Went through the love/euphoria face only to be crushed and thrown out like a toy just like a lot of you fellow BPD survivors lol. She started a new relationship and she preety much went through the whole cycle again with new guy. She hit me up about every 2-3 (probably every time her and new guy fought or broke up) months using excuses like " I had a dream about you" or "wanna catch up" but I would ignore and delete. It's been about a year and I'm preety much over it but she hit me up the other day to "catch up" since I thought I was emotionally detached enough I wouldn't mind smashing again so I did. Did bring back some bad emotional feelings but I shook it off within a couple of days. She gave me the same speech she has given me before(the one she would give me about her ex before we we starting dating) " I changed" "I've grown" "I'm not the same" "my ex treated me bad" but I could see right through it now. She cycles through the same behavior EVERY SINGLE TIME. When we had sex I could tell she doesn't love me nor ever did it's just makes her feel good emotionally that I'm giving her attention. I could tell she has a lot beta orbiters whom she's probably giving sob stories to and will probably date one of them and start the cycle again. It dawned on me that she really just won't ever change. I kinda feared she would change and live happily ever after with another guy but now I see how irrational and unlikely that really is. She will continue being the way she is until she's old. She doesn't posses the capability to have a real relationship. My life isn't perfect and I'm still a little mentally messed up because of her but I feel good about myself now and have my life back together and feel happy without a girlfriend and have positive goals for the future. I feel genuinely BAD that she can't feel what I'm feeling and never will have that internal peace that I'm feeling right now. She'll never be in real love with someone. Putting myself in her shoes it must be exhausting to be permanently crazy in the head and constantly living with what ever type of depression her and BPDs have. It's just sad how cruel this world can be. I know it's a guy dating forum and these crazy BPD chicks have done some cruel **** to us but looking at the big picture how ****ed up is it that these human beings will never have real mental peace or happiness.
Ever got to a point where you just genuinely feel bad for a BPD ex
- Thread starter GeoMan
- Start date
B
BlueAlpha1
Guest
Totally feel you on this one bro. It's not being apart or moving on that continues to be hard, it's my own insecurities coming to the forefront of my mind, which paint an [unlikely] picture of her having forgotten everything - and by some miracle my replacement being the one who cured her.
To answer your question, no I don't really feel bad for her at all. I am big on personal responsibility and she is an autonomous human being who can change and stop leaving human souls in her wake. She chooses not to.
That's not to say I don't think of the good times and miss her. But every day I hope she eats her heart out a little more than the day before, til eventually it'll get to a point where she bursts and breaks our 1 year of no contact. I'm not going to answer it, but I'll feel an immense amount of relief if that day ever comes.
And for the guys out there who say thoughts of revenge are "beta", come down off your ivory tower and realize that these feelings are relatively common but for a zen master who genuinely wishes evil-doers well.
Infern0
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2015
- Messages
- 1,646
- Reaction score
- 1,475
Yeah it is a shame with my ex tbh.
She's incredibly toxic, and almost beyond help (dont want to damn her completely, may she seek therapy and work on herself for years maybe there's a shred of hope for her)
My relationship with her was nightmarish toward the end, genuinley nightmarish, and the after effects took me over a year to recover from, i also hear from mine from time to time, it's eerie, almost robotic, it's like she's stuck in a time loop, she repeats the same exact lines, still parrots some of my own phrases at me, it's just unnerving to deal with her because nowadays i can tell there is basically no free-thought in her head.
In the end though, it taught me a lot, and set me on a proper path, I can look back and thank her for the lessons tbh, i wish her no ill will, i wish i could say i think one day she'll be happy, but i just can't see it, and yes that is sad. Consumed by her own demons, innocence lost, the bpd story.
She's incredibly toxic, and almost beyond help (dont want to damn her completely, may she seek therapy and work on herself for years maybe there's a shred of hope for her)
My relationship with her was nightmarish toward the end, genuinley nightmarish, and the after effects took me over a year to recover from, i also hear from mine from time to time, it's eerie, almost robotic, it's like she's stuck in a time loop, she repeats the same exact lines, still parrots some of my own phrases at me, it's just unnerving to deal with her because nowadays i can tell there is basically no free-thought in her head.
In the end though, it taught me a lot, and set me on a proper path, I can look back and thank her for the lessons tbh, i wish her no ill will, i wish i could say i think one day she'll be happy, but i just can't see it, and yes that is sad. Consumed by her own demons, innocence lost, the bpd story.
No, but I genuinely feel bad for people who have actually reached the self-loathing stage in their inability to accept rejection, hence they introduce the idea that the woman was actually suffering from a mental condition which explains her lack of absolute adoration and unconditional love towards us.
BPD = Zero attraction. Get over it.
BPD = Zero attraction. Get over it.
tryna get saved...she wanna get saved..I AINT GON SAVE HER!
My BPD ex I told her flat out, every relationship you will ever have will be fukked up if you dont get ahold of yourself. She sobered up a bit from being BPD and began therapy an admitting shes fked up in the head etc. I did see improvement after that. Told her straight up not my job to save her.
GS750
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 28, 2013
- Messages
- 1,565
- Reaction score
- 192
I don't feel bad for my BPD ex. She's a damn head case and she will jump from d*ck to d*ck for the rest of her life. My only regret is getting involved with her in the first place when I saw red flags and chose to ignore them. I will stay strict NC forever.
LOL. Being involved with a pwBPD for any period of time is a reflection of personal issues--which is why guys seek out the community to improve themselves on the other side. And 'normal' girls are capable of ruthless behavior when they've lost attraction. But there's a big difference between rejection and the need to fvck your life up. And there's a big difference between no attraction and 100% believing you're fvcking your coworkers, your classmates, the cashier in the grocery store who gave you a smile, male friends, her family members, freaking out because it's summer and you're packing up your jackets and she just knows you're leaving her and going to abandon her because every guy she's ever known has abandoned her.
But to answer the OP. A huge part of the reason I stayed with mine as long as I did was out of sympathy--savior schema, playing the white knight, proving I wasn't like all those guys who hurt her in the past, etc. Part of my detachment was letting go of all that completely. No point feeling bad about something that's totally outside of your control; and even feeling bad or angry, etc. means you're still feeling something, which means you're not totally detached emotionally. (You really shouldn't sleep with her, you goofball; there's better sex out there, promise.
).I've been NC for 9 months--doubt I'll ever talk to her again. I still think about her every once in a while, usually the good times, which were awesome, and I'm grateful that she exposed my issues to myself and that I got a chance to rebuild myself from scratch; but she's a part of my past that I'm not interested in ever revisiting in this lifetime.
Killakittie
Senior Don Juan
I'm indifferent. On one hand I have this false fear that she will move on to another man whom she will treat in all the ways I desired to be treated. On the other her actions have always stayed the same and have always shown a pattern of deception. In every circumstance where she's had a choice to **** up and hurt her partners heart or do the right thing she's always choose what's suits her personal needs at that moment regardless of the consequences or morality.
Her excuses and stories are the same now as the day I met her.
Going by actions, history, and her complete lack of self awareness and empathy there's no chance her next relationship will be any better.
Her excuses and stories are the same now as the day I met her.
Going by actions, history, and her complete lack of self awareness and empathy there's no chance her next relationship will be any better.
searching solace
Don Juan
- Joined
- Jan 5, 2014
- Messages
- 87
- Reaction score
- 30
The thing I find funny on this site, is that people rarely questions the behavior of the guy in the relationship. Everyone is quite quick to jump to the guys aid and soothe him, not all the time but most times. There's always two sides to the story.
The other thing that ****ed with my head after a breakup of a 3 year potential bpd relationship is that during the first year, just before the first breakup, everything pointed towards the fact she was disordered in some way. Then during the last year, she seemed hugely improved, cured almost. She'd gotten her life together. Then I got complacent in the relationship and she didn't want me anymore. It felt like I'd endured the hard time, helped her, then as soon as she was fixed, she was strong enough to walk away and not need me anymore. That really ****ed me up. It also felt like it was my fault for being complacent and providing her next to zero attention.
I don't feel sorry for her for this fact. She seems fine now, even happier without me.
And it almost makes me feel like I was the problem, like I have the issues. She blocked me out of her life and I never heard from her again, almost as if I was toxic to her, when I'd always tried to be there for her.
I told my story on this site and got some great advice. But I'd imagine she'd also have a story to tell.
The other thing that ****ed with my head after a breakup of a 3 year potential bpd relationship is that during the first year, just before the first breakup, everything pointed towards the fact she was disordered in some way. Then during the last year, she seemed hugely improved, cured almost. She'd gotten her life together. Then I got complacent in the relationship and she didn't want me anymore. It felt like I'd endured the hard time, helped her, then as soon as she was fixed, she was strong enough to walk away and not need me anymore. That really ****ed me up. It also felt like it was my fault for being complacent and providing her next to zero attention.
I don't feel sorry for her for this fact. She seems fine now, even happier without me.
And it almost makes me feel like I was the problem, like I have the issues. She blocked me out of her life and I never heard from her again, almost as if I was toxic to her, when I'd always tried to be there for her.
I told my story on this site and got some great advice. But I'd imagine she'd also have a story to tell.
ImTheDoubleGreatest!
Master Don Juan
Lol not even sure if I felt bad for them in my afc days. I can choose to feel guilty whether I want to or not. The only people who can make me feel guilty about anything regardless of whether I want to or not are my brother and occasionally my dad. The rest of the world can rot away like it already is. Life is cruel, so who cares, ya know?
Infern0
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2015
- Messages
- 1,646
- Reaction score
- 1,475
Lol
Tictac
Banned
Been sayin' this for years on here. Half the women in the world would need to be diagnosable if the SoSuave 'incidence rate' was anything like all the posts here say they are.
Infern0
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2015
- Messages
- 1,646
- Reaction score
- 1,475
There's definatley 2 sides, I can hold my hands up and say yeah for sure I did things and behaved in ways that were not acceptable, so I do shoulder some responsibility for what went down. It was a 2 way street.
Would things have been different if I wasn't an AFC back then and knew how to handle things better? Maybe, who knows.
I think a big part of not being able to move on for a lot of guys is victimizing themselves and demonizing the girl with BPD. Being a victim keeps you stuck IMO.
My attitude now is we were both toxic at that stage and it just didn't work.
Infern0
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2015
- Messages
- 1,646
- Reaction score
- 1,475
You guys need to quit yapping. Mine was diagnosed and in dbt therapy and using the skills handbook. Until she fell to her demons, quit therapy and left me for a heroin addict.
You in particular have been with one so I expect a bit more of an intelligent response to these threads from you.
If you don't want to discuss it like an adult and quit spamming the "every girl with low interest is BPD" then stay out of the BPD threads please.
Tictac
Banned
My wish for all you bad mental health chick magnets is that every post you type about it to be dumped into one giant thread so you can all cry and whine together.
You and your brethren turn virtually any discussion about women to a mental health discussion.
Infern0
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2015
- Messages
- 1,646
- Reaction score
- 1,475
You are a very bitter and angry man, I can tell you still have a lot of core shame, my wish for you is that one day you can accept yourself and find happiness.
Tictac
Banned
You a mental health professional that remote diagnoses?
You can barely operate a keyboard. Diagnose yourself.
LOL
Infern0
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2015
- Messages
- 1,646
- Reaction score
- 1,475
Tell me more, get it all out. You need to feel it to heal it my friend.
You are doing so well
Tictac
Banned
"Physician" (heh), heal thyself.
B
BlueAlpha1
Guest
What a ridiculous post.
You've got hundreds of people on this one message board alone reporting almost identical storylines from start to finish, and you deny the existence of any tendencies consistent with mental illness. I think you should stick to PUA threads or inflating the number of girls you've banged
That is you constantly threatening to steal everyone's HB on here, isn't it?
