Ex texts me out of the blue.

[Atom Smasher]

^ Yes I've heard this saying as well. I'll chime in and you'll have another guy to prove it right.

Its not so much the pain but rather the blandness and loss of that high if you know what I mean.

I see you're 54 years old and Im not sure what kind of music you're into but if you've ever listened to jimi hendrix or robin trower or music that just takes you on that high. Thats what I feel like I am missing.

I think that no matter how long your relationship gets there should be romance in it thats why relationships die out because people dont feel loved and cared for.

53, young fellow, 53.


Yes, I know exactly the high you're talking about. It really is like being on a drug and then going off it.

That's why I personally don't think it's healthy for a man to pop in and out of relationships all his life (like I have). Each one takes too much out of you and wears you down. It seems to me that men tend to become more damaged than women after a messy or semi-messy breakup. Sad but true.

I disagree with the commonly held belief that it is not possible to find the right girl for you and to live a long life in a good marriage. Keeping romance alive requires conscious effort from both parties, and I think it's do-able.

But the man has to go into it setting the frame, and he has to lay a lot of groundwork in order for her to maintain the right attitude with him. He must be dominant, strong, and the established leader. Any other dynamic will fail.

The problem with romance is that it starts to make a man appear weak and spineless in her eyes, and she starts despising him. That's why a dominant frame peppered with a dash of romance here and there seems to be the best combination. Respect first and foremost, romance second.

Women are actually children and have to be treated as such. Think about it. The way you need to deal with and discipline a child is the same way you need to deal with a woman. They need to be rewarded and punished, just like kids.

I'm rambling here, as we older guys are prone to do, but as I always say, eat the meat and spit out the bones of my ramblings.

In all seriousness, though, I have to chuckle at the age thing. Just yesterday a lady guessed me to be 35. Last year I got a guess of 28. Because of this I can't possibly date anyone in my age group. It feels like I'm dating my grandma. Even women in their 40s seem old to me. I look at those wrinkles and the face starting to droop and I recoil deep inside, LOL.

 

[thegator39]

Lots of solid advice in this thread. I don't know about the cut the relationship in half rule, though. I dated a girl for a month (we were talking online and on the phone a month before that, and were done but still on speaking terms (i.e. her wanting to be on good terms but me trying to make the rookie mistake of getting her back) for another 3 months...so let's say the whole thing in general lasted 4 or 5 months.

I still tried to contact her up to 8 months later (I sent her about 5 or 6 unreturned "closure" emails that were not surprisingly unreturned)...and though she doesn't enter my daily thoughts anymore, when I'm in public, I still see girls with her hair color or style or whatever and it reminds me of her.

She was my first dating experience, but still, if you really like someone/love someone and it's more than "I want to do her" and the woman is your type and there was a connection at some point, for me it was hard to get over now.

The funny thing is, I was a lot like the OP with the romantic stuff...in fact maybe 5 years ago I used to dream of being in public and locking eyes with a girl and her reciprocating and us walking off holding our hands together and living happily ever after.

Now that I know how the game works (based on my experience with my ex and reading up and hearing stories) it's hard to want that sh*t anymore.

The only thing I'm not happy about being single is not having a hot body to grope whenever I feel like it.

 

[Atom Smasher]

The "half rule" applies when the man either knows or decides that the relationship is over. There has to be a decision made. If the demise of the relationship is not defined or accepted, then the grieving process can drag on for years.

 

[harkkam08]

Thanks guys, for all your good responses. Im lucky to have a forum with like minded guys who have gone through this.

I do agree with atom that men usually do end up being more destroyed by relationship failing because women can use other men as a crutch and easily find themselves another. I've also been in and out of relationships and I am 24 and this was my third relationship. Going through this three times has taken a massive toll on my health and my career prospects. I got mentally fked up big time. Even saw a therapist.
It is a drug. What are some other things that I could do which could produce those same feelings?

Is it okay for a man to want to be in love and with a woman or does having that desire lead to the relationship ending and being weak?

Also my ex was a hb8 everyone said she was so hot and had a model body but that's because she barely had food to eat. She was the best looking girl that's ever paid attention to me. She was so skinny and had long legs and soft skin and smelled so damn good. When I hear music or a girl that is wearig the same perfume it hurts in my stomach and my nerves tingle and I just want to grab her body and feel it. She sent me these pictures of her wearing a pink thong and using her Hands to cover her breasts while smiling at the camera. With a cute caption "somethig to keep you busy while you study baby"

I think back and even 5 months later it still hurts. Maybe if I found a even hotter woman who I felt just a connection with only then would my mind be off her

Is it okay to say, "I want to find a good woman who I can love and will lobe me back and I will be smart enough not to make the same mistakes"

 

[Warrior74]

Is it okay to say, "I want to find a good woman who I can love and will lobe me back and I will be smart enough not to make the same mistakes"

Not for you. Not right now. Nope. You have to get a life before you get a wife. the mentality in that sentence, combined with your whining and pining and being hurt just leads me to believe that your gonna glob onto the next woman who treats you halfway decent and find yourself in even worse sh1t. You need to say, I don't need women, I need a life. I need friends, I need to just get laid and not care. I need to focus on my career and hobbies.

You know the old saw about it will come when you least expect it. Your sentence says you are not just expecting, but searching. You want the drug which will blind you to who the woman supplying the drug really is. Cold turkey time for you son.

Seriously, that needs to be your last post on this. You need to not speak to friends, family, female friends, girls your dating, sosuave about this. Shut it down, wrap it up, throw it away. The more you dwell the longer its gonna take. Listen to us. Good luck.

 

[backbreaker]

today, my fiancee flew to phoenix to visit her brother, so I'm by myself. I woke up this morning, went to the gym, got home, made lunch for me and my son (who i took to the gym for the first time), read a book, went and played catch, stopped by best buy, picked up a few things I've been wanting to get, got my hair cut, got my son's hair cut, stopped by the grocery store to pick up some cake mix.. i told my son we were going to make a cake and he is just as happy as a punk in the pin.

made a cake, ****ed the kitchen up to hell and back lol, it is supposed to be a yellow chocolate cake, if that is what you want to call it lol. so we are sitting here eating cake and eating mc donalnds, drinking vodka and cranberry juice (me) cracking up watching my son attempt to play duck hunt for the first time (had to bust out the Nintendo)

when he goes to sleep, i will kill the bottle of vodka and watch Boardwalk empire which i missed last night, and i might play a game of NCAA '11 before calling it a night.


I say that to say, my life didn't stop when she left. now she should be back wednesday, but we are going to ****ing live it up while she's not here. heck i wish she would stay longer truth be told. not mad at her or anything but i mean, life needs balance

there is no balance waiting on a woman, putting your life on hold and making your sole source of happiness the Virgina and love of a woman. in fact that's repulsive.