Ex-oneitus's Bday is coming up

[vrad]

I dated a girl(not exclusive) for 3 months. 2 of those months were long distance. Then it ended after I sent her an email telling her I want to hang out more(when she started flaking on my date offers) and she responded with that she doesnt want to get into anything right now.. which basically meant to me is that she doesnt want a relationship with "me." Which is fine, despite the fact that she gave me huge buying signals and did a lot of things and we hooked up a lot. Whatever, I'm pretty much over it.

I have barely spoken to her since middle of October. She has tried to initate contact with me several times - txt msges on holidays saying happy thanksgiving, merry christmas etc. And I responded once on christmas when she said that, but kept the IM convo super short.

Since mid october I have basically cut off contact with her and moved on (dated other girls).

However, one week after she told me she didnt want "to get into anything with me" it was my birthday. And she sent me a card, and txt msged me a happy birthday. I was like whatever.

My question to you guys is... her birthday I know is comign up in a few days.
Should I drop her a line and say happy birthday? Or just not even bother.

My pride is telling me to just keep ignoring her b/c I just dont give a $hit. And so is this quote "A girl only returns when she senses you've forgotten about her."

My lingering AFC side is saying to drop her a line b/c if I dont it will be dyck.


What would you guys do in my situation?

 

[backbreaker]

send her a PHONE CALL saying happy birthday, and make it short and sweet. Yo uaren't trying to get back with her, but yet you are considerate enough to call and wish them well.

 

[Luveno]

Nothing. Don't go out of your way to pander to her.

 

[FrankWank]

So what - who cares

forget about her and dont be a nice guy and contact her on her bday. All that'll do is give her power over you. You should have betta things to do

 

[FM 3321]

My ex's birthday is actually in April so if she does intiate contact and interest in me again I'll definetly give her some attention on her birthday.

I had this delimma of calling her on Christmas and when I did I actually text messaged her "Just thinking about you, I want you to have a merry christmas". She didn't respond. I did get her on the phone a couple days later and set up a "date" but that's a different story.

What I learned is that she didn't respond. She obviously didn't fcking care about it. What will I do in the future if the same situation comes up? I won't do anything. If me and this girl aren't talking by the time her birthday comes up, I wouldn't contact her on her birthday. I feel that if she wants some attention she would start liking me again and show it. If she doesn't show any interest to me when her birthday comes up I don't think she would care.

I'm no expert on this but that's just what I think and feel about it. Instict would tell me that calling her on her birthday would help me get her back with me because she'll think I'm so sweet. Then again I would think that if I don't call her she'll think "Hmm...he's not using my birthday to get back into my pants. I wonder what he's doing today? Doesn't he know it's my birthday? Does he still like me?" They both make sense but which one works seems like a mystery to most people.

Honestly if I were in your shoes I would NOT call her on her birthday. After experiening what happened when I contacted my ex on Christmas it really seems like a pointless maneuver. She didn't seem to like me more for contacting her on Christmas. So if you contact her on her birthday it would almost be of no suprise to her. More like "duh.......I knew he'd call on my birthday."

 

[belividere]

My ex ltr's birthday passed last week and I didn't even bother calling her either. She called me afterwards, which I'm pretty sure was to call me an ******* anyways. I didn't answer. Fvck it I'm not playing these games anymore, and she knows I wont but keeps trying. Just blow it off and let it pass. She flaked out already, that is her decision, don't give her another chance. At least in my situation I know that I wont.

 

[jakeyboy]

i feel you FM 3312,

the same thing happened with my ex. i just sent her a text over the festive holidays saying 'greetings of the season, take care always.. i miss you babe" no reply. its like she's dead or something. anyways, her birthday is coming up in march, don't think i'd be wishing her anyhoo. she probably wouldnt care anyway, so why the heck should i entertain her. PAH

to hell with these women.

 

[MindOverMatter]

Honestly just give her a call and wish her a happy birthday, since she wished one to you and tried to contact you before.

But, don't do it for the wrong reasons. Don't call her thinking her heart will melt and she will want to get back. Don't express any interest in her over the phonecall (i.e. "i miss you babe" or "just thinking about you", let her initiate those). Keep your history out of this phonecall. Call her as you would call one of your boys who you lost touch with if it was his birthday.

 

[cave dweller]

time........

Hey,

Don't waste your time with a card or a phone call.

An EX is an EX is an EX.

It didn't work then and it won't work now.

Forget her and move on.

cave dweller

 

[MindOverMatter]

An EX is an EX is an EX.

That's a bad policy. Just cause a girl is your ex doesn't mean you should kick her out of your life. I'm friends with almost all of my exes, and one of them has volontarily hooked me up with her friends before. They've all expressed interest in getting back together since we broke up and I could get back with any of them if I wanted to.

Don't be a doormat/lapdog, don't be an a$shole, just be a good guy and good things will come.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Send her a message only if you want to try to keep some type of contact with her.

 

[vrad]

hmm interesting replies.

She did wish me a happy birthday and sent me a card but that was almost 3 months ago. I responded to her msg with a thanks.. and that is it. I have not spoken with her since in length at all or even chatted on IM in length. The only contact we have had was her IMing me christmas and saying merry christmas. I responded the same and left. She also txted me a couple other times but I never responded.

I dont want to get back with her, and if she begged me to come back with her right now I wouldnt at this point in time. My ego and pride are too big to deal with her right now. However, if she wanted to hang out just to hook up, I would let her, but it would be on her dime.

This girl has a lot of guy friends and is kinda a sunshine girl. I don't really feel like feeding her ego by calling her or msging her. I mean she has all her AFC guy friends to do that. I am busy right now with my life and improving myself.

If she texts or calls me in the next week or two and brings up her birthday - which she may - I will just be like "Oh thats right! it was your birthday recently.. happy birthday" and leave it at that. But I doubt that will happen.



My only reservation to doing the above is that in a couple years I know she might be living in the same city as me again and who knows.. maybe we can have a f-buddy relationship or something. I dont want her to think I am an a-hole for not remembering her birthday and not ever want to talk to me again. But then again... aren't girls attracted to a-hole like qualities?

 

[MindOverMatter]

If you don't wanna get back with her, then just call her and wish her a happy birthday as you would to a friend. Don't think much of it man.

 

[vrad]

UPDATE


Well it would be nice if I could get back with her cause she was a sweet girl... but I know it is not going to happen anytime soon and I am not going to let that happen until she lives close to me again. Furthermore, I am going to make her jump through hoops and prove her worth to me if she wants to start dating me again. But in all likelyhood, that is probably not going to happen and thats why I started hooking up with other girls months ago.

Now there is an UPDATE to be heard!!!
She sent me a msg today over thefacebook.com(its a website like friendster.com) cause a week ago I changed my picture. She said "your pic is hot!!!"

Its like she wants me to call/msg her to wish her a happy birthday... hahaha

what to do.. what to do...

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Originally posted by MindOverMatter
That's a bad policy. Just cause a girl is your ex doesn't mean you should kick her out of your life. I'm friends with almost all of my exes, and one of them has volontarily hooked me up with her friends before. They've all expressed interest in getting back together since we broke up and I could get back with any of them if I wanted to.

Don't be a doormat/lapdog, don't be an a$shole, just be a good guy and good things will come.

I think it is a fine policy. 99.9999% of the time when you hook up with an ex again, it has the same ending like that saying goes: [insert quote here].

So relationship-wise they're useless. Keep them as friends? Speaking for myself, I already have friends. I barely have time for all my current friends as it is. I don't need anymore friends, so they're useless to me as friends. Hook-ups? ewwww. Hooking up through ex's is not for me, no thanks to that.

But this is just my situation. You maybe be different.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Originally posted by vrad
UPDATE


Well it would be nice if I could get back with her cause she was a sweet girl... but I know it is not going to happen anytime soon and I am not going to let that happen until she lives close to me again. Furthermore, I am going to make her jump through hoops and prove her worth to me if she wants to start dating me again. But in all likelyhood, that is probably not going to happen and thats why I started hooking up with other girls months ago.

Now there is an UPDATE to be heard!!!
She sent me a msg today over thefacebook.com(its a website like friendster.com) cause a week ago I changed my picture. She said "your pic is hot!!!"

Its like she wants me to call/msg her to wish her a happy birthday... hahaha

what to do.. what to do...

She's probably running an attention wh0re scam on you. She'll give you enough attention to hold your attention on her. Drop her.

 

[vrad]

Wow this is a tough decision guys.... I was watching a movie tonight and some of my nice-guyness made me start to feel bad and almost call her... but I held back!

Lets break it down one last time.

Why I should msg her on her birthday:
-won't come across as a jerk
-she has tried to initiate contact with me through IMs/txt msges a total of 5 times now since mid Octoboer after SHE didn't want to continue dating me long distance - I responded only once to these contacts.
-she txted me AND sent me a card on my birthday, which occurred 1 week after she ended it. It was very sweet of her.
-I am generally a great guy - and always wish people happy birthdays even people I am not good friends with.


Why I should not msg/call her on her birthday:
-it will pander to her sunshine girl ego and lessen my pride/ego.
-she, being my x-oneitus, hurt me bad and sunk me into a depression for several weeks. (side note: I am now better off and stronger because of it)
-my ****Y/FUNNY/JERK-like tendancies has always helped me in the girl category. My nice-guy/great guy side usually does not help me in this category.
-I have not spoken to her in length or seen her since mid-October.
-I do not want to become one of her guys that she thinks she has in the bag and can call on at anytime.
-I know she started hooking up with some other guy.


My decision so far:

MindOverMatter makes a good point - but unless I can be convinced otherwise... right now I am not going to even bother trying to recognize the fact that it is her birthday. If she for some reason tries to contact me in the next week or so - I will be somewhat responsive and if she mentions her birthday I will casually just be like "Oh thats right it was your birthday recently... happy belated birthday!!"


Good plan?

 

[FM 3321]

Originally posted by vrad



Why I should not msg/call her on her birthday:

-I know she started hooking up with some other guy.


[/B]

There's a reason right there.

 

[Cremasta]

For God's sake!!!

Call her up, say happy birthday, chat for a few minutes, say goodbye and hang up!

She's happy
You're happy
No one's being an arsehole
No bridges burnt

 

[Kaine]

I dated a girl(not exclusive) for 3 months. 2 of those months were long distance.

This is another example of typical AFC behaviour. He's paralysed by analysis over a "sweet girl" who realistically only dated one month in a non exclusive dating where she finally LJBFs him.

Lesson here is. If you want a friend, then treat her like one, otherwise just don't give a rats butthole unless she is putting out.

Here's one from the guys

*backhand*