Even though I do pull a lot of hot girls, I still have major anxiety around women

[Brighty]

I've been a member here for a while, I know the game. I know all about negs, LTRs, kino, the whole shi-bang. I'm an attractive guy and I've gotten with some amazing girls (hell, check my other thread that I made two days ago about a girl I hooked up with), but even after all of that, I still have major anxiety around women. I feel like I rely on alcohol and my looks too much and my inner game is lacking, but I'm wondering if its a deeper problem than that. I have no problems shooting the **** with a girl, but when I feel like I have to escalate things (like start kissing, etc.), I start getting anxious. I don't know what it is, even though I've isolated her and she's obviously wanting it, I start doubting myself and telling myself that I'll mess up or that she doesn't want it.

Part of that is that I feel like I have to play the alpha male and the tough guy, being 6'4 and having a lot of girls after me, but the secret is is that I don't feel like an alpha and that I'm pretty insecure with myself. Maybe because of the fact that I'm still a virgin at 19, I've never been with a woman that I've truly felt like she deserves to be my first. I feel almost as if the fact that people know I hook up with a lot of hot girls is better than the actual hookup - that status that goes along with it. I'm wondering if I naturally have low testostorone or something, that I lack that real drive to just whisk a girl off her feet and have my way with her and be the man that I always wanted to be. Don't get me wrong, I have that drive, but only when I'm alone and completely comfortable; when the time comes to do it I hesitate and I never really get in the moment.

I don't know, has anyone been in this boat before that could relate? Am I so scared by my bad history with girls when I was a kid that I'm afraid to take control or to be vulnerable to a girl? Do you guys have any advice? I'm at a loss here.

 

[scrouds]

...I'm an attractive guy and I've gotten with some amazing girls ...I'm still a virgin at 19...

Huh?

 

[Brighty]

Huh?

Read the next sentence.

 

[Sofomore]

Dont worry so much about your status man. I have come to realize that your lack of confidence around these women is probably because of your inexperience in bed. Don't you want to get laid? Think about it for a minute. What is holding you back? Fear of being made fun of? Fear of messing up?

You don't need to necessarily lower your standards to get laid, but open your eyes a little bit. Those girls want your **** really bad...are you going to leave them hanging? Only to have them go fvck some other guy that will actually do it?


Here is the one question I need to have answered for this: Are you comfortable naked around girls?

 

[scrouds]

Read the next sentence.

What I posted was the essence of your post without all the rationalizing bull**** you were spewing. The line you refer to is the worst of the bunch.

Here's what I hear. "I'm too nervous to go all the way, so I'm going to just blame it on the women, seeing how there isn't a woman I think is high quality enough to bang.

Get over it.

 

[Jimmtl]

Get over yourself dummy

 

[Ganondorf!]

Now now


no need in bashing the guy just because I doesn't jump into the sack the minute a chicks shows interest

Maybe he wants his first time to be with a chick that's actually worth it instead of some drunk slvt at a party or some sh1t.

If he doesn't want to have sex then that's his choice, sex does not make the man, the man makes the man.

Buddy I say take your time and don't rush this or put more pressure on yourself. The whole sex thing is NOT the end all be all in the least.

also, don't doubt yourself either, if you want to escalate then just do it. if the chick doesn't want to then she'll let you know, which in that case you just stop and try again later

 

[countermart]

Because you have never gone all the way it sounds like you are building up major expectations, and this is understandable. But really after you go through with it you will find that it is not everything in life.

There is also nothing wrong with holding out to find the right girl, and when you do you will probably find it really does just come naturally for both of you, and you will wonder why you were so concerned.

Take all the pressure off yourself and just concentrate on having fun, with a fun girl, and remember it is she who has to pass all the tests. If you feel nervous tell yourself over and over to concentrate on the fun.

Sometimes there are nerves on both sides. When she is nervous, when you are with a virgin or inexperienced girl, say something like this with a smile; “You know this is just like dancing, sometimes we are going to muck it up, but you know that means we will just have to keep practicing, and that should be great fun.”

If you are nervous find a girl with that attitude, but be in no rush to make it with the wrong girl just because your mates want you to.

You know young guys have a lot of things they look for in a relationship with a girl, but older guys who have been around women have one criteria that over the years marches up the hierarchy, and that is kindness. Look for one of those girls for your first time.

If that sounds too AFC, it does not stop you from having to lead, always lead her.

Good luck.

Countermart