ex-girlfriend says she's pregnant

[rbd]

Well guys,

Was in a 2 year relationship with this 32 year old woman (I'm 28). Honestly it went on 1 year too long, and was very rocky especially near the end. To make a long story short she was your average hot psycho chick. Cluster B, Dr Jekyll / Mr. Hyde type complex (either everything is great and she's cooking me food or she's all freaking out and sometimes violent). The primary reason I stayed involved was -- you guessed it -- the sex was amazing.

So, we broke up for real this last time (after I called the sheriff on her to have her escorted off my property for her threatening behavior). She stops by my house 2 weeks later and says she's pregnant. Seems very convenient.

So I'm in a bit of a situation. She could just be lying, trying to rope me back in, or she could be serious -- there was a time in the past month or so where she was late getting back on her pill, and then a day or so late taking the plan B :trouble: .... whereas before she thought she never wanted to be a mother, now conveniently, she's thinking that she does indeed want motherhood - with my fvcking seed it seems!

In any case, if she does end up having a child she says she wanted nothing more to do with me, and she wanted me to waive my parental rights to the child in return for her not seeking child support. If this does end up happening, she would most likely end up moving back home with her family across the country. To be honest I do want a child of my own, but NOT right now, and NOT with her. However, if this did happen, I would not waive my rights, and I would want to be involved in the child's life. ...which also would make me tied to this woman for at least 18 years.

Currently she sounds very much on the fence about having the pregnancy herself, but has done things like stop smoking and stop all alcohol (at least from what she says). I can't force her to get an abortion, but I am thinking that I will make it clear that I would enforce my rights to the child if she was absolutely adamant about moving forward with this. Something about having a child and not ever seeing him or her just freaks me out -- even if I can't stand the mother.

So I'm wondering if any of you other guys have had to face down this mess of a situation before. What did you do? What would you recommend in my situation?

Thanks!

 

[backbreaker]

i'm willing to bet you 100 bucks
1. it's not yours or
2. she's full of it.


test. now. any sentence that comes out her mouth your response should be "paternity test"




And yes I have twice. If women relationships were a game of spades this would be the little joker lol. This card gets played quite often. both times they were full of it. Actually I had it happen 3 times, the third, was legit but she poked a hole in the condom and I talked some sense into her (always use your own condoms). Both girls were pissed i left and used it as a immtature trump card.

 

[Zarky]

Dunno man but if your state has something called a "declaration of paternity" or "acknowledgment of paternity" or whatever, DON'T SIGN IT. Often they will shove these under your nose if you accompany her to the hospital for the birth. Never sign. Always let the a full court proceeding determine paternity, which will involve some DNA tests. Never sign anything.

Keep in mind that some states will not allow contracts to be signed that allow folks to agree to the kind of thing she is talking about: waiver of parental rights for waiver of child support. First you might want to find out whether or not she's really pregnant and then you might want to talk to an attorney.

 

[jafyk]

My ex-girlfriend who had similar personalities with the girl you've just described pretty much did the same thing to me towards the end of our relationship. Told me she thought she might be preggo and I didn't have to be involved in the child's life she'd take care of it herself etc. Anyway, turns out she wasn't pregnant. So, in your case I'd just say wait till you see evidence of the pregnancy and when the baby is born get a paternity test before you start driving yourself crazy and deciding what to do.

 

[Nkognito]

Paternity tests are cheaper when the child is born.

 

[squirrels]

(always use your own condoms)

This. And dispose of them yourself when you're done. My guess is that the "sex was so good" that she talked you into not using protection on at least one occasion??



Paternity test, definitely. And dont' bareback BPD girls.

 

[Bluntmaster]

My BPD ex was knocked up and married a month after we broke up and I banged her raw the last time I ever saw her. The new guy is totally convinced it's his and maybe it is, or maybe it isn't. If she ever calls again I will block her #.

 

[NewMan]

You need to confirm the pregnancy.

You will obviously perform the paternity test if she turns out to be preggy and decides to deliver.

You have a couple of options. My suggestion is to talk to her about it. Say that you really want to be a father and are looking forward to settling down and raising a family - one day. right now economy and money is tight. Your boss is telling you that there are layoffs coming. You could be out of a job. You want to be in a good position, and right now you don't have the security or money - but are looking foward to a bright future. Tell her you believe that you two should wait - and that you shoul;d start planning now for the future.


the rest is history.

 

[rbd]

Hey thanks guys for all of the great feedback.

I'm going to talk to her about what is going on tonight, and ferret out if she is really pregnant or not. If it means her peeing on a stick, so be it.

I'll then try to talk some sense into her and see how that goes.

My mistake here was definitely being trapped in by the poon for way, way too long.

I'll put in an update after that conversation.

 

[amoka]

i'm willing to bet you 100 bucks
1. it's not yours or
2. she's full of it.
.

Make that 200

 

[jophil28]

I'll then try to talk some sense into her and see how that goes.

Good luck with that .
ASk yourself why she felt a need to tell you if she really does not want you to play a part in the childs life.

IF she is a BPD type it is almost certain that she
1) Has cheated on you.
2) Loves creating drama in her intimate relationships .
3) Is a compulsive liar.
How much credibility do you give to someone like that ?

I have had at least SIX women pull the same
"I'm pregnant" stunt on me after we broke up.

None ever came true.

 

[Kailex]

I've been trying like crazy to find the post from the Australian guy whose ex had set him up to get her pregnant. Although the circumstances are different, the situation and the advice seems to ring true for this case.

She wanted him to sign consent away of his child and for her to be able to keep it on her own. He never came back and updated the situation. Pity.

Your mistake wasn't being trapped in the poon but rather not wrapping it up before putting it into the poon... specially with a woman in her 30's.

 

[Franky Four Fingers]

Originally Posted by backbreaker
i'm willing to bet you 100 bucks
1. it's not yours or
2. she's full of it.

.

Make that 200

Yeap. Toss me in on that bet. She's full of it. Been there myself. These psycho broads pull this card BIG time.

They come up with all kinds of excuses not to get the paternity/DNA test done or to delay the test. You sit there sweating over the weeks/months. She knows that and she loves it.

@rbd
Odds are VERY high she head fvcking you. If it were me based on my personal experience, I wouldn't sign a thing. NOTHING.
If you do your feeding into her BS/drama because then you will be wondering even more if putting your john hancvck on the piece of paper was the right decision or not because of the complexities and variations of paternity laws of different states.

How do women get into men's heads? They take the worst possibilities imaginable and shoot them into your imagination.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Keep in mind that some states will not allow contracts to be signed that allow folks to agree to the kind of thing she is talking about: waiver of parental rights for waiver of child support.

Bingo. Except make that all states, as well as the UK, Canada, AU, and pretty much all of the civilized world. The agreement she offers is voidable at any time on her discretion, at which time she can sick the state on you for back child support as well as current. And of course, the far away state that she moves to with the child would be the appropriate venue, which means that you would have to travel there for court at your own expense.

 

[Nutz]

So, we broke up for real this last time (after I called the sheriff on her to have her escorted off my property for her threatening behavior). She stops by my house 2 weeks later and says she's pregnant. Seems very convenient.

This happens like clockwork with the crazy ones. Just tell her straight up that's great, but you'll insist on a paternity test at birth. She'll huff and puff and call you names for insinuating she's a slut and you'll find out a few weeks later how she mysteriously lost it or how nobody heard she was ever pregnant. Truth is it's just a ploy they use to get the guy back. Why they think they're being unique and crafty I'll never know as it's painfully transparent IMO.

If I had to guess at the odds she's really pregnant, based on all the instances I've seen this come up, I'd say it's about 90-95% chance she's not preggers.

 

[jophil28]

I've been trying like crazy to find the post from the Australian guy whose ex had set him up to get her pregnant.

Was that guy "heretolearn".. hmm,not sure.

 

[rbd]

So we spoke over the phone (probably best that way). She said that she probably won't go through with the pregnancy, but from how the conversation went and the words she used, I am highly doubtful that this girl is pregnant in the first place. I agree with you guys that it's most likely a ploy to get me back in her life.

Really, most of the conversation by her focused on how hurt I made her feel, how I don't love her anymore (I don't, surprise!! :moon: ), and how she still loves me. And, amazingly, she managed to mix in there about how much of an uncaring, bad person I am. Good God, it's like talking to a broken record that doesn't know which way to spin.

She's already proven to me that she's a pathological lier, and will do so when it's convenient. About three weeks ago (when I had to call the cops on her) she exposed to me that about 8 months prior, when we were on a one week break, her ex came over and they had sex. She had lied to me face about that before. So given that and a few other examples I can think of, I can't really trust anything this girl has to say. I just feel like an idiot for not wrapping it.

So, in conclusion, sounds like your everyday BPD nutjob here. And I just had a buddy who got out of a relationship with one. These kinds of girls are a lot more common then they should be.

 

[Jitterbug]

I've only experienced this once (thankfully - my uncle told he's dealt with it like a dozen time), but I wonder if this pregnancy routine is embedded in the female DNA. Because it seems that they come up with the exact same routine regardless of age, race, culture or era.

The other frequently used routine is "I was raped".

 

[rbd]

The other frequently used routine is "I was raped".

Oh, she tried that one too!

 

[Jitterbug]

From my crazy ex (I think she was a HPD), I got all three: "I was raped", "I'm pregnant", "I lost the pregnancy".

I talked to my dad & uncle immediately after the first one and they told me the exact script she would run on me. Helped me dodge that bullet!