Hi all,
My girlfriend of three years cut it off a few weeks ago, via text message, which I found a bit cowardly. She exclaimed that she was still in love with me, but that her need to return to her home country and be close to her family outweighed her willingness to marry me and live as an expat, despite my having a great job and our having a great relationship here the whole time.
She's finally departing in December, wanting to be "mentally ready" for leaving by cutting us off now. Personally, I would have been fine to enjoy the time we had, and if distance killed it, so be it. Mutual friends have told me she's struggling with this now, but by all appearances, she's holding fast to her decision despite being reportedly internally confused.
I had gone no contact until she texted me again, needing to give me my things. In asking her to bring them here, with the ulterior motive of potentially reigniting things (it worked two months ago on a brief split), she initially agreed, but in making concrete plans, she started making excuses why she couldn't. Seeing a game developing of making me chase it to no avail, I eventually I took control back and just told her to throw the stuff away, as it's nothing I can't live without. No response since.
Having lost frame the last few months in trying to keep the relationship alive, I underestimated how good it would feel to rip back some control and some self respect. This was a BIG boost to the healing process, but I'm not fully out yet.
I had deactivated my Facebook account for a week to clear my head, but I got back on and made a few pic and post changes. Still FB friends, within ten minutes she had Liked through every single one. In the weeks since the breakup, she obsessively hasn't missed Liking a single post.
Other than "future talk", the relationship was great. We had nonstop great sex for years, and we always fully enjoyed our time hanging together over the years. However, the overriding issue for her has been her desire to move home, mainly due to family pressure, and she couldn't see a future with me there, thinking that we'd "struggle". Also, despite being good to her, the family has never been keen on me, because I represent that threat preventing her from returning home. Honestly, I'm doing great where I am, with a very enviable job, secure but not rich, though there is potentially for even more growth, to which she admits. Also, we have a much higher standard of living here than we ever could at her home. Many of her expat friends are married and having kids out here, so it's not a big stretch for us to do the same, but still, she can't manage it. Recognizing her love, even the parents finally gave in at one point, saying she should try actually living with me here and seeing how it would really be like, but she chickened out, wanting to "try home first".
Anyway, despite initialy intense pain, I'm slowly getting over this, doing all the right things, working out, spending time with friends, etc, but part of me still wants her to "see the light", recognize we had something good, and for her to stop trying to selfishly have it all. Even she stated that she fears reaching her late thirties (she's 31 now), unable to meet someone she loves as much as me. But she's going to try apparently, to find the "me" who is also wealthy and lives near her home. There is no other "me", but she can sell out if that's what she wants. All her exes prior to me were wealthy, but the longest one of those lasted five months. Our friends believe she will eventually deeply regret this decision, but I'm not sure if they are just telling me what they think I want to hear.
Now, despite no conversational contact, she is obsessively liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm asking for some feedback on how best to interpret this. Is she just trying to be friendly, keeping her hooks in for backup in case her grand plans fail, baiting me for attention that probably leads nowhere, or something else? Thanks.
My girlfriend of three years cut it off a few weeks ago, via text message, which I found a bit cowardly. She exclaimed that she was still in love with me, but that her need to return to her home country and be close to her family outweighed her willingness to marry me and live as an expat, despite my having a great job and our having a great relationship here the whole time.
She's finally departing in December, wanting to be "mentally ready" for leaving by cutting us off now. Personally, I would have been fine to enjoy the time we had, and if distance killed it, so be it. Mutual friends have told me she's struggling with this now, but by all appearances, she's holding fast to her decision despite being reportedly internally confused.
I had gone no contact until she texted me again, needing to give me my things. In asking her to bring them here, with the ulterior motive of potentially reigniting things (it worked two months ago on a brief split), she initially agreed, but in making concrete plans, she started making excuses why she couldn't. Seeing a game developing of making me chase it to no avail, I eventually I took control back and just told her to throw the stuff away, as it's nothing I can't live without. No response since.
Having lost frame the last few months in trying to keep the relationship alive, I underestimated how good it would feel to rip back some control and some self respect. This was a BIG boost to the healing process, but I'm not fully out yet.
I had deactivated my Facebook account for a week to clear my head, but I got back on and made a few pic and post changes. Still FB friends, within ten minutes she had Liked through every single one. In the weeks since the breakup, she obsessively hasn't missed Liking a single post.
Other than "future talk", the relationship was great. We had nonstop great sex for years, and we always fully enjoyed our time hanging together over the years. However, the overriding issue for her has been her desire to move home, mainly due to family pressure, and she couldn't see a future with me there, thinking that we'd "struggle". Also, despite being good to her, the family has never been keen on me, because I represent that threat preventing her from returning home. Honestly, I'm doing great where I am, with a very enviable job, secure but not rich, though there is potentially for even more growth, to which she admits. Also, we have a much higher standard of living here than we ever could at her home. Many of her expat friends are married and having kids out here, so it's not a big stretch for us to do the same, but still, she can't manage it. Recognizing her love, even the parents finally gave in at one point, saying she should try actually living with me here and seeing how it would really be like, but she chickened out, wanting to "try home first".
Anyway, despite initialy intense pain, I'm slowly getting over this, doing all the right things, working out, spending time with friends, etc, but part of me still wants her to "see the light", recognize we had something good, and for her to stop trying to selfishly have it all. Even she stated that she fears reaching her late thirties (she's 31 now), unable to meet someone she loves as much as me. But she's going to try apparently, to find the "me" who is also wealthy and lives near her home. There is no other "me", but she can sell out if that's what she wants. All her exes prior to me were wealthy, but the longest one of those lasted five months. Our friends believe she will eventually deeply regret this decision, but I'm not sure if they are just telling me what they think I want to hear.
Now, despite no conversational contact, she is obsessively liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm asking for some feedback on how best to interpret this. Is she just trying to be friendly, keeping her hooks in for backup in case her grand plans fail, baiting me for attention that probably leads nowhere, or something else? Thanks.
