Hi There! First off I just want to thank anyone who reads this and especially thank everyone who gives advice on my lil conundrum... I've really never used the Internet to solve a personal/relationship problem. But on this situation I really don't know WHAT TO DO! So I guess the easiest way to explain this would be in a time line? I don't know but here goes.
My girlfriend and I have been going out since November, so about 4 months now. And I adore her and I'm completing in love with her. Honestly ALMOST
everything is perfect. Almost is the key word there and perfect is not, but what the hell its a relationship right,lol. But she is an incredible women and
the best girlfriend I've ever had. I know, I know get to it already! Anyway the day after Christmas I go up to her house and knock on the door a couple of times, no answer though. So I walk in as I have done several times before only this time she's on the phone with an ex boyfriend. Didn't really bother me until the conversation went on for 20 mins, with him trying to get her back and with me petting her cat awkwardly all that time. The call ended up with him hanging up the phone angrily. Before I had time to ask her what that was about? He calls back, and I'll be damn if she didn't answer! That lil convo went on for about ten mins with her apologizing for hurting his feeling, and with him trying to rehash old memories with her. Here's the deal with him though. He actually broke up with her, just out of the blue she says---Broke her heart. It was a 10 month relationship. They use to work together and she says there was talk of him cheating but never confirmed. But why would he just brake up out of the blue like that? IDK? Sounds like he did to me! Anyway she had another relationship with another guy previous to our relationship It was a mutual brake-up, no worries... But in between the end of the other relationship but before the start of our relationship she had friends with Benefits with the ex boyfriend that was on the phone- The friends with benefits went on for about 4 months. Confused Yet? Sorry! Anyway she admitted to me that she wanted to get back together with him, that was until she met me.
But he didn't want to get back together with her. Until he found out she's now in a relationship, ALL OF A SUDDEN! He wants her back and is completely in love with her. Right! Drives me crazy! So back to the end of the second phone conversation with him. I have a calm talk with her explaining that he just wants his benefits back nothing eles. But if you want him back, now's your time sweetheart, just let me know now. She cries and says she's in love with me. And I really do believe her! Make the story short, I don't like ultimatums so I don't give them. So that night I tell her that if he can handle just being friends, with obviously NO BENEFITS! Then I'm cool with that, she agrees.
So everything is great for a month when I decide to ask her about said ex! And to her credit admits that he still calls her and wants her back!I love her honesty here and believe that it will eventually take care of itself. So another month goes by and the relationship is going great! Other than the ex-boyfriend thing it really couldn't be going any better.However the next 24hrs will change a lot of that. ----> "Keep Reading" So I'm sleeping over at her place and before we go to sleep I ask her if she has any insecurities about our relationship. She mentions one that has been on her mind for some time and has mentioned it before. "Info 4 You" There's a 15yr difference in age between us, I'm 27yrs old and she's 42. And she thinks that eventually I'll leave her and find someone younger. I ease her worries as best I could, because she really is the only one I want to be with. You ask how I know that after 6 months of knowing her and only 4 months of going out? Well sometimes you just know! I know she is a remarkable women truly a beautiful person! However I raise an insecurity of my own, guess what it was about?lol. Yes! the ex boyfriend! I ask her if he is still contacting her she says sometimes but has pretty much got over it and hasn't talked to him in awhile. Then she drops this bomb on me! I still love him! Just not in that way anymore... As a guy I have no Idea what that means? So a little uncomfortable but even more tired I just fall asleep on it. In the morning though curiosity got the best of me and for some reason through out this hole thing I've got that caution flag up. So I Stoop down to the gutter and check her phone text messages! I feel awful about it! So awful in fact I have to admit it later that night! So in the morning I give her a awkward lil kiss and a pat on the back. Later that night she comes over to my place. She knows there is something wrong. I said there is, and ask her to be honest with me about her ex. She agrees! I ask her one more time if she is still in contact with her ex? she says no not really! I ask her if he has ever bought her flowers or anything like that? Your prolly thinking that's weird I would ask that question!?! On one of the text messages she thanks him for the beautiful Valentines Day flowers. There were among dozens of other text messages on there though out the month. But this one really got to me, sending my girlfriend flowers "which he had done another time I later found out" a gift and a card, and her accepting them!She says shes never received flowers or any gifts. Then I tell her that I know for a fact that's not true! She ask how I know? I tell her that I checked your text messages. She's shocked I would do that as am I! I feel like SH*T because I did it. Maybe Ignorance is bliss? But so is a piece of mind! And with some yellow flags, curiosity got the best of me =( So we talk about where this will lead us? we don't know? and I for one surly don't know! So here I am asking for your opinion. I appreciate you reading all that!
Sincerely,
Case
My girlfriend and I have been going out since November, so about 4 months now. And I adore her and I'm completing in love with her. Honestly ALMOST
everything is perfect. Almost is the key word there and perfect is not, but what the hell its a relationship right,lol. But she is an incredible women and
the best girlfriend I've ever had. I know, I know get to it already! Anyway the day after Christmas I go up to her house and knock on the door a couple of times, no answer though. So I walk in as I have done several times before only this time she's on the phone with an ex boyfriend. Didn't really bother me until the conversation went on for 20 mins, with him trying to get her back and with me petting her cat awkwardly all that time. The call ended up with him hanging up the phone angrily. Before I had time to ask her what that was about? He calls back, and I'll be damn if she didn't answer! That lil convo went on for about ten mins with her apologizing for hurting his feeling, and with him trying to rehash old memories with her. Here's the deal with him though. He actually broke up with her, just out of the blue she says---Broke her heart. It was a 10 month relationship. They use to work together and she says there was talk of him cheating but never confirmed. But why would he just brake up out of the blue like that? IDK? Sounds like he did to me! Anyway she had another relationship with another guy previous to our relationship It was a mutual brake-up, no worries... But in between the end of the other relationship but before the start of our relationship she had friends with Benefits with the ex boyfriend that was on the phone- The friends with benefits went on for about 4 months. Confused Yet? Sorry! Anyway she admitted to me that she wanted to get back together with him, that was until she met me.
But he didn't want to get back together with her. Until he found out she's now in a relationship, ALL OF A SUDDEN! He wants her back and is completely in love with her. Right! Drives me crazy! So back to the end of the second phone conversation with him. I have a calm talk with her explaining that he just wants his benefits back nothing eles. But if you want him back, now's your time sweetheart, just let me know now. She cries and says she's in love with me. And I really do believe her! Make the story short, I don't like ultimatums so I don't give them. So that night I tell her that if he can handle just being friends, with obviously NO BENEFITS! Then I'm cool with that, she agrees.
So everything is great for a month when I decide to ask her about said ex! And to her credit admits that he still calls her and wants her back!I love her honesty here and believe that it will eventually take care of itself. So another month goes by and the relationship is going great! Other than the ex-boyfriend thing it really couldn't be going any better.However the next 24hrs will change a lot of that. ----> "Keep Reading" So I'm sleeping over at her place and before we go to sleep I ask her if she has any insecurities about our relationship. She mentions one that has been on her mind for some time and has mentioned it before. "Info 4 You" There's a 15yr difference in age between us, I'm 27yrs old and she's 42. And she thinks that eventually I'll leave her and find someone younger. I ease her worries as best I could, because she really is the only one I want to be with. You ask how I know that after 6 months of knowing her and only 4 months of going out? Well sometimes you just know! I know she is a remarkable women truly a beautiful person! However I raise an insecurity of my own, guess what it was about?lol. Yes! the ex boyfriend! I ask her if he is still contacting her she says sometimes but has pretty much got over it and hasn't talked to him in awhile. Then she drops this bomb on me! I still love him! Just not in that way anymore... As a guy I have no Idea what that means? So a little uncomfortable but even more tired I just fall asleep on it. In the morning though curiosity got the best of me and for some reason through out this hole thing I've got that caution flag up. So I Stoop down to the gutter and check her phone text messages! I feel awful about it! So awful in fact I have to admit it later that night! So in the morning I give her a awkward lil kiss and a pat on the back. Later that night she comes over to my place. She knows there is something wrong. I said there is, and ask her to be honest with me about her ex. She agrees! I ask her one more time if she is still in contact with her ex? she says no not really! I ask her if he has ever bought her flowers or anything like that? Your prolly thinking that's weird I would ask that question!?! On one of the text messages she thanks him for the beautiful Valentines Day flowers. There were among dozens of other text messages on there though out the month. But this one really got to me, sending my girlfriend flowers "which he had done another time I later found out" a gift and a card, and her accepting them!She says shes never received flowers or any gifts. Then I tell her that I know for a fact that's not true! She ask how I know? I tell her that I checked your text messages. She's shocked I would do that as am I! I feel like SH*T because I did it. Maybe Ignorance is bliss? But so is a piece of mind! And with some yellow flags, curiosity got the best of me =( So we talk about where this will lead us? we don't know? and I for one surly don't know! So here I am asking for your opinion. I appreciate you reading all that!
Sincerely,
Case
