Ex just wants to talk about superficial....

[EFFORT]

sorry if I have irritated anyone in the process.

Your situation is very common. Most if not all of us have been through it a number of times so the ending is very predictable. The advice offered here is to save you from unnecessary pain. So it can be irritating when the advice is not followed.

Rationally I understand - but for the first time in my life I cant control my thoughts - its physically impossible for me to stop thinking about her I cant stop and I have tried everything from drugs to alcohol to sex to flirting to girls to company - and I will cary on trying, but it hasnt worked so far - I wish it had! I have serious work to do!

See that example I said before about slow steady progress. Look at getting completely over your ex as a process that takes a year. It may happen sooner or may take even longer but just build a mindset around it taking a year.

The process is

No Contact + Meeting New Women + Hobbies + Career/Career Path Focus + Social Life + Self Development

Spend a year doing the above and I'm willing to bet you will not be thinking about her this time next year. You just have to use your courage and do it.

 

[tomato]

Another totally awesome post thanks - please bear with me if I'm not following everything immediately and I am questioning you - as I said this it the first time i've lost composure like this I'm not questioning you skills. I've been NC since yesterday when we spoke... been doing weights....just realised I got a Christmas email from her which I clearly totally ignored oh well...

Don't be urgent. You have plenty of time. The worst thing you could do is bring a sense of urgency to this. Your chances actually go up with more time.

But surely it would be better to meet her before she meets her new "friend" - I think if I met her and Fclosed her before she meets him it would totally restart everything - its not that I'm in a rush - I'm just aware of external influences getting an even bigger advantage thanthey already have - (since I havent spoken to her in 5 weeks its not very dificult ofr another guy to have made his way in there - I can tell there is that remnant of hope of reconciliation in her which will die very quickly if not exploited). Hence why it would better sooner rather than later - its almost like a valve - if she has sex with me first she wont have sex with him (she'll see that as too slutty) and if she has sex with him first then she wont have sex with me. She will see him next wednesday evening in lectures....hence why when she suggests meeting I will suggest wednesday afternoon - (after my exam). I'm assuming she wont just meet him on wednesday either - might go to his uni room after lectures (I'd imagine if she's been talking to him through the holidays via text/phone) - they finish at 21.00...

Lose the urgency. Do not get a hotel room. Wait until you get your place.

Ok but my place will prob be after she meets him (see above) unless I just rush and get a place in a rush....

Do not do this. Again I recommend deleting your facebook page its not helping you.

But the girl is super hot and wants to do it.... What if when my ex contacts me (prob to ask about it) I play along for a bit and then tell her I was joking and it was just done to annoy the other girl's ex/ pacify her parents then say she does want to hang out - date - (till now I've been rejecting her).
I can imagine this BOOSTING jealousy - why is that bad? why do you say no?

How about if I wait for a day or two for her to contact me - if she doesnt I use that to encourage her to....would prob set her really wanting to see me -set a competitive frame? - there must be a good way of doing it that it could work?

Doesnt this give her that "range of emotions" that gets them excited - maybe this needs some shaking...? There is serious risk of her slowly putting me in the "friend" category if I dont do something drastic i feel... what if she brings up being friends how respond? - yes- i'm a wuss no- I am desperate for a relationship... cant win

 

[Aaron B]

sounds to me like you've got everything you need to figure this one out for yourself

after you succeed, let us know how you did it

 

[EFFORT]

please bear with me if I'm not following everything immediately and I am questioning you - as I said this it the first time i've lost composure like this I'm not questioning you skills.

No worries tomato I'm not irritated with you. Emotions are tough. This is a place where us Men can work through these issues.

Go ahead and follow the plan you posted. It'll be a good learning experience despite what happens. Post an update of what happens.

 

[tomato]

No worries tomato I'm not irritated with you. Emotions are tough. This is a place where us Men can work through these issues.
Go ahead and follow the plan you posted. It'll be a good learning experience despite what happens. Post an update of what happens.

what will happen?
Still on NC.... I take it she will break either by the end of the week or next week...not sure - of course that could be shortened....BTW I dont think everything is lost - for the short time I had her added on fb - she did make the effort to copy a photo of me on my profile edit it to put me next to a movie star to point out the similarity playfully...which a girl then commented on...

I have seen some strong advice against mentioning another girl to the ex on here before.... - I have just forgotten why.... is it because it sets us up as buddies talking about our hookup's etc - and therefore puts us further in the friend zone? It might set a precedent and she might start talking about her guys - that could be a problem right?

BUT isnt this different because I wouldnt be bringing it up - I wont even talk to her - it would juts become obvious on my fb profile and she would see it and think WTH? and just let her wonder what the hell is going on - "maybe he's moved on and doesnt want me" - then she'd contact me and I would tell her I only did it because the other girls parents want the other girl to have a bf so we're just doing it for show. Or is this too transparent and my ex will still see it as an invitation to start talking about guys etc...........of course I could go the whole way and actually pretend the new girl is a gf - thats coming on strong and we did it to make her parents happy - if I play that comfortably I'm assuming that will be the biggest signal of "I couldnt care less about you" that I could send - which many here reccomend? - but I feel very uneasy about doing that

A friend has given me his fb password so I could talk to her as him - could that help in anyway?

 

[EFFORT]

BUT isnt this different because I wouldnt be bringing it up - I wont even talk to her - it would juts become obvious on my fb profile and she would see it and think WTH? and just let her wonder what the hell is going on - "maybe he's moved on and doesnt want me" - then she'd contact me and I would tell her I only did it because the other girls parents want the other girl to have a bf so we're just doing it for show. Or is this too transparent and my ex will still see it as an invitation to start talking about guys etc...........

It could actually "work" if shes the jealous type, but the result is just drama that still ends in a breakup and more emotional pain for you. I'm not sure how old you are, but if your interested in becoming more mature, I recommend removing petty highschool facebook drama from your life. Just not a zone you want to be operating in.

it also makes me a little uneasy

It makes you feel uneasy because on some level you know its absolutely ridiculous to be on facebook creating some manipulative plot line to try and get back a girl that's not interested in dating you.


The best advice for your situation is to accept that its over and build a happy single life focusing on the combination of things I listed out above.

The "Hail Mary" advice is to go NC and when your able to see her, meet up and attempt to have sex with her. The Hail Mary has a very small chance of working, even if you were able to do the approaches . In the small chance that you do score, it'll be fun for the moment. It may even turn into a brief fling, but when you accept reality and look up at the score board your still down 100 points with 3min left in the game.

I know its close to impossible to accept the reality in chemically saturated mind state your in. ( read The Alchemy of Love and Lust) So go ahead and try to have sex with her and report back what happens.

 

[tomato]

It could actually "work" if shes the jealous type, but the result is just drama that still ends in a breakup and more emotional pain for you. I'm not sure how old you are, but if your interested in becoming more mature, I recommend removing petty highschool facebook drama from your life. Just not a zone you want to be operating in.
It makes you feel uneasy because on some level you know its absolutely ridiculous to be on facebook creating some manipulative plot line to try and get back a girl that's not interested in dating you.


The best advice for your situation is to accept that its over and build a happy single life focusing on the combination of things I listed out above.

The "Hail Mary" advice is to go NC and when your able to see her, meet up and attempt to have sex with her. The Hail Mary has a very small chance of working, even if you were able to do the approaches . In the small chance that you do score, it'll be fun for the moment. It may even turn into a brief fling, but when you accept reality and look up at the score board your still down 100 points with 3min left in the game.

I know its close to impossible to accept the reality in chemically saturated mind state your in. ( read The Alchemy of Love and Lust) So go ahead and try to have sex with her and report back what happens.

she is the very jealous/insecure type - she got nervous whenever I talked to a girl! because she was always intimidated by me being "better" than her
I'm 23. I'm cutting downmy fb activity

 

[tomato]

I know its close to impossible to accept the reality in chemically saturated mind state your in. ( read The Alchemy of Love and Lust) So go ahead and try to have sex with her and report back what happens.

I think I should start an argument with her about something trivial - that could be the best way to sex at my place - any ideas what sexy things there are to argue about? (abortion is not one of them)