I never said that she had an excuse for what she did. I just stated her reason for doing it. I apologize if I came across as trying to justify her actions.Mr_knowit_all said:
As far as entering her reality goes, her new reality is that she knows she can't afford to lose her cool and make another mistake with me. As I said before, I made that very clear to her.
Exp said:
I think the best way to respond to both of you is to go into more detail on what was said when I confronted her.Nasman said:
I called her up, told her that I wanted to talk about our fight. When we met up, the first thing I said to her was, "You cheated on me, and now you're going to tell me why." The blood drained from her face and she stared at me dumbfoundedly. I then prompted her again, telling her that it was useless to try to convince me that I had heard wrong. She seemed to resign to this, and then she explained what I said before, that she felt hurt and rejected because she thought I was pushing her away and that I didn't want her in my life. I asked her how the hell she got that idea, because all I was doing was saying that I could handle my issues on my own. She said that because I didn't even tell her what the issue was, she interpreted it as me pushing her away. I then said, "Well, you were wrong about that. But even still, did you really think that cheating on me would help anything?" She didn't have a response to this. I said, "I assume you know what this means", and then I walked away.
A couple of minutes later, she called me on my cell phone and pleaded with me to meet up again so that we could keep talking about it. I didn't particularly want to, but my past experience has taught me that being too quick to condemn people isn't always the best option, so I decided to meet up with her again. That way, I could see if it was worth it to give her a second chance, or if my decision would be reconfirmed. Upon meeting up with her agin, she apologized, told me that she had lost her head in her anger and hurt, and then did something terrible. I told her that it's very easy to say that after the fact. She said that the reason she flew off the handle was because she felt extremely hurt, but the reason she felt so hurt was because she loved me so much. Then she said that she knew that any apology wouldn't be good enough, but she had to say something because she didn't want to lose me. I was still skeptical. She pleaded with me, "Please forgive me. Please take me back."
I thought about it for a bit, and eventually decided that it wouldn't be the end of the world if I gave her a second chance, as long as I let her know that I now had a zero-tolerance policy on disrespect. I then told her that if we could resolve our argument from before, I'd give her a second chance. We talked about it, and in the end she agreed to respect my decisions to keep my issues to myself, and to recognize that it doesn't mean anything else if I do that. Then, I told her, "I'll give you a second chance. But there will be no third. If you disrespect me again I will end our relationship." And then we both went home.
I imagine that many people will still think it was very AFC of me to give her a second chance, even after reading the details I just posted. If that's the case, then so be it; there's probably nothing I can do to change your minds. I honestly don't think what I did was so "incorrect". I clearly expressed to her that what she did was wrong, that I was giving her another chance on my own terms, and that I am, more than ever, willing to drop her if she disrespects me again. She knows this very clearly, and since then she's actually become a better girlfriend than she was before, which is pretty much what I set out to accomplish by taking her back. So far, I do not regret my decision.
