Experience with Pullback

[BJP1991]

One of my current plates (not the one I posted about recently), is showing early signs of pullback. So I am doing the same, basically going “no contact light”, where I won’t initiate contact unless she does and will keep myself busy with other women and my own life/goals, etc.

Just curious, what’s everyone’s experience with pullback? In my case, we went out 3 times and hooked up on our most recent date. Now she’s pulling back slightly, so I’m doing the exact same. Admittedly it’s a little nerve-wracking since I don’t want this plate to fall off, but it’s okay because there are others I’m seeing still as well. So no oneitis, so to say, just a little new to the whole “pullback” despite reading about it alot and knowing what the right thing to do is here (pull back myself).

Anyone have any insight or experience with performing a pullback if you sense your woman is doing the same? In this case, we’ve been our 3 times, had sex, and she is extremely complimentary of me in-person. Thanks!

 

[BJP1991]

My experience with pull back is that if she's "pulling back" then your time with her is limited. High Interest women don't pull back.

Like you say, the only move when a chick pulls back is to pull back too. But double. Let her initiate contact twice, and only respond to her messages that are worth responding to. You'll feel the urge to chase a girl who's pulling away. Don't do it.

Thanks, and I know if a girl is high interest this won’t usually happen. So I’m just gonna let it ride out.

We have a night together planned for next week (not set in stone, just she discussed it last time we saw one another). But to be honest, should I even reach out to her at all? Maybe just let her show me if she’s still interested in getting together? I don’t think it’s right for me to go asking her in the days leading up - I feel like if she wants to come back and chase me she will do the contacting in the day(s) before the date we talked about getting together

 

[CBear]

3 dates is way too short to be pulling back. Normally after hooking up, that's when they end up getting hooked ON you and not being able to leave you alone. I'd dump her before she dumps you.

 

[BJP1991]

3 dates is way too short to be pulling back. Normally after hooking up, that's when they end up getting hooked ON you and not being able to leave you alone. I'd dump her before she dumps you.

Yeah but I don’t think even “dumping” her is necessary. I just won’t reach out to her anymore…no reason for me to initiate contact just to “dump” her

 

[BJP1991]

Hell no. Why you rewarding her with nights out?

She gets a cage and a face full of semen until her behavior improves

My thoughts too. I don’t see any positive that would come from me contacting her anyways. I feel like this is the “women are like cats” example, to a degree…and trying to text her at all will only keep her running the opposite way. If she comes back, she comes back. If not - oh well, really her loss.

 

[CBear]

Yeah but I don’t think even “dumping” her is necessary. I just won’t reach out to her anymore…no reason for me to initiate contact just to “dump” her

I understand you wanting to leave the door open due to not wanting this plate to fall off. I just believe that 3 dates is such a insignificant amount of time that it's not worth caring for.

 

[StacksHitEmUp]

Just let it flow. Don't obsess. You're three dates in. Wait for her to initiate contact, if you haven't shown any weak behaviour then there is nothing to worry about. She'll soon start wondering why you're not contacting her and why you're not freaking out like most men would. This is your chance to set yourself apart from the weak simps who will blow up her phone with sentimental or needy bull****. DO NOT reach out to her until she contacts you. Trust me, she WILL reach out to you.

3 dates is way too short to be pulling back. Normally after hooking up, that's when they end up getting hooked ON you and not being able to leave you alone. I'd dump her before she dumps you.

What? How are you going to dump someone after three dates? This makes it seem like he already thinks they're in a relationship. You don't dump, you let it fizzle out (ie. go ghost). They had sex once, she's not even a real plate yet.

 

[Barrister]

Thanks, and I know if a girl is high interest this won’t usually happen. So I’m just gonna let it ride out.

We have a night together planned for next week (not set in stone, just she discussed it last time we saw one another). But to be honest, should I even reach out to her at all? Maybe just let her show me if she’s still interested in getting together? I don’t think it’s right for me to go asking her in the days leading up - I feel like if she wants to come back and chase me she will do the contacting in the day(s) before the date we talked about getting together

If it isn't "set in stone" then you don't have anything. And you just made a post about her -- so clearly you are getting oneitis despite your claims.

My advice is confirm a date for next week now. If she is wishy-washy about it then I would cease all communication and let her come around with the understanding that your time with her is likely at an end given her "pull-back" that you have described.

 

[BJP1991]

If it isn't "set in stone" then you don't have anything. And you just made a post about her -- so clearly you are getting oneitis despite your claims.

My advice is confirm a date for next week now. If she is wishy-washy about it then I would cease all communication and let her come around with the understanding that your time with her is likely at an end given her "pull-back" that you have described.

No way am I contacting her right now…

We last saw each other last Thursday. Exchanged a couple texts Tuesday afternoon, just me making a statement wishing her a good day and luck at work. Texts seemed similar to usual, but fewer emojis and little less excitement.

Reaching out today to ask for the date next week, when we already have the day figured out and said we would discuss as it got closer is ridiculous…please tell me others here do not agree that I should do this.

 

[StacksHitEmUp]

If it isn't "set in stone" then you don't have anything. And you just made a post about her -- so clearly you are getting oneitis despite your claims.

My advice is confirm a date for next week now. If she is wishy-washy about it then I would cease all communication and let her come around with the understanding that your time with her is likely at an end given her "pull-back" that you have described.

That seems to desperate IMO. Forget the date and do not talk to her.

She might not reach out, in which case OP has his answer.

From my experience they usually do after having banged them the first time. But exactly, he literally has to do nothing at all, time will tell.

 

[Barrister]

What? How are you going to dump someone after three dates? This makes it seem like he already thinks they're in a relationship. You don't dump, you let it fizzle out (ie. go ghost). They had sex once, she's not even a real plate yet.

I agree that the concept of "dumping" someone after you went on 3 dates is a bit of a stretch, but I do think @CBear is correct from the standpoint that, generally speaking, a woman does not suddenly cease talking to you after banging the first time. If she does, it usually is a bad omen for anything to occur in the future.

 

[Barrister]

That seems to desperate IMO. Forget the date and do not talk to her.

I think conventional wisdom from SS is that confirming a date now would be "desperate" as you describe - but I disagree. Trying to confirm a new date for the next day is desperate; trying to confirm a date for the following week is not. If the woman had a great time with you, she will confirm for a date the following week OR make a counter-offer. This is actually a good gauge for her interest. If she acts wishy-washy, OP has his answer and he can scratch her off now.

 

[BJP1991]

I think conventional wisdom from SS is that confirming a date now would be "desperate" as you describe - but I disagree. Trying to confirm a new date for the next day is desperate; trying to confirm a date for the following week is not. If the woman had a great time with you, she will confirm for a date the following week OR make a counter-offer. This is actually a good gauge for her interest. If she acts wishy-washy, OP has his answer and he can scratch her off now.

This seems way too desperate and needy. Especially since we both agreed we would just talk about it once the day got closer. Currently it’s 1 week out. I understand the mentality of scheduling dates far in advance, but doing that now seems so wrong. I simply won’t do it

 

[Barrister]

In my experience, some women will wait for you to contact her first after you've banged her. It's a power game. But that only lasts a few days max.

I also think that banging a girl is far less of a guarantee that she will fall for you these days, than it used to be. Girls are over-fvcked and over-stimulated now. You can't show them much that they haven't already seen sexually.

I agree with the bolded part. As far as women playing a power game - I certainly won't dispute some women will. I think most women though just don't know what to do usually except wait for the man to reach out first. I don't think it is so much about "power" for most women as much as it is indecisiveness and insecurity.

 

[Barrister]

This seems way too desperate and needy. Especially since we both agreed we would just talk about it once the day got closer. Currently it’s 1 week out. I understand the mentality of scheduling dates far in advance, but doing that now seems so wrong. I simply won’t do it

You do what you think is best -- but it is my opinion that leaving ANYTHING open-ended in early stage dating is never a good idea. Either leave things completely cold to keep her wondering OR schedule a date and show you lead. Having "tentative" plans like you do generally backfires.

 

[Stuffnu]

Lets be honest, you are more invested in her than a simple plate.
Hence the analytics and post.
No contact period. She will either reach out or she’s check out.
Always work on her potential replacement.

 

[BJP1991]

You do what you think is best -- but it is my opinion that leaving ANYTHING open-ended in early stage dating is never a good idea. Either leave things completely cold to keep her wondering OR schedule a date and show you lead. Having "tentative" plans like you do generally backfires.

Right, I get that. And typically I always lead, make the date plans, lead the whole interaction. This is something she has said she is attracted to about me, where I make the plans for us. She knows this already. I just don’t wanna go knocking on the door again to ask her to confirm XYZ plans I make when we just interacted a couple days ago off my initiation.

At this point, I will hit her up maybe Sunday to attempt to finalize plans. Otherwise I won’t text her at all, period. Still haven’t decided.

 

[Barrister]

They absolutely know what to do.

Have you ever been around high-interest women? They have absolutely no boundaries when it comes to their pursuit of their man.

In fact, I've come to learn that the only dynamic that truly turns women on is if they are chasing the man.

Come on, brother. The veiled insult is completely unnecessary. I would say I have done very well in the dating world - but to each their own.

To the point we are discussing, I agree with your overall position that high interest women make things easy. But I think in very early stage dating, such as the OP is in, many women (even if they are very interested) will not take initiative past texting to say they had a good time and wait for the man to continue to lead the interactions and schedule dates. This is not universal of course - but I know this is the case for many women from experience.

 

[Old Balls]

wait for the man to continue to lead the interactions and schedule dates

The ladies need to be lead. If she doesn't willingly participate in being led, then drop it like it's hot. Reach out Monday or Tuesday (not Sunday, she will still be sticky and bruised from the weekend) TELL her you will see her at time X and place Y according to the previous tentative plans (hopefully your place) and then gage her interest by her response or lack thereof.

 

[2Rocky]

Right, I get that. And typically I always lead, make the date plans, lead the whole interaction. This is something she has said she is attracted to about me, where I make the plans for us. She knows this already. I just don’t wanna go knocking on the door again to ask her to confirm XYZ plans I make when we just interacted a couple days ago off my initiation.

At this point, I will hit her up maybe Sunday to attempt to finalize plans. Otherwise I won’t text her at all, period. Still haven’t decided.

So checking in is not a bad thing. " got the tickets in an email for the Hot air ballon ride Tuesday. Be sure to bring a coat. it's cold in the morning in Napa" ...

Notice I didn't give every detail like what time I'm picking her up or if we are going to get something to eat....It's an invite for her to reply about the REST of the arrangements.