Evasive girl

[Darth]

Do any of you have experience with girls like this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hwbN-wrxJ5o

I'm working on one with this exact personality right now and it's driving me nuts. She's acting like a real pain in the ***, won't give me a straight answer. I know she is full of it, yet I really really want her.

 

[Chickfight]

Can you break it down for me? I'm not going to watch a whole 8 min video of some annoying chick talk.

 

[BBbardot]

girl in the video =narcissical stupid bich, she's in love with who she is even though she doesn't know who she is since she change how she feels all the time. pain in the ass that think she is such a beautiful mistery. straight up AW, the most annoying kind. The kind of girl one just want to slap in the face.

she is absolutely uninteresting an empty shell. She like to play key bard and had to learn how to dress, it's so dull and she talks about it like its passionating.

there is the exact guy version of that kind of girl. They often tend to attract pretty and stupid girls that are facinated by them, but can't see that the guy is just empty as **** and that teh mysterious, edgy way he seem is just an empty shell, an apperance.

oh and no i dn"t think you ****ed anything, doing well, stop putting yourself down cause it influences your action and you don't want to make her feel you're insecure.

 

[Darth]

Right.

OK, here's the whole story:

-Known the girl for a long time

-Did a project together with the girl. She subtly rejects me in the car.

-Before getting out of the car, I tell her I think she's cute. Then no contact for a week.

-She reinitiates contact

-We see each other at an event. I am the man. I make fun of her repeatedly, and then go up to a politician who was there without any fear at all. Later, I tell her I still think she's cute. She seems REALLY into me.

-That weekend I ask her to lunch. She says no, I seem like a great guy but she's not into dating right now. But she hopes we can be friends.

-I call her a tease and say that lunch isn't even a big deal.

-Then I say sorry, I hope we can be good friends, I have no right to tell you how to feel (not a textbook move, this was a gamble).

-She sent back a very interested email.

-No contact from me for a week.

-She reinitiates contact, asks me if I want to come to this event on Friday. I say yeah, sounds like fun.

-Friday is fun. There are lots of girls there and I hit on most of them. She starts opening up to me in the car on the way back. I cut it short and say, "Thanks for inviting me." We agreed to do the same thing next Friday.

-This is where I screw up- now I'm getting really, really, into her. I emailed her Friday night and Saturday with some AFC stuff (asked her if she wanted to talk about it, said she was on my mind a lot lately)

-She sends me an email this morning saying:

Yes, except I'm not sure how that's going to happen this week. Life is kind of crazy right now...


Then there was another line or two.

I emailed her back saying:

LOL....Okay....

Have fun with that schedule then.

 

[Darth]

I'm thinking I screwed up badly by contacting her in between meetings.

The only way I see to reverse this is telling her tomorrow that I'm busy and I don't know about next Friday. You know, play her game.

I was just wondering what advice you might have (besides drop her. She's a pain but she is hard to get and I want her).

 

[Chickfight]

Seems you've done fine so far. It's not a huge deal that you texted her. Not a deal breaker anyway. It's good that you've been acting indifferent towards her rejections.
What I'd do now is skip the event (friend kinda thing) and keep going no contact until she contacts you again. Then act a little distant and brush her off. She seems on the fence now, trying to figure out if you are needy or just confident. This will definitely push her in the right direction.

When I have something going with a girl and a date or interaction something went questionably and I sense her interest might be lowered. I never contact her first afterwards. Makes it seem like she was the one who ****ed up and her interest will be intact when to reaches out to you again whether you fvcked up or not. As long as she contacts you, it means you didn't mess up too bad and it's still on. If she doesn't then there's nothing to be done, time to move on. Talking to her will only make it worse.

One way to have oneities and still function is to recognize what it's trying to make you do and NOT do it. You gotta start letting her come to you.

 

[Igetit!]

Seems you've done fine so far.

HUh????


Are you serious? You say he's done "fine" so far?

Chickfight....he's done HORRIBLE. (Uhh....sorry Darth)


There's no point in beating around the bush.


Darth,do you want the TRUTH? You do. You CAN handle the truth. (Jack Nicholson )


First the bad news.....

I'll just say it flat out....she's an AW. She is. And you are UNKNOWINGLY/UNINTENTIONALLY FEEDING her AW and are actually helping her to act this way.


Whether you realize it or not,you are.


Now the good news....this is COMPLETELY fixable. My mantra is this....AS LONG AS YOU'RE NOT IN THE FRIENDZONE,THERE'S HOPE.


It's fixable,but first you need to see and understand WHERE and WHAT you did wrong here in order to not unintentionally repeat the same mistakes.

Right.

OK, here's the whole story:

-Known the girl for a long time

Mistake #1:You've known her for a long time,but for some reason,you've just now decided to reveal your interest. Best thing to do is let a girl know you're interested when first getting to know her.


That way she HAS TO view you as at least a potential romantic interest because that's how you presented yourself to her.


If you ask a girl out,whether she says yes or no,the THOUGHT OF BEING SEXUAL WITH YOU is introduced in her mind.

-Did a project together with the girl. She subtly rejects me in the car.

-Before getting out of the car, I tell her I think she's cute.

This is the "horrible" part i spoke of. Darth....she REJECTED you,and your response was to compliment her?

The hell?


She rejected you SEXUALLY,which means she rejected you as a MAN....and your response was to give her a compliment. Woooow.


That makes you look bad. It kinda makes you seem desperate. And in addition to looking desperate,you also boosted her ego.



I know I may seem hard on you,but hang on,it's almost over. The solution to this is coming.

Then no contact for a week.

-She reinitiates contact

Her "attention fuel tank" just got low. She contacted you NOT BECAUSE SHE LIKES YOU,but to get another refill of attention. Once she's had enough,she'll disappear again.

She will.

We see each other at an event. I am the man. I make fun of her repeatedly, and then go up to a politician who was there without any fear at all. Later, I tell her I still think she's cute.

STOP TELLING HER SHE'S CUTE.

You're boosting her ego/strengthening her AW. There's a way to compliemt her WITHOUT boosting her ego,but later.

That weekend I ask her to lunch. She says no, I seem like a great guy but she's not into dating right now.

When she said that she wasn't into dating right now,what she meant was she's not into dating YOU right now.


Don't fall for this lie. She'll have you believing this is true,then one day when you're out and about somewhere,you'll see her walking hand in hand with some other dude.


Don't fall for this Darth.

But she hopes we can be friends.

Uh-oh. If this is the friendzone,then....well,you might as well forget it.


Hmmm. I know she said the "we can be friends" thing,but I'm not so sure you're in the friendzone just yet.


Let me ask a question:You said that she rejected you in the car. Ok,what did you say to her to cause this? Did you ask her out,or what? And when she rejected you,what EXACTLY did she say?

Then I say sorry, I hope we can be good friends, I have no right to tell you how to feel (not a textbook move, this was a gamble).

Darth,you're acting like a "nice guy" here.

You really need to cut out that kind of talk.

Friday is fun. There are lots of girls there and I hit on most of them. She starts opening up to me in the car on the way back.

What do you mean she "started opening up"? What did she do?

I emailed her Friday night and Saturday with some AFC stuff (asked her if she wanted to talk about it, said she was on my mind a lot lately)

-She sends me an email this morning saying:

Yes, except I'm not sure how that's going to happen this week. Life is kind of crazy right now...

Yeah,you boosted her ego again. You're telling this girl she's "on your mind a lot lately". So EMOTIONALLY,she thinks she has you won over,and she hasn't even done anything.

She's not your girlfriend.
She's never kissed you
Had sex with you
Confessed her feelings first
or gone on a SINGLE DATE with you


...and yet,you told her she's "on your mind a lot lately"


Damn Darth. There's actually a lot more damage here than I thought.



Look,STOP TELLING HER SHE'S CUTE. If you're going to compliment her say "I",such as "I like" the way you look in that shirt/dress/pair of jeans".


It's "I like",NOT "you". Stop saying "you're cute" or "you're hot",or "you" anything. I know that may not seem like a big deal,but just trust me on it.


Another thing is you need to get SEXUAL with her. I said "sexual",NOT VULGAR OR OBSCENE.



You basically have a MOUNTAIN to overcome. It's fixable,but it'll take some time though. You might want to just drop her and move on because you've got a lot of work to do to turn this around,and even then,there's no guarantee.

 

[Speculator E]

Do any of you have experience with girls like this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hwbN-wrxJ5o

I'm working on one with this exact personality right now and it's driving me nuts. She's acting like a real pain in the ***, won't give me a straight answer. I know she is full of it, yet I really really want her.

I have. Here are a few things you need to know:

1) Most of the advice that are given here will not work on this type of girls. They are looking for deep connections. Most advice here are geared towards girls that just want to have fun.

2) You need to be a deep person for them to be attracted to you. If you don't understand what I mean by deep, then you probably aren't. So that's why you're not having any luck. And they generally don't like players type.

3) They have a high ability to read and understand people. More than most other girls.

4) They're not narcissistic. I don't know what Bbbardot is talking about.

 

[Darth]

2) You need to be a deep person for them to be attracted to you. If you don't understand what I mean by deep, then you probably aren't.

Well, I am a deep person. I normally don't talk that way with most people though.

Thank you for the advice, Igetit, I agree with you on most points, but something tells me that this is not a "standard procedure" kind of girl. Bear in mind, when I called her a tease and made fun of her beliefs in the email, she didn't respond.

But when I said I was sorry and I respect her beliefs and I'd like to be friends (normally considered an AFC move) she sent me back a response, and then arranged a meeting. I was just being myself for once, and instead of turning her off, it actually had the desired effect.

And In the car, when she was opening up (talking about her life and stuff) I felt an incredible close feeling I've never felt before.

Clearly I need to back off now as Chickfight mentioned, but I don't believe she's just looking for attention, I think she really likes me (and I mean "likes"- she gave me those serious eyes a couple days ago), but is scared to get involved with a guy....

See now it's messing with my head. This is driving me nuts. The tension is killing me.

 

[BBbardot]

I have. Here are a few things you need to know:

1) Most of the advice that are given here will not work on this type of girls. They are looking for deep connections. Most advice here are geared towards girls that just want to have fun.

2) You need to be a deep person for them to be attracted to you. If you don't understand what I mean by deep, then you probably aren't. So that's why you're not having any luck. And they generally don't like players type.

3) They have a high ability to read and understand people. More than most other girls.

4) They're not narcissistic. I don't know what Bbbardot is talking about.

I'm talking about the girl in the video he posted! obviously narcissistic, trying to seem like she's deep but if you listen to the content of what she is saying, it's dull.

 

[BBbardot]

Well, I am a deep person. I normally don't talk that way with most people though.

Thank you for the advice, Igetit, I agree with you on most points, but something tells me that this is not a "standard procedure" kind of girl. Bear in mind, when I called her a tease and made fun of her beliefs in the email, she didn't respond.

But when I said I was sorry and I respect her beliefs and I'd like to be friends (normally considered an AFC move) she sent me back a response, and then arranged a meeting. I was just being myself for once, and instead of turning her off, it actually had the desired effect.

And In the car, when she was opening up (talking about her life and stuff) I felt an incredible close feeling I've never felt before.

Clearly I need to back off now as Chickfight mentioned, but I don't believe she's just looking for attention, I think she really likes me (and I mean "likes"- she gave me those serious eyes a couple days ago), but is scared to get involved with a guy....

See now it's messing with my head. This is driving me nuts. The tension is killing me.

the tension is mostly in your head from what's i've read. There is not element showing it's pretty intense on her side.
Anyway a Girl scared of getting involved with a guy they like thus being distant= too much annoyment and drama before it has even started.

 

[Darth]

Now the good news....this is COMPLETELY fixable. My mantra is this....AS LONG AS YOU'RE NOT IN THE FRIENDZONE,THERE'S HOPE.

OK, good. I'm definitely not there.

Mistake #1:You've known her for a long time,but for some reason,you've just now decided to reveal your interest. Best thing to do is let a girl know you're interested when first getting to know her.

I've known her over a long period of time, but I've just been around her in social situations and events, sometimes months apart. I've always made my interest clear.

This is the "horrible" part i spoke of. Darth....she REJECTED you,and your response was to compliment her?

The hell?

Yes, this sucked. I made a whole thread about how badly I blew it.

Her "attention fuel tank" just got low. She contacted you NOT BECAUSE SHE LIKES YOU,but to get another refill of attention. Once she's had enough,she'll disappear again.

This is what bothers me. I thought this was the case at first, but now I think she really does like me but just wants to take her time.

STOP TELLING HER SHE'S CUTE.

You're boosting her ego/strengthening her AW. There's a way to compliemt her WITHOUT boosting her ego,but later.

It was what was on my mind at the time. Hey at least I was honest.

When she said that she wasn't into dating right now,what she meant was she's not into dating YOU right now.

Obviously this is what I thought at first, but after observing her in social situations, she turns down every guy. She'll smile and giggle and look very flattered if someone hits on her, but she'll always turn them down.

Let me ask a question:You said that she rejected you in the car. Ok,what did you say to her to cause this? Did you ask her out,or what? And when she rejected you,what EXACTLY did she say?

I did not ask her out at that time. She was obliquely saying that she had a boyfriend for a year a while ago and she wasn't really doing dating right now.

What do you mean she "started opening up"? What did she do?

Very hard to describe.

Look,STOP TELLING HER SHE'S CUTE. If you're going to compliment her say "I",such as "I like" the way you look in that shirt/dress/pair of jeans".

It's "I like",NOT "you". Stop saying "you're cute" or "you're hot",or "you" anything. I know that may not seem like a big deal,but just trust me on it.

I know that theory well. Each time I complimented her I said, "I think you're cute," "I still think you're cute."

You basically have a MOUNTAIN to overcome. It's fixable,but it'll take some time though.

That's what I'm afraid of...thanks for all your advice Igetit, I really appreciate it.

 

[Darth]

I want to email her again today so badly. Valentine's Day tomorrow will be hard, but intellectually I don't think I shouldn't send her anything.

If I ignore Valentine's Day and then do no contact, maybe this can turn around.

It just seems really counter-intuitive, to make someone like you by ignoring them. I still don't get how that works.

 

[Kirro]

Darth cut your losses & try at another chick. You're too emotionally invested in this one. You've shown it in your interactions with her, you're showing it in the way you type about her.

"This is what bothers me. I thought this was the case at first, but now I think she really does like me but just wants to take her time."

Que? If she really did like you why would she want to take her time? Women aren't logical that way. Its sort of like a little kid with its favourite kind of food, you think that kid really likes pudding but wants to take its time? It will wolf it down in the blink of an eye....women...especially young women are the same when it comes to guys who turn them on. She likes the attention she gets but she doesn't like the source.

"Obviously this is what I thought at first, but after observing her in social situations, she turns down every guy. She'll smile and giggle and look very flattered if someone hits on her, but she'll always turn them down."


You observed her in social situations? Man you are focused on this chick way too much. She turns down every guy huh? Smiles, giggles & looks VERY flattered.....are you colour blind? There's a flag waving here man & its blood red.

"I did not ask her out at that time. She was obliquely saying that she had a boyfriend for a year a while ago and she wasn't really doing dating right now."


Google ******** Translator - I haven't found a guy I feel is good enough to make me want to date right now.

Listen man, you're the same age as I am, plenty more girls to be gaming than one who clearly isn't interested.

& seriously use the compliments sparingly, more you use them, the more you cheapen em & the more desperate & stale you seem.

EDIT:

I want to email her again today so badly. Valentine's Day tomorrow will be hard, but intellectually I don't think I shouldn't send her anything.

If I ignore Valentine's Day and then do no contact, maybe this can turn around.

It just seems really counter-intuitive, to make someone like you by ignoring them. I still don't get how that works.

Listen man, you're reeking of chump. Email her so badly? Do you know how girly that comes across as? Why are you so emotionally attached to a girl who has done NOTHING & I mean NOTHING to merit this much emotion. Valentine's will be hard? For you? Why? Do you think its going be hard for her? NO...you're probably not on her mind. Get over it. I'd say to move on to a different chick but before you talk to any chicks romantically/sexually, you have some serious issues within yourself to sort out. You're too needy, you want it too badly & all she has to do is exist.

Listen to me, ignoring people only makes them like you when you have something of value to them whether emotionally, physically or superficially. If you ignore a girl who feels nothing for you, she will still feel nothing. If you're a loser in the areas that matter. Ignoring & all of these little tricks are super effective when you play the game right and/or have something of value.

Clearly this girl isn't into you emotionally, all your NC will have no effect trust me.

 

[manonfire]

geeze louise, why some chicks find themselves so damn interesting?

 

[manonfire]

Darth!
Things to consider:
- This chick is nothing special. she seems self-absorbed,boring,prudeish and oversensitive.
-Don't sweat her, don't pedestalize her.
- maintain a somewhat stoic high value "take it or leave it" frame.
-being alone on v day is a good thing! lots of lonely desperate women for the picking . go to any bar and you will see what i mean.
-chat up other women, use jealousy to your advantage.
-don't sweat any one particular girl.
-work on you inner game.

good luck!

 

[Darth]

Thanks for the advice!

Actually I met a really nice girl this morning, and I'm thinking about her, so I'm considering giving this girl of the thread "let's stay friends" and throwing our meeting on Thursday into question.

The part I left out was that in the email before the one I posted, this girl admitted that she liked me (not explicitly, but by implication saying that she wanted to explain why she totally blew me off a couple of weeks ago, and that she had been distracted lately).

 

[Htienvu]

I'd say start on this new girl and no contact the other one, my guess is she will initiate contact again then the ball is in your court now that you're working 2 girls at once. If she does initiate contact take it easy, play cool and don't just meet up when she ask to. Let her work harder to see you, if you're working on the new girl it will be easier to do this.

 

[Darth]

This is too crazy to make up:

I called this girl (of the thread's title) tonight and we talked for 10 minutes. She invited me to a dance this Saturday and she's buying my ticket for me.

She also laughed and said when I got angry...she said she thinks it's kind of hot.

I am really really really happy right now

EDIT: Sorry not to follow the advice on this thread, but I had to go with my gut on this one.

 

[Kirro]

I am really really really happy right now

Let's see how long that lasts.