Ever listen to their problems just to gain insight as to how they think?

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Something I've been wondering about recently. Obviously you guys are gonna say how it's stupid to listen to a girl's problems and such. But I find that it gives us insight as to how they think and feel, and it tells us why as well so that we know what makes them (and other girls) tick. Plus, the main thing I am interested in is a new perspective on how to look at things. It helps you see things from different angles that say if you are in the same situation as them, you know how to better deal with it and know what to do, or what not to do if they tell you how they messed up. This isn't just with chicks either, people in general. And obviously you don't talk about this right away with people. You start off with small talk that leads into some more fun banter, and then into some actually good conversations; if they mention something of interest and you ask about it and it turns out to be some deeper issue, then you don't just cut them off and try changing the subject, they'll do that on their own if they don't want to talk about it. But it does let them feel some deeper bond with you at that point. Just don't bring it up too much or talk about it all the time with them so that you don't become some lame ass therapist. I've found this to be useful throughout my lifetime though and find that I can respond better to people under certain situations since most people have the same array of problems in life. It's helped me understand the inner workings of people so that I better understand their intentions. Plus, they think you aren't judgmental so they feel more free around you.

Anyway, this is just my take on it. Thoughts anyone?

 

[mikey2012]

Something I've been wondering about recently. Obviously you guys are gonna say how it's stupid to listen to a girl's problems and such. But I find that it gives us insight as to how they think and feel, and it tells us why as well so that we know what makes them (and other girls) tick. Plus, the main thing I am interested in is a new perspective on how to look at things. It helps you see things from different angles that say if you are in the same situation as them, you know how to better deal with it and know what to do, or what not to do if they tell you how they messed up. This isn't just with chicks either, people in general. And obviously you don't talk about this right away with people. You start off with small talk that leads into some more fun banter, and then into some actually good conversations; if they mention something of interest and you ask about it and it turns out to be some deeper issue, then you don't just cut them off and try changing the subject, they'll do that on their own if they don't want to talk about it. But it does let them feel some deeper bond with you at that point. Just don't bring it up too much or talk about it all the time with them so that you don't become some lame ass therapist. I've found this to be useful throughout my lifetime though and find that I can respond better to people under certain situations since most people have the same array of problems in life. It's helped me understand the inner workings of people so that I better understand their intentions. Plus, they think you aren't judgmental so they feel more free around you.

Anyway, this is just my take on it. Thoughts anyone?

No I don't wanna hear anyone bitchin

 

[hockeyfreak79]

Reminds me of 2 words. Emotional tampon.
Actually haven't heard this one in awhile.

I understand what you are saying, once rapport is built woman are going to pull this. But I prefer that it is in small doses. I'll let them vent for a minute and then spin the conversation to a more positive note. Nip it in the bud real quick. Save the b*tchfest for your gfs.

What makes them tick? It's the feels bro that's it. No need to over analyze.

 

[Champ Slice]

You have to take everything a woman says with a grain of salt tho.

 

[sazc]

This is actually about bonding. It's a crazy thing, in our disconnected society, we don't talk much. I dont randomly tell you about the situation I had with xyz and how I solved it before I assume you won't care or I will seem weak, or (insert other feeling here) so I say nothing and assume that I am the only one who experiences my situation. I feel isolated and alone. Disconnected.

This is best illustrated with child rearing. Instead disclosing the more fvcked up situations, they choose to appear perfect and stay silent. They rob themselves of possibly getting suggestions and bonding with other parents, just so they can look perfect. Plus, by opening up, and gaging responses, you understand who really has your back, and who doesn't.

Depression can be a result of isolation by choice. Choose to connect.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

This is actually about bonding. It's a crazy thing, in our disconnected society, we don't talk much. I dont randomly tell you about the situation I had with xyz and how I solved it before I assume you won't care or I will seem weak, or (insert other feeling here) so I say nothing and assume that I am the only one who experiences my situation. I feel isolated and alone. Disconnected.

This is best illustrated with child rearing. Instead disclosing the more fvcked up situations, they choose to appear perfect and stay silent. They rob themselves of possibly getting suggestions and bonding with other parents, just so they can look perfect. Plus, by opening up, and gaging responses, you understand who really has your back, and who doesn't.

Depression can be a result of isolation by choice. Choose to connect.

You could be connecting with a$$holes. Ones who inject negative energy in their communications

 

[sazc]

You could be connecting with a$$holes. Ones who inject negative energy in their communications

The a$$holes reveal themselves easily, and then you just move on. If we don't try to connect we risk living in isolation. Many times people don't try to connect out of fear of being hurt.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

The a$$holes reveal themselves easily, and then you just move on. If we don't try to connect we risk living in isolation. Many times people don't try to connect out of fear of being hurt.

It's also a reason an "a$$hole" may be an "a$$hole". They do the a$$hole acts to maintain distance...

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Reminds me of 2 words. Emotional tampon.
Actually haven't heard this one in awhile.

I understand what you are saying, once rapport is built woman are going to pull this. But I prefer that it is in small doses. I'll let them vent for a minute and then spin the conversation to a more positive note. Nip it in the bud real quick. Save the b*tchfest for your gfs.

What makes them tick? It's the feels bro that's it. No need to over analyze.

Ok, but with people in general. Not specifically with just women in intimate relationships.

 

[Roober]

People love to talk... especially about themselves. If you can lead a conversation and listen, you can learn everything you need to know about someone. Women will reveal everything about themselves, and men will tell you what you need to know to get them to follow you. By letting people divulge their lives (which they love to do), you can essentially drive every interaction with every other person. This works especially well in business as you are able to tap people's emotions and get their "buy in"

Just think about it this way, you don't learn anything when you are talking.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

People love to talk... especially about themselves. If you can lead a conversation and listen, you can learn everything you need to know about someone. Women will reveal everything about themselves, and men will tell you what you need to know to get them to follow you. By letting people divulge their lives (which they love to do), you can essentially drive every interaction with every other person. This works especially well in business as you are able to tap people's emotions and get their "buy in"

Just think about it this way, you don't learn anything when you are talking.

Some people (and I'm just learning this now, mind you) just don't like to talk though. Either that, or they literally have nothing to talk about. I'm running into that problem at uni actually, no one here talks to each other. I'm surprised I've actually made a few friends.

 

[PapiChulo]

Yes, you can learn so much about a person as well. Most people that talk about heavy stuff simply want to be heard; they relive their experiences while talking to you. Our cognitive processes are such that we also tend to focus and think more clearly about a particular subject when we talk about it or write about it. What you can do for them is to actually listen and be sympathetic, that's all. Dont try to solve a woman's problem ever, and don't empathize with her experiences, as soon as you do that - she will lump you into her "girlfriend" category. The best convos I had was when speaking the least... This is by far not for beginners because it is possible to change how the person views you by the way you will handle yourself.

 

[SgtSplacker]

I'd say the most important discovery is that she likes to biitch. Case closed move on..

 

[dude99]

Something I've been wondering about recently. Obviously you guys are gonna say how it's stupid to listen to a girl's problems and such. But I find that it gives us insight as to how they think and feel, and it tells us why as well so that we know what makes them (and other girls) tick. Plus, the main thing I am interested in is a new perspective on how to look at things. It helps you see things from different angles that say if you are in the same situation as them, you know how to better deal with it and know what to do, or what not to do if they tell you how they messed up. This isn't just with chicks either, people in general. And obviously you don't talk about this right away with people. You start off with small talk that leads into some more fun banter, and then into some actually good conversations; if they mention something of interest and you ask about it and it turns out to be some deeper issue, then you don't just cut them off and try changing the subject, they'll do that on their own if they don't want to talk about it. But it does let them feel some deeper bond with you at that point. Just don't bring it up too much or talk about it all the time with them so that you don't become some lame ass therapist. I've found this to be useful throughout my lifetime though and find that I can respond better to people under certain situations since most people have the same array of problems in life. It's helped me understand the inner workings of people so that I better understand their intentions. Plus, they think you aren't judgmental so they feel more free around you.

Anyway, this is just my take on it. Thoughts anyone?

If you want to be their girlfriend, emotional tampon or friendzoned then yeah. Be the ear they want you to be.

If you are interested in dating/f_cking etc, the listening to their problems will get you the exact opposite of what you are hoping for.

 

[Skyline]

I agree with opening them up. Finding out how they were raised etc.. Not necessarily listening to her problems. I think listening to her problems and giving her advice is the wrong way to go.

If she decides to tell you her problems you should just listen.

 

[The Duke]

ImTheDoubleGreatest!- you are spot on with what you had to say. I employ this critical listening method quite often. Its how I gain insight into how a person thinks and may react in the future. People are actually somewhat predictable, as there are only 16 different personality types. Gaining this level of insight helps me figure out people sooner rather than later, as well as stay one step ahead of them.

There are two things one needs to be aware of:

1. The smart ones/less ego driven eventually figure out your game. Some will accuse you of analyzing them when all you have done is listened to them while steering the conversation to acquire the intel you were looking for. Once they figure you are onto them some will shut you out. If they are hiding something or weak, they will get mad at you because they told you more than they wanted to! lol. hahaha

2. Always remember that sometimes what people tell you and what they do are two different things. After a while you will begin to recognize this.

You are definitely the "thinking" type, I've seen this in your postings for quite some time. Keep developing this and you will be miles ahead of the rest.

For those that feel this is over-analyzing or being an emotional tampon, you are missing the point. Its critical listening skills that are used to gain insight into how one thinks. It has little to do with caring about how they feel and empathizing. Its has everything to do with figuring them out. More like how a psychologist operates when they begin to understand the inner workings of ones mind.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Yes, you can learn so much about a person as well. Most people that talk about heavy stuff simply want to be heard; they relive their experiences while talking to you. Our cognitive processes are such that we also tend to focus and think more clearly about a particular subject when we talk about it or write about it. What you can do for them is to actually listen and be sympathetic, that's all. Dont try to solve a woman's problem ever, and don't empathize with her experiences, as soon as you do that - she will lump you into her "girlfriend" category. The best convos I had was when speaking the least... This is by far not for beginners because it is possible to change how the person views you by the way you will handle yourself.

This is what I was thinking too. I know a lot of guys say to never do that, but I think that it's because they're salty from actually being friendzoned by a girl from doing something like this. I swear I have increased their attraction for me by doing this before, that's why I'm a little confused. I'm thinking because it means I view them as an individual person rather than a woman to bang.

If you want to be their girlfriend, emotional tampon or friendzoned then yeah. Be the ear they want you to be.

If you are interested in dating/f_cking etc, the listening to their problems will get you the exact opposite of what you are hoping for.

Get past that mindset and think on a HUMAN level. Not a 'what would a PUA do to **** her' type mindset. Think of it in a universal way.

 

[Skyline]

This is what I was thinking too. I know a lot of guys say to never do that, but I think that it's because they're salty from actually being friendzoned by a girl from doing something like this. I swear I have increased their attraction for me by doing this before, that's why I'm a little confused. I'm thinking because it means I view them as an individual person rather than a woman to bang.

Get past that mindset and think on a HUMAN level. Not a 'what would a PUA do to **** her' type mindset. Think of it in a universal way.

Some of the stuff I did as a chump was actually good if used correctly... One of them was opening them up. Back then, I just went too far with it. But if you want to get a woman hooked... you really do have to get personal and learn her backstory.

There's a big difference between an emotional tampon and someone she's invested in. Just be mysterious and don't go too far with it. I think guys here should practice this more often. It's the fastest way to get her to trust you as well.

 

[dude99]

This is what I was thinking too. I know a lot of guys say to never do that, but I think that it's because they're salty from actually being friendzoned by a girl from doing something like this. I swear I have increased their attraction for me by doing this before, that's why I'm a little confused. I'm thinking because it means I view them as an individual person rather than a woman to bang.

Get past that mindset and think on a HUMAN level. Not a 'what would a PUA do to **** her' type mindset. Think of it in a universal way.

I do. That is why my answer is in two parts. Can you listen to their problems etc?

Depends on what YOU want. Do you want to be her friend her therapist or her best friend? Or do you want her to see you as someone she would want to date.

If you become her shoulder to cry on she won't see you as dating material.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

ImTheDoubleGreatest!- you are spot on with what you had to say. I employ this critical listening method quite often. Its how I gain insight into how a person thinks and may react in the future. People are actually somewhat predictable, as there are only 16 different personality types. Gaining this level of insight helps me figure out people sooner rather than later, as well as stay one step ahead of them.

There are two things one needs to be aware of:

1. The smart ones/less ego driven eventually figure out your game. Some will accuse you of analyzing them when all you have done is listened to them while steering the conversation to acquire the intel you were looking for. Once they figure you are onto them some will shut you out. If they are hiding something or weak, they will get mad at you because they told you more than they wanted to! lol. hahaha

2. Always remember that sometimes what people tell you and what they do are two different things. After a while you will begin to recognize this.

You are definitely the "thinking" type, I've seen this in your postings for quite some time. Keep developing this and you will be miles ahead of the rest.

For those that feel this is over-analyzing or being an emotional tampon, you are missing the point. Its critical listening skills that are used to gain insight into how one thinks. It has little to do with caring about how they feel and empathizing. Its has everything to do with figuring them out. More like how a psychologist operates when they begin to understand the inner workings of ones mind.

Thank you, and yes this is what I'm trying to say. A lot of people are similar so knowing how they operate let's you know how to deal with them in the future. I've noticed some universal similarities between a lot of different types of people, as in reacting one way to a situation works the same way with all different types. I was wondering if others have had this experience as well or if they try to understand how they work be using this method too.