Ex and a New Guy

[Mando]

Update- She texted me telling me that she is too busy trying to make everyone happy instead of herself. I considered not responding at all, but thought that might be rude, so I pretty much flat out told her I'm not talking to her at the moment and I have my own **** to deal with instead of being her punching bag when she doesn't even treat me well. Told her maybe we'll talk in the future but for now it's best that we don't. Curious to see how long we'll go before she tries to contact me, although it probably won't be until she realizes what she lost, and when the time comes I'll consider if it's worth my time to pick up the phone or not. If she never does, oh well, I'll have another one by then =]

It's so much easier to not think about her when I'm occupied, it's when I'm sitting around doing nothing that's killer. Any tips? Thanks in advance.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

Update- She texted me telling me that she is too busy trying to make everyone happy instead of herself. I considered not responding at all, but thought that might be rude, so I pretty much flat out told her I'm not talking to her at the moment and I have my own **** to deal with instead of being her punching bag when she doesn't even treat me well. Told her maybe we'll talk in the future but for now it's best that we don't. Curious to see how long we'll go before she tries to contact me, although it probably won't be until she realizes what she lost, and when the time comes I'll consider if it's worth my time to pick up the phone or not. If she never does, oh well, I'll have another one by then =]

It's so much easier to not think about her when I'm occupied, it's when I'm sitting around doing nothing that's killer. Any tips? Thanks in advance.

Oh boy.

Why the hell would you send her this big pile of AFC horse****? "Treat me well" you sound like a *****. You think you're on Dawson's Creek and you're going to have these emotional relationship conversations all the time and she'll try to come back but stay tuned for the next episode...

She knows exactly what she lost. And that's why she's punking you now. "Realizes what she lost" GTF outta here she traded a sniveling AFC for a MAN who cums in her mouth and burns rubber in the parking lot.

*sigh* Look man, I know you're hurt right now, it all seems so surreal. But you have a PROFOUND opportunity for advancement here, you need to seriously devote yourself to studying the material on this site because anyone with a rudimentary knowledge of it's teachings would not have done what you just did. Actions indeed speak louder than words.

No more talk about being bored. You have A SH!TLOAD OF WORK TO DO my friend. You need to be in the gym, you need to be reading and studying and INTERNALIZING the teachings of SS or you will forever be a lost puppy crying at the feet of women!

God, that's a really sad picture, isn't it? I feel sorry for the puppy. But not for you, because YOU have INTELLIGENCE, and you have a CHOICE in whether you use it or not.

 

[hansol]

Mando,

You've had some good advice given here, but you ignored most of it. So I'm gonna give you one last tidbit, and you can do what you want with it:

In any situation, you essentially have two options: react dramatically, or don't react dramatically. Decide if the action you're pursuing is dramatic or not. Never decide on the dramatic one.

AKA this chick texts you out of the blue with drama. You can A) get involved, and send a dramatic speech professing how mistreated you were. Or B) do nothing and ignore it.

Which one is the least dramatic?

Always pick the "Road of the Least Amount of Drama".

Even amongst your royal mishandling of that, you do (at least it sort of seems) have a positive attitude about things though. Fix your game, learn what you can, but keep the attitude of "Oh, it's no big deal, I'll just snag another one." That is a big step in itself.

 

[Mando]

Thanks for both of the responses; I'm hoping to hear Bukowski's insight on this as well.

Although it may seem like I'm completely being an ignorant prick and not paying attention to your guys' advice, I really am taking it to heart. I can already feel myself getting less attached and not caring as much. She sent me a big dramatic myspace message today about how bad things are going for her etc etc and I simply responded with I'm sorry but that's up to you to figure out, I have too much going on right now to deal with it, so take your time.

I liked that bit of advice Hansol; I am going to think that out each time I get some sort of possible dramatic issue, it seems as if I consciously think about it it will help a lot with being less emotional.

@ Julius- You're right, I knew I shouldn't have included that but stupid me thought I could stir up her emotions for a last chance, and it didn't work like I knew it probably wouldn't. After reading your guys' harsh but true words, I actually do feel like a ***** and I look back at what I wrote and say, "What in the fvck was I thinking sending her this? I must have no nuts!", and it motivates me to lose the AFC-ness. By "treat me well" I pretty much meant I'm not going to take her **** anymore and she can take it or leave it. I'm trying my best not to give a damn about the new guy, although I'm not too sure it will last long, they've been together before and it just never works out according to what she's told me. I started going to the gym again a couple of weeks ago, it really helps relieve stress and build confidence as well as obviously get in shape. After I finish midterms this week I'll be dedicating a lot more time to re-reading The Game and a lot of the advice/tips on here in order to better myself, and hopefully(if I can figure out how to) build a bigger social circle and start a new hobby.

I'm motivated and ready to change and know what I want, I just need to figure out exactly how I'm going to change.

 

[Kailex]

She sent me a big dramatic myspace message today about how bad things are going for her etc etc and I simply responded with I'm sorry but that's up to you to figure out, I have too much going on right now to deal with it, so take your time.

I'm motivated and ready to change and know what I want, I just need to figure out exactly how I'm going to change.

Start by STOP RESPONDING TO HER.

Jesus Christ, is that so hard to grasp? EVERYTIME you give her ANY type of response, you are giving her EXACTLY what she wants.

STOP RESPONDING TO HER.

Do I need to say it in bigger font???

 

[bukowski_merit]

Thanks for both of the responses; I'm hoping to hear Bukowski's insight on this as well.

My response isn't going to be too different from the other 3 Mando. Although, im not completely against drama (because sometimes it's needed)... But that's a little more advanced than i think you can handle at this point in your development.

I really fear that you'll revert back to being the "nice guy" the minute this girl gives you any sign that she misses you or is sorry for what she did. I ultimately feel that that is your fantasy with all this.

She runs off with another guy, he treats her bad and provides her with all kinds of emotional surges.... But during some down periods - she comes crawling back to you for that "nice guy" comfort.... If that occurs - I sincerely believe that you are not strong enough to reconize it for what it is - her using BS manipulation to reel you back in.

This my friend is why No Contact exist. You have Oneitis.

Cut contact completely (the text was unnecessary, but since you SHOULD have no plans of reconnecting with this girl - that doesn't matter).
Stay busy
Sarge other women!

A word of warning - this woman like drama and likes being treated bad (you may not reconize it, but i can from what you have typed). When you stop contacting her; or even when you respond how you have been (with an "i don't care about your drama" attitude) - she will start to feel some attraction for you again.... This is not a reflection of how she feels about you!!!! This is her becoming attracted to you suddenly treating her bad... DO NOT be tempted to fall for any of her traps BECAUSE you are not a jerk. You are not the mean guy you are displaying to her. If you guys got back together - IT WOULD FAIL! I promise!!!!! So, don't even consider that fantasy.

You need more experience, and you really need to work on not caring about doing things that are honorable! At least not in the name of women!

 

[jonwon]

Problem with guys like mando, is they fail to see how pis* poor woman can be.

In the world of mando's (no offence), women can do no wrong, hence why, when they recieve advice, it goes against there programming of the so called fairer sex.

For starters this chick is bad news and a pritty shi* choice of a GF.

Just the fact she wants to keep you on the side lines like a back up emotional tampon tells me the so called date-able attributes of this chick, especcially when she is seeing another guy.

I mean think of it from the other guys point of view, would you be happy your GF is intouch with her EX?!

Nope, but I would state she probably keeps that little detail quiet. This is not a point in trying to garner hope that in some way she is contact with you because she may want you back - nope the truth is rather simple when you take off the rose tinted specs and look at the female gender in all her glory.

She is simply keeping you on to feed her emotional fuc* bubble, your her friend, a shoulder to cry on, a simpering wet wuss, who cant fault her for chowing down on some other mans, man meat and will be there for her, because you know, being a girl and all that she is simply a victim of a harsh world and a biased system where by, she is a third party to all the things that are happening, i.e she as had zero control of all her actions and responsibilities.

When will guys like you wise the fuc* up and realize that women are not what you've been led to believe, they arn't innocent victims of some giant conspiracy, if anything they can be shallow, emotional fuelled, selfish opportunists that use any advantage to boost their fragile little ego's. Much like she is doing with you.

Tell her to go fuc* herself. And move on.

Never ever do this again:

"Edit- I left something out that might be somewhat important-- Most of the guys that she's been in a relationship with have left her and shut her out, and she has anxiety. I told her I wouldn't ever do that to her and I'm a man of my word, ".

It's just simply retarded, you didn't even know the chick, don't hand your balls over when she drops such a bomb on you, she could turn out to be a whack job and you like a simpering beta holding up to your values. He is news for you kid, she's not worth it. Dont pander and make silly promises again when some chicks throws out she is practically undatable - If anything she's proved the point.

Edit - Stop blaming the 'other guy' - He isn't the problem, you are for putting up with this drama and she is for being fikkle. Choose better next time, learn and absorb.

Blow this chick out of your life. Regain your ball-sack.

 

[teddy240]

Well I know how you feel, everything is great, you do everything to make her happy, but thats the problem. You never give her a chance to do things for you and appreciate you. She is dating this guy that you dislike because its new and exciting for her! She has you in the palm of her hand and you get over emotional over every little detail. Your suffocating her with your emotions. Honestly, she is treating you badly and you keep taking it and taking it. Why would she suddenly start treating you better? WALK AWAY! Take the pride that you have left and go out and have fun! Your not having fun with her, you cant trust her, so why would you want a relationship with someone you cannot trust? Its pointless!

 

[teddy240]

Problem with guys like mando, is they fail to see how pis* poor woman can be.

In the world of mando's (no offence), women can do no wrong, hence why, when they recieve advice, it goes against there programming of the so called fairer sex.

For starters this chick is bad news and a pritty shi* choice of a GF.

Just the fact she wants to keep you on the side lines like a back up emotional tampon tells me the so called date-able attributes of this chick, especcially when she is seeing another guy.

I mean think of it from the other guys point of view, would you be happy your GF is intouch with her EX?!




Nope, but I would state she probably keeps that little detail quiet. This is not a point in trying to garner hope that in some way she is contact with you because she may want you back - nope the truth is rather simple when you take off the rose tinted specs and look at the female gender in all her glory.

She is simply keeping you on to feed her emotional fuc* bubble, your her friend, a shoulder to cry on, a simpering wet wuss, who cant fault her for chowing down on some other mans, man meat and will be there for her, because you know, being a girl and all that she is simply a victim of a harsh world and a biased system where by, she is a third party to all the things that are happening, i.e she as had zero control of all her actions and responsibilities.

When will guys like you wise the fuc* up and realize that women are not what you've been led to believe, they arn't innocent victims of some giant conspiracy, if anything they can be shallow, emotional fuelled, selfish opportunists that use any advantage to boost their fragile little ego's. Much like she is doing with you.

Tell her to go fuc* herself. And move on.

Never ever do this again:

"Edit- I left something out that might be somewhat important-- Most of the guys that she's been in a relationship with have left her and shut her out, and she has anxiety. I told her I wouldn't ever do that to her and I'm a man of my word, ".

It's just simply retarded, you didn't even know the chick, don't hand your balls over when she drops such a bomb on you, she could turn out to be a whack job and you like a simpering beta holding up to your values. He is news for you kid, she's not worth it. Dont pander and make silly promises again when some chicks throws out she is practically undatable - If anything she's proved the point.

Edit - Stop blaming the 'other guy' - He isn't the problem, you are for putting up with this drama and she is for being fikkle. Choose better next time, learn and absorb.

Blow this chick out of your life. Regain your ball-sack.

AGREED- when a girl tells you that she has emotional problems, thats a good sign to RUN! Why would someone that likes you tell you about the bad qualities of themselves? She tells you that so you hopefully get the hint to leave her alone! Not be her knight in shining armor!

 

[Mando]

Read all of the responses, I'll try my best to address them now :S

@ Kai- No, that font is fine =]. I've decided that's the best for now, and I'm not planning on responding to her since getting my **** together is more important.

@ Bukowski- Once again, you're right. I'm not a jerk, I can pretend to be one, but I'm really not. At the same time, however, I've been trying to pull myself away from being emotional and a nice guy. I know that when she comes back to me it's going to be because I'm a second option and she knows that I'd be there when she called, so I told myself I'm not going to be a second option for her to run to when things go badly for her. Although that's what a friend would do, what she's been doing to me isn't anywhere near what a friend would do, so why let her have that privilege? I've decided no contact is best for my situation, although I will have the urge to go back to her when she calls, I know it's not best for me and I'd(once again) just be giving in to her demands.

@ Jon- You're partly right and partly wrong about "guys like me". I DO believe that she can do wrong and be tremendously selfish, however, I kept looking for excuses to defend her instead of just accepting the truth. She actually seemed(bolded to emphasize the word) like she'd make a very good girlfriend- she called all the time, seemed happy to talk to me, was actually very enjoyable to talk to. But after all this has happened I realized it has been a cover up(possibly not, but it looks so) since she had nobody and needed someone there for her, and I took the bait. I had absolutely no intention of getting in a LDR with her, it just happened. "Blow this chick out of your life. Regain your ball-sack."- Working on it.

@ Teddy- Yup, that's one of the first mistakes I realized I had made. I had gave her so much that nothing I did anymore actually stood out. She told me those things about her because she said she thought I wouldn't judge her for it. I didn't have experience with any of those traits in a girl before, so I guess I can say I didn't know what I was getting myself into.

I'm going to be very busy with school stuff this week, so that should help me keep my mind off her. Trying to make plans for the weekend with some friends too. Thanks again for the input.