Ever ask a girl what she likes best about herself?

[jakethasnake]

Before I begin a disclaimer: for you guys who only care about the physical in a woman and would be just as happy settling with an ex "model-actress-stripper" type as with a pretty (if not gorgeous) woman of impeccable integrity and poise, then don't bother reading this - you'll have wasted your time. If you're that guy - I'm sorry you had to read this far.



But here is what I wanted to say - when you ask a woman what she likes best about herself, her response may tell you a couple of things about her true character - her most naked self, without the smoke and mirrors.



Most women will likely mention bodyparts - though results may vary. For example, some insecure or obviously 'less-than-Greek' women will innocuously mention some non-explicit bodypart that doesn't suggest sexuality, such as the eyes or arms or hands (they wish to avert the scrutiny on their bodies). Others that know they are pretty or have good figures will mention the face, the breasts, the legs, the ass, the feet, etc. ad nauseum. But regardless of which bodypart she mentions, the fact that she focuses on the physical will be an indicator where she is mentally at that point in her life. A woman who first talks about her body is likely a lot more insecure, and isn't focused on the big picture. Her worth is literally determined by her looks (or lack thereof).



In contrast, there are women who will mention things that quantify her competence, her independence, her character. ("I'm strong" and "I'm interesting" are not the right answers. WTF is that? How generic, how pre-fabricated. *eeeeeeent* Thanks for playing, girls. NEXT. )


And when its a woman who is ACTUALLY ATTRACTIVE that says things like that, it is *ultra-sexy*. Yes - men are also drawn to confidence. Perhaps not the masculine, quasi-aggressive "square jawed hero" type of confidence, but that confidence which shows a quiet determination in a woman.



So what brought this on? Well I'm feeling a bit sheepish in saying this (I hate doting on celebrities, how lame...), but I saw Jennifer Aniston's interview with Diane Sawyer on ABC tonight, and it occured to me what a fine balance of character and looks she has. When asked what she liked about herself by Sawyer, she said



"Well, let's see.... what do I like about myself? I like that I'm a good mediator. I'm also not a shouter.... I've worked really hard on that. I'm also a good problem solver."



I mean, what else can you say to that? A girl that is diplomatic and tactful, not to mention gentle and sweet, but also assertive and strong enough to boldy tackle problems, instead of skirting around them like many women would? WOW. It was beautiful to see and hear. And alhough she is definately attractive, I could see myself respecting her as an individual, as a human being - not as a piece of ass or a manipulative snake, as men are apt to do (justifiably) around other beautiful/ambitious women.



There are also significant pluses about her that she failed to mention (I doubt she was being 'modest' on purpose... but the following qualities are so naturally ingrained into her personality and character that it doesn't even register on her self-perception - thus she feels no reason to brag about them - it doesn't even register in her mind). It's already obvious that she has a fantastic sense of humor - as we all know very few women are genuinely funny. And it's no secret that the woman is always seen gracing fashion magazines and being praised for her trim figure and nice hair. She's no pushover in the looks department, and that's putting it lightly. IMHO though she isn't classically beautiful (like a model or a greek statue), such things are a tiny, *tiny* 'minus' when she is a tour de force in the other important areas mentioned before.



Overall, something about her just shines through.... that's when I realized that women like her are about as good as a guy can ask for. There IS a reason why Brad Pitt (who is generally hailed as one of the most physically gorgeous men in the world, and could get ANY ravishing beauty in the world) is with her - the man knows what he wants, and he GOT IT. He is a lucky man, and I congratulate him for that. What a guy (no - what a GAL!).



Sure, you guys can fvck the girls with nice tits and curvy asses and legs til your balls shrivel up into prune-like sacs, but as far as having a woman with the right balance of looks and personality, look no further - men should look for women similar to Jennifer Aniston. She is a special woman.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Excellent post. That is a very good, and unique question to ask a girl when you first meet her, during your first conversation. Man, that is a great question;

I disagree that most will first tell you about their body parts. Try it out, I think you might just be surprised what most girls will say. Probably stuff like "I'm too nice sometimes." "I'm a hopeless romantic", "My hair" or anything else that the like getting complimented on, stuff they think and spend time on;

I never thought about that question, but will sure use it next time I talk to a girly I'm interested in. Many propers to you JTS.

 

[jakethasnake]

Another thing.

This actually was intended as a general observation rather than a tip, but I guess it's going in that direction. Oh well.



I liked that gangster of love picked up on the posts applications in a real life conversation. So here is a tip within a tip:



Watch those interviews with celebrities/politians/etc. like "20/20", "60 Minutes Plus", etc. - especially those with naturally charismatic people like Aniston or Pitt. Forget about snakes like Lara Flynn Boyle or Pam Anderson - stick to watching interviews with charismatic and wise people like Jack Nicholson and Kofi Annand (UN Secretary General), for example. You can learn a lot from their mannerisms and their comments. For example, confident, knowledgeable men speak with intermittent pauses that are very deliberate - they aren't quiet because they don't have anything to say. They are thinking slowly and thoughtfully about what to say. They speak clearly and slowly, with a deep, full voice. That makes people listen.



Also, pay close attention to the INTERVIEWERS THEMSELVES. Diane Sawyer is an EXCELLENT interviewer and investigative journalist - ABC doesn't hire her for nothing, you know.



For example, did you see the REACTIONS she got out of Britney Spears in that interview not to long ago? She made Spears cry, and when she went on Craig Kilborne the same night, she claimed that she felt 'conned' into giving answers she didn't want to give (i.e. about the mystery surrounding her alleged infidelity to Justin Timberlake). Now that is SKILL. Sawyer is skillfully able to use people's emotions and reactions to get the effect she desires. So pay attention to the words she uses, what tone she uses to ask them, and how she times her questions. It's really an instinct, and most people can learn it.


Now of course there is a chance that someone with such a skill can use the gift for 'evil', but such risks come with any power. So cultivate those skills, but be a gentleman and use them wisely.

 

[Sax God]

Well, call me shallow, but I look for the attractive girl first, then see if she has the personality. The personality is what makes me decide if I want the relationship, but the looks get me to go up and see about her personality.

I seriously doubt Jennifer Aniston would be where she is today if she didn't have the looks. The personality, though, I don't think casting agents really care about too much.

 

[jakethasnake]

Originally posted by Sax God
Well, call me shallow, but I look for the attractive girl first, then see if she has the personality. The personality is what makes me decide if I want the relationship, but the looks get me to go up and see about her personality.

I seriously doubt Jennifer Aniston would be where she is today if she didn't have the looks. The personality, though, I don't think casting agents really care about too much.

Don't be silly - of course looks matter. You're missing the point entirely. What I'm saying is that there are other important considerations to make when choosing a woman, that is if you're a sensible man. But no matter - what you do to get a woman and what kind of woman you choose WILL come back to haunt (or bless) you. It happens everytime.

 

[ultrashogun]

So what do you think you can find out if she tells you whats the best thing about YOU?

 

[SilverSpring1]

Originally posted by Sax God
Well, call me shallow, but I look for the attractive girl first, then see if she has the personality. The personality is what makes me decide if I want the relationship, but the looks get me to go up and see about her personality.

I seriously doubt Jennifer Aniston would be where she is today if she didn't have the looks. The personality, though, I don't think casting agents really care about too much.

You're young.

I believe that most women who are as old, wise, and mature@‚‚“@‚i‚…‚Ž‚Ž‚‰‚†‚…‚’ Aniston would give an answer like that. Jakethesnake might have been intrigued by her answers though, because most actresses have less than stellar intelligence/depth, so he was surprised to hear an actress give an intelligent answer. Or Jake is young, and is therefore, surrounded by young girls his own age who's mostly concerned about their looks.

 

[Alonso]

Jake and Jennifer, sitting in a tree . . . .

Let us know where to send the wedding gift when she breaks up with Brad, man.

Two things:

Your post sounds a little bit like you're trying to argue that J. Anniston is cool even though she's not a classical model-type beauty, i.e., you like her for your character. Mighty big of you -- as your post admits elsewhere, while she's not a model in the Elite Model Agency sense, she'd be judged pretty doggone good looking by any everyday standard; she'd probably have been among the best-looking girls in my high school, I know. No joke you'd hit that -- just don't fool yourself that it's only because of her "character." (Reminds me of the goofy teen movies where you're supposed to admire the "geeky" girl for her good character and personality despite her alleged "plainness" -- when the "plainness" consists of having Rachel Leigh Cook wear librarian glasses and a sweatshirt and have mussed-up hair).

Also -- when you're praising her "down to earth" answers, consider that she is a professional actress and probably has more than one publicist, consultant, etc. Prominent people have figured out these days that acting publicly arrogant is not the way to be popular; even if you are arrogant or cold or shallow, the way to win popularity is to pretend to be just plain folks. Why else would you see presidential candidates reading stories to third graders and donning argyle sweaters? Does anyone really think Al Gore or John Kerry is just a warm, joke-a-minute guy just becuase they wear a sweater or go on Leno and tell some (pre-scripted) jokes making fun of themselves? I saw Mohammad al Fayed, who by all accounts is a lunatic and colossal jerk in everyday life, go on the Ali G show -- he had clearly been coached within an inch of his life and he actually came off as having a sense of humor, laughing at himself, playing along with the gags. That doesn't mean I'd tell him a joke if I were his employee.

Really, what actress is dumb enough (even if she thinks it) to say that her best point is something to do with her looks? They know people would think that was shallow.

Being a step above the stupid high school girls who are actually dumb enough to blurt out their stuck-up beliefs is good (hey, lots of girls never do get past this point), but doesn't mean necessarily that the "modest" girl is really modest or easygoing or receptive to judging people by their true characters. I've known more than a handful of extremely attractive girls (not surprisingly, a few of them had backgrounds in high school/college theatre, etc.) who could be very self-effacing, self-deprecating, talk a good game about 'non-shallow' topics -- but when it came down to it, this was just another tool in their arsenal of flirting methodologies (not a bad tool for gathering a harem of kind of quiet, modest guys who fooled themselves that they saw the grounds for an 'intellectual' relationship with her). But at the end of the day, who do they go out with? Hint: it ain't their nerdy guy friends with whom they are so down to earth; it's Rico Suave every time.

 

[DJZ]

Come on now, if Jennifer Anniston was ugly, would her answers have been that great? I mean, you expect an ugly chick to say something like that, but not a hot one. I think she gave the pc answer, b/c afterall, what grown woman in the spotlight would answer with "my boobs?"

 

[jakethasnake]

Guys, guys....


Jesus. This is a simple tip. Not a facken guide to nuclear physics. You're reading into this way too much. Here are the premises: you meet girl you like. You ask her out, and you ask her this question. You listen, then make some evaluations. That's IT. LOL....



Why are you guys trippin' so hard on the fact that she's a famous actress? Sure, the lighting helped her out. Sure, her answers were measured. But the fact is, if any girl you took out said something like that you would be intrigued.



You guys need to stop being such cavemen and emphasize looks so much. Having said that, I agree 1000% that looks are very important - after all, would you even be taken her out if she didn't measure up to your standards? Hell no, dude. So it's a MOOT POINT whether or not the quality of a woman's responses would have mattered if she wasn't attractive to you - because you SIMPLY WOULDN'T BE SITTING IN FRONT OF HER.



So never mind that Jennifer Aniston is an actress, and is used to 'performing' in front of the camera (btw, I hardly believe that her emotional responses were 'fake' - one can sense these things, and if you're a person that can't trust his instincts, you've got a long way to go). Nevermind about the controlled environment of a taped interview (they can re-tape parts that they don't like). Take it all for face value, and use your good judgement to determine which responses are genuine and which are measured ones.


Many people use the comments on this board and pscho-analze them as some kind of exact science (probably evidence of their geeky/anal-retentive/scientist ways), and analyze it to death - this board has become part speculation/neuroses and part crackpot psychology. In relationships and women, INSTINCT and especially EXPERIENCE are king. It's way more important than logic or reasoning. Keep that in mind, and realize that I use Jennifer Aniston as an example because she is a famous person that everyone knows: otherwise how would I have illustrated my ideas to you people?

 

[jakethasnake]

Originally posted by Alonso
Being a step above the stupid high school girls who are actually dumb enough to blurt out their stuck-up beliefs is good (hey, lots of girls never do get past this point), but doesn't mean necessarily that the "modest" girl is really modest or easygoing or receptive to judging people by their true characters. I've known more than a handful of extremely attractive girls (not surprisingly, a few of them had backgrounds in high school/college theatre, etc.) who could be very self-effacing, self-deprecating, talk a good game about 'non-shallow' topics -- but when it came down to it, this was just another tool in their arsenal of flirting methodologies (not a bad tool for gathering a harem of kind of quiet, modest guys who fooled themselves that they saw the grounds for an 'intellectual' relationship with her). But at the end of the day, who do they go out with? Hint: it ain't their nerdy guy friends with whom they are so down to earth; it's Rico Suave every time.

By the way, girls who are down-to-earth with only hot men are NOT the girls I'm talking about. There are women that treat almost everyone well.


And also, I'm not trying to be rude, but... what's your point?


I think it's absolutely NATURAL that these kind of girls (shrewd, pretty) are with suave men. I mean, what did you expect, that Sherman with the leaky skin and bowl haircut would get Jennifer? No way. Women are human too, so they'll be drawn to looks no matter how famous or pretty she is (the only limiting factor is their own looks).


Did you think that my guide was some silly "Guide for dorks or quasimodos to land the hot, funny and witty babe"? I'm sorry, but that just does NOT exist, except under extraordinary circumstances. You just read my message wrong, but I forgive you for your skepticism.



As for the rest of your comments - I've tried to address them in the previous post. Don't read into all this too much - it's not rocket science.

 

[SilverSpring1]

I believe Jennifer Aniston gave the answers she gave because the interviewer was Diane Sawyer. In other words, people's answers will differ significantly based on WHO's asking the question. If my male bootycall asked me what I liked about myself I'd be sure he was referring to my physique. However, if a potential boyfriend figure asked me the same question, I would focus more on my mental and behavioral qualities. In Jennifer Aniston's case, she was being interviewed by an older, professional female, who is known for her intellectual/journalistic acheivements, and unlikely to focus on sex or people's body parts.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Look, it doesn't matter who Jennifer Aniston was being interviewd by, or if she's hot or not, or any other off-topic spin you guys are putting on the original intent of this post; the point is, ASK GIRLS WHAT THEY LIKE BEST ABOUT THEMSELVES. That is the moral, the value in this post.

It is an excellent question to ask a girl when you first meet her. Her answer will tell you more than you realize. Jake was only mentioning where he got it from. Jennifer Aniston happened to answer it very well, for whatever reasons, she cam across very well. How somebody answers certain questions will tell you a lot more by what the answer is.

As far as the skinny, dorky guy getting the super hottie; well, not likely, and that's when a lot of guys in here become delusional and they set their standards unrealistically high (specially while they are still learning the game), and claim that they will only go for the very hot ones; then they'll complain that they don't get good results practicing with the hotties.

Seems like a lot of people in here will use that as an excuse for going out and making it happen. You'll read guys comments to links of pictures of modes, "She's just a 7.5; I have higher standards." "Her face is ugly." "My ex has that hot body, but a much better face." Yeah, and you couldn't keep her buddy. "I'll hold out for what I want." The reality is that these average to lesser than average looking guys are not in the league of these girls who get approached by much more attractive (physically and personality wise)guys.
They'll hold out forever and won't go out there and make it happen.

 

[jakethasnake]

Originally posted by ultrashogun
So what do you think you can find out if she tells you whats the best thing about YOU?

Maybe then that's a sign that she really into YOU.

 

[jbbrain]

ok jake...what does it say about the girl if she says:

"I don't know"

But surely there must something you like about yourself!

"I mean..yeah..I like myself..."

Do you feel you have a pretty good idea about what makes the girl you are?

"yea...."

So then what is it? What defines YOU as THAT woman? Is it yours sense of humour, your line of reasoning, your toes..what is it..?

The girl looks on shyly.."I don't know..."

 

[iqqi]

good post jakey.

this is very true, fellas:

Originally posted by SilverSpring1
In other words, people's answers will differ significantly based on WHO's asking the question. .

and i would like to add, the context the question was asked would also influence the response to the question.

 

[jakethasnake]

Originally posted by jbbrain
ok jake...what does it say about the girl if she says:

"I don't know"

But surely there must something you like about yourself!

"I mean..yeah..I like myself..."

Do you feel you have a pretty good idea about what makes the girl you are?

"yea...."

So then what is it? What defines YOU as THAT woman? Is it yours sense of humour, your line of reasoning, your toes..what is it..?

The girl looks on shyly.."I don't know..."

LOL..... I'll assume that you're referring to your hot-as-a-white-flame but coma-inducing Polish girlfriend. Well, I suppose a girl who repeatedly does that just has no personality, or confidence in herself. What can I say. But I like to give women some leeway sometimes - she may feel put on the spot, and might struggle to come up with something. And the last time I checked, being shy or not strong under pressure wasn't a crime nor grounds for dumping. Being dishonest or manipulative are, in contrast. And in the end, just being a decent human being (and looking good in a nice tight pair of jeans, and also knowing how to suck a good....ahem, hehe...) and a good friend is enough.


Do NOT take this advice as some kind of check list for a police line-up style girlfriend execution-fest. But thanks for trying to introduce another perpective to the issue, jb.

 

[jakethasnake]

Originally posted by iqqi
good post jakey.

this is very true, fellas:


and i would like to add, the context the question was asked would also influence the response to the question.

Hey thanks, Iq.


The context... hmm. Well, if you've been talking about women's body issues before hand, or a female celebrity that appeals to you, she will most likely take the answer to the question in that particular direction (physicality), because celebrities are usually known for their sex appeal and because it's a natural progression from women's body issues to their own bodies. This isn't such a good transition, in my opinion - it will only enhance her insecurities and faults, which you have plenty of time to discover later on.


For now, focus on the positive - allow her to present her best to you, to feel proud of what she has to offer. It makes you look forward to seeing her again, and her happy to show her off to you, the guy she really likes. It's a two-way street - always a give and take. If you always look to take, people will just distance themselves from you, sensing that you're a selfish person.


The correct circumstance under which to drop this question would be to ask it after talking about her biggest and proudest accomplishment, for example. This will make her focus on her personal merits and character (like persistence, dedication, etc.), and make her feel great about herself. And all the better if she attaches this sense of pride and self-worth with you - the wonderful dude who brought it out of her! Any woman worth her weight in gold or money will appreciate that. Airhead strippers or headcase trailer-trash will resent you for it, because it makes her feel bad that she doesn't have any accomplishments or because thinking about it simply gives her a bad headache.


Of course, keep in mind that while you do this you have to be charming and subtlely sexual (KINO, fellas!), so that you keep her subconsciously aroused too. Don't become an investigative reporter-extraordinaire.

Originally posted by SilverSpring1

In other words, people's answers will differ significantly based on WHO's asking the question. .

I agree on that too. But guys - again -- I made it clear that the one who is asking this will be the guy on a first informal "date" with a girl (Or maybe even a second or third one - I personally think that this ISN'T fluff talk, and is much more powerful and profound than talking about movies, interests, hobbies, etc. It has much deeper applications.). Not gramps, not the father, not the postman or the bartender - the GUY.

 

[THA REALNESS]

You want us to judge a girl by how she judges herself? Isn't that the true purpose of the question?


A better question to ask is "what would you do for a clondike bar'??? and whip it out on them and put it in they fo' head.

 

[jakethasnake]

Hehe....

Originally posted by THA REALNESS
You want us to judge a girl by how she judges herself? Isn't that the true purpose of the question?


A better question to ask is "what would you do for a clondike bar'??? and whip it out on them and put it in they fo' head.

Yeah, you go and do that, champ.