Ex GF broke up with me because she "wasn't ready for a relationship yet"?

[Dodgypirate]

You need a month of no contact minimum. While you two aren't speaking you should be improving yourself and changing yourself. She's gonna come back into your life at some point (especially if you live in the same dorm or whatever), and when she does you need to be something new and exciting again, not the same guy she remembers breaking up with.

- Get in better shape. (like you said you're doing)
- Get some new clothes/update your wardrobe.
- Get a new haircut. Nothing crazy but something slightly different.

It all sounds kind of trivial but it makes a surprising difference. Especially in your case with the two of you, and all her gossipy friends, living so close to one another. It'll take all of about a day for word to get back to her that you're doing something new, and she'll be intrigued.


EDIT
And by the way; stop thinking about why she did what she did before hand. It's all completely irrelevant and does not matter. All that stuff about taking you to her parents, and why she said this or did that...throw it out the window. Go off of her actions from here on out, and never bring that past crap up again when you do talk to her.

I would never think of saying such things to her if she ever does talk to me again. What I want is a new relationship with her ... no bringing back anything from the past - ANYTHING.

I'm starting to gain more muscle, I'm getting some new clothes over the Xmas holidays and I'll be focusing a lot of on my sensitivity to make sure that I don't overreact to certain things - basically cool off.

You've given me some great advice here. Thanks.

Shall I contact her in 2 weeks in a "non-threatening" way, as in ask her what the name of the restaurant we went to once is called, the restaurant she kept talking so much about or something of the sort?

I feel that if I do I can judge how she sees me and if I can get her into a little bit of small talk.

 

[sterlingarcher]

I would never think of saying such things to her if she ever does talk to me again. What I want is a new relationship with her ... no bringing back anything from the past - ANYTHING.

I'm starting to gain more muscle, I'm getting some new clothes over the Xmas holidays and I'll be focusing a lot of on my sensitivity to make sure that I don't overreact to certain things - basically cool off.

You've given me some great advice here. Thanks.

Shall I contact her in 2 weeks in a "non-threatening" way, as in ask her what the name of the restaurant we went to once is called, the restaurant she kept talking so much about or something of the sort?

I feel that if I do I can judge how she sees me and if I can get her into a little bit of small talk.

2 weeks is going to put you right around New Years, and she'll likely be busy. So I'd wait for 3 weeks instead.

And when you do contact her, don't text her or message her on fb or anything, just call her. Catch up for a few minutes and then just say you have to go for *insert whatever excuse*, but that you two should meet for coffee or lunch next week. She'll likely say yes, or she'll say no but change her mind later after considering it.

 

[goodganji44]

Shall I contact her in 2 weeks in a "non-threatening" way, as in ask her what the name of the restaurant we went to once is called, the restaurant she kept talking so much about or something of the sort?

I feel that if I do I can judge how she sees me and if I can get her into a little bit of small talk.

Man you're acting like a typical, pssy whipped AFC right now. If you're going to implement No Contact, you need to go all the way with it. You should absolutely never contact this woman again and forget about her completely.

This benefits you 100% because you can focus on improving your life, the side bonus is that she actually does come back after months of working on yourself. By the time it happens, you won't even want her back.

Stop trying to rationalize reasons for you to contact her and stop acting like a goddamn female. Be a man for once in your life.

 

[TitanSS]

I wouldn't talk to her until you feel like you are completely over her. If you have any inclination to get back together with her I would suggest staying away from her, honestly.

Some of the guys can be ****s about it, but what they're trying to say is that if you're away from her long enough you will forget why you ever wanted her to begin with. We've all suffered from oneitis at one point or another, and yes, it ****ing sucks.

But the difference between the way you are acting right now and how an alpha male would be acting right now is instilled in your confidence. An alpha would not chase after her because he knows there have been girls in the past, and there will be girls in the future that are just as good, if not better, than this girl.

It's not something you can just make a mental note about in your head and all the sudden change yourself. It's something you must implement over time by continuing to improve yourself physically and mentally. Devote your time to you, your friends, any girls you have lined up that may be interested in you, and meeting new people.

You won't notice it over night, but slowly as your physique starts to improve along with your; wardrobe, hair, friends (social circle), and any hobbies or interests that you devote your time to, all start to improve you will notice a change in your demeanor. You will feel better about yourself and your overall confidence will improve. Everyone around you will notice it as well, and when you feel that... that sense that you are the ****ing man.... it's hard to give two ****s about some b1tch that wanted to break up with you.

Sucks to be her. She just blew her shot with you.

 

[Dodgypirate]

Call her right now, beg, plead and get turned down. Just get it over with.

That's exactly what I DON'T want to do. That'll jeopardize it all.

Look honestly, if you think I'm doing it wrong then don't bother replying to this thread any more.

 

[Dodgypirate]

2 weeks is going to put you right around New Years, and she'll likely be busy. So I'd wait for 3 weeks instead.

And when you do contact her, don't text her or message her on fb or anything, just call her. Catch up for a few minutes and then just say you have to go for *insert whatever excuse*, but that you two should meet for coffee or lunch next week. She'll likely say yes, or she'll say no but change her mind later after considering it.

Yeah, just thought about that, she most likely, just like me, will be spending time with her family. I can go through 3 weeks no problem as I'll be in London celebrating Xmas and New Years.

I can just tell her as an excuse that I need to get some revision done for an exam coming up or something, yeah.

Thanks mate.

 

[sterlingarcher]

Yeah, just thought about that, she most likely, just like me, will be spending time with her family. I can go through 3 weeks no problem as I'll be in London celebrating Xmas and New Years.

I can just tell her as an excuse that I need to get some revision done for an exam coming up or something, yeah.

Screw that man. If she contacts you between now and 3 weeks from now asking what you'll be up to, don't give her a lame line about some boring exam. Tell her you'll be having a good time in London for the holidays. That's much more exciting and it'll get her brain working through all kinds of scenarios.

Don't go out of your way to get this info to her. Only talk about it if SHE contacts you, or if one of her friends start prodding you for info.

 

[Dodgypirate]

Screw that man. If she contacts you between now and 3 weeks from now asking what you'll be up to, don't give her a lame line about some boring exam. Tell her you'll be having a good time in London for the holidays. That's much more exciting and it'll get her brain working through all kinds of scenarios.

Don't go out of your way to get this info to her. Only talk about it if SHE contacts you, or if one of her friends start prodding you for info.

Her friend did ask me if I was "over her" a week back ... I didn't think much into this.

 

[luber873]

Nah Nah Nah NAH ... she wouldn't have wanted me to say that ... it would've turned out the same way. She would have called it "highly indecent" and would have dumped me on the spot hahaha.

I also agree that the "alpha" jokes and aloof attitude only works with some women and only works in select circumstances. Just be real.

 

[Dodgypirate]

I've decided to take on a whole new method which can swing both ways, but regardless I'll be content:

I'm going to ask her if we can have a quick chat some time soon over a cup of coffee or something, nothing too forward, just casual talk.

If she says fine or whatever I'm just going to tell her something similar to this:

"Look, I realize that I might have taken things too fast and I completely understand this scared you off. I want to apologize for this ... But it's just that I always have a nice time with you when we meet. But here's the thing, I've give you the wrong impression. I'm not asking you to commit to anything and I'm not asking for your hand in marriage. I just want to get to know you better and see where this whole thing takes us .... and I want to do this at a pace that you're completely comfortable with."

I'm certain that the real reason for the break up wasn't "I'm not ready for a relationship yet" (I remember someone pointing out never to take what a girl says at face value), I believe it was due to the speed it was going at. It took us 1 week to be official, get intimate at a level that seemed like we had been going out for years and 2 weeks for me to meet the parents. Besides that it was also due to me getting angry at her for the smallest of reasons (for my defence I was drunk).

Anyway, if she doesn't want to meet or refuses to answer the text/call or what have you I'll move on with my head held high.

Tell me what you guys think.

 

[Dodgypirate]

That's exactly what I DON'T want to do. That'll jeopardize it all.

Look honestly, if you think I'm doing it wrong then don't bother replying to this thread any more.[/QUOTE





I tried telling you what I think.



Anyways, I will follow the thread, hopefully silently, just to see how it pans out.
Good luck.

Read what I posted earlier on today.

 

[sterlingarcher]

I've decided to take on a whole new method which can swing both ways, but regardless I'll be content:

I'm going to ask her if we can have a quick chat some time soon over a cup of coffee or something, nothing too forward, just casual talk.

If she says fine or whatever I'm just going to tell her something similar to this:

"Look, I realize that I might have taken things too fast and I completely understand this scared you off. I want to apologize for this ... But it's just that I always have a nice time with you when we meet. But here's the thing, I've give you the wrong impression. I'm not asking you to commit to anything and I'm not asking for your hand in marriage. I just want to get to know you better and see where this whole thing takes us .... and I want to do this at a pace that you're completely comfortable with."

I'm certain that the real reason for the break up wasn't "I'm not ready for a relationship yet" (I remember someone pointing out never to take what a girl says at face value), I believe it was due to the speed it was going at. It took us 1 week to be official, get intimate at a level that seemed like we had been going out for years and 2 weeks for me to meet the parents. Besides that it was also due to me getting angry at her for the smallest of reasons (for my defence I was drunk).

Anyway, if she doesn't want to meet or refuses to answer the text/call or what have you I'll move on with my head held high.

Tell me what you guys think.

This idea is gonna totally sink you man. My points are color coordinated.

- You should not be asking her to meet up at this time. It's too soon.

- You should not be apologizing. Makes you look weak and beta as hell.

- Even USING words like "commit" or "marriage", regardless of the context, is going to send off warning bells in her head about you. Don't do this.

- Even if somehow this miraculously worked, it would place all the power completely in her hands. No. Don't do this.



This plan you have is a horrible idea and will not work.

 

[Dodgypirate]

This idea is gonna totally sink you man. My points are color coordinated.

- You should not be asking her to meet up at this time. It's too soon.

- You should not be apologizing. Makes you look weak and beta as hell.

- Even USING words like "commit" or "marriage", regardless of the context, is going to send off warning bells in her head about you. Don't do this.

- Even if somehow this miraculously worked, it would place all the power completely in her hands. No. Don't do this.



This plan you have is a horrible idea and will not work.

-The relationship we had was short but very intense ... at that's what scared her away. Hence if I leave it for any longer she will have definitely moved on by then. If I go through with this she could say no, but at least I came off as the bigger man, showed confidence and gave it a try.

-Since when has apologizing for something you've done ever been considered as "beta"? That's like saying if I had cheated on her and want to apologize, that would be considered "beta" too.

-Like I said I won't be using this word-for-word, some alteration will take place - I'm not trying to make it a scene from a play.

- Control in a relationship is for both parties not just one, so if it does "miraculously works" and we do reconcile I'll make sure we are on *equal* terms.

I'm sorry but have you ever tried this out? What makes you so certain it won't?

 

[sterlingarcher]

-The relationship we had was short but very intense ... at that's what scared her away. Hence if I leave it for any longer she will have definitely moved on by then. If I go through with this she could say no, but at least I came off as the bigger man, showed confidence and gave it a try.

-Since when has apologizing for something you've done ever been considered as "beta"? That's like saying if I had cheated on her and want to apologize, that would be considered "beta" too.

-Like I said I won't be using this word-for-word, some alteration will take place - I'm not trying to make it a scene from a play.

- Control in a relationship is for both parties not just one, so if it does "miraculously works" and we do reconcile I'll make sure we are on *equal* terms.

I'm sorry but have you ever tried this out? What makes you so certain it won't?

I've "gotten back" girlfriends numerous times. I've also tried and failed numerous times. Guess what tactics resulted in failure? The stuff you're talking about doing. I know from experience.

- You need to remove this sense of urgency you have in dealing with her. The more you feel like "I have to try this now or she'll be moved on forever", the quicker you're going to drive yourself right into a wall.

- Apologizing is fine, but you didn't actually do anything. You may have taken the relationship a little too fast but that's doesn't warrant an apology. It's not that big of a deal and if you apologize for it it just makes you look beta, and shows you've been stressing about this since the breakup. It does not give off confident nonchalance like you should be.

- There's no variation of what you were planning on saying that will work.

- If it worked, you're already not on equal terms. She needs to come back because you're interesting and she's regretting leaving you. Not because you've bargained her down to a yes by letting her decide the terms.



You're going to do what you're going to do. Nothing on this site is going to convince you, and I can tell by the way your posting. You'll learn when she shoots you down.