Ex-affair has contacted me after years. How to proceed?

[Draper]

Before I begin let me ask you to please spare me moral lectures. I won't read them anyway.
I'd be grateful for any advice on how to proceed though.

A couple of years ago I had an affair with a married woman. It lasted for about 18 months. The sex was out of this world. Her husband had no sexual interest in her anymore and he probably wasn't any good at sex to begin with. She only knew vanilla sex, so I was the first guy to eat her p*ssy, the first guy who f*cked her in a car and in a park in daylight, the first guy who licked her in 69 position and so on.
Her husband is a total wuss, she even told him about our affair. He just said she and I should make up our minds where we want to go with this.
Of ourse what happened is what always happens when a woman is f*cked good and regularly. She fell in love with me and wanted me to save her from bad marriage. I told her that won't happen, that I would like to spend time with her in and outside the bed but that an LTR or marriage was out of the question.
So after a lot of drama she wrote me a final love letter and told me that although she was sure that I would love her in my own way that she does not want to meet me ever again.

That was more than three years ago. A couple of weeks ago she suddenly contacted me again, first she sent me a song and then we exchanged a few mails.
Nothing kinky or romantic, we just talked about how we are doing at work, where we're going on vacation and stuff like that.
After two or three mails I proposed to pick her up from her office some day "for a coffee". She said having a coffee was fine.
A couple of days later I asked her by mail what day in the next week would be good for her to meet me.
She answered that she probably won't have time next week. She made no counter-offer.

Now I wonder how best to proceed. I wouldn't mind f*cking her a few more times.

Her contacting me was definitely not an "orbiter check" because I have never been her orbiter. She knows that all she can expect from me is a good f*ck so I gather when she contacted me she wanted to fu*ck and maybe now she's having second thoughts.
Any advice on how to proceed to f*ck her again?

 

[Medina]

She got cold feet probably because she wants the sexxx but not the heartache like she probably endured last time

Not much you can do except wait. She'll probably cave in

 

[bcude]

She answered that she probably won't have time next week. She made no counter-offer.

This is all you need to know, she doesn't want to meet up with you. Atleast not right now, so proceed with that in mind and think about the time you want to spend on this.

If she told you the sex was good back in the day and not only something you tell yourself, then she sees alot of value in you which could be the reason she contacted you again since men that actually give women good sex are rare. However, sending you a song?? What does that mean? From the interaction that followed, this looks more like a business meeting than anything else. Your goal is to fvck her again, then why haven't you been flirting and sexualizing it instead of talking about boring stuff like work and having coffee. That's probably not what she's been fantisizing about during those 3 years when she's been thinking about you.

 

[HyenaPrince]

She probably needed some sort of mental escape from her marriage and daily life. Wait for another emotional crack. She'll probably text you in the near future when you least expect it.

 

[Draper]

This is all you need to know, she doesn't want to meet up with you. Atleast not right now, so proceed with that in mind and think about the time you want to spend on this.

If she told you the sex was good back in the day and not only something you tell yourself, then she sees alot of value in you which could be the reason she contacted you again since men that actually give women good sex are rare. However, sending you a song?? What does that mean? From the interaction that followed, this looks more like a business meeting than anything else. Your goal is to fvck her again, then why haven't you been flirting and sexualizing it instead of talking about boring stuff like work and having coffee. That's probably not what she's been fantisizing about during those 3 years when she's been thinking about you.

Well, she wrote me first and it was she who asked about my work and vacation plans and I replied to her mail. I didn't want to get kinky in my first reply. I thought if she contacted me she will probably want to meet me so in my second or third mail I proposed to pick her up after work. I think that was as direct and straight as possible other than saying "good to hear from you, when can we f*ck?".
And yes, back in the days she told me many times that it was the best sex she ever had.
It always amused me because I'm far from a sex god.

Maybe you are right that I should heat up the next interaction. I could text something like "I'll pick you up on wednesday. Wear somethng sexy." OTOH she used to always complain that I only want sex from her so I figure it's better to meet under the pretension that we will just have coffee and talk a bit.

 

[bcude]

Well, she wrote me first and it was she who asked about my work and vacation plans and I replied to her mail. I didn't want to get kinky in my first reply. I thought if she contacted me she will probably want to meet me so in my second or third mail I proposed to pick her up after work. I think that was as direct and straight as possible other than saying "good to hear from you, when can we f*ck?".
And yes, back in the days she told me many times that it was the best sex she ever had.
It always amused me because I'm far from a sex god.

Maybe you are right that I should heat up the next interaction. I could text something like "I'll pick you up on wednesday. Wear somethng sexy." OTOH she used to always complain that I only want sex from her so I figure it's better to meet under the pretension that we will just have coffee and talk a bit.

She complained, but still contacted you knowing your history and what you did together. Look at actions if you want to know real intentions.
You don't necessarily need to be a sex god objectively, you could just be a good match for her and push the right buttons to make her *** hard. I've had that happening to me a couple of times, since i don't consider myself to be anything special in bed.
I didn't mean to be that overt and direct. Be flirty and covert about it, that's how you make things exciting and fun.
Like suggesting you pick her up on xxx-day in the car and take a stroll in the park, like the good old times ;-)
If she's not game, she's just looking for attention/validation.

 

[Draper]

She complained, but still contacted you knowing your history and what you did together. Look at actions if you want to know real intentions.
You don't necessarily need to be a sex god objectively, you could just be a good match for her and push the right buttons to make her *** hard. I've had that happening to me a couple of times, since i don't consider myself to be anything special in bed.
I didn't mean to be that overt and direct. Be flirty and covert about it, that's how you make things exciting and fun.
Like suggesting you pick her up on xxx-day in the car and take a stroll in the park, like the good old times ;-)
If she's not game, she's just looking for attention/validation.

I did exactly what you suggest and she agreed but when I asked which day she suddenly was busy all week. Next week I'll be on vacation. When I'm back I'll give her one more try. I'll not ask when she has time but write something like "Hey, my vacation was great. I'm free on wednesday. Let's go to a nice cafe and I'll tell you all about it. Ok?". If she agress or proposes another day, I'm on. If not I'll wait until she contacts me again.

 

[Kotaix]

She reached out and you aren't friends. She wants the D.

Just play it as it lies. If you want to bang her again then just go ahead and play that game. If she wants to do things that you don't want you, you just tell her no. You have all the power here.

Whatever you do, let her do the contacting at this point. As others pointed out, she might be feeling hesitant about what she's done, but my intuition says the writing is already on the wall. She wants sex and she'll eventually cave. She's probably also ready to get divorced.

 

[Spaz]

You say her husband is a total wuss but yet here u r admitting that she's gotten you to lick her pvssy on multiple occasions.

I'm sure the women here are clapping their hands in delight of her obviously superior manipulation skills.

 

[Draper]

She's not "gotten me" to eat her p*ssy...LOL.
In fact the first time she did not want me to.
Oh what a pervert I am....

 

[Spaz]

She's not "gotten me" to eat her p*ssy...LOL.
In fact the first time she did not want me to.
Oh what a pervert I am....

Just so you know, that's how manipulation works buddy...you're suppose to think it's all ur idea.

 

[Draper]

Just so you know, that's how manipulation works buddy...you're suppose to think it's all ur idea.

In that case I wish more beautiful women would manipulate me and let me eat their p*ssies.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

In that case I wish more beautiful women would manipulate me and let me eat their p*ssies.

Plenty WILL. They'll let you eat it. And let the guy they really want to hit it.

 

[HyenaPrince]

Plenty WILL. They'll let you eat it. And let the guy they really want to hit it.

Hahah.

 

[Spaz]

In that case I wish more beautiful women would manipulate me and let me eat their p*ssies.

Feel free to be manipulated.

99.99% of the men in the world is already under manipulation, nothing new nor special abt it.

Enjoy being one of em.

 

[Draper]

Funny thing is most women don't even like their p*ssy getting licked that much. Most of therm prefer by far getting f*ucked hard.
I probably enjoy it more than they do.

But we should get back on topic, gentlemen.

 

[lostintime]

Before I begin let me ask you to please spare me moral lectures. I won't read them anyway.
I'd be grateful for any advice on how to proceed though.

A couple of years ago I had an affair with a married woman. It lasted for about 18 months. The sex was out of this world. Her husband had no sexual interest in her anymore and he probably wasn't any good at sex to begin with. She only knew vanilla sex, so I was the first guy to eat her p*ssy, the first guy who f*cked her in a car and in a park in daylight, the first guy who licked her in 69 position and so on.
Her husband is a total wuss, she even told him about our affair. He just said she and I should make up our minds where we want to go with this.
Of ourse what happened is what always happens when a woman is f*cked good and regularly. She fell in love with me and wanted me to save her from bad marriage. I told her that won't happen, that I would like to spend time with her in and outside the bed but that an LTR or marriage was out of the question.
So after a lot of drama she wrote me a final love letter and told me that although she was sure that I would love her in my own way that she does not want to meet me ever again.

That was more than three years ago. A couple of weeks ago she suddenly contacted me again, first she sent me a song and then we exchanged a few mails.
Nothing kinky or romantic, we just talked about how we are doing at work, where we're going on vacation and stuff like that.
After two or three mails I proposed to pick her up from her office some day "for a coffee". She said having a coffee was fine.
A couple of days later I asked her by mail what day in the next week would be good for her to meet me.
She answered that she probably won't have time next week. She made no counter-offer.

Now I wonder how best to proceed. I wouldn't mind f*cking her a few more times.

Her contacting me was definitely not an "orbiter check" because I have never been her orbiter. She knows that all she can expect from me is a good f*ck so I gather when she contacted me she wanted to fu*ck and maybe now she's having second thoughts.
Any advice on how to proceed to f*ck her again?

Your mistake was not assuming the sale. It's obvious she wants to **** again. You were too timid in your approach. You've gotta offer a time and a place, i.e. how about saturday at 2 pm by the mall starbucks. Or whatever. If she flakes, you don't act butt hurt. Just say no prob. Let her reach out again after that. Don't contact her first. The next time she reaches out you rinse wash and repeat. Give her an offer w. an exact time and place. Guaranteed she shows up.

 

[dude99]

How do you proceed? You do nothing. You live your life you spin your plates.

Nothing from her in 3 years and she drops a few breadcrumbs of nothing, flakes on your 'coffee arrangement' then offers no counter.

You do nothing. If you attempt anything else it will be you chasing and validating her and we all know how well that turns out.

Do nothing. Go spin your plates. Focus on other women. She ended things 3 years ago. Fixing things or seeing her again or talking to her ever again that is her job.

Let her hamster wheel spin. Not yours.

 

[Draper]

Did it smell bad?

No.

 

[Draper]

You are doing it wrong then.

No.