Ever regret breaking up?

[GoldMan]

Been having a hard letting go of my ex girlfriend. It was a 3.5 year relationship and we broke up two months ago. I've posted a few threads about it but to make a long story short:

While I was in an LTR with her I was still going out, and doing my thing. Then I met a girl I got really into. That relationship evolved and I broke up with the ex for her. Then I took the ex back and dated them both. Two months later I broke it off with the ex again. The reason I gave her was that I am not going to be able to take it to the next level with her. That I needed to break off the relationship in order to find out what I really want.

I am still dating the new girl and it is getting serious. I am enjoying the time I spend with her and she is getting very emotionally invested now. I see that she wants to say the "L" word but is afraid how I may or may not respond.

I still have not completely let go of my ex, I get thoughts of ending it with this new girl and giving it another shot with the ex, but this time just diving in, and taking it to the next level and not looking back. My ex was a a great girl and she still wants me back. She calls me and I feel so bad/guilty after talking to her, its like breaking up again.

Lately I've been giving consideration to seeing a therapist to help me resolve this emotional turmoil. I am afraid that I will regret the decision I have made but can't see clearly because I still miss my ex.

Would you guys offer me some insight from your experience or observations? I know its not the most exciting of topics here on sosuave but it would really help.

Thanks....

 

[Bible_Belt]

Conventional wisdom is to cut all contact with exes, but I have never done that. I still talk to all of my ex girlfriends, probably seven or so girls, and even my ex-wife. When my current girlfriend, who is an ex from long ago in high school, and I went to Florida, we even had dinner with my ex-wife. That is weird, I know, but everyone had fun. My girlfriend talks to her exes as well, at least on facebook. I have met her ex-husband.

The thing about love is that it never really goes away. You will love a lot of women over the course of your life, and you will always still have feelings for the women from your past. That is only normal. I love all my ex-girlfriends and my ex-wife. Most of them still want me back, and that is a little sad, but they all know I care about them and would do anything for them...anything except be with them.

 

[Allurre]

I understand where you're coming from

Personally, I believe it's all in your head. You can control your current state of emotions, it's how WILLINGLY you want to commit to this action.

Your internal influences are charged by your thinking process. You have to gradually detach yourself from your exes -- emotionally and mentally.

This is not an obstacle, just a phase you will eventually get through, if you only allow yourself. Move on and pursue your dreams.

Let that dream take part of your life, and live it every second. For example, if you love golf, then spend most of your thinking about improving your golf swing or being on the field. Take your mind off the girls, and it will have less damage to your state of mind.

 

[vitor]

the best favor or thing you can for yourself and your ex is to stop talking to her. You keep bringing her back in letting her go. one day your gonna dump a new girl to get back with ex and she will do it to you leaving you with nothing.

Ex for a reason

 

[iqqi]

This is what you get for being a branch swinger.

You feel like sh!t because it was sh!tty to start a new relationship with someone when you were in a committed relationship with another.

If karma notices you, she is going to be one hell of a b!tch, and you will know an even worse sense of emotional distress. Worry about that, buddy.

 

[st_99]

This post honestly sounds like it belongs in the high school forums. Its so silly, I don't know what else to say.

 

[Jean Valjean]

Conventional wisdom is to cut all contact with exes, but I have never done that. I still talk to all of my ex girlfriends, probably seven or so girls, and even my ex-wife. When my current girlfriend, who is an ex from long ago in high school, and I went to Florida, we even had dinner with my ex-wife. That is weird, I know, but everyone had fun. My girlfriend talks to her exes as well, at least on facebook. I have met her ex-husband.

The thing about love is that it never really goes away. You will love a lot of women over the course of your life, and you will always still have feelings for the women from your past. That is only normal. I love all my ex-girlfriends and my ex-wife. Most of them still want me back, and that is a little sad, but they all know I care about them and would do anything for them...anything except be with them.

good post biblebelt ..esp the part about always having feelings for the women you loved once

 

[Jean Valjean]

Been having a hard letting go of my ex girlfriend. It was a 3.5 year relationship and we broke up two months ago. I've posted a few threads about it but to make a long story short:

While I was in an LTR with her I was still going out, and doing my thing. Then I met a girl I got really into. That relationship evolved and I broke up with the ex for her. Then I took the ex back and dated them both. Two months later I broke it off with the ex again. The reason I gave her was that I am not going to be able to take it to the next level with her. That I needed to break off the relationship in order to find out what I really want.

I am still dating the new girl and it is getting serious. I am enjoying the time I spend with her and she is getting very emotionally invested now. I see that she wants to say the "L" word but is afraid how I may or may not respond.

I still have not completely let go of my ex, I get thoughts of ending it with this new girl and giving it another shot with the ex, but this time just diving in, and taking it to the next level and not looking back. My ex was a a great girl and she still wants me back. She calls me and I feel so bad/guilty after talking to her, its like breaking up again.

Lately I've been giving consideration to seeing a therapist to help me resolve this emotional turmoil. I am afraid that I will regret the decision I have made but can't see clearly because I still miss my ex.

Would you guys offer me some insight from your experience or observations? I know its not the most exciting of topics here on sosuave but it would really help.

Thanks....

well it explains why some men marry multiple women ...

Honestly you should make a decision if having the ex around will lose your real love interest #1 girl, then you need to tell the ex girl friend the truth - that you have someone else and need to go No Contact with her because of that relationship. Seeing her time and again is dredging up alot of negative feelings that will see you losing it all - negative breeds negative

or

you could play them both if you don't mind losing the #1 girl

good luck

ps: NC hurts like hell in the beginning but works like a charm - you will be doing your ex a favor by letting her move on and find someone that will treat her like #1 and love her

 

[Unbridled_Phoenix]

If you're a guy, and Iqqi is calling you a branch swinger, it is time to check your manhood. You sound like a woman anyway, way too dependent on relationships.

 

[GoldMan]

This is what you get for being a branch swinger.

You feel like sh!t because it was sh!tty to start a new relationship with someone when you were in a committed relationship with another.

If karma notices you, she is going to be one hell of a b!tch, and you will know an even worse sense of emotional distress. Worry about that, buddy.

I feel like sh!t because I miss her and she is hurting. Me leaving her for another is salt to the wound. I am not proud of myself for what I have done. I'm seeking to rationalize the best thing to do going forward. If Karma comes and takes a big wet juicy bite out of my ass, so be it.

This post honestly sounds like it belongs in the high school forums. Its so silly, I don't know what else to say.

Honestly, it sounds like you don't have ANYTHING interesting to say. So, why don't you just not respond and stick to the high school forums that you seem to be familiar with.

 

[GoldMan]

If you're a guy, and Iqqi is calling you a branch swinger, it is time to check your manhood. You sound like a woman anyway, way too dependent on relationships.

This is the only time I have ever branch swung, before my ex girlfriend I was single and dating for about 4 years. During the time I was with her, it was comfortable, and I was wrongly...spinning plates. Then I met someone who appealed to me more and I wanted to pursue a LTR with her. So, I broke it off with the ex to pursue this. We were dating for 5 months before it became serious.

I don't see how manhood comes into question when a man leaves a woman for someone else.

iqqi's response makes for a good sound bite and is well said as if the Dali Lama himself wrote it...I get the picture.

 

[Slickster]

You've set yourself up for some emotional turmoil here haven't you?

Your ex wasn't doing it for you so you let her go. Now you are feeling guilty about breaking her heart. Those feelings are clouding your judgement.

In reality if your ex was so great then you wouldn't have looked elsewhere. Plain and simple.

That doesn't mean your ex isn't a great girl or you two couldn't make it work. Your feelings for her are natural but I suspect there's a little nostalgia at work here.

I believe your new girl is probably a better fit for you but you aren't giving it a proper chance. If you go back with your ex you'll quickly remember why you left her originally and then regret losing the other one!

Which brings us full circle to the fact that neither of these girls is the right one for you because you have all these doubts.

At this point you should let them both go.

You seem like a genuinely good guy who is past just getting laid for the sake of it. You seem like a guy looking for something a little more meaningful.

So go find it.

 

[window]

In some countries it is frowned upon to have only one wife...all a matter of perception I suppose. Perhaps you could suggest they share you...

 

[GoldMan]

Your ex wasn't doing it for you so you let her go. Now you are feeling guilty about breaking her heart. Those feelings are clouding your judgement.

In reality if your ex was so great then you wouldn't have looked elsewhere. Plain and simple.

This is a complicated thing because she was doing it for me on a companionship/friendship level. I've never had such strong compatability with another woman. But, I still wanted to go out and chase tail. She eventually started catching on and it made her very insecure towards me. Then the conflicts arose....For the first two years we would f*ck like rabbits. The past year we would only have sex about twice a month. She wanted it more but I lacked interest (because I was getting it somewhere else or I was bored...or both).

I believe your new girl is probably a better fit for you but you aren't giving it a proper chance. If you go back with your ex you'll quickly remember why you left her originally and then regret losing the other one!

On paper she is a better fit for me, our chemistry/compatability is good and the sex is great. You are absolutely right, I'm not giving it a proper chance because i'm hanging on to my ex. But would more time cure me of this?

You seem like a genuinely good guy who is past just getting laid for the sake of it. You seem like a guy looking for something a little more meaningful.

So go find it.

You are 100% correct Slickster. I still go out to have a good time with my buddies and I'll flirt with the chicks but I could care less about picking up now. I'm tired of playing of the game, looking for something more meaningful as you said.

Just going through this rough patch and I appreciate getting your guys' feedback (positive and negative)

 

[GoldMan]

In some countries it is frowned upon to have only one wife...all a matter of perception I suppose. Perhaps you could suggest they share you...

This would be the best option if it were viable! Haha

 

[GoldMan]

I understand where you're coming from

Personally, I believe it's all in your head. You can control your current state of emotions, it's how WILLINGLY you want to commit to this action.

I am not WILLINGLY letting go... I'm not sure if I'm thinking or feeling with my d*ck by choosing a more physically attractive woman over a sweet loving girl who I enjoy being with.

 

[cactus3178]

(SNIP!!)

The thing about love is that it never really goes away. You will love a lot of women over the course of your life, and you will always still have feelings for the women from your past. That is only normal. I love all my ex-girlfriends and my ex-wife. Most of them still want me back, and that is a little sad, but they all know I care about them and would do anything for them...anything except be with them.

Man, I haven't logged in here in a long time...today, I decided to lurk, without logging in. Then I read this post. I was so though-provoked that I had to log in to make a comment.

This is one of the most mature, truthful, and above all, wise things I've heard in a long time. Thank you.

Okay, this is directed @ nobody in particular...just throwing my opinion out there

Bible_Belt's post is exactly the way I feel about exes - and exactly the way in which I conduct my life. Now, I happen to be lucky enough to either have exes that aren't complete psychos [in the case of 2 out of 3 of them, all were LTRs of 3+ years, BTW] - or, enough time has gone by that the old BS doesn't matter anymore and we are truly free to be friends.

Let me state for clarity that reading here at SS at a very dark time in my life, did in fact probably literally save my life. Yeah, really 'literally'. I had never experienced the emotional intensity of having a female drop the bomb on a 5 year LTR [I was married too!]. I was dying, or so I thought. There was no way I could carry on without [insert ex GF]. Life had no point, boo-hoo. Looking back, I am embarrassed at myself, and probably of my first couple dozen posts. Ugh, I can't bring myself to go look them up for fear of vomiting vitriol in disgust at my former self.

Finding SS allowed me to re-focus, get a plan, get my collective sh*t together, and become one of the best and most successful players that I know, period. Yeah, I'm tooting my own horn - Beep. Even when I've become unfocused, I come and read the DJB, re-focus, and BAM...it's all back like a f*ckin laser beam.

It's been my belief that peeps find this place when they are ready. They read for the first few times and can't believe things written here. Slowly, out of the lump of AFC clay, a shape takes form...and as the weeks and months pass, the things that SS teaches become like second nature...and you realize that truly: as you think, you shall become. Hmm.

Damnit, I see my friends walking blindly in their LTRs...and it's hard to let a buddy take a header, too. But...."the first rule of Fight Club is...." Haha. F*ck it, they aren't ready.

I'm rambling again. And getting OT, too goddamnit. Wow, I just might hang around here again. Refresh and stuff, ya know

Anyhow, I've learned some priceless lessons, techniques, etc from SS and it's collective wisdom.

Personally, I believe in the 'whole' of the DJ philosophy, but I don't take every single 'rule' or belief as gospel.

I believe that under the right circumstances, a DJ can be friends [yeah, truly friends] with an ex GF.

Now, I'm gonna be honest. One of my exes...well....I really can't stand the f*cking c*nt. So we don't speak or spend any time together. BUT, the other 2, well, we do spend time together. We talk on the phone or go do things together. I'm not going to go into the nitty grit of every little thing we do together, but the one rule I do keep is that I will not have sex with an ex, period. It's justasking for trouble, IMO.

All of my LTRs were just that; LTRs. These girls all know me well, and vice-versa. They know what food I like, what clothes I like, and things I like to do for fun.

There were reasons that we were together for a few years. And there is no reason we can't continue to enjoy those happy and fun parts of our lives together - as long as there is no BS! So far, so good for me. We have an 'understanding', if you will. Both my exes are civil, kind, and actually have had a great time with my current GF on several occassions.

It can be done, [I know, I'm repeating myself], given the right circumstances.

Some DJs will inherently dis-agree. But, hey: "To each his own."

 

[mrRuckus]

If karma notices you, she is going to be one hell of a b!tch, and you will know an even worse sense of emotional distress. Worry about that, buddy.

Oh and look out for astrology! And Shiva!!!!

 

[squirrels]

The word of the day is "ridiculous".

If your ex takes you back, she deserves what she gets.

What would make this time any different?

What do you WANT??