Ex Gf wants to talk.....

[MedDude]

Me and my gf of nearly two years broke up last weekend. She left me actually. I've cut all ties with her, no contact whatsoever since then. Just as I start to feel better about myself, she asks if we can get together and talk. She says she wants to tell me what was bothering her because she feels like she has her thoughts together now.

Would this basically be walking into a buzzsaw?

 

[In2theGame]

Me and my gf of nearly two years broke up last weekend. She left me actually. I've cut all ties with her, no contact whatsoever since then. Just as I start to feel better about myself, she asks if we can get together and talk. She says she wants to tell me what was bothering her because she feels like she has her thoughts together now.

Would this basically be walking into a buzzsaw?

That "Thoughts together" sounds oh so familiar to me..... ugh.

 

[MedDude]

How'd it go, lol?

 

[In2theGame]

How'd it go, lol?

It didnt go all too well but hey, it may be different for you. If she wants to talk then chances she may want to work things out with you but what was the original problem?

 

[MedDude]

She'll be moving after the summer to try and start a career. We had talked about moving away together but changed her tune the closer it came to her leaving. She had been slowly putting up a wall the last few months until it got to the point that it didn't feel like we were in a relationship anymore. I knew exactly how I felt and I wanted to try and make it work out, but she said she didn't know how she felt. She seemed to have a counter to everything I had to say about staying together. I tried to be as supportive and understanding as I could be but she finally decided to end it. Now she wants to meet up and talk because she says she has her thoughts together.

Like I said. I can't help but feel like I'm walking into a buzzsaw.

 

[Atom Smasher]

You are absolutely right. If you agree to meet her you WILL be sliced into little bloody chunks, no question about it.

You have lost all power in the relationship, and the only way for you to gain the upper hand is to be totally chill and avoid contact.

This girl appears not worth pursuing. You need to turn the tables on her and tell her that a conversation isn't necessary to you as you're over it and you intend to move on. Be polite but completely detached. This will drive her insane as she struggle to figure out how the laws of her universe have shifted 180 degrees.

You've stated that you've already started to feel better about yourself. Don't undo it by agreeing to talk with her. You have the upper hand. Maintain it or face the blade.

 

[spartanfan]

I agree with Atom Smasher... If you agree to have another conversation with her it might be your last :trouble: haha just playing but seriously if you want to maintain any kind of dignity and self respect then I would ignore her feeble attempt at telling you all of your short comings. :kick:

Its all about retaining your dignity and not letting her know she won when she has no right to end the relationship in the first place. You have to tell yourself you did nothing wrong while you were being in your own words "supportive and understanding".

Be the better man and show her you are totally over her!! :rockon:

 

[backbreaker]

i dated a girl in my early 20'saht broke up with me because she was in the hospital for her blood sugar and figured if i came to Thanksgiving with her to see her momma in Louisiana sh would not have gotten sick (true story). that was the reason. that. yeah.

i laughed and told her okay take care. 2 weeks later she was throwing hints she wanted to get back together. i was done. to this day she knows she F'ed up and pretty much begged to have another shot.

she knows beyond a shadow of a doubt she was being childish. but an ex is an ex.

 

[bigneil]

When a girl breaks up with you, beware her tendency to want to come back and talk about it. Men mistake this for her having feelings for him, as if she suddenly came to her senses. This is most likely not the case, for if she had feelings she wouldn't have ended it in the first place (something she thought about for months first). She's simply keeping you around until she is over you.

 

[yougottaknow90]

Depends if you want her back imo. Don't give her closure by letting her get everything out of her system. Keep her dwelling over it.

I wouldn't go.

 

[Desdinova]

I've always keep in mind how I'd respond to this situation with an ex. This is likely how it would go:

Her: Hey, can we talk?
Me: Why? I've got nothing to talk about.
Her: Well, I finally have my thought together about what happened between us.
Me: That's nice, but the relationship is finished. There's no point in talking about it.

Let sleeping dogs lie. There's always a better woman out there.

 

[tomato]

you can learn from my mistakes here!

If you want her back do this:

1. dont be easy like she is your number one concern - if she suggests a day suggest another day and you decide something fun to do - go to the casino etc.
2. Act like you did when you first met - a cool confident sexy guy. Don't bring up the relationship if she does let her talk about it but dont let yourself get drawn in - if she asks what you think just say thats in the past and your a different person - so is she
3. Change - be different in someway also work out why you broke up and make sure you are the opposite of any negative things which maybe drove her away - insecure/needy? Let any little tests she has roll off you - you are totally over her and happy if she's doing stuff with others, so are you.
4. attitude is: we can maybe get together - but this is something totally new. "But for now we'll be friends" - make sure you pull this on her before she does - if you get any indication she wants this tell her you see her more as a friend first and you could never be more (OF COURSE this doesnt change the cool sexy guy - yo udont act like her friend - you just say you will) - you appear as if you are totally cool with being her friend - if not you come across as needy - if you set that frame first it puts her in the chasing frame - DD first suggested this - with care - it workds

 

[Atom Smasher]

What a woman always wants is "closure". Closure is her free pass out of any kind of responsibility and/or feelings of guilt or regret.

If a relationship ends amicably, even though both parties might be sad, there is nothing wrong with closure. But if she ends it and then wants to have that final talk, don't do it. She's greeting you with a smile at the door and holding a knife behind her back. Every time. There are no exceptions. She will plunge it in and won't be satisfied till she twists it around, because in her mind she must escape scott-free with no responsibility.

She needs to be fed a heavy dose of reality, and the only thing that can possibly jar her out of her self-delusion is rejection/NC/removal of attention. Women understand nothing else.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Meet with her, act like you care about her feelings, seduce her into having sex with you again, and then later act like that never happened. Ignore her for a while, and then tell her you need space. And then continue to ignore her like everyone here is telling you to do.

 

[Naughty Ninja]

She says she wants to tell me what was bothering her because she feels like she has her thoughts together now.

Get your thoughts together as well and keep it Ghost while moving on. No explaination needed.

 

[perseverance]

I wouldn't bother, nothing good will come of this meet up.

She's your ex now, ex's should be booted out of your life and you should move on.

 

[MedDude]

Since you guys have been so great in giving out awesome knowledge, the least I could do is give an update.

First off, I have maintained no contact. I have moments of weakness here and there but haven't given in. I do miss her, and she was very good to me when we were together. But I also can't forget what all was said the night she left me.

Anyways. She texts me the other night saying that she didn't think we would get back together just from talking, but she wouldn't be attempting contact if she didn't think it could happen (getting back together) eventually.

Here's my thing. I still care about her, I always will. She's not a monster and I'm not perfect. But in the end, she chose to end the relationship while I tried to keep it together. When things got hard, I feel like she checked out. If we had gotten married and things got tough, would she have stayed with me then? I'm still pulling myself together, and I'm not going to undo that.

Thanks for the advice, guys. This board has been a major help.

 

[MikeOck]

Since you guys have been so great in giving out awesome knowledge, the least I could do is give an update.

First off, I have maintained no contact. I have moments of weakness here and there but haven't given in. I do miss her, and she was very good to me when we were together. But I also can't forget what all was said the night she left me.

Anyways. She texts me the other night saying that she didn't think we would get back together just from talking, but she wouldn't be attempting contact if she didn't think it could happen (getting back together) eventually.

Here's my thing. I still care about her, I always will. She's not a monster and I'm not perfect. But in the end, she chose to end the relationship while I tried to keep it together. When things got hard, I feel like she checked out. If we had gotten married and things got tough, would she have stayed with me then? I'm still pulling myself together, and I'm not going to undo that.

Thanks for the advice, guys. This board has been a major help.

Exactly. You dodged a bullet! As difficult as the end of a relationship can be, it would be much more difficult had you been married, had kids together, had a mortgage together, etc. When she ended things, she proved to you that she isn't willing to work through problems, something that is essential in a long term relationship.

 

[tomato]

you can learn from my mistakes here!

If you want her back do this:

1. dont be easy like she is your number one concern - if she suggests a day suggest another day and you decide something fun to do - go to the casino etc.
2. Act like you did when you first met - a cool confident sexy guy. Don't bring up the relationship if she does let her talk about it but dont let yourself get drawn in - if she asks what you think just say thats in the past and your a different person - so is she
3. Change - be different in someway also work out why you broke up and make sure you are the opposite of any negative things which maybe drove her away - insecure/needy? Let any little tests she has roll off you - you are totally over her and happy if she's doing stuff with others, so are you.
4. attitude is: we can maybe get together - but this is something totally new. "But for now we'll be friends" - make sure you pull this on her before she does - if you get any indication she wants this tell her you see her more as a friend first and you could never be more (OF COURSE this doesnt change the cool sexy guy - yo udont act like her friend - you just say you will) - you appear as if you are totally cool with being her friend - if not you come across as needy - if you set that frame first it puts her in the chasing frame - DD first suggested this - with care - it workds

what does everyone think of this - assuming he wants her back

Ok maybe I should say for 1. Dont respond to her first few texts and then only if she says she wants to get back together and try and work through the problems....and on your terms!!! how about that (ASSUMING HE WANTS HER BACK - obviously if he doesnt then just ignore her obviously)

 

[SoSuaveDude]

She is throwing a carrot to him by saying she might want to get back with him *if only he would text her back*.

Do NOT fall for it. Once she sees you cave she will be satisfied and leave it at that.

For those that question ghosting, this is a PERFECT example of what happens in a woman's mind. She is questioning whether she did the right thing now.

Let her hamster spin itself to death, stay ghost and keep your self-respect.

this.