A semi-quick history rundown:
A year and a half ago the girl I was seeing said she wanted to start building a life with me. We had planned on moving in together. 5-6 months later she went to a movie set for 3 months to work. She came back and broke up with me for nebulous reasons ("I think we're moving in different directions"). A week later my father passed away under terrible circumstances. The ex found out and called me to get back together (I asked her to only return if she wanted me, not because of my father's death). We reunite. A month later my cat drops dead, 3 months after that my uncle dies. All of this was further exacerbated by a long and difficult job transition and heavy/nebulous health issues. Needless to say, I wasn't the best guy to be around and I didn't exactly trust my girlfriend anymore. Time went on and she began to pull away from me via confusing phone conversations. She finally admits she's attracted to another man (a handsome guy in a metal band she met on a second movie set), I proceed to ask her to not put herself around him. Two weeks later she ignores my request and sees him with a group of friends. Things fall into breakupsville from there.
Obviously there's a lot more going on behind this. I had AFC behavior when she went to the movie set, and that behavior came back during the last portion of the relationship due to stress. Even still, her even thinking about another man during that period of my life seems pretty low for anyone, despite her being a kind person otherwise. She also told me a lot of things that were hard to deal with, like "the metal guy is my sexual ideal" and insinuated I was abusive for being bothered that she went to a concert with that guy (obviously I yelled a lot when that came up). I even paid off her credit card bill to remove her from debt before moving in. Though it was mentioned that she would, she never paid me back. I do understand, though, that my insecurity was a mistake, even if she was gas-lighting it. I'm sure that's why she lost her attraction for me.
Current situation:
Many months go by with nearly zero contact. I removed her from Facebook and blocked some of her friends. I sent her a single text message on Christmas, she sent me one on my birthday (I ignored her own birthday not out of spite, but to finally kill the only method of contact we had left). Otherwise, zero contact.
Now, 8 months later, she messaged me for the first time via Facebook. She asked me if I wanted to meet and exchange the items we left at each others places, in person. The items in question are worthless, a couple of books here and there, nothing i care about. I eventually reply saying to meet me at a specific date and time, she replies apologizing for being busy with work for the remainder of the week, asking if it's ok to meet up at the same time next week. At the bottom of the email she asks "PS How are you and your family doing?". I reply saying "that's fine, send me a remind about it next week", and then give her a very brief description of what the family is doing. I then ask her how her own family is doing.
Flash forward to 4 days later, she has not replied to my last message. I tell a friend about the situation and they explain that she's been active on facebook (aka she's ignoring the message). It turns out that she ditched the meeting to see the heavy metal guy (who she may not have been seeing until recently, oddly).
My question:
Why would she bother doing this? Why bother to make contact, follow it with niceties, and then proceed to ignore me? Why not just send me the items in question instead of meeting? I basically confirmed the meeting date regardless of the lack of a reply, so does that mean i should meet her regardless? The meeting date is two days from now. I would like to have a closure conversation, but I don't want to expend energy giving her attention considering she's dodging my message. Should I ignore her?
A year and a half ago the girl I was seeing said she wanted to start building a life with me. We had planned on moving in together. 5-6 months later she went to a movie set for 3 months to work. She came back and broke up with me for nebulous reasons ("I think we're moving in different directions"). A week later my father passed away under terrible circumstances. The ex found out and called me to get back together (I asked her to only return if she wanted me, not because of my father's death). We reunite. A month later my cat drops dead, 3 months after that my uncle dies. All of this was further exacerbated by a long and difficult job transition and heavy/nebulous health issues. Needless to say, I wasn't the best guy to be around and I didn't exactly trust my girlfriend anymore. Time went on and she began to pull away from me via confusing phone conversations. She finally admits she's attracted to another man (a handsome guy in a metal band she met on a second movie set), I proceed to ask her to not put herself around him. Two weeks later she ignores my request and sees him with a group of friends. Things fall into breakupsville from there.
Obviously there's a lot more going on behind this. I had AFC behavior when she went to the movie set, and that behavior came back during the last portion of the relationship due to stress. Even still, her even thinking about another man during that period of my life seems pretty low for anyone, despite her being a kind person otherwise. She also told me a lot of things that were hard to deal with, like "the metal guy is my sexual ideal" and insinuated I was abusive for being bothered that she went to a concert with that guy (obviously I yelled a lot when that came up). I even paid off her credit card bill to remove her from debt before moving in. Though it was mentioned that she would, she never paid me back. I do understand, though, that my insecurity was a mistake, even if she was gas-lighting it. I'm sure that's why she lost her attraction for me.
Current situation:
Many months go by with nearly zero contact. I removed her from Facebook and blocked some of her friends. I sent her a single text message on Christmas, she sent me one on my birthday (I ignored her own birthday not out of spite, but to finally kill the only method of contact we had left). Otherwise, zero contact.
Now, 8 months later, she messaged me for the first time via Facebook. She asked me if I wanted to meet and exchange the items we left at each others places, in person. The items in question are worthless, a couple of books here and there, nothing i care about. I eventually reply saying to meet me at a specific date and time, she replies apologizing for being busy with work for the remainder of the week, asking if it's ok to meet up at the same time next week. At the bottom of the email she asks "PS How are you and your family doing?". I reply saying "that's fine, send me a remind about it next week", and then give her a very brief description of what the family is doing. I then ask her how her own family is doing.
Flash forward to 4 days later, she has not replied to my last message. I tell a friend about the situation and they explain that she's been active on facebook (aka she's ignoring the message). It turns out that she ditched the meeting to see the heavy metal guy (who she may not have been seeing until recently, oddly).
My question:
Why would she bother doing this? Why bother to make contact, follow it with niceties, and then proceed to ignore me? Why not just send me the items in question instead of meeting? I basically confirmed the meeting date regardless of the lack of a reply, so does that mean i should meet her regardless? The meeting date is two days from now. I would like to have a closure conversation, but I don't want to expend energy giving her attention considering she's dodging my message. Should I ignore her?
