Expecting a baby soon (child support?)

[Scars]

So I'm expecting a baby sometime in January. I'm with the girl now, but things are starting to go sour. I spent this past weekend in jail, while I was in there she went through my phone and found some texts she didn't like. I have never physically cheated on her ever, but I did exchange a few flirty texts with an old fling. Admittedly, it was stupid, but she also had no right to go through my phone. She obviously doesn't trust me, and this is a huge problem. I want to stay with her, just for the babies sake, but I also must think about my own happiness. Right now I am giving her some breathing time, and I told her to just hit me up when she's ready to talk. Right now, I'm expecting the whole "this isn't going to work" speech from her, just really sucks because I want to be in the babies life, and want it to grow up with both parents. Unfortunately, this reality is looking less and less every single day.

I still plan on being in the babies life, but I am also worried she may come after me with child support. She has always told me, even if things went bad between us she would never do that. She says she is strong and independent, and has already raised a 3 year old without the dads help. I don't really buy it, because later she did go after that dad and now he has to back pay almost a year of child support and must continue to pay now. I'm thinking this is the same sh!t she may pull on me.

Basically, I don't know how all this works. I don't think she will force me to pay now, but she may try it several years from now. I'm planning on saving every single receipt for diapers, baby food, clothing, and anything else I buy to contribute to the baby. In the event, she does go after me, could this hold up in court, and would I not be forced to back pay? I'm just worried about being there for the baby and doing everything I can to help, then something happens and she lashes out. I want to be prepared, and I want to start preparing now.

Like I said, what I really want is to be in her and babies life, but I'm not going to force it. It's all on her, if she doesn't want to be with me, I'm fine with that. But I don't want her to keep me from my child, or use the baby as a weapon against me.

-Scars

 

[backbreaker]

So I'm expecting a baby sometime in January. I'm with the girl now, but things are starting to go sour. I spent this past weekend in jail, while I was in there she went through my phone and found some texts she didn't like. I have never physically cheated on her ever, but I did exchange a few flirty texts with an old fling. Admittedly, it was stupid, but she also had no right to go through my phone. She obviously doesn't trust me, and this is a huge problem. I want to stay with her, just for the babies sake, but I also must think about my own happiness. Right now I am giving her some breathing time, and I told her to just hit me up when she's ready to talk. Right now, I'm expecting the whole "this isn't going to work" speech from her, just really sucks because I want to be in the babies life, and want it to grow up with both parents. Unfortunately, this reality is looking less and less every single day.

I still plan on being in the babies life, but I am also worried she may come after me with child support. She has always told me, even if things went bad between us she would never do that. She says she is strong and independent, and has already raised a 3 year old without the dads help. I don't really buy it, because later she did go after that dad and now he has to back pay almost a year of child support and must continue to pay now. I'm thinking this is the same sh!t she may pull on me.

Basically, I don't know how all this works. I don't think she will force me to pay now, but she may try it several years from now. I'm planning on saving every single receipt for diapers, baby food, clothing, and anything else I buy to contribute to the baby. In the event, she does go after me, could this hold up in court, and would I not be forced to back pay? I'm just worried about being there for the baby and doing everything I can to help, then something happens and she lashes out. I want to be prepared, and I want to start preparing now.

Like I said, what I really want is to be in her and babies life, but I'm not going to force it. It's all on her, if she doesn't want to be with me, I'm fine with that. But I don't want her to keep me from my child, or use the baby as a weapon against me.

-Scars

damn bro you just all kinds of **** going on in your life don't you lol

I'm not a lawyer, but i do have a father who has 3 kids by 3 different women including me and so i have a tad bit of real life experience dealing with women in this situtation

i mean, it really all comes down to the woman. most women, from my experience, if you are actaully there to provide for your child, when she calls and ask for money for your son or daughter to do X and as long as she is being reasonable don't bust her balls about it, 8 out of 10 times she won't bother with child support.

the thing about child support that gets overlooked here quite often is that, it's really a last measure. It's not something that a woman who is smart would peruse unless she has to.

the reason being is two fold. The first being that, it would be unnecessarily driving a wedge between you and child rather that was indented or not.

More importantly however, and this is the bigge, is that if you are not together, there is more at stake than just a monthy or bi weekly check; by throwing down the child support gauntlet she has pretty much fvcked over any possible chance of having a social life; I don't know anyone who is going to be subjected to the family court child support month payments and at the same time, watch the son over the weekend while your baby momma goes out of town with friends. not happening. No personal sexy time with any new men over the weekend while you keep the son at home.

That is generally your quid pro quo when it comes to this type of stuff; support your child, be apart of his life, let me have something resembling a life and i won't bust your balls about child support.

growing up every other friday my dad, who picked me up from my grandmothers house after school everyday while my mom was in college, would give me a white envelope in it with 150 dollars in it. and that was just basic maintenance **** like groceries and stuff. if i called my dad and said dad i want some new jordans = done, as long as my grades were up no questions asked. he also bought about 80% of my school clothes untli i got old enough and was able to buy them myself. plus if my mom wanted to go out of town which she loves to do, she would just say hey danny (my dad) keep backbreaker over the weekend i'm going X. done. i'd sit and kick it wtih his friends and we had a good time.

the only time my mom and dad got into it over money with me was when i was like 8 and 9 years old and my mom just signed me up for every fvcking activity ever lol. karate, piano lessons, violin lessons, baseball practice/jerseys. every night i was doing something and my dad was like look lol, i mean you need to to pick somethign and stick with this ****. it wasn't even really so much the money, as i mean **** baseball costs like 100 bucks for the entire season to play in the league but EVERY night i had something. Monday baseball game Tuesday piano lessons, Wednesday baseball practice + karate, etc and my dad was like, **** woman you are in school until 8:30pm every night I have to take him to all this ****.

my only concern woudl be, and take no offense, but i dont' know your woman, so I don't know if she is that smart to realize what's going on. My dad had this arrangement with me and my little brother, hell sometimes when his mom went out of town he would spend the night with me.

that would be my advise; just sit down and have a big boy conversation wtih her and say look, it is what it is, we can do this the easy convenient way or we can do this the knock down drag out way. while she does have you by the peveribal balls so to speak, you do have leverage and let her know that. if she wants to drag this **** out ot court go right ahead and you will do what you have to do but if she does that, tell her to not even think about asking you for anything that would make her personal life any easier over the next 18 years.

also, my dad owned a janatioal service however he put the business in his older brother's name, so even if they did try to garnish his pay they would be getting less than what he was giving them, drastically less.

 

[sodbuster]

WTF? about 8 I can't delete

 

[sodbuster]

double

 

[Scars]

damn bro you just all kinds of **** going on in your life don't you lol

I'm not a lawyer, but i do have a father who has 3 kids by 3 different women including me and so i have a tad bit of real life experience dealing with women in this situtation

i mean, it really all comes down to the woman. most women, from my experience, if you are actaully there to provide for your child, when she calls and ask for money for your son or daughter to do X and as long as she is being reasonable don't bust her balls about it, 8 out of 10 times she won't bother with child support.

the thing about child support that gets overlooked here quite often is that, it's really a last measure. It's not something that a woman who is smart would peruse unless she has to.

the reason being is two fold. The first being that, it would be unnecessarily driving a wedge between you and child rather that was indented or not.

More importantly however, and this is the bigge, is that if you are not together, there is more at stake than just a monthy or bi weekly check; by throwing down the child support gauntlet she has pretty much fvcked over any possible chance of having a social life; I don't know anyone who is going to be subjected to the family court child support month payments and at the same time, watch the son over the weekend while your baby momma goes out of town with friends. not happening. No personal sexy time with any new men over the weekend while you keep the son at home.

That is generally your quid pro quo when it comes to this type of stuff; support your child, be apart of his life, let me have something resembling a life and i won't bust your balls about child support.

growing up every other friday my dad, who picked me up from my grandmothers house after school everyday while my mom was in college, would give me a white envelope in it with 150 dollars in it. and that was just basic maintenance **** like groceries and stuff. if i called my dad and said dad i want some new jordans = done, as long as my grades were up no questions asked. he also bought about 80% of my school clothes untli i got old enough and was able to buy them myself. plus if my mom wanted to go out of town which she loves to do, she would just say hey danny (my dad) keep backbreaker over the weekend i'm going X. done. i'd sit and kick it wtih his friends and we had a good time.

the only time my mom and dad got into it over money with me was when i was like 8 and 9 years old and my mom just signed me up for every fvcking activity ever lol. karate, piano lessons, violin lessons, baseball practice/jerseys. every night i was doing something and my dad was like look lol, i mean you need to to pick somethign and stick with this ****. it wasn't even really so much the money, as i mean **** baseball costs like 100 bucks for the entire season to play in the league but EVERY night i had something. Monday baseball game Tuesday piano lessons, Wednesday baseball practice + karate, etc and my dad was like, **** woman you are in school until 8:30pm every night I have to take him to all this ****.

my only concern woudl be, and take no offense, but i dont' know your woman, so I don't know if she is that smart to realize what's going on. My dad had this arrangement with me and my little brother, hell sometimes when his mom went out of town he would spend the night with me.

that would be my advise; just sit down and have a big boy conversation wtih her and say look, it is what it is, we can do this the easy convenient way or we can do this the knock down drag out way

also, my dad owned a janatioal service however he put the business in his older brother's name, so even if they did try to garnish his pay they would be getting less than what he was giving them, drastically less.

Hey, thanks man. You've been giving me some pretty sold advice lately, and it seems like you've been following my threads (which may be unintentional, but still appreciated.) I'll rep you right after I post this.

You brought up a lot of points I hadn't considered. The child support should be a last resort, but I just want to prepare myself in the event that she "feels" it is her "last resort".

The girl is two years older than me, so she's 24. She's by far the most mature woman I have ever dated, but I still see a lot of immaturity from her. Especially from her lately. Looking through my phone? I thought that sh!t ended after high school. I mean, I never gave her any reason to think I was cheating, other than the fact that I was too busy a few times to see her. Which I was using to go out scouting for jobs, and just enjoying my "me" time, which is something I stressed a lot about to her before even getting with her (which she agreed to).

I also grew up my whole life with my dad living 2 states away, I was lucky if I saw him twice a year. He always payed his child support though.

So I guess the motive right now is to not piss off the mother too much, and just try and be supportive and giving as possible towards the baby. Two things which I already planned to do, but it's nice to hear from people who were in similar situations.

Man, I guess I'm just stressin' a lot right now. Just got a lot on my plate. I know I'll figure it out. I guess sometimes I just need to type them out, or get a few opinions as I start to meditate on them and see the bigger picture. I'm not trying to sound like a whiner baby, honest. Lol.

Thanks much.

-Scars

 

[backbreaker]

Hey, thanks man. You've been giving me some pretty sold advice lately, and it seems like you've been following my threads (which may be unintentional, but still appreciated.) I'll rep you right after I post this.

You brought up a lot of points I hadn't considered. The child support should be a last resort, but I just want to prepare myself in the event that she "feels" it is her "last resort".

The girl is two years older than me, so she's 24. She's by far the most mature woman I have ever dated, but I still see a lot of immaturity from her. Especially from her lately. Looking through my phone? I thought that sh!t ended after high school. I mean, I never gave her any reason to think I was cheating, other than the fact that I was too busy a few times to see her. Which I was using to go out scouting for jobs, and just enjoying my "me" time, which is something I stressed a lot about to her before even getting with her (which she agreed to).

I also grew up my whole life with my dad living 2 states away, I was lucky if I saw him twice a year. He always payed his child support though.

So I guess the motive right now is to not piss off the mother too much, and just try and be supportive and giving as possible towards the baby. Two things which I already planned to do, but it's nice to hear from people who were in similar situations.

Man, I guess I'm just stressin' a lot right now. Just got a lot on my plate. I know I'll figure it out. I guess sometimes I just need to type them out, or get a few opinions as I start to meditate on them and see the bigger picture. I'm not trying to sound like a whiner baby, honest. Lol.

Thanks much.

-Scars

try not to let it street you out

lol I mean, let's just put the cards on the table; you don't have a job. WTF can she take lol?

like, it would have been an entirely different case if my dad was making like 300-400k a year and he was cutting 1 grand a week child support checks, but for someone in your shoes, the pros of going the child support are not that much greater if at all the cons.

your girl 24 years old; if it doesn't work with you she is going to want to have a life.

even moreso than that, she is going to want to sale whatever man she finds, on the idea that he does not have to be dad, the son or daughter already has one. The only way she can successfully pull that off is if you are in the picture and you guys get along.

like i said with my mom and my dad and my mom with my sisters dad. my mother works out of town 5 days a week and doesn't get home a lot of times until like 7 sometimes 8pm at night. she has a boyfriend and travels quite often,. the setup with my mom and my sister's dad is that she will keep her from Wednesday until sunday morning and then after church, as they all go to the same church, she goes home with her dad until Wednesday in which my mom picks her up for school so my mom gets Sunday- Wednesday to her self to do whatever the hell she wants to do; spend the night at her BF's hosue, go out of town, get drunk with the girls whatever. then she is mom from Wednesday to Sunday, plus when she goes out of town she just leaves her there. Because of their setup they don't even split money, because she lives with him half the time. But she does go to private school and they split that.

Whatever measly ass child support that she can get for him, is not worth fvcking up the setup she has with my sisters dad, especially when he actually is a pretty damn good father


It's in her best interest for her to work with you. You just have to make her realize that. But i bet she isn't stupid. That measly ass check that she is going to get from the state isn't goign to be worth it in the long run if she wants a life. **** a babysitter for a saturday night will probalby eat all of that up

 

[Greasy Pig]

A single mum I've been boning doesn't get her ex to pay child support but her philosophy is: "No pay, no say."
So he doesn't pay child support but he knows that that means he doesn't get a say in how the kids are raised.

I found that interesting.
If you are forced to pay child support, you should therefore be entitled to be included in how your kid is raised.
But I'm not sure US law would agree, judging by some of the truly frightening stuff I've read on these boards.

 

[Scars]

try not to let it street you out

lol I mean, let's just put the cards on the table; you don't have a job. WTF can she take lol?

like, it would have been an entirely different case if my dad was making like 300-400k a year and he was cutting 1 grand a week child support checks, but for someone in your shoes, the pros of going the child support are not that much greater if at all the cons.

your girl 24 years old; if it doesn't work with you she is going to want to have a life.

even moreso than that, she is going to want to sale whatever man she finds, on the idea that he does not have to be dad, the son or daughter already has one. The only way she can successfully pull that off is if you are in the picture and you guys get along.

like i said with my mom and my dad and my mom with my sisters dad. my mother works out of town 5 days a week and doesn't get home a lot of times until like 7 sometimes 8pm at night. she has a boyfriend and travels quite often,. the setup with my mom and my sister's dad is that she will keep her from Wednesday until sunday morning and then after church, as they all go to the same church, she goes home with her dad until Wednesday in which my mom picks her up for school so my mom gets Sunday- Wednesday to her self to do whatever the hell she wants to do; spend the night at her BF's hosue, go out of town, get drunk with the girls whatever. then she is mom from Wednesday to Sunday, plus when she goes out of town she just leaves her there. Because of their setup they don't even split money, because she lives with him half the time. But she does go to private school and they split that.

Whatever measly ass child support that she can get for him, is not worth fvcking up the setup she has with my sisters dad, especially when he actually is a pretty damn good father


It's in her best interest for her to work with you. You just have to make her realize that. But i bet she isn't stupid. That measly ass check that she is going to get from the state isn't goign to be worth it in the long run if she wants a life. **** a babysitter for a saturday night will probalby eat all of that up

The thing is, she already has a 3 year old. She is a proud mother, and loves her daughter deeply, but I can tell she already feels she has "no life". But she has already accepted that. This is part of the reason why I am happy about her being the mother. In my eyes, it's better her than any other girl I've ever dated. She is a good mom. I just don't want it to go to her head that she is such a good mom that she can do it by herself. I'm sure she can, but it is already tiring her down, I can tell. In the event we had to "share" the baby, she would most likely expect me to watch her other daughter as well.

So in a nutshell, she kind of HAS to work with me if she ever wants a life. You're right. It may sound like a **** move, but I'm not responsible for her 3 year old. Right now, I play the role as dad and I already do. I play with her, celebrated her 3rd birthday with her and got her presents, I've taken her to the store with her, buy her candy, all that little **** that I didn't HAVE to do, but I WANTED to. If she ever separated with me and expected me to watch her daughter as well, then she better be cooperative with me. Like I said, a **** move. But I need to have some sort of artillery.

-Scars

 

[Bible_Belt]

If the mother takes food stamps, wic, subsidized housing, afdc, or any kind of welfare, the state of Arizona will pursue the father for child support, even if the mother does not cooperate. In the state's mind, you owe them for what they had to pay to her.

 

[ebracer05]

There are a few things that stick out at me here man...

I spent this past weekend in jail

I don't want to judge you dude because I don't know you, but it sounds like based on the things you're writing that you need to get your life together. A DJ should not be spending the weekend in jail. I don't know what you did, but I do know that you were in jail, you have a felony, and you knocked up a girl. I know you're only 22, but you're too old and have too many obligations now to keep acting like you're 16.

Like I said, what I really want is to be in her and babies life, but I'm not going to force it. It's all on her, if she doesn't want to be with me, I'm fine with that. But I don't want her to keep me from my child, or use the baby as a weapon against me.

Do you? Do you really want to be in the babies life? Because when I really want something, I don't leave it all up to someone else. It sounds like you've made a lot of poor decisions lately, may have burned some bridges, and are feeling like you're f*cked which is why you said it's totally up to her. But that is now how I think a DJ should think. If you want to be in the child's life dude, you have to be proactive about this and rise up and be the man. Not an alpha d*ck but a "measured man" as Pook would say. This doesn't become "all on her" unless you two decide to bring it to the court, and you REALLY don't want that. Be a measured man and do as Backbreaker said.

I still plan on being in the babies life, but I am also worried she may come after me with child support. She has always told me, even if things went bad between us she would never do that. She says she is strong and independent, and has already raised a 3 year old without the dads help. I don't really buy it, because later she did go after that dad and now he has to back pay almost a year of child support and must continue to pay now. I'm thinking this is the same sh!t she may pull on me.

What does your signature say?

" Woman SELFISHLY run off of EMOTIONS. They only care about how you make them FEEL, even if they know they're being LIED to. "

If she did that to her last babies father, why wouldn't she do the same thing to you? I don't want to freak you out, but I haven't seen you posting on the boards until just a little bit ago. There's been a lot of discussion on here between Danger, Rollo, Brad, and I about how absolutely f*cked this country's attitude is towards men legally and culturally.

Trust me, you want to keep this out of court REALLY bad. Again, do as Backbreaker said. But also keep in mind, like he said, we don't know this girl. She could be intelligent enough to see the logic in what he's saying, but you know how girls are... they feel things more than they do anything else and logic does not always persuade them, even when it's logical! I would make sure all of my T's are crossed and I's dotted and that you keep every freaking receipt for anything that could be remotely linked to caring for the child.

She's by far the most mature woman I have ever dated, but I still see a lot of immaturity from her. Especially from her lately. Looking through my phone? I thought that sh!t ended after high school.

I sense some rationalizing here. She may be mature in some areas, but it still sounds like she's a typical young girl at heart. When her mind starts running a program that forces her in to emotions mode (ie, right now) I would expect nothing less than what you would expect out of any other young girl. Prepare for the worst, hope for the best. But I think you know what's realistic here better than any of us.

She is a proud mother, and loves her daughter deeply, but I can tell she already feels she has "no life". But she has already accepted that. This is part of the reason why I am happy about her being the mother. In my eyes, it's better her than any other girl I've ever dated.

Did you ever get a chance to see how her attitude was when she was a "single" mother? You sound like you're a pretty alpha dude. Probably not the best dad yet because you still have a lot of immaturity demons in you (no offense, but I prefer honesty). You may be right and she may be savvy enough to see this, but what I suspect based on my dealings with women is that it was a lot easier for her to be a proud mother and accept that she has no life because she had you.

If you two break up, then what?

So in a nutshell, she kind of HAS to work with me if she ever wants a life. You're right. It may sound like a **** move, but I'm not responsible for her 3 year old. Right now, I play the role as dad and I already do. I play with her, celebrated her 3rd birthday with her and got her presents, I've taken her to the store with her, buy her candy, all that little **** that I didn't HAVE to do, but I WANTED to. If she ever separated with me and expected me to watch her daughter as well, then she better be cooperative with me. Like I said, a **** move. But I need to have some sort of artillery.

Read Rollo's posts about hypergamy on this website and on his blog The Rational Male. It doesn't care man, it doesn't care if you were the best male figure in her 3 years old's life. That is beta game. She doesn't have to work with you man. It would be the fair thing for her to do, but she doesn't have to do it and you know just as well as I do that women aren't fair. She was able to take care of the 3 year old without you. And why couldn't she take care of the new child without you? Why couldn't she find some beta guy to take your place, that could help her with the kids while she pursued her hypergamy on the side?

You are making assumptions, I think, in order to make yourself feel better. And you may be right, but assumptions are dangerous and I think you need to detach yourself from this situation a little bit and try and look at it like you would be looking at it if it were someone else. You've been around long enough to know how game works. And you've been around long enough to see the sh*t women pull.

Your ultimate best bet is again, to take Backbreakers advice and stay as far away from the legal system as possible. The man is very wise... listen to him. If you end up in court, you will lose.

 

[backbreaker]

The thing is, she already has a 3 year old. She is a proud mother, and loves her daughter deeply, but I can tell she already feels she has "no life". But she has already accepted that. This is part of the reason why I am happy about her being the mother. In my eyes, it's better her than any other girl I've ever dated. She is a good mom. I just don't want it to go to her head that she is such a good mom that she can do it by herself. I'm sure she can, but it is already tiring her down, I can tell. In the event we had to "share" the baby, she would most likely expect me to watch her other daughter as well.

So in a nutshell, she kind of HAS to work with me if she ever wants a life. You're right. It may sound like a **** move, but I'm not responsible for her 3 year old. Right now, I play the role as dad and I already do. I play with her, celebrated her 3rd birthday with her and got her presents, I've taken her to the store with her, buy her candy, all that little **** that I didn't HAVE to do, but I WANTED to. If she ever separated with me and expected me to watch her daughter as well, then she better be cooperative with me. Like I said, a **** move. But I need to have some sort of artillery.

-Scars

i'm not going to **** on you for having a felony.. **** as much dope as i smoked i could have easily been looking at time if i was ever caught. **** the cloest thing i ever got to actually being arrested was a girl sayign i sexually assaulted her beucase i turned her down for a date so you don't have to prove yourself to the forum whatever happened that **** is done and you seem like a cat that is trying to get his **** straight.

I mean,a ll you can really do is talk to her. There is not really any financial motivation for you to not go that route beucase the way i see it you are going to be out about the same regardless... you aren't a millionaire yet there is no pot o gold for anyone to get after.

but with that said, you never want the government in your life in any way shape or form if you can help it.

If she really is mature she will listen to you.

another thing, stop taking care for the other kid now. play surrogate dad too much and the state will take the surrogate tag off for you. u just worry about your daughter/son and her.

Im' of course assuming that you guys aren't going to work out. Honestly man I just.. i think you can do better than a 24 year old with 2 kids. I think you think you can too.

 

[Bible_Belt]

The OP lives in Arizona. They put everyone in jail for everything in Arizona. A gram of pot is a felony. The pipe you smoke it in is another felony. Imprisonment is a big business. A guy I know was in one of Joe Arpaio's tent cities. They only feed two meals a day; sometimes a meal was barbeque sauce on a piece of bread. It you want to eat more, you have to buy it from the prison concessions, which are of course owned by the Arpaio family. My friend is a bad diabetic, so basically in order to manage his blood sugar and not die, he had to buy overpriced junk food from the Arpaios. People die in those sh!thole jails all the time; usually they are non-violent, mostly prostitutes and drug offenders.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

The thing is, she already has a 3 year old. She is a proud mother, and loves her daughter deeply, but I can tell she already feels she has "no life". But she has already accepted that. This is part of the reason why I am happy about her being the mother. In my eyes, it's better her than any other girl I've ever dated. She is a good mom. I just don't want it to go to her head that she is such a good mom that she can do it by herself. I'm sure she can, but it is already tiring her down, I can tell. In the event we had to "share" the baby, she would most likely expect me to watch her other daughter as well.

So in a nutshell, she kind of HAS to work with me if she ever wants a life. You're right. It may sound like a **** move, but I'm not responsible for her 3 year old. Right now, I play the role as dad and I already do. I play with her, celebrated her 3rd birthday with her and got her presents, I've taken her to the store with her, buy her candy, all that little **** that I didn't HAVE to do, but I WANTED to. If she ever separated with me and expected me to watch her daughter as well, then she better be cooperative with me. Like I said, a **** move. But I need to have some sort of artillery.

-Scars

I see stuff like this all the time and I can't help but to shake my head. However, I am dating a chick with a 4 year old and I'm smashing this chick raw. How dumb of I.... I know. I've always looked at the dudes that took care of other children simps and I still feel the same way. It's a shame too because I really have feelings for this girl too. But I must stop it before I get too invested. I'm not interested in my kids having half-siblings.

Your baby mama having a child with another person already shows her poor judgement in life.

I'd suggest you to try to keep a stable relationship with the female so she doesn't file you for child support. You don't want your wages garnished.

 

[backbreaker]

The OP lives in Arizona. They put everyone in jail for everything in Arizona. A gram of pot is a felony. The pipe you smoke it in is another felony. Imprisonment is a big business. A guy I know was in one of Joe Arpaio's tent cities. They only feed two meals a day; sometimes a meal was barbeque sauce on a piece of bread. It you want to eat more, you have to buy it from the prison concessions, which are of course owned by the Arpaio family. My friend is a bad diabetic, so basically in order to manage his blood sugar and not die, he had to buy overpriced junk food from the Arpaios. People die in those sh!thole jails all the time; usually they are non-violent, mostly prostitutes and drug offenders.

BB I love you bro but stop with the drama. that's not really what the OP needs to be thinking about right now. lol dude came here to get advise about his girl and you are telling him some MSNBC locked up arizona ****. actually now that i think about it i did see an episode of that show where they keep people in tents, might have been what you are talking about.

right now this is for all intents and purposes an extremely manageable situation if the OP plays it correctly

 

[Scars]

Ebracer: You're absolutely right. I have made a lot of poor choices in life. I accept that. It doesn't matter if I "change", my past will still follow me no matter what. I've already accepted this, and already dealing with the consequences. I'm only 22 years old, but I like to think I am wise beyond my years. Yeah, I still make dumbass decisions, but I learn from them. In fact, my biggest advice I give to men on these forums about woman is trial and error, and learning from your mistakes. Maybe I've taken this advice too far. I shouldn't need to experience EVERYTHING imaginable in order to understand, but it seems like I have. I've been through a lot of ****, but the point of this post isn't to get sympathy or turn this into a pitty party. It's about my child.

BB: You're absolutely right. I've lived in Arizona sense I was 3 years old. I've been here almost my whole life. The laws are extremely strict here. DUI and domestic violence are especially harsh, but it doesn't really matter what you do. I remember being arrested for underage drinking when I was 19, spending a night in jail. Talked to my attorney, and the lowest plea agreement they could give me was a $800 fine, 2 more days in jail, and probation until I was 21. What kind of sh!t is that? For underage drinking.. really?

Backbreaker: I still appreciate your support and sound advice. Like I said, I admit my doings in the past were wrong, but I like the fact that you don't judge me. I'm not a bad person, I've just made some bad decisions in life. I really am genuinely trying to turn my life around. If not for me, then most definitely for the baby.

Overall, I think I'm pretty sure what I plan to do. My first step right now is to talk to the mother. I've kinda been sitting on it, because she's supposed to "come to me when she's ready to talk", but the fact that there's my child at stake, I really can't play these games. I'm also tired of waiting and wondering. I need to get this squared away as soon as possible.

-Scars

 

[Down Low]

Here are the dealbreakers:

She already has another man's kid. The resentment factor here is alone reason enough to walk away.

She is way, way too old for you. When you're in your late 30s and just reaching your maximum sexual marketplace value, she's 40 and a menopausal mess.

You are too young for marriage. Stow that junk until after 30 at least.

 

[MatureDJ]

I would mail her checks, and then keep the PDF copies of them from the bank - in case she claims you haven't been supporting her. I would even consider giving her a small limit credit card, with instructions for her to spend it on stuff for the kid.

 

[MatureDJ]

The thing is, she already has a 3 year old. She is a proud mother, and loves her daughter deeply, but I can tell she already feels she has "no life".

These days, with internet dating sites, it's so easy for a woman to have a life. All she needs to do is to get a friend to babysit for a few hours, and she can have a man over. She can have an initial date, and then if she likes him, their dates can be sex romps at her place.

 

[backbreaker]

These days, with internet dating sites, it's so easy for a woman to have a life. All she needs to do is to get a friend to babysit for a few hours, and she can have a man over. She can have an initial date, and then if she likes him, their dates can be sex romps at her place.

lol spoken like a true keyboard jockey

lol who the FVCK wants to take care of 2 kids that aren't theres.. for free lol, on a Friday night. fvvvvck that. man that's bebe's kids age. and **** you already know if the mom is hell bent on going out every damn weekend the kids aren't probably the most well behaved kids on the planet.

you show me that woman and i will show you a nun

every once in a while but that's not going down every other weekend.

when i dated the black girl that i showed a pciture of in the other thread, she's the youngest of 3 sisters, and both of her older sisters have kids, one of them is actually married to a white man. anyway, come thursday she woudln't even answer her phone she already knew what the deal was 9 out of 10 times.

and that's blood realtivies. let a lone friends. your best bet is grandma but even grandma got **** to do sometimes and you can forgot grandma on Saturday night beucase she's getting up at 5am on sunday to go to church

 

[ATX1001]

lol spoken like a true keyboard jockey

lol who the FVCK wants to take care of 2 kids that aren't theres.. for free lol, on a Friday night. fvvvvck that. man that's bebe's kids age. and **** you already know if the mom is hell bent on going out every damn weekend the kids aren't probably the most well behaved kids on the planet.

All they need is one friend in the same situation to tag-team. One does Friday, the other does Saturday, etc. The kids can even play together.