Ever attract the wrong type? Go through phases?

[Heretolearn]

Hey,

I know the key to this site is to be able to get the one YOU want not necessarily the ones the obviously show interest in you. A work in progress.

Anyway, I am noticing that I have been attracting girls/getting attention from a range that I am not interested in at all. Bar junkie types and older women when I have gone out. Part of the reason I posted the thread about getting older. I actually feel I look better, trendier etc now than before and have always been fit yet I am noticing the wrong girls interested.

Anyone have that/phases? Any thoughts?

As for anyone who says hit it and quit it whatever - well to be honest, I don't want to waste my time (I dont drink so dont have beer goggles ). If I am not attracted, why bother.


To me its more about getting the ones I want (once again what the site is about) and not just settling. Any thoughts?

thanks

 

[The Duke]

I've definitely gone thru some phases.

Let's see:

Stage 1: Dated about anybody who would go out with me as long as they were kind of cute and had a decent body. Got a lot of bottom feeders as for as value goes. My standards were low and when you have virtually no standards as far as what a person can offer you attract those with little to no value.

Stage 2: Required girls to be at least an 8 and have at least something to offer.

Stage 3: STrippers strippers strippers!!!

Stage 4: Cougars

Stage 5: Wanted a relationship. Wanted more than just looks and fun. Realized that I had been with enough women and my ego was now satisfied. Mission accomplished.

Stage 6: Strippers again.

Stage 7: THis is where I'm at now. I've learned so much about women that I don't think they are so special anymore. I've actually learned too much about them. I've realized good women are hard to find. I only want an 8 or a 9 and she better have a good head on her shoulder and bring something to the table besides fun and looks. I don't put up with much of their drama these days. And when I see a red flag I usually drop them. It wasn't always that way. Because I have increased my standards and personal value, I don't go out with as many girls anymore and I don't get laid as often. And its really no big deal. That used to bother me. I'm more quality than quantity these days. I am looking for something serious and long term. I want the total package or I will go with out. I have no doubt that I have what women want. As I've gotten older and more experienced, attracting women has gotten easier, however my desire to chase women has declined. funny how that works.

 

[DMSR76]

I've definitely gone thru some phases.

Let's see:

Stage 1: Dated about anybody who would go out with me as long as they were kind of cute and had a decent body. Got a lot of bottom feeders as for as value goes. My standards were low and when you have virtually no standards as far as what a person can offer you attract those with little to no value.

Stage 2: Required girls to be at least an 8 and have at least something to offer.

Stage 3: STrippers strippers strippers!!!

Stage 4: Cougars

Stage 5: Wanted a relationship. Wanted more than just looks and fun. Realized that I had been with enough women and my ego was now satisfied. Mission accomplished.

Stage 6: Strippers again.

LOL @ the stripper relapses.

 

[The Duke]

yeah I will always have a soft spot in my heart for.....strippers!

 

[rbd]

I had my first stripper encounter in vegas last year. Not quite my thing, but having dollar bills picked off your face by a pair of t1ts is pretty entertaining. Puking on the plane ride back home definitely wasn't, however.

 

[zekko]

Anyway, I am noticing that I have been attracting girls/getting attention from a range that I am not interested in at all

A problem I have had is that sometimes I find it easier to talk to the girls I am not attracted to. And unfortunately, sometimes the girls I am not attracted to are just more interesting to talk to than the girls that are attractive. Perhaps you are interacting more with these girls you are not interested in, maybe for similar reasons?

An "I am the prize" mindset should help you interact more naturally with the hotter girls if that's the problem.

If you don't find the attractive girls that interesting to talk to (a lot of the time they are used to being catered to and are kind of dull to talk to), I'm not sure what to do about that. A lot of the time the less attractive girls have a better sense of humor, for instance. Find other, more interesting attractive girls perhaps?

 

[Heretolearn]

A problem I have had is that sometimes I find it easier to talk to the girls I am not attracted to. And unfortunately, sometimes the girls I am not attracted to are just more interesting to talk to than the girls that are attractive. Perhaps you are interacting more with these girls you are not interested in, maybe for similar reasons?

An "I am the prize" mindset should help you interact more naturally with the hotter girls if that's the problem.

If you don't find the attractive girls that interesting to talk to (a lot of the time they are used to being catered to and are kind of dull to talk to), I'm not sure what to do about that. A lot of the time the less attractive girls have a better sense of humor, for instance. Find other, more interesting attractive girls perhaps?

Thanks, its not even about success rate, just opportunities. Eg. I noticed a lot of older women adding me on FB, coming to me to chat.

As for sense of humour, I find the younger or older people laugh a lot. You know, even when you KNOW you are not THAT funny

 

[Warrior74]

You ever think about the concept that those are the ones who know they have to work for your attention? A girl on your same level would probably play it cool and wait for you to initiate contact. I'm still kicking myself from opportunities missed. Girls from high school and college who I thought weren't interested came back years later and told me that they liked me, but I never made a move. The ones that came at me bro were either damaged, bottom feeders or were older.

It just means you need to go after what you want. If those women want you, other women do to, they just aren't showing it. That's my thoughts on it.

 

[Jitterbug]

Currently I get a lot of fat chicks trying to give me shoulder rub and telling me how nice my muscles are. Admittedly it's kinda nice to have big boobs sandwiching your neck from behind, while you fantasize that it's some hot slim girl with big titties as you can't see her face.

But yeah like Warrior said, you gotta go for what you want. Don't just sit there, you'll only get the old, injured or fat preys and not that damn fine hopping gazelle.

 

[runner83]

Either your value is not as high as you think, or you are not actually showing it by approaching the sorts of girls you want.

Girls below your level (e.g. oinkers, single moms, cougars past their sexual prime) would give anything to get the chance to mate with a stud like yourself, but don't give them the privelege.

Focus only on the girls you want.

 

[Jeffst1980]

I agree with Warrior74 on this.

If you define "attracting" by a woman OVERTLY demonstrating interest in you, you're gonna attract the wrong type. It's the MAN'S job to pursue girls, not the other way around.

With desirable, non-needy women, you won't have the luxury of obvious come-ons; what you may perceive as a lack of interest is actually a filter for weak, insecure men that put hot chicks on pedestals. This is really most evident when girls are the most "marketable"--single women in their 30's and onward are generally more forthcoming about their interest in a guy.

This is why it is SO important to assume the sale when it comes to HBs--otherwise, you won't have a shot.

This is a good article for that stuff: http://www.seductiontuition.com/vin-dicarlo/how-can-i-tell-she-interested/

Going slightly off topic: I think a lot of guys that were once AFCs "settle" just because they can't process the idea that they can actually score an HB, much less hang onto her. Rollo had posted about "social matching theory"- this is essentially what that is- but, I think the KEY thing to remember is that the reason average-looking guys often wind up with average-looking girls is that the perceived imbalance in value that occurs when they date "up" is too much for their confidence to handle...and that leads to AFC behavior.

I don't necessarily think that a HB9 will be much more discriminating in regards to physical appearance than a HB6, but she WILL be more discriminating as far as masculinity is concerned. The guys posting the "looks" threads in the Discussion forum seem to think the male model, pretty boy ideal is the type hot women go for--in reality, they are going for the masculine, alpha type. Some of this is communication in physical appearance, but even more of it is communicated through force of personality. A man shouldn't have to improve his appearance beyond gaining muscle in order to attract an HB; do that, and you can date "up" as you please.

 

[Colossus]

You ever think about the concept that those are the ones who know they have to work for your attention? A girl on your same level would probably play it cool and wait for you to initiate contact. I'm still kicking myself from opportunities missed. Girls from high school and college who I thought weren't interested came back years later and told me that they liked me, but I never made a move. The ones that came at me bro were either damaged, bottom feeders or were older.

It just means you need to go after what you want. If those women want you, other women do to, they just aren't showing it. That's my thoughts on it.

I've found this to be true myself. Problem is, it's taken me almost 30 years to figure it out. And LOL at the "come at me bro" reference

Jeff had a great point too in that the HB9s aren't really more discriminating on looks than your average 6 or 7, it's just that they aren't going to be overt about their interest. This is really what trips guys up---there is a confidence threshold. Most guys---myself included---dont really think they are capable of pulling HOT girls because they have never been approached by any. They are used to a more obvious display of interest from the plain janes so they never have the confidence to bust a move when this is absent.

 

[DMSR76]

I don't necessarily think that a HB9 will be much more discriminating in regards to physical appearance than a HB6, but she WILL be more discriminating as far as masculinity is concerned. The guys posting the "looks" threads in the Discussion forum seem to think the male model, pretty boy ideal is the type hot women go for--in reality, they are going for the masculine, alpha type. Some of this is communication in physical appearance, but even more of it is communicated through force of personality. A man shouldn't have to improve his appearance beyond gaining muscle in order to attract an HB; do that, and you can date "up" as you please.

Excellent point.

 

[Heretolearn]

You ever think about the concept that those are the ones who know they have to work for your attention? A girl on your same level would probably play it cool and wait for you to initiate contact. I'm still kicking myself from opportunities missed. Girls from high school and college who I thought weren't interested came back years later and told me that they liked me, but I never made a move. The ones that came at me bro were either damaged, bottom feeders or were older.

It just means you need to go after what you want. If those women want you, other women do to, they just aren't showing it. That's my thoughts on it.

good posts everyone. Some interesting points for me to reflect on.

All of it just shows that if you are interested in a girl,you have to take a shot. I have to improve my self esteem and practice taking the shots, not thinking about them.

I went out last night and approached the hottest girl in the club, had a dance and vibed well and she was super cool. We danced more and she invited me to come sit with her. I chose to go home early as I had training in the mornng. She invited me to a trendy bar the next night but I am not a bar type, plus have practice on. I said another time, and that I would give he my number as I did not bring my phone.She said her phone was getting repaired. I said see you around and left.

Not sure if the phone story was true, ie if her IL was high she could have got a paper and pen. I guess the point is that I am having to get used to the manly thing of making it smooth for the girl so it is easy to spend more time without making a big deal/like it is just everyday stuff.

ps I don't care about the phone girl/story - its more the lessons for me behind the encounter

 

[zekko]

If you define "attracting" by a woman OVERTLY demonstrating interest in you, you're gonna attract the wrong type. It's the MAN'S job to pursue girls, not the other way around.

This makes sense to me, but didn't Pook say he increased his value so that hot chicks pursued him?

I think there's a lot of merit to this theory that the hotter chicks won't pursue. But I always thought there was a segment of pickup theory which says that if you reach a certain level hot chicks will pursue you.

 

[azanon]

The ugly ones are always more interested. This phenomenon is nothing particular to just you.

This reminds me of the ladder theory. If they're less so "your type", then it's the same with other guys on average. Believe it or not, we all generally see beauty the same, with relatively mild variation. Think of the website "hot or not" - the 9.0+s are generally.... hot, and the 6.0s or less are usually not hot.

 

[Mike32ct]

The problem is, when you are told you are a handsome guy (by several woman and men), but you only get approached by unattractive women, it really messes with your head and hurts your confidence. You start to think they're exaggerating or lying to make you feel good. That was the problem that I had.

I've been with 5s through HB8s. But looking back, I approached the 8s. They never did more than give me some eye contact. The 5s and 6s were more aggressive and came after me.

So yeah, I think Warrior74 really nailed it (as usual) and made an excellent point that I never considered before.

Jeffst1980 had some great insight too.

Oh yeah, Jitterbug cracked me up about the fat girl rubbing his shoulders and him pretending she's hot :crackup: .

 

[Jeffst1980]

I went out last night and approached the hottest girl in the club, had a dance and vibed well and she was super cool. We danced more and she invited me to come sit with her. I chose to go home early as I had training in the mornng. She invited me to a trendy bar the next night but I am not a bar type, plus have practice on. I said another time, and that I would give he my number as I did not bring my phone.She said her phone was getting repaired. I said see you around and left.

Not sure if the phone story was true, ie if her IL was high she could have got a paper and pen. I guess the point is that I am having to get used to the manly thing of making it smooth for the girl so it is easy to spend more time without making a big deal/like it is just everyday stuff.

ps I don't care about the phone girl/story - its more the lessons for me behind the encounter

You mean you successfully attracted the hottest girl in the club, then chose to eject just when she invited you to sit with her because you had work the next day? And, when she countered by inviting you out the next night, you declined because you don't do trendy bars??

This tells me that part of you is actually scared to succeed-- I have a feeling you don't entirely feel "ready" for the pressures of dating a girl desired by many. This girl had about as high interest as you can get from a cold approach-- she won't call you, because that's YOUR job. In fact, I'd imagine SHE feels pretty rejected, because she gave you EVERY opportunity to continue the interaction and you declined.

I understand your point of wanting to build confidence first, but you are going about it the wrong way if this interaction left you puzzled as to why she didn't take your number. This girl gave A LOT of buying signals. Girls don't spend time with strangers that they feel no attraction towards at a dance club.

What you are doing by leaving the job half-done is building yourself a nice home in friendzone--which, incidentally, is worse than a blow out. In every successful pickup, there comes a point where the tension can only be released by making a move on the girl; if you don't, she is forced to accept that either 1) you do not find her attractive, or 2) you do, but don't have enough confidence to do anything about it. BOTH of these alternatives lead to friendzone, if you decide to stick around her.

From a point of manners, it is rude NOT to make a move on a girl after she's exhibited numerous buying signals; imagine the discomfort this girl felt when you turned her down twice and told her you didnt have a phone!

 

[Heretolearn]

You mean you successfully attracted the hottest girl in the club, then chose to eject just when she invited you to sit with her because you had work the next day? And, when she countered by inviting you out the next night, you declined because you don't do trendy bars??

This tells me that part of you is actually scared to succeed-- I have a feeling you don't entirely feel "ready" for the pressures of dating a girl desired by many. This girl had about as high interest as you can get from a cold approach-- she won't call you, because that's YOUR job. In fact, I'd imagine SHE feels pretty rejected, because she gave you EVERY opportunity to continue the interaction and you declined.

I understand your point of wanting to build confidence first, but you are going about it the wrong way if this interaction left you puzzled as to why she didn't take your number. This girl gave A LOT of buying signals. Girls don't spend time with strangers that they feel no attraction towards at a dance club.

What you are doing by leaving the job half-done is building yourself a nice home in friendzone--which, incidentally, is worse than a blow out. In every successful pickup, there comes a point where the tension can only be released by making a move on the girl; if you don't, she is forced to accept that either 1) you do not find her attractive, or 2) you do, but don't have enough confidence to do anything about it. BOTH of these alternatives lead to friendzone, if you decide to stick around her.

From a point of manners, it is rude NOT to make a move on a girl after she's exhibited numerous buying signals; imagine the discomfort this girl felt when you turned her down twice and told her you didnt have a phone!

scared to succeed. Thanks - good point.

I was asked if I was afraid of heights as I was doing some adventure sports and the owners want to train me to work there (I am relatively strong/fit so that works) except I am a 'big chicken' I am not afraid of heights per se, its just new to me. I was the kid who stayed inside with computer games and books. It was not until 14 that I started taking sport seriously and 19 and 25 as big breakthroughs in my independence (UNI and starting full time work)

So in turn maybe I am afraid of the unknowns (i.e the trendy bar). If I review everything, It seems I want it all easily without sacrifice/risk. So I will have to work on that. That or just lazy/unmotivated for those places ( I dont drink and find those places too loud to talk)

My methods do bring hot cool girls into my life, but they generally have been headcases causing MUCH greater problems later than any I could have chosen to face by approaching/closing early

A work in progress

 

[squirrels]

I'm starting to think there isn't a RIGHT type of girl for me.

I can't remember the last time I met a girl who "gets" me. I mean, the girls I date, they're all great in their own way. But I don't think I will ever get with a lover what I get with my friends.

I don't know if I want a woman around just as a source of romantic affection. I just don't see the point.

That seems to have been the biggest "downside" of my time on this forum...that I can't go back to thinking about women like I used to. As fun as they are in the moment, I no longer hope to find a woman worthy of being a long-term mate.

I kinda see the appeal in the "old system", now. Where the man went out and made the money and the woman stayed at home and raised the children. Men and women were two separate breeds...they didn't really HAVE to get along. They just took care of each other and put up a common front to raise the kids and represent the "family unit" to the world.

The "new system" is all screwed up...you're looking for not just a good wife and mother, but a girl who can be your "best friend" too. That's just hard to find. Really hard.

I just f**ked this girl...she's cute. I like her a lot. I just can't see spending long periods of time with her. I'm waiting to see what develops, because I know it doesn't happen overnight. I just...I just don't see it. She still likes to go out and dance and party and we enjoy this great repartee, constantly busting each others' balls, but I get the feeling that she's like me in that she needs a long-term man like I need a long-term woman...that is to say, not at all.

I get those now...I used to get women who wanted to get married after the first date/first sex. Now I get these girls who are just too busy having fun and enjoying their lives to even think about being "the right girl". I can hardly blame them...I'm the SAME WAY.

It makes you wonder what all this dating nonsense is about...what, in modern society, beyond raising a family, is male-female coupling good for?

Sex?? LOL...don't make me laugh. P*ssy is nice, don't get me wrong, but it's overrated for the "enlightened" male. Given the alternative of two girls at once or something like a motorcycle trackday/whitewater trip/ski trip/rock climbing...even a football game with my brothers/friends....why would I choose a couple of warm holes? Sh*t, the best thing about women is that you can take them to do stuff with you...maybe even stuff that you wouldn't do alone.

Maybe it's because there's always that sexual tension...it gets old, honestly. I wish I could talk to a woman like a human being once in a while. Of course...most of them are boring.

I'm on a bit of a rant.

Bottom line...I don't think there is a "right type" for me.