Exclusivity...who brings it up?

[Sofomore]

What are your beliefs on who should ask to be exclusive? If the relationship is naturally progressing to exclusivity, would it be best to let her bring it up then say "You're my girl"?

 

[pdx1138]

You don't bring it up. Most of the time that eventually ends badly.

Let her do it...ALWAYS.

 

[Juan Don]

let her be the one. why ruin the good thing you got going on now.

 

[Sofomore]

Thanks, I'll keep my mouth shut.

 

[Zerro]

Always let the woman do it.

 

[lamobatsman]

what about if ur scared shes gonna see other guys thats why u ask for exclusivity no? so that shes ur girl and no one elses. cos she cus possibly find another guy and leave u if u dont ask

 

[Harry Wilmington]

What these guys said. If a girl has been dating you for at least 3 months and you haven't given her the "girlfriend" title, if she likes you enough to want to be that with you she'll say the three words all girls say:

"What are we?"

If they ask you this, it translates to "I want to be your girlfriend." But you don't just up and say "Gee, I dunno, wanna be my girlfriend?" You still need to do a few things before you make that decision:

1. Ask her "Why do you ask?" Some girls are asking because they want to be your girlfriend, while girls who want to just be F-buddies want to see if all this dating means you're feeling something deeper. Either way, make her explain herself.

2. Assuming she says something akin to "I want to be your girlfriend" (i.e. "Well, I care about you, and I think you like me, soo...." - they're rarely ever direct and to the point), this is the time to negotiate all the things you want in a relationship. So drill her - ask her if she's cool with certain things that make you the way you are (ex. "Well, do you care about the fact that I can be messy at times? Are you gonna be cool with me hanging out with the fellas at times? Are you still going to cook my favorite meal every once in a while? Is sex still going to be a regular thing?"). You may think it's dumb to do this, but TRUST me - anything you don't bring up now, you won't get later. If you want her to give you oral sex every morning before work, bring it up now - sounds crass, but people have broken up simply for not getting that thing they wanted but didn't ask for.

3. Give her a non-committal answer that lets her know you like her, but that you have no problem walking. I usually answer with "Hmmm... well, okay, let's try it out and see what happens." It's not a full-on "yes," it's a "you're under review to see if this works" answer, one that keeps a woman on her toes as to just how much you like her, while still allowing her to say she has a boyfriend.

Hope this helps!

 

[Fatal Jay]

Always let the woman choose you, only afc ask first, and when she ask that question you make sure to give her a bulls*it answer, like "I'm not sure yet". Second time she ask you, if you really like the girl then go for it, but remember it's only on your terms.

 

[VladPatton]

what about if ur scared shes gonna see other guys thats why u ask for exclusivity no? so that shes ur girl and no one elses. cos she cus possibly find another guy and leave u if u dont ask

Because if you ask you give her the power to decide. She'll think you don't have what it takes to lead and you are handing the power to her to define the relationship from the beginning.

I concur with the majority, let them ask. Until then, just pound away and keep your mouth shut. If she cares, it'll come up. If not, you're her Ƒuckbuddy.

 

[Exoduso]

what about if ur scared shes gonna see other guys thats why u ask for exclusivity no? so that shes ur girl and no one elses. cos she cus possibly find another guy and leave u if u dont ask

I used to think that as well.... but read your comment again. If you're the alpha male and you're confident in yourself, you have absolutely no reason to be afraid that she will go out with someone else, simply because she won't. And hell, if she does good for her, she sees you as a fvckbuddy and nothing else anyways, so pick up your losses and move on. If you escalate things with her the right way from the beginning, she'll be the one who asks you why you're not exclusive yet, and she'll be the one that will end up asking, even begging for it, because of HER insecurities that YOU will be the one to go out and find someone else and leave her.

Trust your instincts on this one, don't go running to her and begging for exclusivity, it lowers you at a place of weakness.

 

[Uncharted]

what about if ur scared shes gonna see other guys thats why u ask for exclusivity no? so that shes ur girl and no one elses. cos she cus possibly find another guy and leave u if u dont ask

If you're scared then she might sense that. If she's thinking about leaving then she's going to do it no matter what. Don't go exclusive out of fear.

 

[Sofomore]

What these guys said. If a girl has been dating you for at least 3 months and you haven't given her the "girlfriend" title, if she likes you enough to want to be that with you she'll say the three words all girls say:

What do you mean if you haven't given her the "girlfriend" title? Wouldn't that technically be bringing up exclusivity first?