Every males dream? Not mine :(.

[eddiepie]

Ok, before I get started, I just wanna say a massive thanks to everyone on this site. I've searched high and low to answer my questions about finding myself a girl. Because of this site, I have finally found myself a winner in my eyes (although I fear you may think other wise after reading this).

Ok! Here we go.

I met a girl the other day. Within 2 or so hours of hanging out, I had her in my bedroom making out. I have only been with 2 girls in my time (only kissed either), before meeting this girl.. so I didn't know much other than what I had found on sosuave (PS: I'm 19 and virgin obviously).

Now, I spend about 5 or so hours with her. During that 5 hours I recieve a handjob. The thing is, I COULDN'T come! She went for about 20+ mins! It felt freaking amazing too, but still, I just couldn't bring myself to orgasm . I eventually just told her to save her energy, as it just wasn't happening for me. I ADMITTED to her, that I jacked off earlier that morning and that I guessed all my sex drive was gone. This gave her some re-assurance into not being able to please me, but I could still tell she was hurt.

A short while later, I went down on her. After about 15 mins, I had her pelvis up in the air with her breathing heavily. She clenched and collapsed after some spasmic pelvic thrusts. I couldn't believe it. My first try at this and I had this girl melting like butter in front of me! I still remember her face, completely glazed over eyes.. staring at me with a drunken expression. After a bit of recovery time, she said to me: "No one has EVER made me come like that before."

Oh God, what have I unleashed D:!

We met again, 2 days later. I brang her to orgasm again via oral and later again with fingering. In the middle of the 2, she went down on me (saying she would return the favour) Now, I wasn't one to be fussed. All I wanted was to make sure SHE was happy. Her going down on me wasn't my main priority. I just wanted to get her off.

ANYWAY. She went at it for about 20 mins. What MORE, she deep-throated me. Now, I'm about 16'ish (cm), so it's not TOO hard; but oh my god it was amazing. Once again, here's my problem. With ALL this going on, I STILL couldn't orgasm >_<. I mean COME ON. This girl is at it for 15+ mins and I STILL can't get off! Once again, I just said if you're getting tired, you can stop if you want. She did so and I could tell she was hurt again. I'd much rather pull the plug, than have her say she doesn't want to continue.

Now please; why the hell can't I orgasm D:! Shes about an HB8 and although she hasn't gotten me off.. shes like the best thing thats ever happened to me. I've never been this happy before. It may sound rushed, but I don't have the heart to be a player and move on. I've had no girls for years.. then she pops up. I can't give her up this reason. What if I can't get off with other girls I try with? It's me! I'm SURE of it D:!

None the less, I fear it's my nerves. Maybe my mind keeps telling me that it's not me doing it, so won't let me be finished off. I am now NEVER EVER again, going to masterbate. I want to be so amped up on testosterone the next time I see her, that I blow in a second! She wants nothing more to please me (I quote: "I shaved for you in the shower last night" I can't think of any more, but she said that she doesn't like seeng her man un-satisfied).

She may be a bit clingy, but that's what has hit me so hard. Someone for me that I love being around. She tries so hard and doesn't get the satisfaction of being able to relieve me. It's almost embarassing .

I honeslty can't believe this. All my life I've feared myself being a shortfuse. Yet here I am, the complete opposite . This may sound awesome to some, but I just wanna show her what shes doing is amazing and that her work doesn't go unappreciated! I mean, I don't want to end up doing it myself for the rest of my life !

I'm sure when it comes to sex, I will eventually be able to bring my self to orgasm. If I do, it sounds like it's going to be a lengthly process. I don't want to do it straight away with her (or anyone). I want to keep it special. I know I'm putting it all on the line here.. but she respects my beliefs and says that it turns her on more not being able to have me completely :$.

Please help if you can. Remedies / simple exercises or states of mind I should be in before hand would be greatly appreciated. Thanks again people of sosuave, you're the best thing thats happened to me in a long time.

- Eddie

Ps: This isn't a joke, I really need help here. I also kinda mixed a success story with a help thread.. so sorry if it sounds like I'm skiting. I'm still in awe about what has happened these past few days

 

[SuperFlex]

I can't come from *******s or handjobs either. No big deal.

I can't usually come from sex with a condom on, can sometimes.

You'll be able to come when you have sex.

 

[MindOverMatter]

your penis is desensititzed because it's used to your own touch, like you said, quit masturbating.

 

[eddiepie]

Oh thank god.

When I was younger (as in 1-2 years ago), I could orgasm with in mintues when watching porn. I was so scared this would happen when meeting a real girl, that I must have completely thrown my mindset out of control by over-masterbation.

DAMN YOU CHILDHOOD, DAMN YOU!

I'll stop this completely from now on.

Thanks again guys! .

 

[High Voltage]

Relax

Your experiences are similar to mine when I first started with chicks. Even though you may not be nervous when you're around her, you're probably not completely relaxed either. You may not be consciously aware that you're not completely relaxed.

Is this a problem?

Not at all. The more you're with her doing these various fun activities the more you'll be able to completely let yourself go. Resisting masturbation will help, but don't think you need to stop... perhaps abstaining 24 hours before you know you'll see her next. I told my girl the reason I couldn't come was that I was still getting used to her. She seemed to understand and it was never really an issue after that. However, you need to tell her *something* (as you correctly did) so that she doesn't feel sad and inadequate.

To this day receiving oral doesn't really do it for me. Sometimes I'll even get soft while receiving oral. It feels different than sex so my c0ck isn't really into it. It still feels amazing, but more relaxing then anything else. I've told my girl this and she doesn't have a problem with it, she still goes down on me often because we both enjoy on a different level. However, I am giving her tips on what feels good to me so the day may come when I cvm.

In summary: Don't think too much - it will fix itself.

- Sex -

If your current experiences turn out like my past experiences you will probably not orgasm from sex the first couple times, for the same reasons mentioned previously. Even now I periodically won't orgasm from sex (but other times I will within minutes). Again, not a problem.

It can be frustrating at times not being able to get off but I really don't concern myself with it. You can focus on her pleasure, and seeing the reactions chicks have to orgasms really makes me think our orgasms are nothing compared to theirs. Remember, it's still fun if you don't cvm.

I would like to conclude by saying that sex is *very* over-rated. By all means go for it, but don't expect the world to be any different the next day. The earth will not move, you will not see fireworks. You'll get up, have breakfast, and get on with your day. Hope this helps.

- HV

 

[eddiepie]

I know sex is over-rated, it's just; I wanna make sure theres no interuptions, I'm in the right mood and so is she. I just want it to be so we both enjoy it to the fullest and that it's a time to remember. She did get onto the "I've been hurt before" topic of conversation and with me saying I want it to be special.. it meant the world to her. I think shes had some rough times with sex back in the day anyway. I don't wanna ask her, but when I'm ready I already know she will be.

Anyways, thanks greatly for the advice. She wrote me this morning saying:

Don't worry about the flatmates last night. And, thanks for saying all that stuff. My ego was slightly bruised. But it's all good. If you can only come during sex thats fine, coz I don't want to tire you out before hand anyway! Haha. It's funny coz my last bf couldn't come during sex, and you're the opposite. I told you sex with different and special with every person. It's just that yea I want to be able to please you, but as long as it does feel good, then thats awesome.

I'll explain what you have all written and will be able to leave this matter at rest. Thank you for every thing once again guys!

 

[BGMan]

Try not jacking off. I never wank, and I must say I have no trouble coming at all.

BGMan

 

[christz]

Like everybody else in here said Don't jack off as much and if you do keep it to a minimum.

ALSO

since your so new to sex, i just wanna let you know sex is 90% mental and 10% physical. if your nervous at all and don't go with the flow you won't ***, and some guys they have a form of temporary erectile disfuction. meaning they can't get it up because there so nervous.

not that they have a physical problem, but its all in there head. Virgins have this problem, lucky for you, you don't.

So the next time your going at it let it just be natural don't think ok now after this she's gonna wanna suck my ****, or i'm gonn a have to do this and then i'll ---

stop yourself and just go along with it. don't think just do. The last thing you need to do.

 

[Ice Cold]

Don't worry man. Happened to me at the beginning too... you're just too nervous.

 

[DJ24SEVEN]

Originally posted by eddiepie
I met a girl the other day. Within 2 or so hours of hanging out, I had her in my bedroom making out. I have only been with 2 girls in my time (only kissed either), before meeting this girl.. so I didn't know much other than what I had found on sosuave (PS: I'm 19 and virgin obviously).

I have pretty good game...but I can never get a girl into the bedroom 2 hours. Unless she's a slut looking for a lay.

 

[eddiepie]

She wasn't slutty at all! I just set out my plan and made sure I developed rapport with her as much as possible. She said she felt comfortable with me, so before she changed her mind.. I went in for the kill.

When I met her, I made sure the goal was to have her in my room by the end of the day. Made sure I kept the conversation on her, only tried neg hits where needed and checked reactions. Used simple little things I've read from a collection of threads on sosuave and it all added up.

I still can't believe it. First try and I find a winner :$.

- - -

Ok!

Originally posted by christz
So the next time your going at it let it just be natural don't think ok now after this she's gonna wanna suck my ****, or i'm gonn a have to do this and then i'll ---

stop yourself and just go along with it. don't think just do. The last thing you need to do.

I did that for bit, planning it out whilst doing it. But only the first meeting. The second I went with the flow. It definately eased up on the feeling, but like you have all said, just give it time. I reckon I can get over this.. just not right now.

I'm leaving the country for 2 or so months and shes very distraught over this. Next year when I'm back, I wanna be with her relationship wise. Here's hoping all will be sorted when I get back.

Thanks once more! This is more and more relieving knowing that I'm not the only person that has gone through this .

Until next year I guess! Cheers <3

 

[quest]

well u seem to have got ur answers..
heres my experience with not coming..

9 girls, all 1 night stands, came twice, out of the 9 (after an hour+ of sex with most of them)

girlfriend, had sex with her for abotu a month, never came.
then one day, after not wanking for a couple of days, i blew in her in like 2 minutes..
then we had sex again, and i blew again..
now i blow, i guess, 80% of the time, but i wank alot..

just cut down on the wanking, and it'll come to u..

if u want more info, do a search on my name, theres not a whole lot of posts there to sift through and i know that i've posted in 2 or 3 threads similar to this.

good luck with it.

 

[Bonhomme]

Yup. Probably the "death grip"

Most likely it's what the guys have said: handling yourself the wrong way when jacking off. The most common problem is to use way too tight a grip.

Another is to overwork one's ability to hold back. A while back I was working on lasting longer and becoming multi-orgasmic, and when I did have sex I often couldn't come, especially with a condom on. After we spit up I cut down the masturbation, kept the pressure really light when I did (actually less friction than during sex, with lots of lube), and that set it right.

 

[TizZle]

happened to me also... first two times then i didn't drink as much the 3rd and pow =o right on her neck and chest...

 

[Jay-X]

hey man, i'm 2 yrs younger than u, but that's the only difference between us... i mean, even your thoughts are the same exact as mine. i used to have that problem myself too... u just gotta learn some pelvic movements and they will be the coolest moments of ur life, i swear... my girlfriend was disappointed too, because i enjoied her handjobs a lot, but i wasn't able to come. however, as i said before, try to move your hips while she works on you and u should be done. now, i usually come just some minutes before i leave home, so that when she blows me off i don't ejaculate inside her mouth... and i'm perfectly able to come again an hour later...

hope i've helped

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Here's what you do -

If you know you're going to see her at a set time & place, do not masturbate for at least 3 days prior. That should be the obvious first step. Next, make sure you hit the gym about 1.5 to 2 hours prior to meeting up with her. Work out hard, and I mean HARD! Don't injure yourself, but hit heavy weights (no aerobics) with extra intensity. This shouldn't be too hard to do knowing you'll be hitting it with this chick later. Basically you want to be flush with testosterone when you meet up, working out does this naturally. You will also be able to relax due to the stress relief that exercise naturally provides.

Some don'ts:

Don't drink alcohol prior to meeting, all this does is depress your system. You're 19 so maybe you don't drink.

Don't over think the event. Try to apply your mind with other things (such as working out) before you hook up. A virgin (guy) will tend to get performance anxieties, I know I did.

Don't amp yourself up too much. Avoid coffee or ephedra-like stimulants. It might seem like a good idea, but caffine makes the salami go south.

Hope this helps.

 

[Rogerman]

Rollo Tomassi basically said it all.

 

[huge_guy_pimpin]

Originally posted by Rollo Tomassi
Here's what you do -

If you know you're going to see her at a set time & place, do not masturbate for at least 3 days prior. That should be the obvious first step. Next, make sure you hit the gym about 1.5 to 2 hours prior to meeting up with her. Work out hard, and I mean HARD! Don't injure yourself, but hit heavy weights (no aerobics) with extra intensity. This shouldn't be too hard to do knowing you'll be hitting it with this chick later. Basically you want to be flush with testosterone when you meet up, working out does this naturally. You will also be able to relax due to the stress relief that exercise naturally provides.

Some don'ts:

Don't drink alcohol prior to meeting, all this does is depress your system. You're 19 so maybe you don't drink.

Don't over think the event. Try to apply your mind with other things (such as working out) before you hook up. A virgin (guy) will tend to get performance anxieties, I know I did.

Don't amp yourself up too much. Avoid coffee or ephedra-like stimulants. It might seem like a good idea, but caffine makes the salami go south.

Hope this helps.

um thats some messed up **** that caffeine does that, cause as far as i know it constricts ur blood vessels, wich in my case, and i dont see why not everyones, it increases boner ability

 

[eecumstains]

stop masturbating altogether

and check the meds you are on- drugs like prozac are notorious for delayed ejaculatiion

also- i ride a bike alot and sometimes after a long ride i have this problem

try to relax and just enjoy what is happening

and, whatever you do- don;t focus on cumming. just focus on enjoying it

 

[NoWayOut]

yep

I had this exact same problem tonight. It's really bothering me right now. Even when I was getting head, i wasn't getting that hard, and then when we started having sex.. it felt good, but I never finished. I feel inadequate because of it a little bit.. granted, I did drink tonight, and it was the first time I met this girl.. one night stand situation.. but damn man, I'm pissed at myself. You're not alone. Is it really all mental? When i'm looking at porn i get a lot harder than when I'm actually with a girl.. is that weird?