Excusing yourself from an LJBF situation???

[gr0uch]

I've been LJBF'ed and I've learned my lesson and I'm ready to cut my losses and move on. It's been a week or 2 and I've so far just let it fade. Haven't initiated any contact with her, and the couple of times she has initiated I just kept it brief and told her I was busy. We had plans to hang yesterday but I flaked. She won't hook me up with any of her friends and there's not really an opportunity to game her social circle as we never really hang out with her friends (not that I'd ever bring her around mine either). It's best for me to just bounce.

I know the best thing to do is just move on, but what is the best way to do this? Is it best to just let it fade away? Do you go complete no contact? If she starts asking me what's going on and why I'm acting different, do I just say I'm busy and never give her the whole truth? I don't really see a purpose in saying, "well, I've decided that our friendship isn't really a friendship and I'm moving on." Is there any worth to giving her closure?

 

[bigneil]

You need to provide more info.

You asked her out for the first time and she said LJBF? Or you dated 3 years and she said LJBF?

Either way there is no point announcing why you are leaving (as if she would care). You're lucky if she keeps contacting you so you have a chance for a stalemate. If she asks just make it clear you are not interested in a friendship.

 

[SoSuave666]

Is there really a good way to leave someone? Just do it, who cares how you do. I find the only time people really care about how to leave is when they are trying to get someone back.

That being said, what will be most effective is going complete NC. Do not respond or initiate any contact. Block numbers if you have to.

 

[cremasta7]

Don't just say you're busy... be busy.

If she asks you what's going on, and if you happen to be out seeing some other women, then tell her exactly that.

Either her interest will pick up and you have another shot, or it will fade out and you keep seeing other girls.

Win-win

 

[gr0uch]

@big neil We never dated. All of this has taken place within the last 10 months to a year. When we met I was in Beta mode still (something I'm still trying to get rid of) and also 50 lb's heavier so it just started as friends. As the weight started to come off and my attitude/demeanor changed I think she probably was interested for a little bit, but I was a total vag and didn't make a move so my opportunity was missed. Since then it's just been a typical LJBF-emotional tampon kind of relationship, where on one hand she tells me how "amazing" I am then I get to hear her pump & dump misadventures. No doubt I definitely had oneitis for her and I definitely put her on a pedestal, but I've taken her off the pedestal and she's not as special as she first appeared, nowhere near it.

This isn't the first time I've tried to excuse myself but each time she never let's me go, she always keeps coming back and like a sucker I let myself get sucked back in. What set the whole thing off this time was we were talking a couple of weeks ago about her intro'ing me to her friends and as usual she just gave excuses as to why it's not a good idea. Then somehow, without me even asking, she just comes out and says (not word for word) that she considers me a "girlfriend" and how she always "keeps the good guys as friends". That for me was like a moment of clarity (not that it wasn't clear earlier) and I realized the whole relationship was a charade and I'm only being kept around as an orbiter.

Even this morning, she IM'ed me, accused me of being MIA and being a stranger. To which I told her I've just been busy. And I guess her hamster has convinced her that I must be depressed or going through some bad stuff so she said she's "there for me if I need her". I'm certain there is nothing to salvage here. In fact, it's not worth the effort to try and find out. It just makes more sense to go out and find broads that are interested rather than chase this one.

@ SS666: Can't get her back if I never had her. I've lived most of my life in nice guy-betatude. Old habits die hard and the nice guy in me is putting up a fight.

 

[ezio]

@big neil We never dated. All of this has taken place within the last 10 months to a year. When we met I was in Beta mode still (something I'm still trying to get rid of) and also 50 lb's heavier so it just started as friends. As the weight started to come off and my attitude/demeanor changed I think she probably was interested for a little bit, but I was a total vag and didn't make a move so my opportunity was missed. Since then it's just been a typical LJBF-emotional tampon kind of relationship, where on one hand she tells me how "amazing" I am then I get to hear her pump & dump misadventures. No doubt I definitely had oneitis for her and I definitely put her on a pedestal, but I've taken her off the pedestal and she's not as special as she first appeared, nowhere near it.

This isn't the first time I've tried to excuse myself but each time she never let's me go, she always keeps coming back and like a sucker I let myself get sucked back in. What set the whole thing off this time was we were talking a couple of weeks ago about her intro'ing me to her friends and as usual she just gave excuses as to why it's not a good idea. Then somehow, without me even asking, she just comes out and says (not word for word) that she considers me a "girlfriend" and how she always "keeps the good guys as friends". That for me was like a moment of clarity (not that it wasn't clear earlier) and I realized the whole relationship was a charade and I'm only being kept around as an orbiter.

Even this morning, she IM'ed me, accused me of being MIA and being a stranger. To which I told her I've just been busy. And I guess her hamster has convinced her that I must be depressed or going through some bad stuff so she said she's "there for me if I need her". I'm certain there is nothing to salvage here. In fact, it's not worth the effort to try and find out. It just makes more sense to go out and find broads that are interested rather than chase this one.

looks like you have everything sorted out here. talking about how to excuse yourself from the situation is easy, the real test of strength is the application.all the best though

 

[BigSmooth]

Like others have said, it's time to start being busy.

Go and talk to new girls (I can't stress this enough).

Go and do more things. Go and have fun.


Do this because it benefits you and helps you transition out of your oneitis, while also showing that girl that you are no longer dependent on her or being her little emotional tampon.


It seems like your mind is always on her and she always successfully allures you back in because you have no other girls on hand you can interact with on a flirty level, so you put more worth into this girl than she actually deserves.

 

[ka_mate]

A few guys are suggesting to get 'busy' but this only works to a certain extent. No guy, can be busy 24/7 and I wouldn't want to be. Even if you are really busy she can say "when are you next free?" and this throws a spanner in the works.

Why not try being honest?

She's allowed to choose the status of the relationship as friends rather than sexual partners, why shouldn't you be able to choose whether you remain friends or stop contacting?

If there is nothing to salvage and you don't want a friendship then being honest and saying

"I don't want to be spend time with a girl who is a friend but rather a girl who is my girlfirend"

sounds like a good idea to me.

Be nice but direct and make it clear that you don't want anything to do with her in the future.

Good luck

 

[nismo-4]

If things aren't advancing, cut her loose. Just go ghost.

Case closed.

 

[seethehoop]

If she said she sees you as a girlfriend you can bet you're ass she will be talking bout you to her real girl friends. Shell be telling em how she had some guy she plays with. She'll know of you oneitis. They can smell it so do as nismo-4 says jus cut her loose. That's what I did in the same situ about 6 weeks back.

 

[omega05]

A few guys are suggesting to get 'busy' but this only works to a certain extent. No guy, can be busy 24/7 and I wouldn't want to be. Even if you are really busy she can say "when are you next free?" and this throws a spanner in the works.

Why not try being honest?

She's allowed to choose the status of the relationship as friends rather than sexual partners, why shouldn't you be able to choose whether you remain friends or stop contacting?

If there is nothing to salvage and you don't want a friendship then being honest and saying

"I don't want to be spend time with a girl who is a friend but rather a girl who is my girlfirend"

sounds like a good idea to me.

Be nice but direct and make it clear that you don't want anything to do with her in the future.

Good luck

and then she'll be crying on facbook "why arent there any good guys left?" Because you put them in the friendzone. smh

 

[perseverance]

Go no contact and don't look back on it.

March forth into the unknown, into the future.

 

[Zerro]

and then she'll be crying on facbook "why arent there any good guys left?"

'Cause b!tches like that don't deserve a good man.