the worst scenarios is oneitis. I hate it and never want to experience it again

 

[Trump]

So anyways, that's where things are right now. i've started to ration my texts, but well, i kinda acquiesced to the friends with benefits-possibility.

What i don't want anymore is a relationship, her confession made things easy in that regard. What i'd like to do is turn the tables, and get her to be mad crazy about me, so that my "farewell, you had your chance" makes her regret missing that chance for a long while. yeah, maybe that's childish, maybe i should just cut all connections and only focus on the next girls. But sometimes, you want to feel a little vindication.

So obviously, i played this thing quite bad, but hey, if it were easy, anyone could do it. So this is something for the most experienced of you... what can i do to turn that situation around for good?

You want to play mind games with a coworker who has been seeing a married dude at the same time as she is having sex with you, and tells you "she doesn't know what she wants."?

Bro you've aleady lost. Move on.

 

[Firestar786]

She sounds fvcked l.

 

[VladPatton]

You become massively unavailable to her, that's how. Find better girls to spend your time with, and never give her explanations to why you can't see her. Put her on the super far away back-burner. Your priorities should lie in getting a better chick and forgetting about her, not getting revenge.

 

[Poon King]

Anytime you are trying to "turn the situation around" with a woman you have already lost the game. Its like losing the Superbowl.. then asking how you can turn things around. :crackup: :crackup:

The game is over simply because YOU care more then she does. You want her to care more than she currently does.. which ironically makes you care even more about the outcome.

The woman should always care MORE than the man about the relationship. Always. Anytime you care more than the woman.. you are in a toxic relationship and you should end it immediately.

I always walk away when I'm not the one calling the shots. I believe, as the man, I should be the leader. If that is not possible, I say NEXT and don't look back.

 

[paranoiddj]

Anytime you are trying to "turn the situation around" with a woman you have already lost the game. Its like losing the Superbowl.. then asking how you can turn things around. :crackup: :crackup:

The game is over simply because YOU care more then she does. You want her to care more than she currently does.. which ironically makes you care even more about the outcome.

The woman should always care MORE than the man about the relationship. Always. Anytime you care more than the woman.. you are in a toxic relationship and you should end it immediately.

I always walk away when I'm not the one calling the shots. I believe, as the man, I should be the leader. If that is not possible, I say NEXT and don't look back.

But what do you do when THEY walk away while YOU care more than an entitled female does when YOU are buying the shots in the urban bars you frequent using beta bucks to pay bartenders big tips to try and get entitled females you find attractive drunk?

Or now you don't care if you get to sleep with them or not? You just want to buy entitled females drinks to get them drunk for no reason at all?

Aren't you trying to turn the situation around when you try to get entitled females drunk that you find attractive so you can sleep with them in the first place? Or are you just giving advice that you yourself don't even follow just to call others pandering and beta to entitled females.