Ex called back, need advice...

[silky99]

Hey

Ok, so here is the situation. I am a good looking guy, dont have problems getting women at all but recently my girl dumped my ass! I have always been the dumper, never the dumpee, so this is a bit strange lol. Anyways, she ended up calling me back after about 5 days and we went out and I spent the night with here.

However, the next day I could see that she was still sort of making me earn it, or in other words playing kind of hard to get...she wasnt as touchy as usual and didnt want to have sex....is this all part of the getting back together thing?

Normally i dont go back once you break up, but I really like this girl despite the fact that she can a drama queen at times. Btw, she is 30, I am 24. Not sure if that matters much.

I guess what I am asking is how to I go about getting the relationship back to where it was without kissing her ass and looking like a *****.....what do you guys think?

 

[NewMan]

You treat her like all the rest.

That mean's not calling her - but to set upa meeting.

Not kissing her a##.

Remember you don't give a sh#t. You've got other girls lined up.

Have that attitude.

 

[silky99]

I will try that. Thing is this girl doesnt take ****, she is fine and knows it, she has a really good side to her that I like but at the same time she doesnt play games, so its a fine line here. I dont want to **** it up but at the same time I dont want to seem like a ***** that is obsessed with here. I think I will take your advice and not call til friday and try to set something up.....

 

[squirrels]

Haha you should've walked out on her. She's having sex with you a lot, then all of a sudden she dumps you, calls back 5 days later and wants you back, but STILL wants to make you EARN her?

Sh!t, if anyone is trying to earn ANYONE, SHE should be trying to earn YOU back.

Sounds like she's trying to play a game after all. Why else would she have that kind of flaky behavior, dumping a guy and then re-hooking with him 5 days later? She's trying to set the terms of the relationship by acting like she's holding all the cards and she can dump you any time. But really she can't.

BTW I just read that part about her being 30. You may be pushing the relationship too fast. It may just be about casual sex with her. If you've been trying too hard to move it into a BF/GF relationship, then maybe she dumped and came back to try to put emotional space between you two.

 

[silky99]

I am thinking dont call til friday, then when she asks what I have been doing, act like I have been partying , going out with friends, make it look like I dont need her ass.....

 

[Trance]

and why arent u partying? i love being single, enjoy the lack of comitment!!

carpe diem

 

[silky99]

Been stuck at work and school lately basically.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Well, you served her your nuts on a platter when you spent the night with her. In that short amount of time she knew that she had you by the short and curlies.

Now had you made YOUR wishes known before all of that, she wouldn't be pulling your chain right now. And yeah, age matters in this instance because she is taking advantage of your naiveté.

You have a lot to learn, don't get mad but you do. Think about this, you want things to be the way that they were, WHY? They were a way that caused her to dump you in the first place!!! Wouldn't you want it to be different?

The only way that you can pull it off is to lay things on the line and hope that she doesn't think that you're bluffing. You can't give in to her again. Compromise is fine but it should be a win/win situation.

Just remember, if you plan on walking away, do it purposely. Don't be wishy-washy and go running back to her. Cut those short and curly ties that she has on you!

 

[silky99]

Francisco

Yeah, you make some good points. I am used to dealing with women my age where I can manipulate them, I guess is the other way around now lol.

I think i am definitely going to confront her. Thing is I used to be in charge of this relationship. She was the one calling me all the time, I rarely called her, I dont know where or when but it switched sides somewhere along the road.

I guess I will just have to confront her next time she starts playing games again.

If she plays hard to get with the sex again, how should I play it out?

 

[razorjack]

Originally posted by silky99
If she plays hard to get with the sex again, how should I play it out?

This is what I would do:

1. Call her up and tell her that you 2 should just be friends. That's right LJBF her.

2. Take her out to a party where you know there will be plenty of hot chicks YOUNGER than her.

3. When you're at the party use her to pick up other chicks. Drag her with you when you talk to some good looking chicks there. This has 2 advantages, the first is that the chicks you approach will be more attracted you cuz you're already with a chick, your ex. Second this will SHOW your ex that you are still attractive to other chicks and that if she doesn't want you other chicks will be glad to have you. Watch the sparks fly.

4. Remember that you're at the party to pick up chicks NOT to get back together with your ex! The minute you try to get back together with her, you're screwed!

5. When she gets jealous and decides she wants you back, you "Returning Fox" her ass. This is where if she wants to be in your life then YOU set the terms for her return. This will give you back the power in the relationship.

6. If what I wrote doesn't work, you never had a chance with her anyways! GFTOW! (Go F**k Ten Other Women)

-Razorjack

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by silky99
Francisco

Yeah, you make some good points. I am used to dealing with women my age where I can manipulate them, I guess is the other way around now lol.

I think i am definitely going to confront her. Thing is I used to be in charge of this relationship. She was the one calling me all the time, I rarely called her, I dont know where or when but it switched sides somewhere along the road.

I guess I will just have to confront her next time she starts playing games again.

If she plays hard to get with the sex again, how should I play it out?

You need to first decide what you want in this relationship and stop reacting to what she does. Take some initiative and be purposeful with your actions. To do that however, you need to know in no uncertain terms what you want.

You can play games and teach her a lesson or you could tell her straight away that you do not like where the relationship is currently and you want to change it. Now that's as close to an ultimatum that you can get but face it, if she's not willing to be an active partner in the relationship, why are you wasting your time with her?

Before you see or speak with her again, you need to do some serious thinking of what you want the relationship to be and then have the courage to communicate it AND to stand by your decision.

 

[razorjack]

Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia
You need to first decide what you want in this relationship and stop reacting to what she does. Take some initiative and be purposeful with your actions. To do that however, you need to know in no uncertain terms what you want.

You can play games and teach her a lesson or you could tell her straight away that you do not like where the relationship is currently and you want to change it. Now that's as close to an ultimatum that you can get but face it, if she's not willing to be an active partner in the relationship, why are you wasting your time with her?

Before you see or speak with her again, you need to do some serious thinking of what you want the relationship to be and then have the courage to communicate it AND to stand by your decision.

The advice you give here is sound *IF* this chick is capable of a healthy relationship. This chicks has clearly demonstrated that she isn't.

Besides he can't tell this chick that he doesn't like where the relationship is headed, cuz they don't have a relationship, she's his ex.

Another thing is your suggestion is very logical, but this chick, like most chicks, don't understand logic. They only understand their OWN EMOTIONS. They only understand what they feel. They only understand drama!

I agree with you that he needs to figure out what he wants and if he wants a healthy relationship, then he needs to forget this chick.

BUT your advice about him telling her straight out that he doesn't want to play games or like where the relationship is going won't work. This chick will be like "What games?" "What relationship?"

She doesn't understand logic, she only understands drama! To top that off she doesn't even know that she is a drama queen, this behavior is deeply ingrained in her.

The ONLY way to get her back, assuming he wants her back, is to give her something that will fire up her EMOTIONS, and with this type of chick, you can't do it with logic, you need DRAMA!

-Razorjack

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by razorjack
The advice you give here is sound *IF* this chick is capable of a healthy relationship. This chicks has clearly demonstrated that she isn't.

Besides he can't tell this chick that he doesn't like where the relationship is headed, cuz they don't have a relationship, she's his ex.

Another thing is your suggestion is very logical, but this chick, like most chicks, don't understand logic. They only understand their OWN EMOTIONS. They only understand what they feel. They only understand drama!

I agree with you that he needs to figure out what he wants and if he wants a healthy relationship, then he needs to forget this chick.

BUT your advice about him telling her straight out that he doesn't want to play games or like where the relationship is going won't work. This chick will be like "What games?" "What relationship?"

She doesn't understand logic, she only understands drama! To top that off she doesn't even know that she is a drama queen, this behavior is deeply ingrained in her.

The ONLY way to get her back, assuming he wants her back, is to give her something that will fire up her EMOTIONS, and with this type of chick, you can't do it with logic, you need DRAMA!

-Razorjack

Thanks for the diatribe but you missed the point, THEY'RE BACK TOGETHER! She may not admit it but she considers them "together." Women who are intimate with a guy PLUS makes him jump through hoops (ie - sh1t tests) can only do it because there is an underlying relationship. If there were no relationship, what guy would put up with the crap?

Yeah men think logically and women think emotionally but giving in to her emotions and forgoing what HE wants in the relationship is AFC supplication. Her emotions do not need to be fired up because they already are! Women do this to themselves, it's called 'DRAMA.' This woman is causing drama by keeping Silky off his toes.

If she plays the 'boo boo the fool' role when confronted, that will be a tell tale sign that she is not worth Silky's time. No harm, no foul, no time wasted, NEXT! . If he gives in to her games, he may never find out that he's being played.

 

[biker_gixxer]

Francisco & squirrels, two guys that know what the deal is.

Alright bro, Allow me to disect your post, hopefully it will make sense.

Ok, so here is the situation. I am a good looking guy, dont have problems getting women at all

So why are you harping over a girl that dumped 'you'? She doesn't want to be with you anymore? Guess what, 'her' loss, not yours.

Anyways, she ended up calling me back after about 5 days and we went out and I spent the night with here.

First mistake. You should have been 'to busy to hang out'. By doing this, she knows you'll jump everytime she says 'jump'.


However, the next day I could see that she was still sort of making me earn it, or in other words playing kind of hard to get...she wasnt as touchy as usual and didnt want to have sex....is this all part of the getting back together thing?

No, it's part of the 'let me see if i have total control of this' game thing. And from what I see, she does.

she is 30, I am 24. Not sure if that matters much. Doesn't make a difference if you know how to play the game. I was 21 dating a 27 yr old and i had her eating out of my hand.

I guess what I am asking is how to I go about getting the relationship back to where it was without kissing her ass and looking like a *****.....what do you guys think? I think the only thing you should be getting back to is that great bar/club in your town where all the hotties hang out, lol.

 

[razorjack]

Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia
Thanks for the diatribe but you missed the point, THEY'RE BACK TOGETHER! She may not admit it but she considers them "together." Women who are intimate with a guy PLUS makes him jump through hoops (ie - sh1t tests) can only do it because there is an underlying relationship. If there were no relationship, what guy would put up with the crap?

Yeah men think logically and women think emotionally but giving in to her emotions and forgoing what HE wants in the relationship is AFC supplication. Her emotions do not need to be fired up because they already are! Women do this to themselves, it's called 'DRAMA.' This woman is causing drama by keeping Silky off his toes.

If she plays the 'boo boo the fool' role when confronted, that will be a tell tale sign that she is not worth Silky's time. No harm, no foul, no time wasted, NEXT! . If he gives in to her games, he may never find out that he's being played.

No dude, YOU missed the point. They are NOT back together. She broke up with him. Her calling him 5 days later to spend the night was a BOOTY CALL!

She got horny and wanted sex. You can't take Silky's version of the story that they're getting back together as a correct intepretation. He's intepreting the BOOTY CALL as them getting back together, but he's mistaken. You need to look at her behavior rather than Silky's version of what's going on. He's not in a position to give accurate intepretations, if he were he wouldn't be asking for help.

That's why she is throwing all the drama bull****. She doesn't want a relationship with him.

A woman can be intimate with a guy cuz she's horny AND she can make Silky jump through hoops, simply because she sees Silky as an AFC chump WILLING to jump through her hoops. That is why she broke up with him in the first place.

Why would a guy put up with all this crap?

How about cuz he IS an AFC that BELIEVES a relationship is there when there really isn't.

No her emotions are NOT fired up if they were SHE would be the one jumping through HIS hoops. She is not on the receiving end of that DRAMA, Silky is. This needs to be reversed if Silky wants her.

Of course he's being played, he just doesn't realize it.

That's why a confrontation will not work, cuz she feels like she has NOTHING to lose. If she did then she wouldn't have broken up with him and she wouldn't have thrown out all the drama bull**** to begin with.

-Razorjack

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

That booty call was her pulling Silky back in. She's recreated the relationship under HER TERMS (her games). Silky should determine his needs and go back to the table to renegotiate, but only if he feels she's worth it. If not, being a free man can be a wonderful thing!

 

[razorjack]

Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia
That booty call was her pulling Silky back in. She's recreated the relationship under HER TERMS (her games). Silky should determine his needs and go back to the table to renegotiate, but only if he feels she's worth it. If not, being a free man can be a wonderful thing!

No that booty call was just that, a booty call. Nothing more.

How do I know this? Easy, you said it yourself, chicks think with their EMOTIONS, not logic. You think she came up with this grand scheme:

"I'll break up with Silky. Call him up 5 days later, have sex with him and ignore him the next day. This should get the relationship on MY TERMS!"

You believe chicks think like this? No they don't. She broke up with him, cuz she was BORED in the relationship, there was no excitement, no passion , NOTHING for her to stay in the relationship. She FELT nothing. She thought she could do better.

5 days later she gets horny, cuz she misses the sex and wants some ****. Who can she have sex with? How about a guys she already knows, Silky!

After she got what she wanted, she felt no passion, no romance, NOTHING. That's why she was cold to him and probably cuz she felt like a slut for letting her hormones get the better of her.

The fact that guys think chicks play games is just an excuse for them not understanding women. It's easy to say "Oh she's just playing bull**** games!" when she does something you don't like.

Really if you think she's playing games to try and get the relationship on her terms, what do you think her terms could be?

That they can be together, but not have sex or touch one another?

Chicks crave intimacy and sex more than guys! it's just that they want it from guys they DESIRE!

Silky can't renegotiate cuz he has NO POWER!

Silky needs to throw some major drama in her face to get her back or kick her ass to the curb. There is no middleground here.

-Razorjack

 

[Pugsley_f5]

Thing is this girl doesnt take ****, she is fine and knows it

You are fine and She should know it!!!!!! and You should know it too!!!

You are the prize bro, remember that, give her cold balls (as opposed to cold shoulder).....have a little faith and take a risk, (this is the only way this relationship might right itself.....on your terms) and take away all the attn your giving her and make her come to you this is the only way the relationship will right itself on your terms.

Pugs

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Originally posted by silky99
Francisco

Yeah, you make some good points. I am used to dealing with women my age where I can manipulate them, I guess is the other way around now lol.

Yes, she's been dealing with 24 year old guys ever since she was in her late teens. She knows how to play them. To her, guys are so predictable now.

Originally posted by silky99
I think i am definitely going to confront her. Thing is I used to be in charge of this relationship. She was the one calling me all the time, I rarely called her, I dont know where or when but it switched sides somewhere along the road.

You have your own answers. You need to go back to doing what you used to. Don't even call her. Let her bring it up. Let her be the one who asks you to talk about thing because she's confused. Don't call her. Let her make the move. Something as simple as letting her do the contacting sends all the right messages that you are in control once again. The key is gonna be, as Francisco A. said, don't be wishy washy.

Let her creative mind work in your favor. Let her wonder where you are, why you haven't called, why she doesn't have you wrapped around her finger, why is she loosing control? "Is he into younger girls?" etc., etc. If she asks you, you politely tell her is none of her business, you two are no longer in a relationship.

Originally posted by silky99
I guess I will just have to confront her next time she starts playing games again.

Do not confront her or bring this up. Let her be the one. She is used to every chump reacting to her games. She knows what to say, how to say it, and what the guys will say when she exhibits her game playing behavior. You're rigth, the next time she acts this way, the only thing you do is, call her on her bull$hit, preferably right on the spot, like you would a dog, that is when it is more powerful.

The key is not to come across as a whinny chump, but as somebody who knows what bs she' up to, and you find it kind of cute, but it will not fly with you. You take away all her power when you do this. It's great when hot chicks don't know what to do, because they are in a situation they rarely face.

Originally posted by silky99
If she plays hard to get with the sex again, how should I play it out?

After she calls you, and after you make her earn your company, if she pulls this off, tell her you can't stay that long, you got plans for the night.

You really must begin with the mindset that this one is gone. You will never get her back, but you want to practice your skills, and you are now getting a great opportunity to practice them on the very same girl that dumped you. You are doing it for the learning experience, and to laugh and have a good time. It is a game for you. You need to play it right. She's already playing it.

 

[silky99]

Godamn you guys are confusing the hell out of me lol.

Seriously though.....I really dont think it was a booty call at all. During our date, she was the one to take my hand like we were a couple again, I didnt initiate that at all and why would she do that if it was just a booty call?

Another thing is the relationship went sour basically when her ass lost her job and had nothing to do but sit around all day thinking, overanalyzing like all women do when they have too much free time. They think of problems that really arent that serious. Thats was the real issue I think. That and the fact that money became a big deal since she wasnt working and my ass is a poor college student.

Basically I am just gonna do what I did in the first half of this relationship where I was in control. If it doesnt work, then **** it, I am gone.