Ex comes back and tells me something awful

[jophil28]

WOW!!! Were you and my father sharing a brain? He laid it out in the fashion you did. Almost exactly! I have not taken her back.

Hey SmS, your ole dad must be one smart cookie if he thinks like me !
I guess that our similar ages have some bearing on our ability to sniff out BS at the molecular level , and your Ex's claim is highly likely to qualify for Girly Drama of the Month.

Lessee here....

* She asked to see you because she was passing though on business..She initiated the contact.
* She and you spent the whole day together but she said nothing about a pregnancy.
* You and she get busy later and JUST when you were about to do her she goes paralysed and reveals "the secret".( just at that point you were at your most aroused and also most vulnerable ..in a way, she held all the power then)
* So then she 'fesses up and drops the pregnancy/abortion bomb on you .
She sure had your undivided attention didn't she? YOU must have been like butt naked deer in the headlights ...!
*NO good drama is complete without a tsunami of tears accompanied by the mandatory sound effects that only sobbing and bawling can create....oh, and those panic attacks further heightened the overall effect. I am surprised that she didn't beg you to rush her to the ER.
*BY this time you are swirling in a mixture of bewilderment, resentment, affection,sympathy and shock and awe. THis woman in front of you, whom you loved, is claiming to have aborted your child without referring to you .

But wait, there's more..she claimed that this happened two years ago.
Were'nt you and she together then? Sleeping together..
How did she manage to cover up the pregnancy and the alleged abortion and keep it from you?
And furthemore, ask yourself this..even if she did what she claimed, why would she wait two years and almost a year after you parted, to reveal this to you?

 

[pLaYtHiNg]

Truth or Lie, I am still just really perplexed as to why she would tell you this. I simply can't wrap my brain around what on Earth it could possibly accomplish... except maybe sympathy?

 

[mrRuckus]

We spoke a few times after last June. She has contacted me several times this year and the other day she said she would be about 30 minutes from me on business and wanted to do lunch.

Stop talking to exes. Why do guys insist on doing this? Hoping for sex? Like the drama?

What are you getting out of going to lunch with her? You want her to say she wants you back so you can giggle to your friends about what a stud you are?

Then she drops a bomb on my a$$. She said two years ago she became pregnant by me and had an abortion. Then nutted up crying and having a panic attack.

In a just world, you would get to beat the sh1t out of her for the following reasons:

1. She killed your child.
2. She lied to you about it.
3. She decided 2 years later and didn't give a sh1t that it could possibly hurt you so she told you about it. She just wanted to someone to share HER pain. She didn't care about your pain.

and since she knew he wouldn't be man enough to help her with their baby,

Or she wasn't woman enough to do it without help.

In a time when children simply do not die due to medical advances [by men] and having been stripped of large part of their ability to provide, i don't think a man has a moral obligation to children.

 

[Mr. Me]

it doesn't make sense that she would mention it.

When something doesn't make sense, that's typically the big clue that it's bullshiite.

Hey, this is a woman who cheats on her husband, correct? Even misleads the person she's cheating with into thinking there is no husband. Who'd then expect her to be truthful? I wouldn't trust ANYTHING she has to say.

 

[SoldMySoul]

Truth or Lie, I am still just really perplexed as to why she would tell you this. I simply can't wrap my brain around what on Earth it could possibly accomplish... except maybe sympathy?

My feeling spot on!!! Either way truth or lie, makes my head say WTF!!!!!!! I am still trying to wrap my brain around it. I also play with what would be worse, her making it up or it being truth.

 

[SoldMySoul]

Hey SmS, your ole dad must be one smart cookie if he thinks like me !

He has you by about 8 years, but yep! Funny thing is about the ER, I am in EMS and I would have been able to tell if she was in any danger. $hit, I may have let her choke herself to death after what I was feeling. Man, after being told this mess, it took me a minute to react because of trying to register it in my mind.

Was the dirtiest trick I have ever had pulled.. that is for sure.

 

[jophil28]

My feeling spot on!!! Either way truth or lie, makes my head say WTF!!!!!!! I am still trying to wrap my brain around it. I also play with what would be worse, her making it up or it being truth.

And because you are stunned and bewildered and hurt, she has achieved her objective.
Women understand that power can readily be gained by manufacturing hurt and confusion in those close to them. Of course this is unprincipled and malevolent, but that does not seem to bother them. The result justifies the means.
Women do not usually lash out ,exact revenge, or hurt others with their fists, nor do they behave overly aggressively ( well not usually).
They steal power and attempt to control others by operating in the psychological.

 

[jophil28]

Truth or Lie, I am still just really perplexed as to why she would tell you this. I simply can't wrap my brain around what on Earth it could possibly accomplish... except maybe sympathy?

You, and the other guys, are looking for a practical or tangible benefit.

You cant see 'the reason', or what HER motivation could be, because you cannot think like a chick.

 

[decades]

your chick is engaged in drama creation and for her, you are nothing more than a pile of raw materials.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Wow! What a psychological mind-ƒuck. Emotional hand grenade indeed. A week back I had proposed to PLAYTHING that the ultimate female-centric lie a woman could tell was "It's your baby" - I stand corrected, this is it.

"I killed our baby and it's your fault I did."

No verification necessary, just pure, wracking, potentially life enduring psychological and emotional distress based entirely on her ability to sell it convincingly. Why go the Carrie Underwood route and smash his car when you can do THIS kind of damage to him? This is the nuclear option of covert, psychological revenge. As I've stated in countless posts, men fight in the overt and physical, women fight in the covert and psychological; and here it is writ large and bold.

I mean really, what an absolutely brilliant tactic this is. She knows you'll be amenable to her coming back to you a few months later, what better time to drop a bomb like this? In fact I wouldn't be surprised if this "Your Fault Abortion" revenge isn't covered on a few websites or forums devoted to getting back at him.



Never root through the garbage once you drag the can to the curb. You get dirty, your neighbors see you do it and you rarely find what you thought was worth digging for.

It will always be time better spent developing a new plate (or 3) than attempting to repair an old one. The amount of effort and energy, the time you invest in trying to negotiate a previous GF desire is much better used with a new girl, with whom you have no prior history. I have no doubt you're emotionally invested in this, but you're far more likely to regret the effort you expend to repair it in comparison to meeting and developing with a new girl.

Far too many guys subconsciously think that getting back with the Ex will be easier than risking potential rejection with new women. They go back to the what they think was their "sure thing", with the logic being that she'd been sexual with him before so all he's got to do is fix what was wrong and go back to that guaranteed sex. The reality is actually the opposite - what was "wrong" in the prior relationship becomes the litmus test for the 'repaired' relationship and sex and genuine desire are now conditional. Getting with a new woman has none of these conditions or prior negotiations, and genuine desire isn't a compromise.

 

[SoldMySoul]

Wow! What a psychological mind-ƒuck. Emotional hand grenade indeed. A week back I had proposed to PLAYTHING that the ultimate female-centric lie a woman could tell was "It's your baby" - I stand corrected, this is it.

"I killed our baby and it's your fault I did."

No verification necessary, just pure, wracking, potentially life enduring psychological and emotional distress based entirely on her ability to sell it convincingly.

Thanks for chiming in Rollo as I have always appreciated the advice you give us knuckleheads. You give that $hit straight. A mind-ƒuck pretty much sums it up and well. I even though maybe she got pregnant by her husband over the year we were not together and she was using me for that drama support system just making me out to be the father. Who knows with her???

 

[The Logical Player]

Things just were just dysfunctional because of her leading two lives. I was the other man by accident and by the time I found out, I was in love.

Everyone missed this part.

What kind of crazy super AFC are you???? IF you found out that she was leading two lives and is a cheating lying wh0re, then all you simply have to do is stop loving her - you have information that she does not deserve your love, so that is when you STOP loving her.

what kind of P*SSY loves a lying cheating wh0re??

You should be thanking the lord that if what she told you is true, that the lying cheating BPD wh0re had an abortion, because you just saved yourself 216 monthly deductions from your paycheck

I do not understand why you are such a sensitive little chump who cannot process information - maybe you should start acting "mature"

 

[SoldMySoul]

Everyone missed this part.

What kind of crazy super AFC are you???? IF you found out that she was leading two lives and is a cheating lying wh0re, then all you simply have to do is stop loving her - you have information that she does not deserve your love, so that is when you STOP loving her.

what kind of P*SSY loves a lying cheating wh0re??

You should be thanking the lord that if what she told you is true, that the lying cheating BPD wh0re had an abortion, because you just saved yourself 216 monthly deductions from your paycheck

I do not understand why you are such a sensitive little chump who cannot process information - maybe you should start acting "mature"

You know I started coming here to learn several years ago and I am not saying I did the honorable or manly thing. Yes, I loved her and if that makes me an AFC, P%ssy or chump..so be it.

But you bashing me is uncalled for! I am going through my own mess as of now and I will not lower my self to fight back at your silly words.

I come here to share things and get information not fight with people like you. Your words were uncalled for and it makes you look bad. If you can say you were never an AFC or in love... YOU ARE LYING or never lived life!
Your mom should have taught you if you can't say anything nice, do not say anything at all!

 

[The Logical Player]

You know I started coming here to learn several years ago and I am not saying I did the honorable or manly thing. Yes, I loved her and if that makes me an AFC, P%ssy or chump..so be it.

But you bashing me is uncalled for! I am going through my own mess as of now and I will not lower my self to fight back at your silly words.

I come here to share things and get information not fight with people like you. Your words were uncalled for and it makes you look bad. If you can say you were never an AFC or in love... YOU ARE LYING or never lived life!
Your mom should have taught you if you can't say anything nice, do not say anything at all!

i wasnt bashing you, I was stating facts

Bashing usually means that things were made up to insult you, but all I did was state the truth when addressing you, and like every other chump out there, YOU took the truth as an insult, when instead you gotta realize that I did not say anything factually wrong or untruthful!

do you want me to lie to you instead???

 

[SoldMySoul]

i wasnt bashing you, I was stating facts

Bashing usually means that things were made up to insult you, but all I did was state the truth when addressing you, and like every other chump out there, YOU took the truth as an insult, when instead you gotta realize that I did not say anything factually wrong or untruthful!

do you want me to lie to you instead???

Your argument does not wash. Been lied to enough. Just so we are clear, the words you used on here, in my state can have you arrested. They are called the use of fighting words. Chump I can agree with, but p%ssy.

Yeah, I had oneitis with her and I loved her. If your wife or girlfriend would have told you this how would you have felt is all I want to know? Honest question, answer it.

Furthermore, If this abortion was done regardless who it belong to she murdered a child! It makes it more personal because I am led to believe it is mine. Logical Player, you are still young! I have seen more in my life than you probably will. Law enforcement 10 years and EMS for 3 years.

 

[The Logical Player]

Your argument does not wash. Been lied to enough. Just so we are clear, the words you used on here, in my state can have you arrested. They are called the use of fighting words. Chump I can agree with, but p%ssy.

Yeah, I had oneitis with her and I loved her. If your wife or girlfriend would have told you this how would you have felt is all I want to know? Honest question, answer it.

Furthermore, If this abortion was done regardless who it belong to she murdered a child! It makes it more personal because I am led to believe it is mine. Logical Player, you are still young! I have seen more in my life than you probably will. Law enforcement 10 years and EMS for 3 years.

ill address your points:

1) I have been an AFC and a chump who was in looove with several totally useless girls - I learned from those horrible mistakes of mine, and now preach about a better lifestyle in hopes that others will learn from MY mistakes and not make those mistakes themselves.

2) If my wife or girlfriend was leading a double life, i would dump her instantly and lose all feelings i had for her, since she has proven to not be worth my feelings.

3) If an ex gf/ex wife told me she had an abortion, I would thank her for making the right choice, because I do NOT want any bastard kids from some lowlife ex. The only time i would want children is if they were with the woman I would spend the rest of my life with - and clearly some messed up ex is NOT a woman like that.

4) It's not murder to get an abortion. Murder is illegal and people go to jail for it. Abortion is legal. People who do not have abortions and have unwanted children end up living a MISERABLE DRUG/ALCOHOL/CRIME SHORTENED LIFE. (I am in fact in touch with an ex who is now 20 with a baby and an unhappy marriage, she told me her life is doomed - hmmmm i bet an abortion woulda fixed that right up)

 

[mikeraw]

Hey OP, ignore The Logical Player. All his posts deteriorate to a flame war. He may call it tough love, but it's really counter productive. Stick to the posts prior to him and you'll be fine.

Funny thing is that a friend of mine I went on a road trip with this weekend told me that an ex of his told him the exact same thing but in his case it was a miscarriage. I've directed him to this thread and I hope he learns to see thru women's crrp. He is what is a considered a "natural" with women but everyone can fall victim to a scorned woman's fury.

 

[SoldMySoul]

Hey OP, ignore The Logical Player. All his posts deteriorate to a flame war. He may call it tough love, but it's really counter productive. Stick to the posts prior to him and you'll be fine.

Funny thing is that a friend of mine I went on a road trip with this weekend told me that an ex of his told him the exact same thing but in his case it was a miscarriage. I've directed him to this thread and I hope he learns to see thru women's crrp. He is what is a considered a "natural" with women but everyone can fall victim to a scorned woman's fury.

Thanks Mike! It can happen to anyone of us. I happen to have a lot going for me as well and it happened. Hopefully your friend can get something from this since he and I share a similar tale.

 

[jophil28]

Thanks Mike! It can happen to anyone of us. I happen to have a lot going for me as well and it happened. Hopefully your friend can get something from this since he and I share a similar tale.

Indeed it can happen to any of us. Emotional attachment to, and investment in a woman comes to us unbidden and automatically , but is many cases (like yours) it becomes a source of deep suffering instead of the anticipated joy.

I think that we all mostly agreed here that she designed and delivered a nuclear powered mindf*k.
I feel for you brother.

IF I were in your position I would be struggling with several conflicts...Lingering love and desire for her, versus confusion and resentment that she mostly only asked to meet me to deliver that nuclear blast.
AND that is highly likely that she harbors such deep anger toward me that she would INTENTIONALLY go to all that trouble to damage me emotionally.

My mother was right all along when she told me that people tell you what and who they are if you listen to their personal history.

Women who cheat on their husband (and who also lie to their lover) are women who are willing to lie and deceive on a whim. These are women to whom there are no limits, no principles and no restrictions to seeking their immediated goals.

SmS ,you want some advice? Do whatever it takes to destroy/remove/dissolve your "feelings" for this woman.
YOu do not want to stay "in love" neither do you want to encourage or create more anger. You need to achieve indifference, and start that process by going No Contact.

Stay around here for as long as you need.

 

[The Logical Player]

so i guess everyone disagrees with me that its a blessing that this wh0re had an abortion and didn't make the OP make 216 monthly child support payments?

or does everyone disagree with me that it is UBER-chumpish to love a woman who leads a double life

please, do tell me where I was wrong