expectation of dating?

[DJDamage]

There are some things that are not clear to me, even from the DJ Bible and real life events.

When you start dating someone is it normal for her to automatically assume that you are only dating her? I get the impression that women often want to be inclusive with the guy even while in the dating phase and will get mad, call you "player" and dump you for seeing others.

Also when or if when you start dating does it become inclusive? can you date someone up to a year and still see other women? Sometimes even in a dating phase women assume that they "got you" and don't talk about it because of the assumption or are afraid they will scare you away?!

I know that a woman should be the one who is asking the guy if they should be inclusive, but isn't it up to the guy to ask or let her know that he wants that as well and if not then he is going to walk away?

 

[DJDamage]

No Takers??

I guess its "GO WITH THE FLOW WHATEVER HAPPENS HAPPENS"

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by DJDamage
There are some things that are not clear to me, even from the DJ Bible and real life events.

When you start dating someone is it normal for her to automatically assume that you are only dating her? I get the impression that women often want to be inclusive with the guy even while in the dating phase and will get mad, call you "player" and dump you for seeing others.

Also when or if when you start dating does it become inclusive? can you date someone up to a year and still see other women? Sometimes even in a dating phase women assume that they "got you" and don't talk about it because of the assumption or are afraid they will scare you away?!

I know that a woman should be the one who is asking the guy if they should be inclusive, but isn't it up to the guy to ask or let her know that he wants that as well and if not then he is going to walk away?

I can only speak for myself and how I have always been. (I'm a woman.) I will hang out with a guy who is dating other women, but I under no circumstances will be intimate with him in any way if he is or have any romantic interest in him. It's a huge turn off to me. In fact, it's a deal breaker. If a guy is trying to date me while he's also dating others, the most he can hope for from me is friendship, and even that is doubtful. I guess I just find it disrespectful for anyone (male or female) to pursue more than one person at a time romantically. If I date someone, I won't date anyone else until I've figured out if the first guy is someone I'd want a relationship with. In my opinion, it's just the respectful and proper thing to do...guess it's my morals.

Basically, I'm just really turned off by guys who try to juggle as many women as they can. I find quantity over quality to be, I don't know, kinda nasty and dirty. I prefer more selective men, I suppose.

 

[Chemistry]

'Exclusive'...

She'll be able to tell a lot about the type of guy you are... now if she gets with Mr. Nice Guy with that expectation of him being the nice guy and wholly devoted etc, then altho I would argue it was destined to fail eventually from sheer boredom, if she discovers Mr. Nice Guy has been fvckin other girls (which isn't really gonna happen is it?) then it's harder for her because of the premise she got with you on...

Now, if she can clearly see you're a player, or simply that you get a lot of attention from girls, then unless she is of limited intelligence then she knows she's got to communicate that exclusivity to you because your every day business involves Miss X and Miss Y being very interested in you... if you go out to the club then she knows that you will be getting attention so if she doesn't want you to take advantage of it then she has to have told you...


Of course there will be varying points when it is asked... and if you give a "No" answer then some girls won't stick with you because they wanted to be exclusive... personally I always go for the "Yes" answer and if something better comes along then I might have to 'not mention it' or finish with her...

 

[SDFUandDie]

Would you date her if she is dating every TOM, DI*CK AND HARRY?

With women you have to give them the impression they are the only one you are dating. They need to feel special.

If the berd dont know, it wont hurt her.

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by SDFUandDie
If the berd dont know, it wont hurt her.

A FWB of mine told me once, "Exclusivity should never be assumed until both parties have discussed it." Unfortunately, many women CAN and DO assume that you have an exclusive bond with them.

But think about it...if you date a girl for more than a month, there's SOMETHING special about her. Even if there's something special about the other 3 women you're dating as well, you and her have SOMETHING that others don't. And each of them has something you and her don't, otherwise you'd cut them all loose.

Many girls (and many GUYS!!) just don't get this and think exclusiveness is NECESSARY for anything special to come of a relationship.

This is why you don't let your girlfriends ever meet.

 

[JT47319]

Originally posted by DJDamage
I get the impression that women often want to be inclusive with the guy even while in the dating phase and will get mad, call you "player" and dump you for seeing others.

This is an AFC myth.

In the Secret Society, or what really goes behind the scenes, women are as polyamorous as men. Meaning they want as many hot studs in their stable as well as "break in case of emergency" AFCs willing to supplicate to them.

At a certain point in time, yes they may want to become attached to just one guy, but odds are they are in the Game as much as any other Players. I should qualify this by saying that this applies to attractive women. They are always IN the Game because they are constantly BEING Gamed.

 

[DJnomore]

Re: Re: expectation of dating?

Originally posted by JT47319
This is an AFC myth.

In the Secret Society, or what really goes behind the scenes, women are as polyamorous as men. Meaning they want as many hot studs in their stable as well as "break in case of emergency" AFCs willing to supplicate to them.

At a certain point in time, yes they may want to become attached to just one guy, but odds are they are in the Game as much as any other Players. I should qualify this by saying that this applies to attractive women. They are always IN the Game because they are constantly BEING Gamed.

Depends on age.

Most adult women are in it to lock you down.

And if you won't be locked down they leave.

Unless they are just looking for sex in which case they ****ed tom the night before and are planning to do harry the night after and you are just **** to her.

 

[DJDamage]

Thanks for the advice.

So far I concluded from the answers that:

a) you should date more then one woman.

b) you should not tell the woman you are seeing other women.

c) You don't assume of being inclusive unless its been discussed before hand.

Now in order to avoid the drama in case the woman wants a relationship or finds out about the other women somehow while you are clearly happy dating right now, is it best to be upfront and tell her when your first meet that you are "just looking to date and going out and having fun"?

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

WHAT TO EXPECT
The first time you ask a girl out, she cannot possibly assume that you are exclusive to her at that point. That would be stupid. She will not assume on the first date that you are her "boyfriend" or that she is your "girlfriend". So obviously, that distinction happens later.

Chances are that some of your early subsequent dates will be casual affairs. If she is interested in you enough to agree to a second and third date, then it's highly likely that she's also interested enough to be curious about your "status" in the "relationship". This is even more true if you have been challenging and mysterious (not home on Saturday nights, not calling all the time, having mysterious, undefined "plans").

Sometimes, they will ask outright if you two are a couple. At this point, you need to be honest. If you want to continue seeing other people, say so. Be prepared for the possibility that your goals do not match hers and that she will hit the road at that point.

Far more often, however, the question will be more subtle. In fact, it probably won't even come in the form of a question. Just one day she'll be talking (either TO you, or with you present) and she will refer to you as her boyfriend. For example, she'll get you a gift of some kind and you'll say, "You didn't have to do that." And she'll say, "I just wanted to do something nice for my boyfriend." This is a common AFC tactic also, by the way. Or she'll answer the phone with you right there and say, "Hey, I can't talk long... my boyfriend is here and I want to spend time with him."

In this case, you need to correct her if that's not the dynamic that you want. Again, she may leave. Often that will not be the case, in my experience. But it's a possibility.

Other times she will be even more subtle. For example, say you're going out with another girl on Wednesday. She wants to know what you're doing on Wednesday. Since you're not exclusive and she doesn't own you, you are not compelled to tell her (it's none of her business). So you can ethically joke it off or be vague or whatever you want to do in that situation.

 

[A-Unit]

In my experience.

If they're attracted to you, their *hope* is that you are in fact dating others so that you're seen as valuable to her.

Likewise, I've dated girls I've known and expected to be talking to other guys. Most blatantly state:

"It's not my business to know what you do, nor is it your's to know mine, until such time it becomes important, at which point we'd be committed."

They don't care. If they did, have them speak up. At some point she'll become so overwhelmed with her feelings toward you she'd intimate some question in the direction toward a relationship.

I've slept with girls before and as you do sleep with them more in a non-serious relationship, at least in my experience, it builds to something or fizzles to nothing.

I don't ask for the relationship, unless I really want it, or I'm prepared to lose what I have. Its' not shameless or AFC to ask for what you want, but it is weak to ask for a relationship, and then take whatever else she offers. You get what you want or you move on. Let her mull over that portion.

I've had girls says...

"it's weird....and...." from girls who aren't used to more casual things.

A. Always date more than 1 woman, unless you're married.

B. This is kinda semantical, in that, who cares? If she asked, I might say it, or just brush it off. Tactfully, if she asked, tell her to provide a list of her current beaus.

C. I don't assume exclusivity until it's formally mentioned we aren't fvcking other people. That's the bottom line. I wouldn't committ otherwise. There's no reason to committ, IMAO, simply because of dating.


A-Unit