Ex sent me a card

[chris2for]

My ex broke up with me in early October saying she was just exhausted from all the arguing. She tried to get back with me a week later and I told her no. I admit I messed up and sent her a lot of messages the next and the days that followed after I rejected her. A week later I told her I was struggling.

She is the first person I could see myself marrying and having kids with. Hell, I even told her when we were dating I though about what our house would be like and what our kids would look like. All my other exes cheated on me, but she was loyal and I know she'd never cheat on me, but at the same time I didn't trust her.

Sadly, my mother passed away a year ago. She sent me a card, well the entire family really. In the card she said she knew the anniversary of my mom's death was coming up, how my mom is proud of my family , and all that other good stuff.

Since I’ve been cheated on the other breakups were really different and now I don't know what to make of this. Should I say anything to her? I don't know, this means she's a really good person doesn't it?

 

[Glassguy]

When she tried to get back with you and you rejected her offer, why did you tell her no? I would assume that you were either trying to play alpha without really being alpha or there was a specific reason for this based on her actions.

If there was a specific reason, what would have changed in 2 months for you to want to be with her again?

People break up for different reasons. They all fall into 1 of 2 categories, which are 1.) Fixable and 2.) Not fixable.

Fixable could be a number of things such as an argument, issue with one of her friends/relatives, disagreement over money, etc.

Not fixable things: Either of you have a kid that the other cant accept, religion differences, drug/alcohol abuse, gambling addiction, on a different page about having/wanting kids and not agreeing on marriage/not getting married and cheating.

Communication can generally fix the things that are fixable. Those things that are not fixable (lifestyle issues) will always rear their ugly heads again, its just a matter of time. It is almost always a waste of time trying to "work" on those things because deep down, they truly never go away.

If you broke up over something fixable then it might be worth a shot to have a conversation with her, as long as you are willing to work on it and also able to accept rejection if her actions through sending the card was totally out of being nice with no underlying effort to get back together.

If you broke up over something not fixable then I wouldnt waste my time reaching out to her. Find someone else that better suits your lifestyle and is more of what you are looking for.

 

[sazc]

If you broke up over something fixable, each of you has to be willing to get off your ego and fix it.

Getting back with exes doesn't work unless you can both agree what the issues were and are willing to compromise and work on those issues.

 

[chris2for]

When she tried to get back with you and you rejected her offer, why did you tell her no? I would assume that you were either trying to play alpha without really being alpha or there was a specific reason for this based on her actions.

If there was a specific reason, what would have changed in 2 months for you to want to be with her again?

People break up for different reasons. They all fall into 1 of 2 categories, which are 1.) Fixable and 2.) Not fixable.

Fixable could be a number of things such as an argument, issue with one of her friends/relatives, disagreement over money, etc.

Not fixable things: Either of you have a kid that the other cant accept, religion differences, drug/alcohol abuse, gambling addiction, on a different page about having/wanting kids and not agreeing on marriage/not getting married and cheating.

Communication can generally fix the things that are fixable. Those things that are not fixable (lifestyle issues) will always rear their ugly heads again, its just a matter of time. It is almost always a waste of time trying to "work" on those things because deep down, they truly never go away.

If you broke up over something fixable then it might be worth a shot to have a conversation with her, as long as you are willing to work on it and also able to accept rejection if her actions through sending the card was totally out of being nice with no underlying effort to get back together.

If you broke up over something not fixable then I wouldnt waste my time reaching out to her. Find someone else that better suits your lifestyle and is more of what you are looking for.

Yea, I just didn’t trust her. I know she’s loyal af and would never cheat, but I just didn’t trust her. When she came back I’ll admiy I was pretty pissed that she broke up with me, but I told her that if she would just admit to lying about something then we could move forward. She said I’m not going to admit to something that I didn’t do. Immediately after that I told her I was happy and moved on. So it was that along with the arguing.

 

[Macaframalama]

Yea, I just didn’t trust her. I know she’s loyal af and would never cheat, but I just didn’t trust her. When she came back I’ll admiy I was pretty pissed that she broke up with me, but I told her that if she would just admit to lying about something then we could move forward. She said I’m not going to admit to something that I didn’t do. Immediately after that I told her I was happy and moved on. So it was that along with the arguing.

If she's as loyal as you say, you not trusting her isn't her fault, it's yours. Sounds like you have some insecurities to work out first, if you ever want a chance of a possible reconnection being successful.

 

[chris2for]

If she's as loyal as you say, you not trusting her isn't her fault, it's yours. Sounds like you have some insecurities to work out first, if you ever want a chance of a possible reconnection being successful.

I don’t know even though I know she’s loyal I just think she lies. Even if I don’t think she’s lying she looks suspicious so I just perceive it as such.

 

[bizzym]

I don’t know even though I know she’s loyal I just think she lies. Even if I don’t think she’s lying she looks suspicious so I just perceive it as such.

Uhhhh what? Do you know irrational that sounds?

So you think she’s just lying about stuff, but you have no proof, but know she’s loyal?

You don’t think she’s lying but you still perceive it as her lying? None of this makes sense and it all sounds like it boils down to your insecurities.

 

[Macaframalama]

I don’t know even though I know she’s loyal I just think she lies. Even if I don’t think she’s lying she looks suspicious so I just perceive it as such.

This is projection and all on you. I've caught myself doing something similar in the past, with women that I subconsciously thought weren't a proper fit for me. It didn't manifest with suspicion, rather an unwillingness to escalate the relationship and in a few instances, subconsciously sabotaging the relationship.

 

[Masculinity]

My ex broke up with me in early October saying she was just exhausted from all the arguing. She tried to get back with me a week later and I told her no. I admit I messed up and sent her a lot of messages the next and the days that followed after I rejected her. A week later I told her I was struggling.

She is the first person I could see myself marrying and having kids with. Hell, I even told her when we were dating I though about what our house would be like and what our kids would look like. All my other exes cheated on me, but she was loyal and I know she'd never cheat on me, but at the same time I didn't trust her.

Sadly, my mother passed away a year ago. She sent me a card, well the entire family really. In the card she said she knew the anniversary of my mom's death was coming up, how my mom is proud of my family , and all that other good stuff.

Since I’ve been cheated on the other breakups were really different and now I don't know what to make of this. Should I say anything to her? I don't know, this means she's a really good person doesn't it?

Follow your gut. All of us can only guess.

 

[chris2for]

When she tried to get back with you and you rejected her offer, why did you tell her no? I would assume that you were either trying to play alpha without really being alpha or there was a specific reason for this based on her actions.

If there was a specific reason, what would have changed in 2 months for you to want to be with her again?

People break up for different reasons. They all fall into 1 of 2 categories, which are 1.) Fixable and 2.) Not fixable.

Fixable could be a number of things such as an argument, issue with one of her friends/relatives, disagreement over money, etc.

Not fixable things: Either of you have a kid that the other cant accept, religion differences, drug/alcohol abuse, gambling addiction, on a different page about having/wanting kids and not agreeing on marriage/not getting married and cheating.

Communication can generally fix the things that are fixable. Those things that are not fixable (lifestyle issues) will always rear their ugly heads again, its just a matter of time. It is almost always a waste of time trying to "work" on those things because deep down, they truly never go away.

If you broke up over something fixable then it might be worth a shot to have a conversation with her, as long as you are willing to work on it and also able to accept rejection if her actions through sending the card was totally out of being nice with no underlying effort to get back together.

If you broke up over something not fixable then I wouldnt waste my time reaching out to her. Find someone else that better suits your lifestyle and is more of what you are looking for.

Well I said thanks for the card and she didn’t respond.

 

[vanballmoos]

I wouldn't look too much into this. It was a nice gesture, but not a romantic one. Just say thank you and if she wants to turn into something more she will.

 

[marmel75]

If you are in a relationship where you are constantly arguing you might as well just get out of it because thats not how its supposed to work.

Its obvious you two weren't right for each other and I dont get why toud eant to go back to that.

Its not normal to be arguing with someone all the time.