Evasive girl

[Darth]

Hey man, I don't care, I LIKE this girl. I've gone and fallen hard but I really really don't care right now

 

[Kirro]

Why do you sound like 90% of the guys around my age IRL?

I like how guys LIKE a girl based on air. You've gone & fallen hard...isn't that cute. I'd understand if she was cooking you lunch & dinner or ironing your clothes or buying you new shoes or being USEFUL & not just sitting there sending emails & mooching your time and attention.

Yet by virtue of her being female & you being horny & desperate, you'll ignore all reason and hop through hopes like a bunny on a sugar rush. You really really don't care? I really really wish that you are one of the exceptions who scores by being a total chump because trust me, if you DARE post that you failed, I will laugh & laugh, taunt you, belittle you & laugh some more.

 

[Igetit!]

I really really wish that you are one of the exceptions who scores by being a total chump because trust me, if you DARE post that you failed, I will laugh & laugh, taunt you, belittle you & laugh some more.

So when his dreams of dating this girl comes crashing down,you're going to laugh at,taunt,and belittle the dude? Uhhh....why? You're being kind rough on Darth,don't you think Kirro?



I don't see why you're being so hard on the dude,I mean it's obvious he has oneitis. I figured that out several posts ago. Trying to get someone infected with oneitis to listen to reason is like trying to talk a drug addict out of doing drugs.


Odds are they won't listen. All the wisdom,rationale,the logic,and sound advice MEANS NOTHING if you're going through withdrawals,or on the prowl for your next hit.



A couple of things concerning Darth.....

1:He's only 20. So he's going to be stubborn and reject wise council. That's just what young people do. I know I did when I was his age.


2:He's been a member here of sosuave for OVER 5 years. When I saw his join date,I was kinda shocked that he got tripped up over something that not only has been covered over and over again on the forum,but (imo) is relatively easy to avoid and/or correct.

3:His thread history: Whenever someone makes 2 or more threads about the same girl,it should be clear that they're not going to just move on from her.

Plus if they've rejected sound advice in their previous threads,it shouldn't be a shock for them to do it again.


Odds are he's going to fall with this girl. And when that happens,we just gotta have his back to help him get back on his feet. Mocking him and going "I told you so" isn't going to help him out.



He's a big boy,let him fall. He'll be ok. Not everything can be taught.


Sometimes you've just got to go through things to learn.

 

[Kirro]

So when his dreams of dating this girl comes crashing down,you're going to laugh at,taunt,and belittle the dude? Uhhh....why? You're being kind rough on Darth,don't you think Kirro?

Yes I'm going to do all of that because he needs to be shamed for his crappy behaviour that doesn't get him what he wants, being rough? I should be a lot rougher.

I don't see why you're being so hard on the dude,I mean it's obvious he has oneitis. I figured that out several posts ago. Trying to get someone infected with oneitis to listen to reason is like trying to talk a drug addict out of doing drugs.

I don't get this concept, every time in my life that I've felt oneitis creeping in I've shaken it off with sheer will. My pride has been, is & will always be more important than a piece of azz. He has no self respect, no spine. Its bullocks.

Odds are they won't listen. All the wisdom,rationale,the logic,and sound advice MEANS NOTHING if you're going through withdrawals,or on the prowl for your next hit.

All the more reason to remind him how stupid he is.

A couple of things concerning Darth.....

1:He's only 20. So he's going to be stubborn and reject wise council. That's just what young people do. I know I did when I was his age.

I'm the same age he is, I'm stubborn & I reject wise council...SOMETIMES, I've seen first hand that a lot of the stuff here is true, I've experienced it, I've done it on instinct, so when you, Kailex, Rollo or Jophil post something I read close because I know it could end up saving my azz one day. He should be stubborn enough to never take on a girl mooching his attention & he should reject the idea of falling for a girl who has done nothing so far but be born.

2:He's been a member here of sosuave for OVER 5 years. When I saw his join date,I was kinda shocked that he got tripped up over something that not only has been covered over and over again on the forum,but (imo) is relatively easy to avoid and/or correct.

All the more reason for me to make fun of him.

3:His thread history: Whenever someone makes 2 or more threads about the same girl,it should be clear that they're not going to just more on from her.

What you say is true but its still folly & you & I both know it.

Plus if they've rejected sound advice in their previous threads,it shouldn't be a shock for them to do it again.

Then why post? I'd rather debate looks with Just A Shot Away.

Odds are he's going to fall with this girl. And when that happens,we just gotta have his back to help him get back on his feet. Mocking him and going "I told you so" isn't going to help him out.

Yes it will help him out, he knows what to expect the next time he fails. Either stop repeating the same hogwash or don't post because I'll be there to mock him.

He's a big boy,let him fall. He'll be ok. Not everything can be taught.

Sure...then 5 years from now he'll still be posting the same crap long.

Sometimes you've just got to go through things to learn.

*sigh*

 

[Darth]

Don't worry, I'm back to my senses. It was just that she showed me lots and lots of interest last night, and said that when I got angry at her, she thought that was kinda hot.

She even set up a date with me- that was her idea.

So I'm definitely going to play it cool, at least to start with, but I'm not going to lie and say that this development doesn't make me really, really happy. I think she is really into me right now.

OK, so I'm getting attached. Is that the worst thing in the world?

I don't see why you're being so hard on the dude,I mean it's obvious he has oneitis. I figured that out several posts ago. Trying to get someone infected with oneitis to listen to reason is like trying to talk a drug addict out of doing drugs.


Odds are they won't listen. All the wisdom,rationale,the logic,and sound advice MEANS NOTHING if you're going through withdrawals,or on the prowl for your next hit.

You know, that's how I've been feeling. My head has been buzzing ever since we talked last night. I've been walking around with a dopey smile on all day. And I've been getting no work done. I'm trying to snap out of it, but I don't know if I want to.....

EDIT: Yeah I know she blew me off before, but that's because she's a girl and she's young and doesn't know what she wants. Why "next" women for being women?

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

The medium IS the message.

I hate the term 'Mixed Signals/Messages'. More often than not there's nothing 'Mixed' being communicated and rather it's a failure (willful or not) to read what a woman is communicating. The average guy tends to 'get' exactly what a woman has implied with her words, but it takes practice to read her behavior and then more practice in self-control to apply it to his own. When a girl goes from hot to cold and back again, THIS IS the message - she's got buyers remorse, you're not her first priority, she's deliberating between you and what she perceives is a better prospect, you were better looking when she was drunk, etc. - the message isn't the 'what ifs', the message IS her own hesitation and how her behavior manifests it. 10 dates before sex? This IS the message. Canceling dates? This IS the message.

Women with high IL wont confuse you. When a woman wants to ƒuck she'll find a way to ƒuck. If she's fluctuating between being into you and then not, put her away for a while and spin other plates. If she sorts it out for herself and pursues you, then you are still playing in your frame and you maintain the value of your attention to her. It's when you patiently while away your time wondering what the magic formula is that'll bring her around that you lean over into her frame. You need her more than she needs you and she will dictate the terms of her attention.

What most guys think are 'mixed messages' or confusing behavior coming from a woman is simply due to their inability (for whatever reason) to make an accurate interpretation of why she's behaving in such a manner. Usually this boils down to a guy getting so wrapped up in a girl that he'd rather make concessions for this behavior than see it for what it really is. In other words, it's far easier to call it 'mixed messages' or fall back on the old chestnut of how fickle and random women are, when in fact it's simply a rationale to keep themselves on the hook, so to speak, because they lack any real, viable, options with other women in their lives. A woman that has a high IL in a guy has no need (and less motivation) to engage in behaviors that would compromise her status with him. Women of all ILs will sh!t test, and men will pass or fail accordingly, but a test is more easily recognizable.

 

[Darth]

Thank you Rollo for jump-starting my brain again.

Yeah, you know it's true, this girl said let's just be friends earlier, why should I drop everything for her all of a sudden because she's started to show massive interest?

Obviously I like that, but it's like I'm dropping everything to play by her rules. No way.

And I can tell you, I do draw the line somewhere- if she cancels on a date again, or goes cold again, I'm definitely not going to be chasing her around.

I'll take it as it comes. Ball's in her court now. I already laid it on the line earlier, now we'll see if she's really interested. Unless she starts touching me and stuff, I'm going to stay cool.

 

[Darth]

I want to thank all of you for getting my head straight.

You never know when you'll just lose your head over some girl.

Playing this thing cool is very much working out to my advantage. I shudder to think what would have happened if I had kept her up on that pedestal despite her bad behavior.

Thanks guys.

 

[Darth]

Except we danced last night and now I am really and truly falling for her. And vice-versa.

I just can't be a robot. I'm human and I have emotions like any other normal person.

Now given what I know now, I'm not necessarily going to reveal them to her in words, but there's nothing wrong with showing kindness or joy or sadness or anything else on your face. Feelings make us human.

Do you know why everyone here tells you to suppress your feelings, play the field, and so on? Because they're afraid to be vulnerable. They're afraid of the pain of rejection, the pain of a good thing ended. But to me, that is the saddest thing of all, because when you close yourself off and harden yourself that way, your losing part of what it means to be human.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” -Theodore Roosevelt

That's all.

 

[Kirro]

Except we danced last night and now I am really and truly falling for her. And vice-versa.

I just can't be a robot. I'm human and I have emotions like any other normal person.

Now given what I know now, I'm not necessarily going to reveal them to her in words, but there's nothing wrong with showing kindness or joy or sadness or anything else on your face. Feelings make us human.

Do you know why everyone here tells you to suppress your feelings, play the field, and so on? Because they're afraid to be vulnerable. They're afraid of the pain of rejection, the pain of a good thing ended. But to me, that is the saddest thing of all, because when you close yourself off and harden yourself that way, your losing part of what it means to be human.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” -Theodore Roosevelt

That's all.

Man this feminine discharge is stinking up the forum. Look its natural to feel good in the company of a woman but if you're "falling" for her for the simplest thing you're being weak & that shows a lack of experience. Don't want to be a robot, nothing wrong with that but don't go to the other extreme & let your emotions control you.

The problem with a lot of men especially around my age is that they forget that men are hardly emotional, its like a girl just opens a floodgate of emotion that consumes you.

Let me tell you why you suppress your feelings, why you should barely ever show vulnerability because it is weakness. You have to make women work hard to see that small flicker or vulnerability, they have to work hard to be rewarded with emotion, you don't go around like a ninny being all emotional & weak.

When you harden & close yourself off, you are one step closer to enlightenment because you realize life is the way it is & not some ridiculous Disney cartoon.

 

[Darth]

You have to make women work hard to see that small flicker or vulnerability, they have to work hard to be rewarded with emotion, you don't go around like a ninny being all emotional & weak.

Well no, of course not.

All I'm saying is that you've got to be human, too. Suppressing your feelings is not always the best policy- in fact it can sometimes be to your disadvantage.

Although, the more that I go over what happened last night, the more I realize it's a fine balance that can only be learned with experience.

She tested me like crazy last night, about seven times. The first was when she was late- seeing how I would respond. Waiting and seeing if I would open the door for her (which I did, but because it's a matter of course).

When we arrived at the dance, walking away and seeing if I would follow her (I didn't).

Seeing how I would react if she started talking with another guy (I encouraged them to dance).

Never in one night have I encountered so many tests....but towards the end she really began to loosen up, and then it became lots of fun

 

[Igetit!]

All I'm saying is that you've got to be human, too. Suppressing your feelings is not always the best policy- in fact it can sometimes be to your disadvantage.

I agree. But Kirro is also right.


You kept telling us about how "happy" this girl makes you feel,and about how you were "walking around with a dopey smile on your face","not getting any work done",and that although you seem to know that this girl having this much control over you isn't good,that you're "not sure IF YOU WANT TO" snap out of it.


That kind of emotion should NEVER BE SHOWN to a girl,ESPECIALLY one you're not even dating. I don't think it should even be shown to one you are dating.


Or to put it more accurately,it's ok to show her those emotions as long as their not FOR HER. If it's about something wonderful going on in your life,then cool,but if it's because of her AGREEING TO DATE YOU,that's bad Darth.




It'll make it seem like you have nothing else going on in your life,nothing of any value or joy. If you act like that around her,she'll feel like your life was dead until she came along,which will inflate her ego,then bam,you've got an AW to deal with.

Although, the more that I go over what happened last night, the more I realize it's a fine balance that can only be learned with experience.

Yeah,that's what I was saying to Kirro in my previous post.

Some stuff just can't be taught and what happens is that people take a detour. Instead of just listening and understanding what people say,even when it's told to them over and over again,they gotta go out and fall on their faces a few hundred times before they finally "get it".

Then after getting banged up and losing unrecoverable time,then they FINALLY understand what was being REPEATEDLY just flat out told to them.



That sucks,but it is what it is.

She tested me like crazy last night, about seven times. The first was when she was late- seeing how I would respond.

Are you sure she was testing you? Because if they were test,and I mean serious sh!t tests,then that's actually a good thing.....that it,if you passed them of course.



You said that her being late was the first test. Well how late was she? And yeah,how did you respond to her lateness?



If I make a date with a girl,and she is more than 20 minutes late,I LEAVE.......and I DON'T CALL HER to find out where she is either.




I look at it like this....if a woman can have a job,get up and go to work everyday ON TIME for months and months at a time WITHOUT being late,then she can show up for a date on time as well.



If she has enough sense and respect to call her employer if for some reason she's going to be late to work,then she should have the same sense and respect to call me if for some reason she's going to be late to the date.




I don't buy into a woman showing up for work EVEYDAY ON TIME with no problem at all,but when it comes to the dating arena,all of the sudden here comes the excuses......

"I overslept"
"I forgot I already had something else planned"
"I lost my phone"
"My cell phone battery died"
"I have a friend coming in from out of town"
"I have homework"


And my personal favorite......"I'm busy".

Waiting and seeing if I would open the door for her (which I did, but because it's a matter of course).

You opened the door for her. You seem to be quite the gentleman. I mean there's nothing wrong with that,it's just that I remember this thing you said here.......

I shudder to think what would have happened if I had kept her up on that pedestal despite her bad behavior.

You said that this girl has had "bad behavior" towards you,and she's not even your girlfriend. So she's behaved poorly towards you,but you're behaving like a gentleman towards her.


That's kind of doormat-ish man. It is.

When we arrived at the dance, walking away and seeing if I would follow her (I didn't).

Seeing how I would react if she started talking with another guy (I encouraged them to dance).

Never in one night have I encountered so many tests....but towards the end she really began to loosen up, and then it became lots of fun

So what is your goal here? I mean eventually,what is it you want to happen with this girl? Sex is a given,but what type of relationship are you after?



Is it bf/gf,friends with benefits,or something else,because honestly,it's hard to tell. You keep saying you've "fallen hard" for her and all you know right now is that you're "really happy". In fact,you used 3 "reallys" (reply #19).



So you've fallen for and are "really,really,really happy" over a girl who YOU SAID has had "bad behavior" towards you.



Wow. Well all I can say is good luck man.

 

[Theminatar]

I'm to lazy to read everything, but from the first post I can tell you're to emotionally attached to every girl you meet. Just stop that, women don't want a puppy dog; they want a ****ing pitbull.

 

[Darth]

As for intentions, I'm thinking she might make a good girlfriend, assuming she stops being so coy and everything. She is beautiful and despite these games I think she is really a good person. I guess I'm getting so attached to her because she's different from all the others. She showed up in a skirt, she did her hair, she put on a little makeup...she actually seems like a girl of the variety that I thought was extinct by now...

Are you sure she was testing you? Because if they were test,and I mean serious sh!t tests,then that's actually a good thing.....that it,if you passed them of course.

Well here's an example:

We got into the dance, and she just walked away from me upon entering the dance, apparently expecting me to follow her. I just stood where I was and watched the band. She came back by my side after a little while with this big smile.
Said "I didn't realize it would be a live band."
She said, "Oh, yeah." Then she said, "You know, I thought I told you that."
"Oh...(I smiled). "I probably wasn't paying any attention." Then she started to walk away again and I just stood there. Because we were just "friends", right? She's not my date as far as I know.

Then she came up with this big smile and timidly asked me if I would come sit with her at the table.

That's just one example...but yeah, looking back on them, they seem like tests to me.

You said that her being late was the first test. Well how late was she? And yeah,how did you respond to her lateness?

She wasn't that late, and she called me to say she was late. I called her the world's slowest driver or something. Then she apologized and explained the roads that had a lot of traffic.

EDIT: By bad behavior I simply mean that she is overly coy and she rejected me the first time...she's actually been pretty good lately.

DOUBLE EDIT: When replying pretend that this scenario happened around 1970 or so, not 2011, and adjust your values accordingly...it is a conservative culture around here and it is reflected in the way people talk and dress. Holding open the door is just expected.

 

[Kirro]

As for intentions, I'm thinking she might make a good girlfriend, assuming she stops being so coy and everything. She is beautiful and despite these games I think she is really a good person. I guess I'm getting so attached to her because she's different from all the others. She showed up in a skirt, she did her hair, she put on a little makeup...she actually seems like a girl of the variety that I thought was extinct by now...

So many things wrong with this.....she won't make a good girlfriend you silly child, she will only become more coy & a lot more. She has you wrapped around her finger & the games & manipulation will only increase. Listen you're a guy, the only reason you're remotely interested is because you think she's beautiful, notice how you put that before here being an alleged good person. You go on to mention how she was dressed, how she looked.....that is blinding you to the horrible truth, you are in her frame, her world, her reality & the fact you're considering a LTR shows how green you are. & its being reflected in your actions.



Well here's an example:

We got into the dance, and she just walked away from me upon entering the dance, apparently expecting me to follow her. I just stood where I was and watched the band. She came back by my side after a little while with this big smile.
Said "I didn't realize it would be a live band."
She said, "Oh, yeah." Then she said, "You know, I thought I told you that."
"Oh...(I smiled). "I probably wasn't paying any attention." Then she started to walk away again and I just stood there. Because we were just "friends", right? She's not my date as far as I know.

Then she came up with this big smile and timidly asked me if I would come sit with her at the table.

That's just one example...but yeah, looking back on them, they seem like tests to me.

All of this is meaningless shoe leather, you're not passing the real tests here, do you have options? Do you have hobbies you're truly invested in, all your posts lead me to believe the answer is no....you're stuck on this ONE girl.

She wasn't that late, and she called me to say she was late. I called her the world's slowest driver or something. Then she apologized and explained the roads that had a lot of traffic.

Fair enough.

EDIT: By bad behavior I simply mean that she is overly coy and she rejected me the first time...she's actually been pretty good lately.

A female being coy is natural however a woman who is interested in you makes things very easy for you. Everything just becomes oh so convenient....are they convenient for you......don't worry I'll wait.

DOUBLE EDIT: When replying pretend that this scenario happened around 1970 or so, not 2011, and adjust your values accordingly...it is a conservative culture around here and it is reflected in the way people talk and dress. Holding open the door is just expected.

Except it is 2011 & she will use every 2011 given social advantage to play you like a violin.

"mada mada dane" - You still have...lots more to work on.