excited to give me her number but not when i call

[TheFlyingMan]

Second thread I started, can't believe i was reading the layguide and so on and didn't actually jump on this forum.

The first thread I got some awesome advice and perspectives, truly a wake up call.

For this one, again, I just hope that I can get some expert advice. Since getting into this community, picking up and so on is a lot easier for me. I got a girls number a couple of weeks ago. On that night I told her I'll call her on monday and we'll arrange a time to go out. She seemed real excited and yes yes of course.

When I did call her on monday, I told her I wanted to go to this bar on tuesday, and she should join me. She said she had class on wednesday. I said how about wednesday night, and she said she had class on thursday morning too. So I said well, we'll arrange next time then.

I never called her again, and she never called me back. Any thoughts, guys? Where did I go wrong, what could I have done? Thanks !!!! :cheer:

 

[djjoe]

well, i personally handle situations like this in the following way:

when i call her i ask her out for one specific time and date...
if she really wants to go out with you, she will either say yes, or she will have an excuse for this particular time and she will suggest another date and time...

if she doesn`t do any of these two options she is most likely not interested and therefore not worth your time...

i then always tend to say: "it was nice talking to you, ....., would be great if we could catch up sometime in the future, you have got my number, let me know, if you want to do something"...

that`s it basically....

 

[LeviathanIYG]

On that night I told her I'll call her on monday and we'll arrange a time to go out. She seemed real excited and yes yes of course.

BING BING BING BING!!!!! Warning bell

NEVER do that again.

I just finished a reply to someone else about the same thing women LOVE anticipation. She would rather go home thinking..........

"Is that interesting guy I met today going to call me?"

"Is he going to ask me out?"

She doesn't want to go home thinking "oh that guy I met tonight id going to ask me out Monday".

You ruined the anticipation.

It kind of relates to Mystery’s cat string theory. When you have a string and you’re dangling it up and down in front of a cat, the cat goes crazy and tries to grab the string. When you eventually give the cat the string it gets bored and walks of.

If you lay yourself down and tell the girl you will call her Monday and setup a date she will lose interest. She wants’ a challenge she wants some mystery.

Also something I learnt from “Modern Man” an Australian based company that kind of teaches seduction. When you call her try to be doing something else, try to make it sound like calling her is the biggest part of your week. Tell her your cooking dinner and you just remembered her and you decided to call. Describe the food you’re cooking or just use your imagination and think up something else.

P.S. If she says she is busy and doesn't offer an alternative day don't ask if she is free the next day. At this point you should just go back to building rapport talk to her a little raise her IL then end the conversation at its peak. You can call her a few days later and try setup a date again.

 

[TheFlyingMan]

hmm...yes i heard about this anticipation thing, but I was reading the layguide, it says if you set up a time and call her when you will, it shows that you want her, you're not afraid to let her know you want her...I kinda broke that rule though, cos the layguide said call her THE NEXT DAY. I called her in 3....

 

[LeviathanIYG]

Fu*k the lay guide.

Don't tell a woman the day you are going to call her.

Women don't want to know that you want her.

They want to try and make you want her.

If they know you want her to soon the game is up.

 

[JJMcLure]

You don't say how your phone game is, but make sure on the phone to first reestablish that rapport you had when you met, by doing some fluff talk. Talk to her like you would an old friend (not all formal etc) and keep the energy levels up. Don't be like "so what are you doing" etc, have a plan of some things to say on the phone to carry it a little. After she is comfortable with you again, you can ask her out. But don't spend too long on the phone - keep it to around 5 minutes or so.

Couple of points: Don't tell her when you will call. Come up with an idea other than a bar (search forum for "action date"). 3 days is fine to wait. She won't call you back (chicks won't initiate a first date). Don't suggest the next day - make it seem you have things going on. She should counter offer there and then if she is interested.

As a footnote: If she had been drinking when you met or it was at a bar or club, number closes from those places have low success rates. But that's a whole other story and you don't say where you met.

 

[Spur212]

I got a girls number a couple of weeks ago.

You have set a precident of you chasing her right here. She should be taking your number. Getting the number has made you think about all sorts of things that might happen and therfore your vision has blurred. What do you intend to get out of this? Do you think she wants exactly what you want? If you want to get laid which is what I'm pressuming, you are doing way too much work. If you gave your number and she didn't call back you would know that she wasn't interested and it wouldn't set off all these voices in your head. If she did, all you have to do then is schedule her appointment with you on your terms and if she can't make it, then you say "Well that's cool it was nice knowing you ".

Getting her number gives you a false sense of security. There are so many variables and things that can go wrong eg. she gives you a false number, she has voicemail, she just wants an ego boost/attention, she can't tame you and so giving her number to you is her way of getting her power over you, etc and even if you start talking to her, what are the chips that you're holding. All you can do is put yourself on a market of the many guys she has options with. Worse still she might be a user and take you to a whole load of stuff where you have to pay and be a complete waste of time. You have absolutley no leverage in this situation and not only that, it feels bad.

Conversely if you give out your number, you automatically know whether she is interested (she wouldn't call if she wasn't interested), you have options now, she has to fit into the way you do things and if she doesn't, you just hold your power and put the phone down feeling good about yourself because you haven't wasted your time with something that wouldn't have worked.

Don't put this experience as a failure, see it as a mistake you made and now you know better you will know how to handle it when it happens again.

Good luck.

 

[TheFlyingMan]

Thanks for all this guys, yes I met her at a club. She was a friend of a friend and I've seen her a couple of times before but wasn't interested, but that night she was wearing something super sexy so I decided to give it a shot. I'm not upset, or worried, I'm just thinking that my phone game needs a shot in the arm, cos I've gotten past the first stage (approaching and asking for numbers - which was quite big for me), and now I think I need to work on the phone, and maybe actually getting laid (all my past one night stands were mostly accidents)

Any more tips on the phone game, JJMcClure? What kinda stuff should I say? I try to keep it short, which is why when I rang, I asked hey what you doing (sounds lame now, i know), and then i went straight into saying I'll be in the city tomorrow (tuesday), and I wanna check out this bar, you should come with me. Then she said she had class on wednesday, so I said how about wednesday night? And she said she had class on thursday too. I said something (forgot what, but was waiting for her to make an offer). When she didn't, I knew that the game was over, so I said "well we'll hook up next time then." and hung up.

I didn't feel upset after it, just had a feeling that there was something i should have said to make it work, and I wanted to learn it for next time. Things were also a bit harder because we have language communication issues (both asian, I'm westernised and speak a bit of chinese, she's from overseas and speaks mostly chinese.)

Spur, i'm not understanding your post, sorry? You think I should have given her my number and waited for her to call? In my experience they never, I can have a fantastic night, and even make out with a chick at a club, and when they leave they ask for my number, and mostly they never call. Some do, but they're not exactly hot...

 

[Reiki]

Spur, i'm not understanding your post, sorry? You think I should have given her my number and waited for her to call? In my experience they never, I can have a fantastic night, and even make out with a chick at a club, and when they leave they ask for my number, and mostly they never call. Some do, but they're not exactly hot...

I agree, they almost never take the initiative but there are exceptions. However if you feel she values you alot and she would like more of you, then your chances are pretty high if you call her, just remember to make it very casual and light, yet seductive.

 

[Fash]

Also - stop reading the layguide, its outdated.

I actually got into the community after reading the layguide! I think it provides you with alot of the basics, the 3-second rule, the drinks buying thing, simple Fast Seduction... and more. It is definately worth the read.

Anyhow, I literally just got off the phone with a chick I chatted up at a bar (I KNOW!) on thursday night. She actually made a real effort to make conversation, seemed really nice, and I basically said "i'm very busy this week, I might only be free on tuesday or wednesday. What is your week looking like?

And her answer was "either is good for me" so i said "lets do tuesday. I'll text you on the day to let you know when and where to meet me"

To be honest, 80% of the number-closes I do in bars/clubs turn out to be flakers. This one has turned out ok, because it was at the start of the evening we were both sober and I really feel we made a connection. She actually recommended that we meet up.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that dont be put off by girls that flake. It has happened and still happens to all of us. If you genuinly meet the right girl, click with her and make the right connection, she will look forward to your call, and SHE will make the effort to make time to see you.

Good luck my man

 

[Spur212]

Spur, i'm not understanding your post, sorry? You think I should have given her my number and waited for her to call? In my experience they never, I can have a fantastic night, and even make out with a chick at a club, and when they leave they ask for my number, and mostly they never call. Some do, but they're not exactly hot...

They're not calling for a number of reasons.

1. She made out with you to see what your made of and she liked it but because she saw she was the only one you were making out with, she got scared that you would only be in it to score. The solution to this is giving your number to a lot of women, because women want men who have a lot of women liking them. Now the important thing about this is that you really want to give your number out to everyone because if it is done to manipulate someone they will feel it and not call because you're a jerk.

2. They ended the conversation first, therefore they have all the power over you and they see you as easy. You need to create a sense of urgency. You should never stay around a girl, because you don't have the time and you need to go to the next place, because your a busy guy.

3. They weren't into you to begin with and they just saw you, decided to make out with you to get some other guy/girl they were into. (sounds crazy but it happens).

4. They have issues to do with their self esteem, body image etc and they want to know that they are still sexy and that guys still want them etc.

The last point I want to make is that you need to be thinking big here. This is not a sport where you go out and say to yourself, "Oh I guess I will get one number and then I will call her and she will be so excited that I called etc." It doesn't work like that. Women consider it their job to give their phone number out. They give it out to a lot of guys and they get really bored at how much the guys that call her are all the same. When you give her your number and she sees that many women are into you, she now sees something that she wants and when women want something they will fight to get it at any cost (think about that for a minute). I'd reccomend that you learn a little bit about social networking because once you can do that and start introducing women your talking too to other women, they will want you even more.

Hope that clears up some things.