Ex reached out after 6.5 weeks of no contact

[BURT MCQUEEN]

You speak like you know this for a fact, but you really don't know annnnnyyyything and clearly have little experience with women. Heck you JUST signed up here lol. If you had experience you'd realize that this is normal after a period of "no contact". Usually after 30-60 days when you go no contact after a break up the other person will reach out exactly like this. The negative energy has faded, she remembers the good times. I worried that she was a sloot when I first met her, but I checked into it and it turned out she wasn't, I was the only guy she was dating at the time and I had 100% proof. Sure, she may be dating someone else and if she is, I'm happy for her. I doubt she is now considering she works two jobs but if she isn't now she will eventually. I feel sorry for the guy that ends up with her crazy. That said, she was a great person in a lot of the non normal ways that our society judges these days (material accomplishments). I have those, she didn't. But she taught me a lot about people and life in general. You must have been cheated on badly or have little actual experience. Contrary to inexperienced peoples opinions, most women aren't hoe's...That's why most guys have a really hard time getting sex from women. Yes some women are. Her sister for example I know is. But her? Nah...In any case I'd never want her as a gf again, but she's a good person that I don't want to cut out of my life. And she knows I'd never give her money, and she's never asked for any.

unplug dude

you're an AFC

ALPHA IS HOW ALPHA DOES

 

[jnMissouri]

I get that but EVERYONE is saying the same thing. If it was a mixed bag of advice ok yeah vet the responses but this just shows even the beginners know what you need to do here. You are way overthinking, the answer is simple. If you don't want her in her life don't have her in your life period. You're literally getting in your own way and CHOOSING not to do what you need to do. If you were thinking about your future self, with his future wife, would he look back and say you wasted time thinking about all this and wasting time on this girl?

A hand full of people with questionable experience as I've often found on this forum, many of the guys here giving advice HAVE NOT GIRL OF THEIR OWN IN THEIR ENTIRE POSTING HISTORY...IN fact with one poster I called him out on a post that said he would pay not to be alone Friday and Saturday nights and this douche was attacking me, the guy who has a live in GF, had a side GF who knew I had a live in, and another GF that overlapped them both for about a week or so. And I still dated other women during that time here and there....As I said, friends who have been close to the situation with much more details said otherwise, and one was even a female colleague who weighed in. And guess what, they were right, she was reaching out to reconnect/fish because she missed me. Not to manipulate me. Jebus...

SO I responded again since she was clearly fishing to see if my live in was gone or not, something that was a hang up for her and she thought I'd never leave her....Told her that she doesn't deserve to be ignored, after all she never ignored me, and I was having an affair which was 10 times worse than anything she ever did which turned out to be what she said it was. I told her it's sad we couldn't come to terms, but she'll always be a special part of my life and that although I don't stay friends with etc. I'm glad she reached out and is welcome to reach out once in a while. There was a lot more stuff I said, it was sweet, I meant it....

She said she was glad I didn't ignore her, she was honestly hoping that I'd respond back despite saying she didn't expect a response after the way things ended or really want one and that she was still sorry we couldn't come to terms either. That she would love to stay in touch and even would really like me to visit her if I'm allowed (I have a gf who is suspicious) or single (again fishing to see if I'm single yet and whether I left her...the invite is primarily for when I'm single but still an invite, she had told me before to message her when I'm single). Said she has a female room mate and is right on the beach (as in, stay with her...reconnect, have sex again when I'm single and maybe start over...).

Thing is I know a relationship with her would never work, she's too immature, but she is a good person, we had a connection and she will be someone I look back on fondly throughout my life. I learned a lot about life, love and relationships through her and I'd rather be on good terms with her than be enemies or let things have ended badly.

In any case, I'm glad I responded, and I'm happy with the outcome. The game is not all about sex, although that's still on the table with her clearly. She is hot (but crazy). But she was also a good friend who I cared about and still care about, and even the most jaded girl at work has conceded that this girl does really care about me. So she reached out. I wasn't about to ignore her. Like I said, she never ignored me. I'm glad I met her and wish her the best. It's never really over anyways....never...People touch our lives and time apart helps us see our own mistakes in relationships and what we really wanted.

One thing I did learn from her, my experience with her taught me, is that although I have had other plates before her in my relationship, latter part when I strayed, the girl I always really wanted was right here with me and always there for me, treated me well. Ultimately I won't pursue a relationship with this other girl, but I'm glad we both got closure. My conversation with her helped me move on. We both got some closure and are on good terms.

 

[jnMissouri]

Oh, and the point about 6.5 weeks before she contacted me (that actually turned out to be 7 weeks to the day when I actually counted instead of estimating) didn't mean I was hung up on her. The point was just like no contact states, 30-60 days is typically how long it takes to "work" fully. She has a lot of experience with no contact, I'm surprised she didn't last longer actually. Then again, she was used to me reaching out to her a lot of the other times we went through this, though in most of those cases they were petty arguments and we knew we'd reconnect in a few days....

I will say I stand by my earlier thread that the normal no contact, based on articles by Dan Bacon, is actually bad. Waiting 30-60 days gives her time to move on, do something else, meet someone else, etc. In this case she moved to another state, got a place, started new jobs, etc. Had I done what Dan recommended, which is what I did last time with her, I could have stopped that. Last time I reached out to her after 12 days (I thought it was 10 but SHE corrected me on the spot said it was 12, I counted and she was right). So this was also a good experiment in no contact. I won't use the 30-60 days no contact thing again. I'll reach out, leave things amicable, put the ball in the girls court from now on instead of the ridiculous 30-60 day no contact thing. Many don't realize that was something actually recommended by therapists to help people move on from relationships...not attract them back. Rather than just ignoring, you need to attract them back. Though in this case, I don't necessarily want her back and it's unlikely I will go see her, but never say never, she's an option again....at least for great sex. And again, I actually care about this woman. She wasn't just a piece of ass to me....

 

[Smartone84]

Ah, gotta love SoSuave. Normal guy makes long detailed posts about about an ex that (even if he won't admit it) he's at least somewhat still emotionally invested in and gets called "Afc", "Beta" amongst other negative things.

Look man, I'll be the more down to Earth guy here chiming in and telling you like it is. I'm 35 years old. I've been through these types of situations many times before, sadly. The harsh reality is that yes, you would not be posting here about her unless you at least still had SOME form of interest. That being said, I believe that interest is very very small and close to being non existent. While a lot of these other guys ripping you have no clue what you've been through with this chick the harsh reality is that you SHOULD block her/delete her number, whatever you want to call it and move on, and in REALLY move on. You might not get over her tomorrow or next week or even next month, but it's time. I was in a relationship with a BPD girl for 2 years and all they enjoy doing is being miserable and subsequently making their partners the same way. This is not love and I can bet the bank that you know that too.