ex-girlfriend .... 6 years after

[samaiel]

hi all,
on may 13 1999, my girlfriend broke up with me for a lot of reasons, but the main one was that i was a huge son-of-a-bicth to the girl. she love me and care for me. we were already making plans for the future, however and due to the fact that i was in the middle of serious personal problem which she didnt knew, let's just said, i was bad to the girl. i never hit her or trash her, but sometimes my words to her, werent the best. she got feld up with me and broke up. unfortunelly my words to her at that time, werent great also. i thought i love her too but looking back, i have to come to conclusion that i didnt, at least not on the same level.

6 years has gone by and i never saw her or talk to her again since that day.

today, iam a different person! so different that my actual friends tell me that to my face. personally i believe i suffer an evolution that allows me to look back and face the mistakes i made then. i want to call her and appolige! maybe invite her for a coffee or something like that. look in her face and tell her what a fuc*ing morron i was.
i dont want to get back with her. but i feel the need to talk to her and have the guts to appolige. i still have her cell number and for this last days have been wondering if this is the time or not to make thinks right.

even, if she doesnt want to meet me, at least i try...

i will not lie to you. i very nervous about this. and honestly i want to know what you guys think about this.

thanks.

 

[jprjrjr]

Leave sleeping dogs lie dude. You have no idea where she's at in her life. If she's married and has kids, she, or her husband may not appreciate your unexpected intruding.

You made a mistake, and she walked. So what?
Move on with your life, and find another chick
Take care bra

 

[Don Corleone]

I agree with JP, if she wanted to give you another chance, then she would have. If you bump into her somewhere, then invite her for coffee so that you can catch up or something. But intruding into her life by calling her isn't the best way to do things.

After 6 years, she probably doesn't have the same cell number anyway...think about it.

 

[samaiel]

i dont her to give another change. that chapter is close and i have move on. i have a good life now. i not currently dating anyone special but have been with another women/relationships after that.
but never forgot it because i feel mad about her. she didnt deserve earing me bitc*ing all day... for example i remember this so well, 1 month before we broke up, i told her that her job was useless and that i didnt like she was wearing, basicly i call her a .... (you know!!!)

i just want to make things right.

if you were in similiar situation, would you call her?!....

 

[flyinshark]

I heard this somewhere: think of life as a train station where trains come and go. Those trains are your opportunities to do something. If you missed an opportunity, it's like missing a train. It's gone! That train might come back one day, but usually it doesn't.

You had opportunities in the past to appologise to her or simply set the records straight. They have all passed, and i think now is tooooo late. 6 years man, she is a woman now, different from what you remember. It's all over.

 

[ARK]

Learn from your experience. A better person it will make you.

 

[samaiel]

but you know what's the worse of all of this... that same day we broke up, even then she told me we still could be friends... i told her to fu*k off!!!!!!

i got the idea flyinshark.

thank you all for your feedback.

cheers.

 

[flyinshark]

I can understand the idea of talking to her after all this time is stressing. It must in fact be terrifying.

I understand that you would meet her just so that you can clear your conscience and live in peace with yourself.

Maybe another reason you'd do this would be to make her change the way she remembers you : the [insert pejorative adjective] you were to her! That's tempting, but seriously, caring to much about other people's opinions of you can hurt you emotionally, i know! Not everyone can love you and keep a good memory of you! It's the sad truth and you need to accept it.

I think you also said that you would do this just to show to yourself that you actually have the guts to do it. I think it is in fact a good test, because it takes lots of guts to even call her, let alone apologise by looking in her eyes.

So, i am changing a little bit my view on your situation, and i actually encourage you to contact her, if you wanna prove to yourself that you are a real man! Clearing your conscience can be a good reason to do it too, as you'll live more happily afterwards.

Some people would tell you that stuff like this should not even bother you and you should forget the b!tch because it's been 6 years. Others will call you extra sensitive, or even weak. But i think you showed some good qualities that every man should have. A bit of remorse never killed anyone, and it shows that you are not a total bastard.

Ok, this is already too long. I hope i made some good points.

flyinshark

 

[jprjrjr]

I disagree; this has been 6 years. What you did to her was bad, but to apologize now won't solve anything, or make her think differently of you.

You also have to examine why you really want to call her. Is it really to clear your own conscience? or are you harboring some deep fantasy about a reunion with her?

You do what you want, but I don't see anything constructive that can come from calling her.

 

[samaiel]

flyinshark,

im freaking out! this afternoon i pick my cell phone and was ready to make the call when my heart started going 1000mph... i didnt even dial! you couldnt be righter (clear your conscience and live in peace with yourself)... that's what i want to do, no matter if she forgives or not, i need to face her.
actually i never thought of her opinion about me till now. it's not what she thinks of me that mess up with me. its' feeling that today i'm a better person and i want to make things right. at least i want to try.

i dont consider myself has extra sensitive, or weak. but yes i do feel remorse.

no fantasy. very real. like i said before, dont want to get back with her. my only reason, is at least try to tell her i sorry.

thanks

 

[aftershock]

6 years is a long time.

Calling her could gain all sorts of responses. But, whatever the response, they will all have on effect on you - make you feel like s**t.

Don't emotionally hurt yourself by doing it.

 

[Mr.Style]

Originally posted by aftershock
6 years is a long time.

Calling her could gain all sorts of responses. But, whatever the response, they will all have on effect on you - make you feel like s**t.

Don't emotionally hurt yourself by doing it.

Not necessarily. She might feel flattered that he had the guts to apologise. It's been said that it takes a man to apologise and I personally believe that.

Albert Camus said that "Life is a sum of all your choices". Samaiel, if you feel sh*tty because of poor choices you made in the past, you can correct that by making better choices from now on. If you feel like talking to your ex-girlfriend again and apologising for your previous behaviour will help bring you closure with this situation, then perhaps it is something worth doing.

It is your choice and it is your life but I wish you all the best in whatever decision you make.

Good luck man.

 

[NRM]

If you're heart rate hits the ceiling because you're about to pick up the phone and apologize to someone you really want to apologize to. Something is SERIOUSLY wrong.

6 years gone by, she's moved on, she's probably forgot about you, you were a jerk afterall. But take that and move on, don't go digging in buried graves.

You apologize and then what? You take her up on that offer to become friends? You're already feeling remorse because you didn't treat her well. And now that you're a better person, you want to treat her better? We all know where this leads...

Trust me, just let it go and let bygones be bygones. There really is no point in doing it. You wouldn't be apologizing for her, you'd be apologizing for you, so you can clear your mind. She probably doesn't care anymore. You think she deserves an apology? Maybe 6 years ago, but now... COMEON.

It's like funeral ceremonies, we don't do it for the dead, they're dead. We do it for us to clear our minds and believe that these bodies are put to rest as well as their souls. But it's completely to help us cope, not to help the dead person.

 

[jprjrjr]

You know, I just realzied something. As men, we generally feel somewhat remorseful for what we do.

HOW MANY WOMEN WOULD FEEL THIS BAD ABOUT DOING THE SAME THING?

My point: Women gain a perverse pleasure from treating men like ****. They never consider apologizing, because they despise you. Any weakness shown towards women(and believe me, she'll consider this weakness) will be met by indignation.

Cut your losses, and don't give the lady another thought.

 

[Porky]

It would be very selfish of you to call her simply to ease your own conscience. She's probably happy where she is and does not want you to come back into her life and make her dig up emotions that she buried years ago.

 

[NewMan]

Yes, someone has already said it.

Ask yourself this:

 

[NewMan]

Yes, someone has already said it.

Ask yourself this:

Who are you doing this for? her? give me a break. What does she get out of it. a memory of some a##hole who treated her like sh#t?

What do you get out of it? a clear concience? maybe, if your lucky......

The bottom line is, you have not changed one bit. Your call to her will be as hurtful to her as your words.

Your doing this for yourself.

Become the man you want to become (because if you call her, you still the same person you were) and leave this alone. If she seeks out YOU - then that is different, but don't be a pvssy and look to unload your conceince on her.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Hombre, apologize already, and tell her that since you have become a man you have regretted your childish behavior and now feel shame since you have become consciously aware of your misdeeds.

This will heal her and you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[aftershock]

Your post doesn't address anything that I've said.

Originally posted by Mr.Style
Not necessarily. She might feel flattered that he had the guts to apologise. It's been said that it takes a man to apologise and I personally believe that.

Umm...even if she is flattered, he's still going to feel bad, which is what my post said...

 

[Sugarfoot]

Originally posted by PuertoRican_Lover
Hombre, apologize already, and tell her that since you have become a man you have regretted your childish behavior and now feel shame since you have become consciously aware of your misdeeds.

This will heal her and you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you call her, you'll be as GAY as the above quoted advice.

jprjrjr and several others have spoken teh correct.


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