Guys, sometimes the double standards that women can have totally piss me off, even when I know that it’s totally pointless to let it anger me.
I have a BPD ex. We broke up for good a bit over a month ago from a 2 year relationship (I’ve written on this once in the past). Since that time I’ve met other girls, had a few in my bed, and am currently seeing another woman (that is a hell of a lot nicer and saner than my ex). The thing is though, whoever said that the best way to get over oneitis is to find a hotter chick is right – my ex is a bit more physically attractive, plus with the whole hoovering BPD bit, means that I’m not fully over her, ESPECIALLY if I am physically around her and start thinking with the penis.
Sooo, a few days ago I learn that she’s had one of my best buddies (of 10+ years) over at her house numerous times, and is actively trying to game him (she’s always “had a thing” for him). I had suspicions before, but now it's straight from the horse's mouth: he told me when I asked him, at least he is being honest in that regard. He’s moving cautiously about it, but is still receptive to her advances, as she’s quite attractive and can be very persuasive. I truly believe that they have not had sex yet (as if it matters). I had gone over a month with no contact with her and was doing well, but this just gets my goat, and I let it (mistake #1), and she knows it.
It pissed me off that she is doing this and has the gall to ask me if we can be friends and that she’d like to hang out with one of my female friends that she likes. She also says that she and my buddy have a lot in common. So I head over there to get my stuff (mistake #2) and lo and behold, his car is outside her house! I walk in, uncomposed (mistake #3), and have a little chat with them (he was sitting on the couch, she on another one). She says I have no right to determine who she and my buddy see, and he agrees. I say fine, but then say likewise, that I have my own personal space and I have control over who I allow in my life and who I don’t, and that I don’t want her in my life whatsoever (which pisses her off a good amount). We talk for awhile. My buddy keeps his composure well, she does not, freaks up and goes upstairs, and I apologize for tracking mud into the house, and talk to him a bit about things, letting him know that he can pursue this if he likes, but that she IS crazy, and it is a bit messed up this soon after a breakup to such a longtime friend. Huffing and puffing, she asks me to leave, and I leave.
Mistake #4, out of anger I text him that she has herpes (looking out for my “bro”) about an hour later. This causes him to apparently leave (I think he figured this was just way too much going on). I get text messages from her and her friend saying that I have no right do that (she was right, I give her that). I block her number and here we are.
What makes this especially difficult is that I also have a business arrangement with the company this guy works for and helped me get, which personally brings me 2K per month. If that wasn't the case, I think my action would be pretty clear cut: I'd cut them both out of my life (her forever, and him at least for awhile). It's much harder to do this though because of the financial situation.
Beyond that, the double standards of this situation are hilarious, as she and her female friend think there is absolutely nothing wrong with this -- and wouldn't care even if there was. Too bad she doesn’t have any attractive female friends, or I’d bone them and see how she felt. I think my main problem is that I just want her TOTALLY out of my orbit. When we talked alone before this I told her I thought it was pathetic that she could not find a guy who I didn’t know to date, given how attractive she is. She said she likes my friend and doesn’t like any of the other guys hitting on her. I don’t like how I feel when I’m around her, or when I think about her. I do not like holding on to this anger, and I do not like what this anger turns me into. I am not that person, and one of the main reasons I left the relationship was that I was becoming someone that I was not. I also don't like now that I appear weak to her, and still attached.
So my question is here, am I totally off? I would think with attractive BPD chicks this is a pretty common occurrence. I do fine when I can forget about her and move on, but something about hanging out with the guy that is being sucked in by my ex and who is going over to her house a month after we break up bugs me. Whatever his intentions may be – he is not stupid, and knows at some level things WILL happen between them. A number of my other friends say he is doing me a favor, and I somewhat agree with this. I just dislike the entire situation.
rbd
I have a BPD ex. We broke up for good a bit over a month ago from a 2 year relationship (I’ve written on this once in the past). Since that time I’ve met other girls, had a few in my bed, and am currently seeing another woman (that is a hell of a lot nicer and saner than my ex). The thing is though, whoever said that the best way to get over oneitis is to find a hotter chick is right – my ex is a bit more physically attractive, plus with the whole hoovering BPD bit, means that I’m not fully over her, ESPECIALLY if I am physically around her and start thinking with the penis.
Sooo, a few days ago I learn that she’s had one of my best buddies (of 10+ years) over at her house numerous times, and is actively trying to game him (she’s always “had a thing” for him). I had suspicions before, but now it's straight from the horse's mouth: he told me when I asked him, at least he is being honest in that regard. He’s moving cautiously about it, but is still receptive to her advances, as she’s quite attractive and can be very persuasive. I truly believe that they have not had sex yet (as if it matters). I had gone over a month with no contact with her and was doing well, but this just gets my goat, and I let it (mistake #1), and she knows it.
It pissed me off that she is doing this and has the gall to ask me if we can be friends and that she’d like to hang out with one of my female friends that she likes. She also says that she and my buddy have a lot in common. So I head over there to get my stuff (mistake #2) and lo and behold, his car is outside her house! I walk in, uncomposed (mistake #3), and have a little chat with them (he was sitting on the couch, she on another one). She says I have no right to determine who she and my buddy see, and he agrees. I say fine, but then say likewise, that I have my own personal space and I have control over who I allow in my life and who I don’t, and that I don’t want her in my life whatsoever (which pisses her off a good amount). We talk for awhile. My buddy keeps his composure well, she does not, freaks up and goes upstairs, and I apologize for tracking mud into the house, and talk to him a bit about things, letting him know that he can pursue this if he likes, but that she IS crazy, and it is a bit messed up this soon after a breakup to such a longtime friend. Huffing and puffing, she asks me to leave, and I leave.
Mistake #4, out of anger I text him that she has herpes (looking out for my “bro”) about an hour later. This causes him to apparently leave (I think he figured this was just way too much going on). I get text messages from her and her friend saying that I have no right do that (she was right, I give her that). I block her number and here we are.
What makes this especially difficult is that I also have a business arrangement with the company this guy works for and helped me get, which personally brings me 2K per month. If that wasn't the case, I think my action would be pretty clear cut: I'd cut them both out of my life (her forever, and him at least for awhile). It's much harder to do this though because of the financial situation.
Beyond that, the double standards of this situation are hilarious, as she and her female friend think there is absolutely nothing wrong with this -- and wouldn't care even if there was. Too bad she doesn’t have any attractive female friends, or I’d bone them and see how she felt. I think my main problem is that I just want her TOTALLY out of my orbit. When we talked alone before this I told her I thought it was pathetic that she could not find a guy who I didn’t know to date, given how attractive she is. She said she likes my friend and doesn’t like any of the other guys hitting on her. I don’t like how I feel when I’m around her, or when I think about her. I do not like holding on to this anger, and I do not like what this anger turns me into. I am not that person, and one of the main reasons I left the relationship was that I was becoming someone that I was not. I also don't like now that I appear weak to her, and still attached.
So my question is here, am I totally off? I would think with attractive BPD chicks this is a pretty common occurrence. I do fine when I can forget about her and move on, but something about hanging out with the guy that is being sucked in by my ex and who is going over to her house a month after we break up bugs me. Whatever his intentions may be – he is not stupid, and knows at some level things WILL happen between them. A number of my other friends say he is doing me a favor, and I somewhat agree with this. I just dislike the entire situation.
rbd
