Ex just wants to talk about superficial....

[tomato]

How can I manke things progress via chat? or over the phone - shes just talking about unimportant stuff like phones etc.... Its just all unimportant crap at the moment - Should I ask her about what she's been doing? Doesnt that put us in the "friend" frame - I'm pretty sure SHE'S VERY EAGER TO LJBF ME?

I am trying to tease and find sexual innuendo and even brought up a time we had sex in a public place she acknowledged it with "hm yeh" and changed subject to "it was cold" and doesnt "play" along if you know what I mean??? Do I just keep on going and pretend she isnt ignoring it?

Also want to ask her if theres anything important she wants to tlk about eg the rude breakup? Aren't I being a wuss not confronting her at all about the way she ended a 2 year LTR via text? BTW last night she said "you have to show me your new place sometime"

she also wants to talk over the phone cause I suggested she said she wanted to....

should I maybe keep talking to a minimum till we meet (she said she wanted to when she gets back but hasnt brought it up again, maybe I will give her a date I can do it rather than waiting for her to suggest one)


does anyone have experience getting an ex back?

since when did we start assuming that meeting up would end in failure WTF happend.? lets NOT do that! I am going to the gym btw - every other day! And also continually gaming new girls. - so please I have the mentality just faced with a new situation here...

Thanks guys.

 

[AlexDP]

How can I manke things progress via chat? or over the phone - shes just talking about unimportant stuff like phones etc.... Its just all unimportant crap at the moment - Should I ask her about what she's been doing? Doesnt that put us in the "friend" frame - I'm pretty sure SHE'S VERY EAGER TO LJBF ME?

I am trying to tease and find sexual innuendo and even brought up a time we had sex in a public place she acknowledged it with "hm yeh" and changed subject to "it was cold" and doesnt "play" along if you know what I mean??? Do I just keep on going and pretend she isnt ignoring it?

Also want to ask her if theres anything important she wants to tlk about eg the rude breakup? Aren't I being a wuss not confronting her at all about the way she ended a 2 year LTR via text? BTW last night she said "you have to show me your new place sometime"

she also wants to talk over the phone cause I suggested she said she wanted to....


does anyone have experience getting an ex back?

since when did we start assuming that meeting up would end in failure WTF happend.? lets NOT do that! I am going to the gym btw - every other day! And also continually gaming new girls. - so please I have the mentality just faced with a new situation here...

Thanks guys.

Thing is: there's always a reason she's an ex. Either she didn't want you enough or the relationship simply wasn't doing the both of you justice. You should just accept that she's an ex. If you think you want to be friends - nothing more though - be friends. If you think you don't, stop talking to her. Don't do any of this to get her back. It is over. And don't take that as defeat. It was an experience for you, it made you a better man.

 

[Jariel]

Simply put, the best way to get an ex is to move on and let her chase you.

It's human nature that we value more the things that elude us and whoever cares the least holds the most power in a relationship.

The problem is a lot of guys seem to think they can win her back by ignoring a couple of text messages or taking a week or two away from her then chasing her again. It doesn't work like that. You literally have to move forward and leave her behind. Then one day, when she feels like you've really gone from her life, she may start to miss you and want you back.

 

[tomato]

Thing is: there's always a reason she's an ex. Either she didn't want you enough or the relationship simply wasn't doing the both of you justice. You should just accept that she's an ex. If you think you want to be friends - nothing more though - be friends. If you think you don't, stop talking to her. Don't do any of this to get her back. It is over. And don't take that as defeat. It was an experience for you, it made you a better man.

I know why we broke up because of the living situation we were in last year (all year she had nothing to do sat at home in my parents house bored while I was busy) and I acted like a total AFC in the last 5 weeks of it. So If I fix those structural problems (haven't quite found a flat yet) there will be no problem and it can work.

 

[tomato]

Simply put, the best way to get an ex is to move on and let her chase you.

It's human nature that we value more the things that elude us and whoever cares the least holds the most power in a relationship.

The problem is a lot of guys seem to think they can win her back by ignoring a couple of text messages or taking a week or two away from her then chasing her again. It doesn't work like that. You literally have to move forward and leave her behind. Then one day, when she feels like you've really gone from her life, she may start to miss you and want you back.

I am all for NC. I went NC for 5 weeks after the BU and it was her that contacted me first and said she missed talking to me..... I've done the whole NC thing. In this case she has lots of guys into her and lots of new female friends.... so robbing her of my attention (the lack of which was a problem in the first place) wont work - this means that prolonging NC any longer is not going to build attraction but push her into another arms. She wants to talk now if I ignore her she will just talk to other boys on her course that have all day long to chase after her. ANd since shes an attention seeker, she'll totally fall for it. -I need to talk to her about something - how do you normally stay out of the friend zone? HOW SHOULD I HANDLE IT IF SHE SAYS WANTS TO BE FRIENDS??

 

[EFFORT]

I am all for NC. I went NC for 5 weeks after the BU and it was her that contacted me first and said she missed talking to me..... I've done the whole NC thing. In this case she has lots of guys into her and lots of new female friends.... so robbing her of my attention (the lack of which was a problem in the first place) wont work - this means that prolonging NC any longer is not going to build attraction but push her into another arms. She wants to talk now if I ignore her she will just talk to other boys on her course that have all day long to chase after her. ANd since shes an attention seeker, she'll totally fall for it. -I need to talk to her about something - how do you normally stay out of the friend zone? HOW SHOULD I HANDLE IT IF SHE SAYS WANTS TO BE FRIENDS??

I know you don't want to hear it but Jariel and AlexDP are spot on.

I know your not going to accept it though so if you must take action do what I said in this thread http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=190598

Actually do it. 4 numbers and a girl you could have had sex with isn't cutting it. Actually go out and talk to 10 new women each day leading up to the day you have her come see your new place. Go NC during this period. Communicating with her is losing you ground. Its counter productive. There no words you can say to change the situation. This means no checking her facebook, no facebook chatting, no msn/yahoo/aim/skype/etc, no texting, emailing, no cell phone/landline. No communication what so ever.

And don't sweat it, its just a learning experience.

 

[tomato]

I know you don't want to hear it but Jariel and AlexDP are spot on.

I know your not going to accept it though so if you must take action do what I said in this thread http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=190598

Actually do it. 4 numbers and a girl you could have had sex with isn't cutting it. Actually go out and talk to 10 new women each day leading up to the day you have her come see your new place. Go NC during this period. Communicating with her is losing you ground. Its counter productive. There no words you can say to change the situation. This means no checking her facebook, no facebook chatting, no msn/yahoo/aim/skype/etc, no texting, emailing, no cell phone/landline. No communication what so ever.

And don't sweat it, its just a learning experience.

This sounds like a great idea actually - although - I have already mucked up by talking to her too much maybe - I can see what you mean but WHY is it loosing me ground - I dont get that right now...

I will let her call me later today as planned and after that I'll go NC till she gets back to me asking me what day to meet etc - I dont htink I'm ging to have a place ready in a week though......and it think it would be good to meet soon after she gets back - before she meets the other guys. Maybe I can flip her into gf phase before she goes off on that again? You see how it would be good to meet her before she gets into her life here again and things its all like before christmas - set the frame early - nip the bud etc

 

[tomato]

Right I talked to her and finished it last on a pretty good vibe - I finished by saying she'd better keep working hard on her work and do well or she's getting a spank - good right? I also mentioned some DHV's and she was DHVing me quite a bit - "you hardly need to do any work and you do better than anyone else - i've been telling you this" is this an IOI? I think she genuinely meant it as a copliment but there is a chance her subconcious might be using it as something else? - any insight on this?

I tried to keep the whole - your my little fling thing going I might have been a moron and actually suggested she moves in with me in a flat because it makes things easier but I think I gave it enough of a joke slant tht it worked ok "lets move out have some kids and the dog". She actually said yes, but she'd have to save her friend she said. She seemed to be laughing and having fun.... if there was no back story I would say that went really well and I would have set a date to meet....... she did mention again that we should meet and I ignored it - maybe next time I will say "you need to prove your cool enough before I meet you" and then "ok but you are buying ME a drink from where I choose". Come on guys I'm following your advice and gaming other girls - I'm going out tonight and I will talk to 10 girls and get their numbers. Just help me out with this one and dont be all "oh you need to give up she doesnt want you" what kind of a wussy beta frame is that! SHE WANTS ME BECAUSE I'M AWESOME - period - now lets cut the "move on you cant get her" mentality please!

I know in the right circumstances with the right game - right now I could be ****ing her hard up the ass (something I go her to love from a state of never wanting to do it) with her begging for more. SO please help me out here guys. Also maybe I miscommunicated something but she didn't actually dump me, she just sent a text saying "I think we need some space its maybe better we dont see each other for a while" and then "lets meet after christmas" I never begged for her back I was totally cool with it and went NC - then she came to me.

 

[GameTime76]

You been DUMPED. She placed you in a little box inside her head saying you are unworthy. There is no going back.

 

[tomato]

You been DUMPED. She placed you in a little box inside her head saying you are unworthy. There is no going back.

why do i hear about people getting back together all the time then?

If I play it properly I know it could happen - thats what you guys are here for.

 

[Iceberg]

You been DUMPED. She placed you in a little box inside her head saying you are unworthy. There is no going back.

This is the 3rd thread in 3 days he's started about this ex.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=190548

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=190598

At this point, I'd just ignore him. He's either pathetic and hopeless or just looking for attention.

Either way, lots of guys have given him great advice on this situation. There's nothing more we can say.

 

[tomato]

I have got some good advice and I'm following it - but its hardly exhaustive? I just want to get some input from someone thats managed to restart a relationship - thats all

 

[GameTime76]

why do i hear about people getting back together all the time then?

If I play it properly I know it could happen - thats what you guys are here for.

Yes people do get back together but it usually never works cause it didnt work the first time! She is giving you false hope. You are out of her life romanticly FOREVER! If you do get back together its cause her IL is Low and she will break up with you again.

 

[EFFORT]

I have got some good advice and I'm following it - but its hardly exhaustive? I just want to get some input from someone thats managed to restart a relationship - thats all

Hey tomato your viewing this situation as if there some magic combination of words you can say that will change everything. This isn't a logical type of thing. What your working with are the naturally chaotic emotions of a 18-25 year old (guessing) woman and the emotions of a chemically clouded man (yourself).

In this context words are just sounds that relay your frequency. Your frequency is created by a combination of your thoughts, beliefs, needs being met or not met. Your currently giving off a needy,insecure,scarcity, wussy frequency.

When you communicate with her you cover her with your unattractive frequency. This is why you lose ground by communicating with her. By communicating with her your allowing her to confirm why she dumped you. It also make other guys look that much better to her when she compares there frequency to yours.

I recommend approaching A LOT of new women since this will give you a chance of changing your frequency in a short amount of time. (and you may actually meet a new woman and let her go altogether) This will make you less needy, less insecure, less scarce, less wussy. Combine this with not communicating with her for about 1.5 weeks it looks like now, your frequency will come off slightly different. That difference might resonate with her when you see her in person and your chances of having sex with her will go up. After sex you'll have your chance to "restart".

This is a band-aid type of plan here. Short term based thinking. The best advice is do to what everyone else has been saying but I know you want to "do" something.

 

[Mk951]

Do you want to recover her, or to recover yourself?

Good news, solution is the same in both cases: Forget her, and absolutely NC her.

Eventually you´ll end with first or second option. Second is better.

 

[tomato]

Hey tomato your viewing this situation as if there some magic combination of words you can say that will change everything. This isn't a logical type of thing. What your working with are the naturally chaotic emotions of a 18-25 year old (guessing) woman and the emotions of a chemically clouded man (yourself).

In this context words are just sounds that relay your frequency. Your frequency is created by a combination of your thoughts, beliefs, needs being met or not met. Your currently giving off a needy,insecure,scarcity, wussy frequency.

When you communicate with her you cover her with your unattractive frequency. This is why you lose ground by communicating with her. By communicating with her your allowing her to confirm why she dumped you. It also make other guys look that much better to her when she compares there frequency to yours.

I recommend approaching A LOT of new women since this will give you a chance of changing your frequency in a short amount of time. (and you may actually meet a new woman and let her go altogether) This will make you less needy, less insecure, less scarce, less wussy. Combine this with not communicating with her for about 1.5 weeks it looks like now, your frequency will come off slightly different. That difference might resonate with her when you see her in person and your chances of having sex with her will go up. After sex you'll have your chance to "restart".

This is a band-aid type of plan here. Short term based thinking. The best advice is do to what everyone else has been saying but I know you want to "do" something.

wow - LOVING this! This is the perfect kind of post - you clearly laid out the logic behind your advice and I totally follow what your saying thank you! I didnt get this before but I now see why the gaming is so important. There is a small problem - I have an interview and an exam to prepare for next week so last night was the last night I can go out before seeing her DAMM. I did meet some girls but I bascially vibed with a whole group of them for most of the night but the attractive ones had bf's so I got the others numbers but it didnt really contribute to my abundance mentality since I wasnt interested - but I did talk to 10 girls as was suggested.

So I want to follow your advice but for the next week I can't. It was odd - I talked to her for almost 45mins yesterday and while it seemed to go well I think what you said is true - it didnt get me anywhere - might have even dissipated quite a lot of tension which was there before - and didnt keep things sexual enough - I was even stupid enough to suggest she shares a room in my new flat with me - because it genuinely akes things cheaper/easier (although I did make it into a joke and will address that next time again " you realise I was joking, although maybe I'd consider it if you did all the cooking and back rubs everyday") although she did say it was an idea. She was complimenting me ALOT but is it me or are they almost meant as strokes or something - almost like "here doggie good doggie" thats why it almost annoys me. I think i need to have sex with her or at least get it sexual on the first meet or this is dead - I need to give her space though dont I, like really light then strong kino push pull and leaning back for her to come to me right? Or I will come off as needy. How about just french kissing her when right when we first see each other as a greeting?? - I think this would only work if I had my own place hmmm

So conclusion is: go nc to let tension build (maybe just respond to her once so I can address the room comment). Also set up dates with the girls I had lined up from last term. Its a shame I havent got more time, she comes back this weeken d and her course starts next wednesday evening 0 I need to see her before then before she goes into that mode again, ideally I'd F her before then and then but i need a place........could get a hotel room, grand mothers doesnt cut it really. also what about a jealously plot line - girl friend add me as a relationship and stay nc for a few days - she would like to do it to irritate her ex and my gf doesnt know her and she is hot

 

[tomato]

No. You still haven't got it. You're not going NC with the intention of trying to get her back but in order to forget about her and move on with your life. The fact you've made three threads about this one girl shows she still consumes your thoughts and quite frankly it's pathetic. She will not take you back in this condition. Absorb this harsh truth. You'll be a better man for it.

LOL only on a forum like this would being in love be called pathetic. Its quite funny really - I have always had my emotions under control - for my whole life till I met this girl I wasn't affected by them once -I was always in control. Then when I meet her this is seen as a problem by her and everyone around me treated me like I have some kind of disease because I was so cold. Then I let myself go... I took the leap of faith for the first time in my life I actually trust someone totally - THEN LOOK WHAT HAPPENS - I feel like James bond in casino royale!

I only posted 3 times because my threads went off the front page and I assumed I wouldn't get any more responses - and look I got a first class post above thats really helped, sorry if I have irritated anyone in the process.

I do accept the harsh truth that you have stated - I knew it from the moment of the BU - thats why I went NC for 4 weeks till she broke it. Its also why I'm here looking for ways to act that might help. I am also doing what has been suggested. Rationally I understand - but for the first time in my life I cant control my thoughts - its physically impossible for me to stop thinking about her I cant stop and I have tried everything from drugs to alcohol to sex to flirting to girls to company - and I will cary on trying, but it hasnt worked so far - I wish it had! I have serious work to do!

 

[The Shoe]

I have got some good advice and I'm following it - but its hardly exhaustive? I just want to get some input from someone thats managed to restart a relationship - thats all

Been there several times and gotten back together only to break up shortly afterwards. Unless it was a committed LTR going through a "bump", there was a reason you broke up. You rediscover this reason as soon as get back together. Right now you sound desprate. No sane person wants that.

The advice given here is solid. You need to:
1. Distance yourself emotionally from her
2. Date other women
3. Move on

There is no reason why you cannot find a better woman.

 

[Aaron B]

deleted

 

[EFFORT]

wow - LOVING this! This is the perfect kind of post - you clearly laid out the logic behind your advice and I totally follow what your saying thank you! I didnt get this before but I now see why the gaming is so important.

Glad it made sense to you!

There is a small problem - I have an interview and an exam to prepare for next week so last night was the last night I can go out before seeing her DAMM.

This is far from a problem. Your Career/Career Path come first in life. The interview and exam are light years more important.

it didnt really contribute to my abundance mentality since I wasnt interested - but I did talk to 10 girls as was suggested.

It actually did. You gained at the minimum a fraction of a % for just showing up. But you wouldn't be able to feel it since its so small.

Example......Over the course of a month it adds up to maybe a 2% gain, then the next month you get 4% and the next 5%, so after 3 month you have 11% more of an abundance mentality. You keep moving forward on that momentum and in the next 3 months gain 10% more. Then on month 7 you hit a sweet spot and jump up 25% in a month. So after 7months your 46% more abundant which is huge progress and wouldn't have been possible without your initial months of small gains.

Just an example, but this is how a lot of things are in life. Learn to value "slow" steady progress.

So conclusion is: go nc to let tension build (maybe just respond to her once so I can address the room comment).

Don't address the room comment. Remember from before any speaking to her is losing you ground. Remember its not logical. All she will hear from your explanation is " I'm needy, I'm needy, I'm a wuss, I have no options, you were right to dump me "

Also set up dates with the girls I had lined up from last term.

Yes! Good job :rockon:

Its a shame I havent got more time, she comes back this weeken d and her course starts next wednesday evening 0 I need to see her before then before she goes into that mode again

Don't be urgent. You have plenty of time. The worst thing you could do is bring a sense of urgency to this. Your chances actually go up with more time.

ideally I'd F her before then and then but i need a place........could get a hotel room, grand mothers doesnt cut it really.

Lose the urgency. Do not get a hotel room. Wait until you get your place.

also what about a jealously plot line - girl friend add me as a relationship and stay nc for a few days - she would like to do it to irritate her ex and my gf doesnt know her and she is hot

Do not do this. Again I recommend deleting your facebook page its not helping you.