Escalation

[Nobeard]

Ok last night was my first date (and I mean my first date ever). I had set a goal that I would at least make out with the girl at least once. Unfortunately, I did not meet the goal which I’m ok with cause it was my first time. However, I wanted to hear what you guys thought I did wrong and what I should have done. I am almost positive that my problem lies with escalation because I know the girl is interested.

So the night starts off with me picking her up at her place. After we leave her house there is some dead air, so I try to bring up any convo before we get to the car. All I manage to do is ask her if she could eat, which she could and we figure out which theater we were going to (we were seeing a movie). We get to the restaurant with some decent convo in the car. I don’t think I could have really physically escalated here because I was driving.

We go and order our food and it is delivered to the table. We sit on opposites sides of the table and begin to talk. I don’t let any dead air happen and I am constantly trying to keep the focus more on her. I am wondering here if maybe I should have sat on the same side of the table, it might have made physically escalating easier. So we get done with our food and I notice the movie is starting in 5 min. So I abruptly in her mid sentence say we got to go or we will be late.

So we leave and get into the theater which is close enough to walk to. I should have probably, put my hand on her waist or something similar, but I didn’t. We get into the theater and and we begin watching the movie. A couple of times she is scared and nuzzles her face into my arm but other than that I it was difficult to do anything here.

I really get now why you guys say that action dates are better, but whatever I made a mistake in not listening to you warnings…. Anyhow the movie ends and we leave the theater. Still I make no contact with her.

When we get to the car, I wanted to keep the date rolling so I decided that we would go get some coffee at starbucks (she said she liked coffee). We go and order and I look around for a place to sit. The inside seems crowded, but I notice a bench outside. It’s a little cold here at night but it’s not snowing so

I decide to take her out there. Plus the bench would allow me to sit next to her not across. We sit on the bench and start to drink our drinks. We talk some more for like 7 min. and I am beginning to get cold. I notice she is kind of shivering too.

This is probably where I missed my biggest chance to escalate because I could have figured out a way to get her to come close to me so we could keep each other warm. However, I just couldn’t decide on a way to do that so I suggested going to the car to keep warm.

We get in the car finish our drinks and talk some more. I end up taking her home, and I go back to my place. Later when I get online she messages me and holds a small convo with me for a while before she goes to sleep.
Thanks if you read all of that I know it was a long read. I would appreciate any criticisms, comments, or suggestions. I know I ****ed up and didn’t reach my goal, but at least I got some experience.

 

[ARrocket]

hey man, don't beat yourself up, no harm done

she messaged you after, that's a great sign! Yeah, you missed some chances, but now you'll know better next time. When talking, that is a great time. Touch her shoulder when you're making a point....poke her, ask her if she's ticklish, just make it fun! And next time, go ice skating, there are TONS of great opportunities there, especially if she's not a good skater

 

[Nobeard]

And next time, go ice skating, there are TONS of great opportunities there, especially if she's not a good skater

That sounds like a much better plan except i have never ice skated before. Is it hard? I did rollerblade when i was younger if it is similar. I am definitely willing to give it a shot though =D

 

[ARrocket]

yeah it will take at least 15-20 min to get the hang of it. Why don't you go with a female friend first or something to get some experience, then take the girl.

 

[AnitaBum]

Movies can be really fun if you get things going there. Its really easy.
Next time you go to movies, after the previews, when the movie finally starts, say 'come here' and put your arm around her and she'll lie on your chest.
And during the movie hold her hand and rub her arm slowly and gently, you don't have to be saying anything. If she's wearing a tshirt trace your fingers where her sleeves end, again slowly and gently. Just touch her, not her boobs, but arms, neck, smell her hair. After like 10-15 mins when she either gets scared from the movie or responds positively to your kino, lift her chin up and kiss her. Kiss for a minute then lean back and watch the movie for a while. The kiss her again and hold a little longer. Tease her by pulling away then lean in again. Should be easy to take things further from there.
Good luck.

 

[Damian]

Here's a few spots that I would have escalated:
1. On the car, you can put her hand on the shifter and rest your hand on top of hers. I do this one with my girlfriend on the car and it can really get some fire going if you play with each others fingertips.
2. Whenever you go to eat dinner, NEVER sit opposite each other. Even at the nicest restaurants, it's always nice to do something a little different. I ALWAYS tell my girl, "This isn't a business lunch. Come sit next to me." This loosens up the interaction a little and breaks the tension of having a face-to-face date (that usually ends up with two people being very very nervous).
3. You're right. When you're walking, you should almost always have SOME contact. My go-to move is to sorta offer my elbow, and a girl will hold onto my arm. This way, you can go "proper" and have your elbow out the whole time. Or you can go the way that I prefer and put your hand in your pocket. This way the girl has to lean in and can rest her head on your shoulder while you walk. It's a lot of body contact, good kino, and plus: it lets the warm feelings flow.
4. At the movie theater, when she leaned into you, she was looking for safety and security. You should have put your arm around her. I would even go so far as to do what I call the "puzzle-pieces". She rests her head on your shoulder, almost to the neck, and you can rest your head on her head (it looks like two puzzle-pieces fitting together and is surprisingly comfortable).
5. When I'm waiting in line, I like to offer my elbow. You can be close, quietly discuss your menu choices, and still get kino escalation.
6. On the bench, if she's shivering visibly, she's not doing it involuntarily. She wants you to hold her. Just ask her, "Are you cold?" and scoot close while you ask. If she responds in any way other than "NO", you should put your arms around her.

I wouldn't say you EFFED up. I'd say that you two actually had a good time together and made LOTS of progress. First dates are always a little awkward, and if you didn't do anything to make yourself look like a complete idiot, you are already WAYY ahead of the curve. Props for keeping your composure and getting that first date to begin with! You are doing wonderfully outstanding for your first-ever date. It will take time and experience to "know" what to do when you're with a girl, but it will slowly come to you and eventually become a natural reflex.

You are showing some very positive potential and I would love to keep track of your progress. Post often!

 

[mpimpin]

You didn't do anything wrong buddy. Keep it up. Listen to some suggestions. For your first date and first date ever you did a good job. Especially with being in highschool making out on the first date is still a rare occasion.

 

[frisco]

its a date you both new it any time too touch or be close just go with it, while walking hug her then teasingly push her away and laugh have fun enjoy yourself and dont worry so much as to what shes thinking