Expert help:- Low Interest Level. I asked for space

[misoup]

Hi all, have been browsing the site for some time and decided to post.

This may be an unusual thread.

My gf (together 1.5years)(Long distance for A Month, she's coming back to my town in 3weeks time) and I have been in a situation where my interest level is much higher than her. It is quite obvious in various ways that I am into her more than she is into me.

In the past, she is very very much into me and love me with all her heart and being the sweetest girl ever... But things seems to have change this one month... Because in the past, I did smother her with insecurities and possessiveness..

Thus for the past 3 weeks, I have been trying to pull back some attention (while not being jealous/insecure/possessive) when I detect a lowering interest level from her side. She is now comfortable with meeting less and texting/contacting less and sometimes forgetting to return calls. I am not suspecting that she has someone else as we have common friends. I am also not smothering her with insecurity. <but maybe, from my tonality, I may covertly show that I am into her more>

Pulling back my attention takes a toll to my mental state... I have always want/text/meet her more; but i restrain myself from doing that to avoid showing too much interest.

<I do have many friends, and I hit the gym and I do have many activities in life> <she's 27, I'm 32>

After 3 weeks of push/pulling, I feel that I am STILL in one of her last priority in life. I felt stressed and I dropped a bomb on her...

I told her just now as below (AFC or not... oh well)
"I loved you, missed u and You are everything in my life and I really want to marry you and have a future with you. I understand you are always busy with your work and I don't want to disturb you. (She returned and said that she loves me a lot too)

But I wish to have 2 weeks apart (No contact) and sort out my mind, I am not seeing anyone else currently, I really love you too much and I am quite stressed up. I do not wish to smother you like before and I. I need space to sort out and be in contact with you 2 weeks later. However, if you think that you would like to stop this relationship, we can still be friends"

She was very shocked and asked why am I asking for space, am I seeing other girls, and I hope you dont regret making this decision. Afterwhich she said she has a bad headache and wants to put down the phone. She then text me saying that She hopes that I am honest and keep thinking that I have other girls in my life.. In which I replied this space is for myself and my mind.

She said she respect my decision and we will keep in contact 2 weeks later..


<This 2 weeks is for me to really sort out my mind... Not to play games.. I am already developing SERIOUS ONEitis and my mind is totally full of her although my outer action shows that I am pulling back>

The thing is... am I making a stupid move? and losing her forever? She is a great girl.

 

[kraytkiller]

Ugh, that emotional spewing of your feelings in verbal form was hard to read. Way too emotional and from the sounds of it, sudden. You should never lay your heart out like that to a woman, telling them how you really fear and your fear and insecurities, ect. Every time you are about to tell a woman something personal or important, think to yourself, "what advantages or good things will telling her this right now bring me?" and think about that for a bit and then think about whether it's a good idea or not.

Telling her all that stuff was a bad idea. It made you even less of the prize, which as a result is going to make her even less attracted to you and less likely to run after you and pursue you like you want. So is taking a break... I don't realize the point of breaks, it's just delaying the inevitable. Taking a break in this situation is probably going to not do any good and you would've been better off changing the frame and being more direct with what you wanted her to do in an assertive, alpha sort of frame, instead of insecure, wimpy, 'i need a break' type frame.

Hope this makes sense

 

[misoup]

Its indeed killing me now...

My thinking was.. I wanna calm myself down and take this break to find myself and sort out my mental state... I cannot be thinking about her every second..

 

[user name]

I got a headache just reading your post.

everytime you say or write something there is an underlying message aka 'SUBTEXT'.

Make no mistake, when you are operating with women they are reading the stuff you mean (your subtext), not the stuff you say.

The subtext (true meaning) of this message:

But I wish to have 2 weeks apart (No contact) and sort out my mind, I am not seeing anyone else currently, I really love you too much and I am quite stressed up. I do not wish to smother you like before and I. I need space to sort out and be in contact with you 2 weeks later. However, if you think that you would like to stop this relationship, we can still be friends"

is - 'I'm a little crazy, not worthy of your affections and i have no control in this relationship'.

Is this really the message you want to be conveying to a girl that you like and that you hope likes you?

 

[misoup]

My friends did mention I am too obsessed over her... They did advised me to pull back attention.. But now after I told them these.. they are quite speechless..

 

[user name]

My friends did mention I am too obsessed over her... They did advised me to pull back attention.. But now after I told them these.. they are quite speechless..

sometimes the best things said are best left unsaid.

when you consider women are 'experts' in interpreting meaning, you can imagine what can be interpreted when nothing is said....

 

[kraytkiller]

Its indeed killing me now...

My thinking was.. I wanna calm myself down and take this break to find myself and sort out my mental state... I cannot be thinking about her every second..

That's a good purpose. Just executed poorly. Never make a decision when emotional, and you sound extremely emotional. Just take the time to calm down and think what would be the best way to go about things next time.

If your this obsessed about one girl, then I would suggest taking this time to go on dates with other girls so you can hopefully realize this one isn't the only girl on earth for you. And maybe when you realize that youll be better equipped to either ditch or properly game your girl

 

[misoup]

Am i chasing her away?

Or this 2 weeks absense makes her heart grow fonder?

Of course.. I am preparing for the worst...

 

[user name]

Am i chasing her away?

Or this 2 weeks absense makes her heart grow fonder?

Of course.. I am preparing for the worst...

how can a 2 weeks 'absence' make her heart grow fonder when she knows you'll be back in 2 weeks?????

absence makes the heart grow fonder when they don't know whether or not you will be back...

 

[misoup]

What would have been a better move??

 

[sylvester the cat]

What would have been a better move??

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PAqxWa9Rbe0

 

[JoeMarron]

What would have been a better move??

A better move would have been to simply become even more distant with her or stop initiating contact altogether. If the situation still didn't improve then just break up with her or start spinning new plates. The ONLY way to fix floundering interest is to become less interested and become more interesting. Stop initiating contact, stay fit, get stylish, work on your game (read the DJ Bible), basically just keep improving yourself. If none of this works then forget about her and game new women.

 

[misoup]

A better move would have been to simply become even more distant with her or stop initiating contact altogether. If the situation still didn't improve then just break up with her or start spinning new plates. The ONLY way to fix floundering interest is to become less interested and become more interesting. Stop initiating contact, stay fit, get stylish, work on your game (read the DJ Bible), basically just keep improving yourself. If none of this works then forget about her and game new women.

Thanks. Should have posted here first before I ask for the space..

Am i right to say that i have screwed up, losing her?

I do know her well and what she's thinking..
I am pretty sure she's thinking that I have someone new and wanting to try out this 2 weeks.

 

[sylvester the cat]

Thanks. Should have posted here first before I ask for the space..

Am i right to say that i have screwed up, losing her?

I do know her well and what she's thinking..
I am pretty sure she's thinking that I have someone new and wanting to try out this 2 weeks.

no. you are not.

but it is this kind of thinking that got you into this mess. and it is this kind of thinking that will screw you up and lose her.

 

[iamnobody]

I am already developing SERIOUS ONEitis and my mind is totally full of her although my outer action shows that I am pulling back>

The thing is... am I making a stupid move? and losing her forever? She is a great girl.

Your outer action does not match your inner self. Tune your inner self first.
It's on the inside you have to be pulling back. Right now you are pedestalising her and you're aware of that. Awareness is good. Next, refrain yourself from doing that. When you think of her, force yourself to think of something else. Understand that in within a radius of 1 mile there are ch1cks you can get with that are better than her.

 

[Dgwizdal]

Dude you totally gave all your cards away before "asking for space." She knows you're bluffing. You never say what you said to her about her being your everything and all that lovey dovey crap especially directly before you are trying dread game on her to raise interest. And then you verbally gave her power to end the relationship. lol huge f*ck up when you didn't actually mean it.

Should have just been more distant than her and not contact til she does. I rarely ever text or call the girls im banging and when I do its one or two word responses.

The only way to redeem yourself if to be cold, distant, and go longer than 2 weeks without hittin her up and make her chase you down and then she'll dump you eventually.

You're mindset is inevitably going to lead to you getting dumped and your heartbroken. THIS IS THE TRUTH. YOU ARE TOO AFC FOR THIS RELATIONSHIP.

IF YOU WANT TO SACK UP AND get out of this mess ontop for good: DUMP HER FIRST AND MOVE ON without explaining anything. Her hamster will spin forever and interest will skyrocket.

OR continue down the path of castration like you're going to anyway no matter what anyone says...

 

[LP700-4]

Man, this woman will eat you up, spit you out, eat you up again and spit you out into the toilet. She is going to use you like there is no tomorrow. Telling her there is no other girl in your life, telling her how you want to marry her, have a future with her. Laugh My F**king A$$ Off.

Dude, you better wake up before the nightmare really starts.

 

[charlezz]

Delete-

 

[charlezz]

Delete-

 

[misoup]

A small background, she does occasionally go overseas for work (1month per work trip every 3months)

The first few trips, everything is going fine, she calls me all the time saying how much she misses me love me etc. Until recently a few months ago, she seems a bit more distant and I did talk to her about the decreased contact and the amount of contact that I would like to have (I guess it should come off as needy).
Things changed for the better a while and afterwhich, she became distant again. That's when I tried withdrawing more attention, letting her initiate contact more, but her initiation is not too much, she always just wants to talk for 5mins and claimed that she's busy again. 5mins per day is not okay for me (Needy mindset i know).

This current work trip is the last trip as her overseas project is ending




Latest Updates

She texted me that she really loves me a lot and hope that my mind will calm down. She said she is not sure if she can go through this 2weeks but she will still try. She mentioned she is very sad and panicking..

2 hours later, she texted me again asking me whether can we still keep in contact? She will "do her best to contact me more, so that I will not suffer anymore"

Tricky situation and yet I don't know how to reply! I don't want to come across as an *******, I do care for her feelings and really wish to keep in contact.

And yet, I feel that these 2weeks will be an opportunity to let me "sort out" my oneitis state while letting her miss me more.

Any suggestions? I haven't replied yet.

<A PUA friend suggested me to stop this 2weeks thing and get this oneitis off through reading more about inner game and emotional strength, while dating new chicks>