Ex who cheated causing probs for me...need insight and advice=(

[johnlewis]

Hey guys,

I want to update you guys on what happened after my earlier post about my ex who cheated on me when she moved overseas and ended up leaving me for the other guy. When she did do it, I went total AFC for about a week but then decided have minimal contact for awhile and finally, with the advice of a few, I cut all contact.

I have cut all contact for a few months already as i wanted to get over it. I deleted her from my facebook and on msn.

Recently, I found out that she has been asking mutual friends about me and asking about how I am doing. About a week ago, she tried adding me on facebook. I ignored the request because I know that she has intimate albums dedicated to her and her new guy on her page and this is not stuff that I want to see. I feel that it really is my choice if or not I wanted to ignore the request.

Yesterday, I was tagging old photos of myself on my friends page. I did not realise it but one of the photos that i tagged happened to be from one of her albums. It was a photo of me and some friends. This resulted in me sending a tag request to her. I panicked a little when this happened but then she immediately approved it so i did not think anything more of it.

The next day, I realised that the photo had been untagged. I then found out that she deleted every single photo she had of me on her profile in that one day. She then changed her msn p.m. First it was '*******'...then it was 'im happy u blocked me'...then it was 'at least im happier now'...then now it is 'im better off without you'. Some of this she even wrote in 'fliptext', which i know she learnt from some guy she talks to. Almost like it is an attempt to mock me.

My question is..what did i do??? All i did was tag a photo on an online community. The whole time I did not say a single thing to her or communicate to her in any way. Why does she have to advertise all this to the world and tell people that shes happier now. I never treated her badly at all.

I also want to know what do you guys think about the photo tagging. I did not realise it when i tagged. Now that i think of it a little, was it too much???was it mean and rude of me?? am I the one tht did wrong? After all, she does not know that i did not realise it. If it was, then i will acknowledge it.

What do you guys advice me to do?She is ruining my name. What is your take on the situation? I really want to try and udnerstand what is happening here because I am a little dumbfounded to be honest. I dont see how she would care so much about a little tag request. She was the one who cheated on me after all. I want to try and learn and understand what is happening here. I would also appreciate some advice on what i should do. Its been 4-5 months already. Shouldnt she just continue on with her life, be happy with her new guy, and leave me alone? Please tell me what do you guys think.

Thx guys. I really appreciate any advice. Any help will be greatly appreciated

 

[Da Realist]

Truthfully, unplug from the facebook/myspace/twitter/whatever new thing is out now. I had a situation where my ex tried to make it seem like I all of a sudden got with someone right after she broke up with me. Turns out I didn't update my profile as fast as she did and it showed I was still in a relationship. I told her what happened, told her off, and deleted my stuff. You gotta think that they can't give you grief if they can't get to you, so give her nothing to grab a hold of. Don't tell mutaul friends how you're feeling because they just tell her. Just burn some bridges and get on with your life because all she is doing is trying to basically use you to make her feel better about choosing whoever this guy is.

 

[Ganondorf]

Bro, Just forget her.. Don't let her get you down because she's being an insecure b1tch

None of this is your fault. You did nothing wrong, don't let her trick you into thinking so either.

if she feels the need to mock you, then she's the one who needs to grow up and move on, it sounds like you've already done that. Good job for you

Just ignore her and forget her.

People like her are screwed up, and then try to blame everyone else for their troubles. Best to leave such people out of your relationships

 

[scrouds]

Biitches will be biitches.

Let it roll off your back.

 

[Mofongo]

In her head it was all your fault, you should have known that she was going to cheat on you and you let her do it, now she ie stuck with this loser and she blames you for it. In her head you are the bad one, in fact, she thinks that you should apologise to her and beg her to take you back.
In order to take away the guilt of her cheating on you she places all the blame on you.
You should not try to understand this because it is all ilogical.
Keep living your life and ignore her crap.

 

[IamtheAlphamale]

You don't think she seems super bitter for no reason? She wants you back I would say and totally regrets what she did.

NO, this is not your fault. Move on man. I know it sucks and all but just don't deal with her at all. Don't stoop to her level. Just pretend like this is not happeneing at all and don't deal with her at all or anything. You are done with this girl. DO NOT TAKE HER BACK!!

 

[johnlewis]

Hey guys,

Yup..you guys kind of can tell what kind of person she is. It was the reason we had problems in our relationship. She could not get anough of not only mine, but every other guys attention. She kept all her past romantic links around for her own gratification and refused to give any of them up. In fact, I dont think she has a normal guy friend whom has not either had something for her in the past or that she has not had somethign with. She practically thrived on the attention. She once told me that she only likes talking to guys and not girls because they listen to her and understand. I was upset by this and told her its just because they want to get into your pants which im sure she knew already. After finding this and another forum, I have now learnt that what I did was indeed AFC and I have learnt from it.

I have chosen to just continue on ignoring her and what she is doing. Something like this is probably shortlived like you say. I feel that this is probably her last straw at seeing if she still has a hold on me. Hopefully after she did something this radical and I have just let it slide off my back, she will probably not have the nerve to do anything else rite? do you guys think I should expect and brace myself for anything else? Considering the fact that we were together and have shared much, she does have the ability and resources to sabotage me if she wanted to after all. Do you guys think that this stint will be her last?

'IamtheAlphamale', I dont think i agree on the 'she wants me back' theory though. From what I understand and what I have read, a girl that wants a guy would do anythign in her power to not only make it easy for the guy, but to also not ruin her chances with him. What she is doing here however is the total opposite of that because by doing this she ahs made her chances zero and I am sure she knows that. What do you guys think?

I dont think that she is happy with her new life or new guy because if she is, she wont be doing this but at the same time, I do not think it is because she wants me. I agree that what she is doing is somehow driven by pure hate and bitterness over her new circumstances and she is somehow projecting it on me.

One thing that concerns me though is that I was wondering if doing this, despite me not responding, has somehow implanted in her head something along the lines of "Haha...I sure showed him!!"...what do you guys think about that?

 

[BlackJackal]

I think you're wasting your time thinking to much about it. Shes's a waste and you should treat her as such. Any participation with her will only bring unnecessary drama.

 

[zekko]

You know, when I first read this I got the impression this was your ex-wife. But now that I read it again I think she's just an ex-girlfriend.
In any case, sounds to me like you need to move on. Unnecessary drama, as Blackjackal says. And AWs do not make good LTRs, from my viewpoint.

 

[jophil28]

And AWs do not make good LTRs, from my viewpoint.

And they make very bad "friends" post breakup. They frequently attempt to add you to their bullpen of fawning worshippers who feed off her crumbs.
NO CONTACT solves that problem for you.
A woman like her ( let's give her the benefit of that description) will never accept accountablility for cheating...EVER. It will always be your fault somehow .. You also have to know that she has bad mouthed you, and blackened your name to whomever will listen to her whining crAp.
You see, women are experts at justifying their atrocious behavior,and their favorite tactic is to shift blame onto you as either "abusive" or "neglectful".

Who cares ultimately ? After a break up you need only care about what YOU think about your life. Let her do whatever she likes with her's and do NOT contact her..

 

[zekko]

She could not get anough of not only mine, but every other guys attention. She kept all her past romantic links around for her own gratification and refused to give any of them up.

You said it yourself right there. Jophil is right, she will want to add you to her bullpen of fawning worshippers. You really want to end up as one of these guys?

 

[RMM]

One thing that concerns me though is that I was wondering if doing this, despite me not responding, has somehow implanted in her head something along the lines of "Haha...I sure showed him!!"...what do you guys think about that?

Why would you care about that? Leave her behind, go live your own life, have a good time, and if she really thinks that then the next time you cross paths she'll realize you're happy and successful and have your life well put together, realizing her mistake.

And if she doesn't think that, then it doesn't matter.

Actually, it shouldn't matter either way, but if you're worried about it, then having a good life and not actually caring about her will demolish her "I sure showed him!" attitude if it really exists the next time she hears anything about you.

 

[She_feelin_Me]

^^cosign

 

[johnlewis]

guys...update..and need help ASAP!!

Hey guys...this is urgent... I need your opinions ASAP..especially form experienced guys

I found out that the reason my ex was pissed was not the photo alone...she heard from people that I ahve been talking bad about her...when the truth is I have not=(...the past few months I have jsut been forgetting about what ahppened and trying to move on with life..only 2-3 of my closest friends know about what really happened because I told her that we should try to keep it on the down low. I even scolded one of my friends when I found out he was spreading stuff about our breakup. Obviously I do get pissed when people ask me about her and when I am drunk but i still do not tell what happened...at the same time, Its not like I say she is a bed of roses either...you guys get what I mean?...I dont know if my close friend have been spreading stuff either...

Now my ex thinks I am a pathetic bastard according to what I am hearing and she is doing her best to sabotage me. I really need to know what to do here. I just want all this drama to end so I can get on with my life but I dont know if trying to resolve things with her...like you guys said...will jsut give her more power and bring up her pride and ego even more... I lost so mcuh of mine already during that one week of total AFC while trying to win her back

I would really appreciate advice form you guys... I ahve alot going on in my life right now and I dont the mental capacity to deal with more drama.

 

[Da Realist]

Dude, she's in another country. She can't hurt you other than maybe turning a couple people against you. Your self esteem is low and it's all hurting you because its recent. My advice is to stick with your closest friends because they are the one's who really have your back and forget what this girl is saying. Stay off of facebook and msn messenger and just get yourself together.

 

[everywomanshero]

johnlewis.... are you in the marines by any chance?

 

[Soprano]

Hey guys...this is urgent... I need your opinions ASAP..especially form experienced guys

I found out that the reason my ex was pissed was not the photo alone...she heard from people that I ahve been talking bad about her...when the truth is I have not=(...the past few months I have jsut been forgetting about what ahppened and trying to move on with life..only 2-3 of my closest friends know about what really happened because I told her that we should try to keep it on the down low. I even scolded one of my friends when I found out he was spreading stuff about our breakup. Obviously I do get pissed when people ask me about her and when I am drunk but i still do not tell what happened...at the same time, Its not like I say she is a bed of roses either...you guys get what I mean?...I dont know if my close friend have been spreading stuff either...

Now my ex thinks I am a pathetic bastard according to what I am hearing and she is doing her best to sabotage me. I really need to know what to do here. I just want all this drama to end so I can get on with my life but I dont know if trying to resolve things with her...like you guys said...will jsut give her more power and bring up her pride and ego even more... I lost so mcuh of mine already during that one week of total AFC while trying to win her back

I would really appreciate advice form you guys... I ahve alot going on in my life right now and I dont the mental capacity to deal with more drama.

FORGET HER.....why do you think she's trying so hard to make it sound like she's happy? cuz she's not happy, knows she ****ed up and wants you back but knows she cant have you back...u got this b!tch sweating lol...you're in control, now forget her and move on before you lose control

 

[Unbridled_Phoenix]

PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER! *Slaps you in the face*

All this dramatic garbage about a dead relationship is a serious waste of your time and energy. What should you do? You should realize that this situation only has as much bearing on you as you allow it to have, for YOU are driving this truck, are you not? Grow up, walk like a fvckin man, and leave the dumb sh!t for the kids.

 

[jophil28]

PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER! *Slaps you in the face*

All this dramatic garbage about a dead relationship is a serious waste of your time and energy. What should you do? You should realize that this situation only has as much bearing on you as you allow it to have, for YOU are driving this truck, are you not? Grow up, walk like a fvckin man, and leave the dumb sh!t for the kids.

This is all that you need to read and believe. ^
Rise above it, say nothing and move ahead.

 

[the mvgs]

My question is..what did i do??? All i did was tag a photo on an online community. The whole time I did not say a single thing to her or communicate to her in any way. Why does she have to advertise all this to the world and tell people that shes happier now. I never treated her badly at all.

Aw, man...I am tempted to be hard on you for the above paragraph. You sound weak and as if youre crying and hurt on the inside. But since I know youre probably not over what happened 100%...I have understanding.

But...take your dignity man...dont ask why. Just GO. **** HER. JUST GO! Obviously she still wants you in her life(but probably not enough to respect you like she should).....but so what...take that and MOVE ON. DONT LOOK BACK EVEN FOR A SEC...**** what she does to you and your name. Dont ask why she has to do this or be like this or that. Put her out of sight and out of mine immediately.